Chapter 44
GARRETT
Chris
Can we talk?
I didn’t think a text had ever made my heart slam harder against my ribs. Though I’d known it was coming, it still sent my heart into my throat. With unsteady hands, I struggled to write back.
Of course. When I suspected he was too restless to sit. I could relate.
Silence hung between us for a long moment. I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to speak or if he was trying to gather his thoughts. Either way, there was something I need to get off my chest first.
“I’m sorry, Chris,” I said.
“I know.” He sighed and fidgeted. “You guys really were going to tell me?”
I nodded. “After the season was over. We weren’t trying to go behind your back or hide anything. Just… with the baby and your rookie season, we didn’t want overwhelm you.”
“But why would you think it would overwhelm me?” He locked eyes with me. “You’re dating Liam.” He shrugged. “So what?”
It figured—I’d worked myself up over this stressing him out, and it turned out he didn’t care. He was just upset that we’d kept it from him. Trust me to find a way to make this into a shitstorm when I could’ve just told him from the start.
I sighed. “I guess—I thought you might see it that way, but there was also the chance you wouldn’t.
I can’t even tell you why I thought you wouldn’t like it.
I was just worried you would, and I… guess I played my hand so carefully it backfired.
” My shoulders dropped. “Just like I didn’t tell your grandpa I was queer because I was so worried—even as an adult—about what he’d think. And now that he knows…”
Chris tensed. “How did he take it?”
I laughed humorlessly. “Better than I ever thought he would. He apologized for letting me think I couldn’t tell him.
I…” I rubbed the back of my stiff neck and swore under my breath.
“I’ve made a lot of messes for myself and caused a lot of stress for other people by holding things back when I just should’ve fucking said something.
And I wish I hadn’t had to learn that the hard way—over and over again—because I keep hurting the people I’m trying to protect.
” My voice wavered as I added, “I keep hurting my kids.”
Chris watched me for a moment, chewing his lip.
“Listen, I think I went off hotter than I should have. I didn’t even think it was that big of a deal, you being with him.
It was just humiliating to have—the way it all happened…
” He waved his hand. “I’m sorry. I think if you guys had just told me when you were ready, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, you know? ”
“You really wouldn’t have been upset I was with your teammate?”
He quirked his lips. “I mean, it would’ve been weird, but like—you guys are both adults.” He shrugged. “Liam’s a good guy. If I’d found out from you and him, I think it would’ve surprised me, but I can’t really think of a reason to be mad about it.”
I deflated and leaned against the counter. “I was tying myself in knots over it, thinking you wouldn’t be happy or that we’d stress you out somehow, and then… this.”
“You couldn’t have known it would come out like that.”
“It was always a risk,” I whispered. “With Liam being so high-profile.”
“True.” He paused. “And I know you’ve been trying extra hard to keep things good with me. Like… walking on eggshells a bit.”
I avoided his eyes and didn’t argue with him.
“I don’t want you to walk on eggshells,” he said.
“I just want you to be my dad. The past—we’re good, you know?
You messed up, but you’ve apologized a million times, and when you say it was a mistake, I believe you.
Yeah, I was angry for a while, but we’re cool now.
” He grimaced. “Telling Liam you cheated on Mom—that was a cheap shot. I’m sorry. ”
“You were angry and embarrassed. I think anyone would lash out at that point.”
“Maybe. But still. I kind of get the impression you’d chew glass before you cheated on anyone again.”
“You’re not wrong.” My throat was tight and my eyes stung. “I feel like I should be doing more to make up for—”
“No,” he whispered. “You can’t change the past and neither can I. I just want to go forward, you know? With you as my dad.”
I chewed my lip.
“If there was any tension left,” he said, “it’s been gone since the night Asher was born.”
I met his gaze. “Really?” Nick had said something about that, but something about hearing it from Chris brought me up short.
“Are you kidding?” Chris laughed. “You were there for Jasmine. You calmed me down so I didn’t upset her.
And like, she told me about you putting one of the nurses in her place.
She told me later that for as much as she wished her mom could’ve been there, she couldn’t have asked for a better support person. ”
“I… oh. She did?”
“Yeah. And maybe that should’ve been a clue.
That you knew I can freak out about stuff sometimes.
You pulled me down to earth so I could be what Jazz needed.
You didn’t want her to see me panicking when she needed me to have my head together.
” He offered a tight shrug. “So, maybe it makes sense that… I don’t know.
Like you know how stressed I can get about things even when I shouldn’t. ”
“I do,” I said softly. “And I’ve just been so afraid that if I stepped out of line…” My voice threatened to break.
“Dad, I’m serious. We’re good. The past is the past. I just want you to be my dad and be Asher’s grandpa.” He paused. “And I want you to be happy.”
“Even if that means dating your teammate?”
Chris huffed another laugh and rolled his eyes. “No, Dad. I don’t want you dating the hockey player I idolized who ended up being my linemate, and who’s cool as shit and a really good guy. No, no, anything but that.”
I managed a laugh, but it was hard. “I just wish we could’ve told you on our terms. I didn’t want last night to happen.”
To my shock, Chris stepped closer and hugged me.
To my even greater shock, I didn’t collapse into tears. I just wrapped my arms around him and breathed.
Somehow, I collected myself enough to whisper, “I’m sorry. I know I keep saying that, but…” I squeezed my eyes shut and exhaled. “I suck at this. I know I do. And I know it doesn’t matter, but it’s always been because I’ve been trying to do right by you.”
Chris sighed. “Yeah. It matters. I… I know your heart’s always been in the right place.” As he let me go, he swiped at his eyes. “Especially this time—I mean, it wasn’t even your fault or Saints’. Someone outed you. It wasn’t anyone’s business—not even mine—until you guys were ready to come out.”
“Still.” I wiped my own eyes. “I should’ve been honest with you.”
“Your hand got forced.”
“I know. But…” My shoulders sagged. “We knew it was a risk. That someone could out us. I didn’t think it would happen like this, or that you’d get humiliated on camera like that, but it was always a possibility.” I swallowed hard. “I just wanted you to hear it from me. And from Liam. Privately.”
He acknowledged that with a nod. “I get it.”
I studied him. “And you and Liam—you can still work together?”
Nodding, Chris leaned against the counter and exhaled. “Yeah, we talked. And, um… I guess our GM told Saints yesterday that either he and I could continue being linemates without issues, or one of us was going on waivers today.”
My heart dropped into my feet. “Oh, shit. Seriously?”
“Yeah. So Saints and I talked, and yeah, we can play together.” He rolled his tight shoulders. “I think that’s what made me realize I went off too hot. When it was like, this is suddenly going to start affecting careers and the team.”
I swallowed. “But everything’s smoothed over now?” Grimacing, I added, “Are you really okay playing with him and not just because your GM backed you into a corner?”
Chris gestured dismissively. “Once I pulled my stupid head together, I mean, I’m not going to give up playing alongside him over this. That would be…” He laughed dryly and shook his head. “That would be the worst decision I could make.”
“But you are okay with—”
“Yes,” he said. “Like I said, the conversation brought me back down to earth and made me realize I didn’t want to lose my place on this team over this.” He paused. “And that was before I realized what Saints was willing to give up to make sure I didn’t.”
I straightened. “What do you mean?” Had Liam told him he’d dump me if that was what it took to smooth things out with the team? I couldn’t really blame him if he did—that team was his life—but it was a gut punch.
Chris took a breath. “He told me that if I couldn’t handle us playing together, he’d retire.”