Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
“Open the door!”
At the pounding and the shout of her friend Vanessa’s voice, Sydney groaned. She wanted to spend the entire day in her pajamas, curled up on the couch beneath her favorite blanket, watching endless hours of home improvement shows.
When she stayed where she was, Vanessa switched to the doorbell, pressing on it incessantly. “Your car’s in the parking lot, so I know you’re in there!”
She rolled her eyes.
On some level, she shouldn’t have been surprised that Vanessa had driven all the way from Denver to Evergreen at such a ridiculous time on a Saturday morning.
After all, Vanessa had called last night. When she’d asked how Sydney was, she’d burst into tears. The effort of forcing them back for so long had become too much, and Sydney had collapsed into a puddle of grief and loss.
They’d been friends for too many years for Vanessa not to have ridden to the rescue, like she had when she’d helped Sydney figure out how to get Lewis’s hated collar cut off.
They’d made a pact to always be there for each other—and they both meant it.
“Don’t make me go get your landlord for a well-being check. I will. And you know it.”
With a massive sigh of frustration, Sydney tossed aside the cozy throw and padded to the entryway.
She pulled open the door just as Vanessa was getting ready to start thumping on the wood again.
“I could have been out for a walk or a run. Maybe riding my bike.”
Vanessa shrugged. “Of course you could have been. But you’ve probably been sleeping like shit. So you would have gotten up early and done that and now you’re back to moping.”
“I don’t mope.”
“Yes, my friend. You most certainly do. You are a world-class moper, in fact. If it were a competition, you’d win a gold medal.”
Still blocking the entrance, Sydney brushed her damp hair back behind her ears. After her early-morning run, she’d taken a quick shower. But instead of dressing, she’d changed back into her comfiest PJs.
“Since you didn’t invite me in, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not a vampire.”
“What?”
“You know, vampires can’t just enter your home. You have to invite them inside. But since I’m human, that means I can barge right in, whether you want me to or not.”
Sydney shook her head as Vanessa did just that, pushing past her with the force and determination of a bull charging at a red flag.
“I’m guessing you didn’t have breakfast yet.”
After expelling a breath between her pursed lips, Sydney closed and locked the door.
Vanessa moved aside Sydney’s blanket and the pile of pillows that she’d made into a tiny nest, then she snatched up the remote control as she plonked herself down on the couch.
“Could you be any more obnoxious?” Sydney protested.
“Oh, yeah. Absolutely. In fact, I haven’t even gotten warmed up yet. Just wait and see.”
Sydney didn’t doubt her friend, not for a minute.
Vanessa pressed a button that took her to the television’s home screen and scrolled until she found a true crime channel.
Then she propped her feet on the glass coffee table.
Annoyed beyond words, Sydney swatted Vanessa’s legs, but, stubbornly, she refused to move.
With a heavy sigh, chased out of her comfortable spot, she sat at the far end of her own couch.
“So did you?” Vanessa demanded, her gaze glued to the screen in front of her.
“Did I what?”
Rather than answering, Vanessa said, “Yep! This is what I was looking for.”
Anything but this. “I hate shows about murderers.”
“Yeah. I know.” Vanessa shot Sydney a wicked grin.
So she’d picked it intentionally.
“Other than to punish yourself with exercise—or to go to work—how long has it been since you left this place?”
Sydney glanced around. “What’s wrong with my condo?”
“It’s not awful, but I mean, c’mon. Even you have to be sick of looking at these same walls.”
“As a matter of fact, I like being here.”
“Sure.” Once she’d started the show, Vanessa turned up the volume.
When she’d insisted she could become even more obnoxious, she’d been right.
“Must be bad,” Vanessa shouted over the racket as she glanced around.
She knew what her friend meant. Her home was immaculate. She’d dusted and vacuumed twice yesterday. Swept and mopped three times.
“Not even an empty container of ice cream is in sight. Which answers the question you keep avoiding.”
Trying to keep up, Sydney shook her head.
“You haven’t had breakfast. And I’m guessing you didn’t have dinner last night, either. So we’ll have a real meal, junk food—of course ice cream—and alcohol. All of that is on today’s agenda.”
“No. Thanks, though. But I’m good.”
Creepy music spilled from the television’s sound bar, rocking the walls and shaking the floor. The last thing Sydney needed after hardly sleeping for two and a half weeks was nightmares of someone trying to break into her house.
But Vanessa was even more diabolical. She’d selected an episode about murders that happened in the Rocky Mountain wilderness. “Oh hell no. Nope, nope. No,” she insisted.
“We’re spending time together.” Vanessa narrowed her gaze at Sydney. “So we can either get the hell out of here or we can watch this. There’s a whole bunch of episodes. Twelve, at least.”
A full day’s worth of fear-inducing shows?
“I’m happy either way. I love this shit. And we can just order in some food in while we enjoy each other’s company.”
“Look, Ness, I appreciate what you’re trying to do—”
“Not what I’m trying to do. What I am doing. The only choice you get is whether we have a happy time together or a miserable one. Either way, you’re stuck with me.”
After wrestling the remote control from her friend’s death grip, Sydney turned off the TV. “With the way I’m feeling, I don’t need your version of merry sunshine around here.”
Vanessa grinned, a big, fat, happy smile. “Well, you got it anyway.”
The fact Sydney glared daggers at her didn’t alter Vanessa’s demeanor.
“I got a bonus at work, and I need to spend part of it on something frivolous. So after all that food, we’ll do some shopping. Have lunch, then go to a bar and get the largest beer they have and drink it while we cry in our figurative pretzels.”
When she didn’t answer, Vanessa was undeterred, and went on. “I’m looking for a sage bundle. You know, something I can take to work with me. I’ve got a new coworker who is as annoying as hell, and I’m hoping that burning some can banish his energy.”
“You say sage can get rid of someone’s energy?” Not taking chances, Sydney buried the remote between the seat cushion and the sofa’s arm before leveling a pointed look at Vanessa. “In that case, I need sage as well.”
Vanessa snapped her chin up in a show of fake indignation. “That wasn’t nice.”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
“You know, Sydney, you’d be a lot more pleasant if you had a big cup of coffee.”
“The way you’re bouncing off the walls, you’ve already had more than a few.”
“But not an iced one with caramel blended in and whipped cream on top.”
Sydney winced. “You just gave me a cavity. I know it.”
“Do you want to pick out your own outfit? Or do you want me to do it for you? I’m starving.” Without waiting for an answer, Vanessa stood, then skipped down the hall.
“Oh hell no.” Frantic not to have Vanessa in her closet, pulling out hangers and tossing outfits on the bed, Sydney leaped up and dashed to her bedroom, snatching a shirt out of midair before it hit the mattress. “Out.”
“I’ll give you five minutes.” Vanessa propped her hands on her hips. “And that includes pulling your hair into a ponytail and slapping some eye cream on to disguise the fact you haven’t been sleeping and that you’ve been crying.”
Sydney scowled. “You’re the most—”
“Best,” Vanessa interrupted. “You mean best. As in I’m the best friend ever. I tell it like it is, and you appreciate it. But thanks for the compliment.” She smiled widely. “It’s good to know that you recognize how wonderful I am.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Tick tock.”
“I still think you should go away.”
In answer, Vanessa sat on the edge of the bed and made a show of studying her well-manicured nails.
It was closer to fifteen minutes by the time they were in the downtown area, near Bear Creek. Even though it was still early, the town buzzed with energy.
Vanessa found the last parking space in front of the Misty Mountain coffee shop.
Sydney swore she gained weight just from the scent of sugar when she walked through the door.
The place was amazing with its bright chairs painted a shade of green that was reminiscent of nearby pine trees. The color theme continued throughout the entire place, including the T-shirts and hats they offered for sale.
Since there was a line, she had far too much time to look at the pastry case.
“I’m thinking about a vanilla bean glazed scone,” Vanessa said.
“To go with your caramel whatever?”
“Yep. And this is my treat. Get whatever you want.”
Vanessa led her into temptation.
When they walked back outside into the bright sunshine, Sydney had a large Americano in one hand and was carrying a bag stuffed with a triple chocolate muffin. The unholy confection had fudge in the middle and chunks of dark chocolate in the batter, along with milk chocolate chips. Not satisfied with that, the baker had drizzled white chocolate on top. “I’ll never fit in my running tights tomorrow morning.”
“That’s okay.” As they walked, Vanessa took a bite of her treat. “We’re going shopping. I’ll find you something in a bigger size.”
Unable to help herself, Sydney smiled. Then she wondered, was it for the first time since she’d played the diva for Master Michael at his home?
She sighed.
Why did every thought—even happy ones—lead back to him?
Vanessa headed for a bench near the river, and she took a seat. “Perfect fall day.”
It was. Flowers still bloomed in pots, but the air held a noticeable morning chill. To ward it off, she took a drink of her coffee. “Wow. I think they added an extra shot of espresso to it.”
“I bypass every coffee shop when I come to visit you, just so I can stop at Misty Mountain.” Vanessa grinned. “Sometimes I even dip off the highway and grab a cup on my way to visit the Den.”
The mention of Master Damien’s mountain retreat made her sad again, so she reached into the bag and broke off a piece of her muffin.
Staring into the distance, she popped the bite into her mouth.
“Speaking of the Den, I’m planning to go next week with Maggie. She’s had enough of her asshole boss, and I don’t blame her.” Vanessa shrugged. “It’s been hard for her dealing with the new owner, especially since it was her family’s business, and she pretty well ran it. Now she has to answer to an alphahole. I mean, that can be fun in a club setting, right? But dealing with someone like that all day at work? Who thinks he knows your business better than you do? That’s a hard no from me.”
“He sounds like a tyrant.”
“He is.” Vanessa slurped her frozen concoction through a straw. “Maggie would quit, but he has her tied up with a Draconian employment contract. A pair of golden handcuffs. So she’s ready for a night out where she can forget about him for a while and get her butt paddled.”
Because it was expected, and because at one time she’d understood that motivation, Sydney nodded.
“It’s gonna be Ladies’ Night. You know how much fun that is.”
It was. The best. Lots of sweet mocktails, appetizers and decadent bite-size desserts, and tons of Doms and Tops looking to play. She’d had some of her best experiences at Ladies’ Night. “Thanks. But I won’t be going there anytime soon.” If ever again.
Seeing Michael with another woman would destroy Sydney.
And she had no doubt he would return.
Dominance mattered to him. And eventually he wanted a family to pass the ranch along to.
That thought made her world go black.
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head to clear it of the sudden, dizzying sensation.
Vanessa was carefully studying her. “Oh…” Vanessa’s eyes widened. “The Den. Is that where you met Mr. Heartbreak?”
Last night, Sydney hadn’t shared much about Michael. She’d told Vanessa that she’d spent time with a man she liked, but he’d started to demand too much from her.
On those words, her voice had cracked, the tears had fallen, and she’d been unable to stop them.
She lifted her cup and took a small drink. “It is.”
“Anyone I know?”
“Potentially.” She broke off another piece of heaven—in the form of the decadent pastry—and popped it into her mouth. As far as therapy went, it was as blissful as it was inexpensive. “Master Michael.”
Vanessa’s mouth fell open. “The cowboy?”
“One and the same.”
“Oh, man. Oh, man.” She exhaled. “Now I have to know more.”
As Sydney nibbled, the multiple flavors of chocolate soothing her soul, she told the whole story.
Because they were such good friends, Sydney even shared his terrible, accusatory parting words.
“That sounds like bitterness, like he didn’t really mean them.”
“But…” Having had more than enough to eat, Sydney folded her bag and tucked it inside her purse. Then she washed down the sweetness with a gulp of her Americano. “When I combine his ultimatum with what he said about thinking I should never leave…”
Vanessa nodded. “He definitely seems to want more.”
“That was never part of the agreement.”
Vanessa turned to face her. “So where are you at?”
Lonely.
“I mean, you have to care about him. Otherwise this wouldn’t hurt, right?”
Miserably, thinking of him, of all she’d lost, she nodded, and another stupid lump lodged in her throat.
“So what’s really going on?”
“What does that mean?”
Holding her drink between her hands, Vanessa regarded Sydney. “After getting away from Lewis, you took a trip to celebrate, right? The Bahamas, right?”
“You’re right.” Swimming in the warm Caribbean waters had been both cathartic and wonderful. As she’d relaxed on the beach with a cocktail, she’d regrouped and decided on a path to reestablish her business.
By the time she’d returned to Colorado, she’d been filled with energy and looking forward to a future that she’d enjoyed…right up until she’d driven away from the Eagle’s Bend.
“But this time is different. You’re different. You’re staying home, alone. You’re not interested in working or socializing. And this is the first time you’ve refused an invitation to the Den.” Vanessa pursed her lips, as if considering what she’d just said. “Well, unless you were out of town. You go through men—Tops—as if they’re interchangeable.” Barely slowing down to take a breath, Vanessa plowed forward. “And you sure as Colorado snow don’t go home with them. Or return repeatedly for more. Which means that something is different.”
Sydney frowned. She hated that her friend knew her so well.
“Ergo…”
“Ergo?” Sydney repeated after swallowing back her emotions.
“Honey, you are in love with the man. In a way you never were with Lewis…”
Vanessa kept talking, but her words buzzed in Sydney’s head, drowning out the rest of what her friend was saying.
Love?
That couldn’t be possible.
She’d spent years vowing that she wouldn’t allow herself to experience that mind-numbing emotion ever again.
But there it was.
“Have you heard anything I’ve said?” Vanessa demanded.
“I…” Sydney faced her friend. “No. Sorry.”
“You love him, don’t you? It’s the only thing that makes sense. Otherwise, you’d be guiding some fall hikes or horseback rides, right? Getting in some final trips to Moab. Planning your winter activities. Or you’d be checking something off your bucket list. Trekking somewhere I can’t pronounce. Sipping mai tais on a cruise ship. Buying a ticket to go see the northern lights. But you sure as hell wouldn’t be moping around your condo, watching lousy—”
“I’ve told you I wasn’t mo—”
“You were in pajamas and buried under a blanket watching a terrible home improvement show.”
“Those brothers are handsome.”
Her protest didn’t persuade Vanessa. “I literally had to drag your ass out of the house. And find you some clothes.”
Though she’d selected her outfit, Sydney didn’t bother arguing.
“At any rate, I rest my case.” Vanessa slurped through her straw. “You’re in love with that sexy cowboy.” Then, more quietly, she added, “Have you finally found someone who deserves you?”
“Or maybe he’s like Lewis?” Sydney challenged, unsure whether she was trying to convince herself or her friend.
Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Yeah, he sounds a lot like Lewis. I mean, Master Michael goes out and gets drunk all the time, right?”
“As if.” This time, it was Sydney’s turn to roll her eyes. “An occasional glass of nice wine.”
“So he makes you kneel and wait for him while he games or goes someplace and passes out?”
Frantically, she shook her head. She couldn’t even conceive of him behaving that way. When they were sceneing, he rarely left her alone. When he did, he always reassured her that he’d be right back.
“Allows other men to touch you?”
“God, no.” In fact, when he’d learned what Lewis had done to her, he’d threatened to kill the bastard.
“So…” Vanessa wiggled around. “Tell me again what’s so awful about the man that you had to run away.”
She sighed. When Vanessa broke it down like that, he didn’t sound so horrible.
“The bastard didn’t demand you marry him. Did he?”
“No.” At least not yet.
“Or demand that you stop working and wait on him—and his buddies—and his selfish whims?”
“Oh hell no.” If that had happened, she’d be counting her blessings that she’d fled before she’d gotten in deeper, and she might actually be on the deck of a cruise ship this very moment. “But still, V… He wanted more than I was willing to give.”
“Isn’t a relationship about compromise?”
She leveled a skeptical look at her friend.
“What?” Vanessa took a bite of her scone. “I’ve been listening to this expert on a podcast. I know way more about how to successfully tolerate someone else’s shit now.”
They both laughed, and Sydney appreciated her friend’s humor. “Does that mean you’d be willing to share your space now?”
“Excuse me.” Vanessa cleared her throat. “We’re examining your life, not mine.”
“Uh-huh.” Vanessa was nothing if not predictable.
Despite having inherited plenty of money from her grandparents, Vanessa lived off the salary from her job.
She’d been engaged and only found out she was with a gold digger when her father had insisted she get a prenup. Now, she went by her middle name and kept her family’s wealth a secret.
“What are you afraid of, really?”
“I don’t need to tell you, do I?” Sydney asked. After all, no one knew her better.
Still, Vanessa waited.
“Losing my freedom. Getting in so deep that I can’t find my way back.”
“But, honey, when you left Lewis, you blazed a path out of hell. You’ve already survived the worst life can throw at you. Haven’t you?”
Vanessa’s wisdom resonated deep inside.
After a few more seconds, Vanessa softly asked, “So what are you going to do about the situation?” Then she shrugged. “I mean, besides mope. That is your right. But it’s not your usual MO.”
“I’m not…” She allowed her protest to trail off. Vanessa had a point. Sydney had been moving from the couch to her bed, a shadow of the person she’d been even a few weeks ago.
But worse than that, she was adrift.
Even though they hadn’t been together for very long, Master Michael, and his ranch, had become an anchor in her life, a place of refuge to regroup and rest.
“You may have to give a little,” Vanessa said, sounding wise, and no doubt parroting words from the podcast. “Make choices from your possibilities instead of your fears.”
“At some point, I’ll repeat those words back to you.”
Vanessa smiled radiantly. “At which point I will stick my fingers in my ears and go, la, la, la, la, la.”
Sydney laughed.
“Seriously, you should call him.”
“Vanessa, I told you. He gave me an ultimatum.”
“Oh, honey, ultimatums are merely a place to start a negotiation.”
Maybe in some alternate universe.
“Anyway, you’ve got some thinking to do. And I’ve decided we need to shop so we make some room for lunch.”
How could Vanessa still possibly be thinking about food after a thousand-calorie coffee stop?
Vanessa stood and dumped her empty bag in a nearby trashcan.
After wandering in and out of quaint stores and galleries, they agreed to eat at the Timberwolf Saloon, a locals’ favorite with live music.
They ordered a large pepperoni pizza and beer, and within minutes the frosty glasses were slid in front of them.
“So why were you watching home improvement shows?”
At her friend’s comment, Sydney tipped her head to the side. “I told you. The twin brothers.”
“I think it’s deeper than that.”
“Do you?” After taking a long drink, she couldn’t resist pursuing Vanessa’s open-ended statement. “Enlighten me.”
“It’s about home. Connection.”
“I have a place.” And certain things probably did need to be updated or remodeled, not that she’d thought much about that until right now.
“I’m talking about home. Not someplace you dump your bags before your next trip.”
Sydney blinked.
“Isn’t that what you have on Michael’s ranch?”
Maybe it was. A part of her recognized that being on his land restored her.
The sunrises, sunsets. Trailing her fingertips in the gurgling river. Feeling the wind rippling through her hair. Even Chewie and her ridiculous antics. Talking with Jeb. And her ritual of gathering eggs.
At first, she’d been too nervous to go near the chickens, but he’d introduced her to his ladies—as he’d called them—even telling her the girls’ names.
But instead of admitting that she truly was missing Michael as well as Eagle’s Bend, Sydney changed the subject. “I still argue that home improvement shows are better than watching gruesome murders. Especially ones committed by people who are still out there.”
Right after their food arrived, the band began to play again, making conversation more difficult, something she was ridiculously grateful for.
After lunch, they found a store that carried sage, and Sydney waved it in front of her friend. “Hmm. You’re still here.”
“Don’t worry. You’ll be getting rid of me soon.”
Which sucked, because suddenly Sydney didn’t want to face another evening alone.
Once they’d paid for their purchases, they returned to the condo, but Vanessa refused an invitation to come inside. “I need to get back.”
Across the car’s console, they hugged.
“Think about what I said.”
Her friend hadn’t stopped talking all day. “Which part?”
“About compromise. Maybe there’s a way for you two to sort it out still.”
It was already too late. The cold, unfeeling expression in his dark green eyes had made that clear.
After thanking Vanessa for making the drive and for spending the entire day in Evergreen, Sydney went inside her condo.
As she looked around, the truth hit her.
Vanessa’s guess had been correct.
Sydney loved Michael.
And the feeling she’d been experiencing since she’d left was…heartbreak.
Utter, shattering despair.
A pain unlike anything she’d ever experienced rocked her.
A great big, racking sob tore from her throat, and she pressed her fingers to her mouth in a futile effort to mute the awful, wrenching sound as her heart broke all over again.