Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
On the Den’s patio, near the firepit, Michael sipped an energy drink, staring into the flames, hoping against hope that Sydney would show up for Ladies’ Night and that she’d agree to a scene, or, even better, a private conversation.
This, at least, was neutral ground.
On the other hand, he risked an outright rejection.
She could safe word or refuse to talk to him.
Worse, she might opt to scene with some other Top—someone happy to flog her, fuck her, and let her go.
The thought stabbed his heart and made him clench his jaw.
But who could blame her if she chose someone who wouldn’t demand forever from her.
Damien, hair pulled back and cinched with a piece of rawhide, joined him.
“You haven’t moved in at least half an hour,” his friend observed.
Maybe more. Michael had arrived before anyone else, just to be sure he didn’t miss her.
“Waiting for someone?”
They both knew the answer to that. “Is she on tonight’s guestlist?”
“Can’t answer that, and you know it.”
“Won’t,” Michael corrected.
“Semantics. Either way, result’s the same, isn’t it?”
“I’d like to get her address from you.”
“No chance.” Damien regarded Michael. “We helped you once. If you fucked it up, that’s not on us.”
Michael winced. Yeah. He’d fucked it up. Bad. “I can hire someone to find her.”
“Your call. I think it would be a bad one, but at least it won’t be on my hands.” Damien allowed his words to hang on the early fall air, before finishing. “You ever tried an apology? Couldn’t hurt.”
Mistress Catrina strode from the house, her thigh-high boots reflecting the flames from the torches.
In silence, Damien swept his gaze over the Domme’s beautiful features.
Interesting.
In all the years he’d known the man, Damien had kept himself aloof from the Den’s guests.
“Enjoy your visit.” Though he spoke to Michael, Damien had never taken his gaze from the Domme.
With that, he walked away, toward Catrina.
Even more curious.
Twenty minutes later, Michael was in the same spot, still nursing his now-warm beverage.
“Warned you.”
Interrupted from his musings, he turned toward Gregorio, who he hadn’t heard approach.
“About Sydney.”
“So you did.”
Gregorio’s single diamond earring flickered beneath the moonlight. “Even if you’d have paid attention, it wouldn’t have made any difference?”
“No.” Despite the loss, spending time with her had been worth it.
“You tried an apology?”
“What the hell is it with you and Damien? Before events, do you rehearse what you’re going to say?”
“Nah. Only with friends who’ve fucked up.”
“Piss off.”
“House subs are wearing purple armbands, if you want to scene. And with it being Ladies’ Night, Tops are in high demand. Even ones who behave like assholes.”
“Thanks. No.”
“That’s what I guessed.” With the barest flash of a smile, Gregorio walked off, striding into the house.
A server passed by, and Michael placed his unfinished drink onto his tray.
Maybe his friends were right. He should try an apology. Trouble was, he didn’t really know how.
Near the check-in desk, before he reached the front door, he saw his friend, David. One of the few people who didn’t know how bad he’d messed things up with Sydney.
He was wearing a black band around his biceps, indicating he was a house monitor for the event.
“How’s the new company?” Michael asked.
David frowned. “That’s why I’m here.”
Michael studied his friend.
“To burn off some energy.”
Seemed Michael wasn’t the only one dealing with some shit. “That bad?”
“Worse than that.”
“How so?”
“I’m being treated as the enemy, as if I’d acquired the company in a hostile takeover.” From a server, he accepted a bottle of mineral water. “Could do with a good, stiff drink, but that’s against the rules. Need a clear head.”
When offered a mocktail, Michael shook his head. “Thanks. No.” Then he returned his attention to David. “The mother/daughter duo isn’t grateful you rescued them before they lost the business entirely?”
“You’d think so. But no. Gloria is easier to deal with than her daughter, Maggie. She’s a total spitfire. She needs a good fucking spanking.”
“That’s frowned upon in the workplace.”
“Damn shame,” David agreed. “I’d be happier, even if she wouldn’t be. We’d be enjoying much greater success if we were on the same page.”
“And you can’t fire her because she’s too valuable of an asset?”
“Tied her up with an employment contract. Regrettably, it shackles me to her, as well.”
“Tough position.”
“Well, as soon as my responsibilities are done, I’m going to find some lovely submissive and blaze her ass, pretending she’s Maggie.”
Sounded like a good plan. Michael just wished something similar would help him forget Sydney, even just temporarily.
But he was single mindedly focused on her.
Frustrated, confounded, he strode back outside, grabbed his keys from the valet, tipped the woman but told her he’d grab his own vehicle. He needed the walk to banish some of the angst pulsing in him.
Coming to the Den had been a shitty idea.
What Jeb had advised was true.
This would require patience.
And that was the one thing Michael was out of.
Which meant it was time for him to take a bold action that she couldn’t ignore.
* * * *
Exhausted, Sydney parked her SUV and made her way to the counter of her favorite coffee shop in Avon, Colorado.
She’d spent two days mountain biking, challenging her physical and mental skills as she tried to exhaust herself enough to get a full night’s sleep.
Her awful dreams—of losing someone important because of her fear— had no intention of letting her do that.
The harder and faster she ran, the less she rested, and the more exhausted she became.
And she realized one thing.
Sex and BDSM with Michael had been amazing, mostly because she cared so much. Her feelings for him had given their interactions a more powerful intimacy.
And that insight left her… Where?
“Ready to order?” the woman behind the counter asked, interrupting her thoughts.
“Sorry.” Sydney shook her head, as if that would clear the cobwebs in ways that time and exercise hadn’t. “A large iced latte, please.”
“Can I get you anything to eat?”
Sydney glanced at the menu. She’d skipped lunch, and her tummy growled, reminding her of that fact. “Oh, and a chicken club sandwich,” she added.
“You get a side with that.”
She glanced back at the chalkboard to see her options. Fruit. Salad. Pickle spears. Chips. Or fries.
As if it was any kind of choice with her emotional state. At the idea of greasy, salty, carb-loaded deliciousness, her mouth watered. “Do you have sweet potato fries?” At least that was healthier than the regular variety. Right? But if Vanessa had been with her, Sydney would have opted for a double helping of them.
“Absolutely.”
Just as she was paying, a barista slid the cup in her direction. “We’ll have your food right out.”
“Thank you.” While Sydney waited, she took a long drink of the much-needed caffeine and found a quiet table in the corner where she dropped into a chair.
From her small waist pack, she pulled out her phone and turned it on.
Where she’d been, testing her skills in the back country near Vail and Beaver Creek, cell phone service wasn’t always one hundred percent. And having her phone ring might have been distracting enough for her to wreck her bike.
Seconds later, her notifications populated. One missed call and half a dozen text messages.
Her heart stopped when she saw one from Michael.
For a moment, she believed her mind was playing tricks on her.
But when she blinked and looked again, his name was still there.
Telling herself to delete the message unread, she squeezed her eyes shut.
But resisting him hadn’t been possible since that very first summer night at the Den when she’d sashayed past him, trying to ensnare his attention.
Finger shaking, she clicked the icon.
An image opened. Of a…
Penguin.
A yellow-eyed, if her guess was right.
Completely captivated, she scrolled to the next message that had a picture of a home overlooking the water in Dunedin, New Zealand.
And then came a snapshot of an airline booking reservation for two, in January, when it was summer in the southern hemisphere and miserably cold in the Colorado mountains.
Another photo showed a close-up of the details, including Michael’s name and hers, along with a private suite on an airline she’d never even dreamed of flying with.
He was offering her the trip of a lifetime—one she’d never be able to afford.
Breathless, she pressed the phone to her heart.
Her mind whirred with his possible meanings.
But only one thing truly mattered. Had he retracted his ultimatum? Or was this merely an enticement for her to agree with what he wanted?
Words flashed onto her screen.
Let’s figure this out. Together.
Though she waited, nothing else appeared.
Her food arrived, and she turned her phone upside down to resist the temptation to keep looking through the same set of texts.
New Zealand.
Somewhere she’d never been and had wanted to visit.
Suddenly food didn’t matter.
Vanessa’s words echoed in her mind. What would Sydney’s life be like if she lived from possibility instead of fear?
As she sat there, she also realized that she hadn’t been blameless on their final night.
His words had fallen like axe blades.
Yet there’d been truth in his awful accusations.
She had dropped by his house when it was convenient for her, never staying long. And she hadn’t invited him to visit her.
She’d been unwilling to make any accommodations at all for a relationship—preferring to believe they didn’t really have one.
But even a casual friendship required give-and-take. And she hadn’t afforded Michael that courtesy.
And maybe Vanessa was also right in her belief that an ultimatum was a great place to start a negotiation.
He’d extended an amazing olive branch. The least she could do was accept the offering.
If they couldn’t reach an accord, at least she would have tried.
Preferring to talk to him in person rather than over the phone, she grabbed a to-go container from a nearby counter, packaged up her food, finished her coffee—happier than ever that she’d opted for caffeine. She was going to need it.
Then she headed back to her car.
Gaze focused on the road ahead, Sydney entered the highway, unsure whether she was driving toward her future, or total desolation.
* * * *
Michael prowled his office, pacing back and forth, not even pretending to get any work done.
Since he’d gone to the Den last weekend, he’d obsessed over conversations with Sydney, especially about the things that mattered to her.
Jeb had a point too. Michael rarely left Eagle’s Bend.
Sydney’s love of travel, combined with the fact he hadn’t been anywhere in years had sparked an idea.
Once he’d decided on a course of action, he set it into motion, doing research, calling travel agents, putting together a holiday he hoped would let her know how much she meant to him and the extent that he’d go to keep her happy.
If she’d have him.
More nervous than he remembered being—after all, nothing had mattered this much to him before—he’d taken pictures, downloaded information, then arranged it all in an intentional way, then he’d sent his texts.
He’d followed up with numerous pictures.
And…
He’d received nothing in return.
The read receipts proved she’d looked at them, but she hadn’t responded.
What the hell does that mean?
Restless, he strode to his desk and snatched up his phone again.
The damn thing had been silent for hours, and there still wasn’t a single notification there.
He’d expected to hear something—anything—from Sydney. But not silence.
Jesus. He had severely fucked up with her.
In frustration, he slammed the device back down again.
Across the room, a full bottle of Bonds whiskey beckoned. Though he was tempted, he resisted its siren’s call.
When—if—she contacted him, he wanted a clear head. He shoved aside the niggling doubt that said he’d never hear from her again.
After all, he’d bet everything on a damn penguin.
His office phone buzzed, and Jeb’s voice filled the room. “You have a visitor driving up the road.”
He froze. “Sydney?”
“Yeah. When she left, I didn’t change the gate code.” Silence crackled, then his foreman spoke again. “Remember, son. No one likes an ultimatum.”
Jeb’s statement didn’t need a reply.
Grabbing his hat and shoving it on his head, Michael headed outside.
He’d learned from his damnable mistake.
Gut twisted, he strode to the end of the path, folding his arms, trying to convey a cool calmness.
She braked to a stop in her usual parking spot.
His inner demon demanded he stalk over to her, throw her over his shoulder, take her upstairs, paddle her ass hard in punishment for the sin of leaving him, and then fuck her until she screamed the truth to the heavens that she belonged to him and would never again leave him.
Instead, he forced himself to remain in place, impatiently waiting for her to come to him.
A moment later, she killed the engine and exited the vehicle. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, she turned to face him.
And rocked his world.
Holy fuck me to hell.
Sydney—his Sydney—was even more beautiful than he’d remembered in his dreams.
Her shorts showed off her shapely legs, and a form-fitting T-shirt hugged her upper body.
Her hair was wild and free, and she’d skipped makeup.
Even from across the distance, he read wariness in her face and hesitation in her pretty blue eyes that he’d once thought were icy.
Now he knew the truth.
It was a veneer, a barrier to protect herself. And unfortunately, she’d needed to protect herself from his demands.
Like an impending storm, tension hung between them, crackling the air.
Instinct urged him to talk to her in a language they both understood best, with a kiss, a spank, an orgasm. Then she’d melt into his embrace and be his forever.
But this was bigger than that. He wanted it all. Everything.
Patience.
Cautiously, Sydney took a step toward him. Then, after an agonizing stretch of time, a second.
He was done for.
Fuck patience.
In an instant, he’d reached the end of his restraint.
Michael opened the gate, and in a few strides, demolished the distance until he stood in front of her, breathing her in.
Being this close soothed his inner beast, but it wasn’t yet close to tamed. “You came.”
“How could I not?” With a tentative smile, she brushed back a lock of hair. “You sent a penguin.”
“I listened to you, Sydney.” Emotion carved his voice into ragged pieces. “It might not have seemed that way, but I did. Every single word. And since you’ve been gone, I’ve had them on constant replay.”
With a loud, nasally bleat, Chewie trotted over to Sydney then affectionately butted her.
Smiling, her expression genuine, she petted the goat.
“She missed you.” And so did I. I nearly lost my fucking mind.
Sydney didn’t make any further moves in his direction, but she was still here, and that meant something. “Even though I listened to everything you said, there were things I didn’t pay enough attention to, and…”
The thought that he might never have seen her again knocked him in the solar plexus, forcing oxygen from his lungs. “I should never have issued an ultimatum. It was wrong.” Struggling for calm, he took a gulp of air. “The truth is, I fucked up, Sydney.” He lifted his hat. Then, not knowing what to do with it, put it right back where it was. “Bad.”
“Does this mean…?”
“That I apologize? That I’m sorry? Yes. Both.” Helplessly, he shrugged. “That I won’t do it again…probably not. You mean the world to me, and I’m not perfect. I want you in my life, but I promise you that I will try not to make you feel trapped or smothered.”
Slowly, she nodded. “You said some harsh things.”
He needed to own his mistakes. “I did.” And he’d take back every word in an instant. “I was an ass.”
“There may have been some truth to them.”
Chewie, evidently bored, ran off to jump on top of her favorite boulder, where she stood, staring at the humans.
Her voice shaking, Sydney spoke. “I was so busy making sure I didn’t get hurt that I didn’t give enough consideration to how my actions impacted you. And I’m so very sorry for that.”
“Thank you.” He nodded. “But you have nothing to apologize for. From the very beginning, you were honest about what you wanted.” Before that, Gregorio had warned him of the same thing. “As I got to know you more, I learned what your fears were. I pushed you too hard.”
With a sigh, she lifted her hair into a ponytail only to drop it again. “The truth is, I’ve spent years making sure I didn’t get involved with any man, and I reacted badly to your ultimatum. I didn’t have to do that. I have safe words, and you’re not generally an unreasonable man.”
That night, to his regret, he had been.
“I panicked because the truth is, you scare the hell out of me, Master Michael.”
“Sydney…”
“Let me finish.” She shaded her eyes with her hand.
When he nodded, she went on. “I care about you, the land.” With a tiny smile, she looked around until she spotted Chewie. “Even her. Especially her.”
This was a start, a beginning.
His heart, which had been missing a piece since he’d sent her away, slowly began to heal.
“So where do we go from here?”
To my bedroom. “You tell me.”
“My business matters to me. Along with my freedom.”
“Understood.”
For a long moment, she remained silent. “My parents traveled a lot.”
He nodded. “I enjoyed planning the penguin trip.”
Slowly, she blinked. “You did all that?”
“Surprised?”
“One hundred percent. I know how much effort goes into arranging itineraries.”
When he’d started doing the research, he’d thought it would make a hell of a honeymoon trip. Still did. But he didn’t want to terrify her. “Since we’re there, we could arrange some extra time and take in parts of Australia. Or we can return at a later date.”
“Do you really mean that?”
“Jeb told me I spend too much time here, that getting away is good for me.”
“But the ranch demands a lot of commitment.” Tipping her head to the side, she studied him.
“It does.” He nudged his hat back a little. “There are times of the year when it’s easier to get away, for sure.”
“Like January when it’s miserable here?”
“Like then,” he agreed.
“But that’s also a good time for helicopter skiing.”
“You can’t do both?”
Her eyes opened wide. With the first rays of hope?
Then she gestured expansively, taking in his holdings. “At some point you’ll want a family.”
And he refused to give up hope that, with a lot of patience, she would be his wife as well as the mother of his children. “I need you, Sydney.” The admission was wrung from the depths of his soul. “As long as you return to me, we can figure this out.” Their time apart had taught him that painful lesson.
“A safe place to land.”
“Our relationship should add to your life, not take away from it.”
Narrowing her eyes once again, this time in suspicion, she said, “I spend time with my girlfriends at various places on the planet.”
“Darlin’, I don’t want to clip your wings.” Her joy for life was one of the things he’d fallen in love with.
“What about my condo?”
“You can keep it, if you want. Or you could consider working from here and get rid of your mortgage.”
Her chest rose and fell in quick, short bursts. They’d waded into more difficult parts of the discussion.
Signaling he was open to compromise, he turned his palm up. “I meant it. You need to do what’s right for you. It would always be your choice.”
“My place is closer to Denver and the airport.”
By a whole lot of miles and time. “Where does most of your work occur?”
“A lot in Moab. The western slope. Vail. Back country.” She sighed. “But your point is well taken. Most of my trips are to the mountains. In fact…”
“Go on.”
“I’m thinking Eagle’s Bend could be a good spot for excursions.”
“For… What?”
“Fall tours of the aspen—on quads or horseback. We can bring in Santa in the winter and have hot chocolate on a sleigh ride. Fill a pond and offer ice skating.”
“You want to start a business on the ranch?”
“I know it’s a lot.”
Her ideas had insurance liability, but they could potentially bring in a lot of revenue, and they might entice her to spend more time with him.
“Weddings in the barn.”
He shook his head at the ridiculous notion. “Who gets married in a damn barn?”
She regarded him. “Plenty of couples. Of course, we’ll remodel it or build a second one for that purpose. Arbors, maybe, with a view of the mountain range in the distance. It would be a photographer’s dream.”
“Slow down, darlin’.” Though he protested, he couldn’t have been happier with her enthusiasm.
“We could even consider dude ranching. No reason we can’t think of ideas to turn a profit on the areas that are fallow. Maybe get Chewie a companion.”
“I’m willing to consider anything you propose.” As long as you’re beneath my lash with my dick inside you. “Can you stay for a while? Maybe join me for a glass of wine?” A spanking? “Or the sunset?”
“Yes.” Slowly, she nodded.
His blood surging, he extended his hand toward her. “Welcome home.”
She smiled, lighting his whole world on fire.
“You had me at penguins, Sir.”