Josias Godfrey
Rakim left after about thirty minutes, and I finished up after working for six fucking hours straight. The only thing a nigga wanted to do was have a drink and smoke a blunt so I could sleep good before having to do deliveries starting at four a.m.
Instead, I had to go see my daughter Divine, because I’d promised my baby girl I would come kick it so she could cook for me. So, despite being tired as fuck, I was gonna honor my fucking word.
Growing up with the type of father I had, I never wanted to be that dad that scared the shit out of my kids, literally, or gave them empty promises.
Nate Godfrey used to have me scared shitless just from the sound of his damn voice, and at six feet, eight inches full of muscle, the muthafucka wasn’t small.
And instead of empty promises, he made none.
We were never promised shit, not even a consistent, active father.
On the way to my baby mama Kasia’s house, my phone rang, and I saw it was Ayan.
While I didn’t fuck with what that nigga did to Rakim, he was still my brother, so I wouldn’t completely outcast him.
Sadly, though, I couldn’t trust his ass, and that hurt due to how close we were growing up, no matter how warranted my distrust was.
“What’s good?” I picked up.
“Nothing much. Just letting you know I got the tickets for you but only two,” he said.
“That’s all I need. I don’t know who I’m bringing just yet though.” I chuckled, and Ayan followed suit.
That was the upside to Ayan; he encouraged my ways whereas Rakim was always telling a nigga that my actions would have consequences. Most times, I wasn’t trying to hear that shit, so it was nice to have an older brother who was cool with how I lived my life. I needed them both.
Ayan was supportive of whatever, and Rakim would always have my back whether it was getting me paid, telling our father he did something I had actually done so he’d get beat instead of me, or simple shit like showing me the ropes in this street shit.
I hated to admit, though, that it was glaringly obvious even from a young ass age that Ayan envied Rakim.
It was one-sided and always had been, with Rakim never paying too much attention to the little shit Ayan did in an attempt to make him jealous.
It started when we were kids, all the way up to him snatching LaMia.
He always wanted whatever the fuck Rakim had and constantly tried to convince others he was superior—women, our parents, and even us.
If Zaire and I asked Rakim for anything coming up, like to walk us to the store or, shit, any-fucking-thing, Ayan would be pissed.
Our mother used to say he would grow out of it, but if she could see shit now, she’d know that wasn’t even close to the fucking truth. I hated to see it, but at this point, we grew to accept Ayan and that green-eyed monster that always seemed to come to the surface when Rakim was around.
“Don’t tie yaself down. I mean, you can still do what you want, but it just makes shit harder,” he explained, only confirming what I already knew about the nigga.
No nigga would go create a whole ass family with his brother’s ex unless that bitch was the love of his life, and hearing Ayan moan and groan about the good old days of being single let me know LaMia was a chess piece in a one-sided dick swinging contest and nothing fucking more.
“Exactly why I’m single, muthafucka,” I responded instead of expressing the shit on my mind.
I chopped it up with Ayan for a few seconds longer, then we disconnected right as I exited the freeway near Kasia’s house. I was there a couple minutes later, blocking Kasia in purposely.
At times when I would come visit my baby, Kasia would leave and go do shit, which I didn’t want. I cherished time alone with my daughter, but half the time, I could barely pay attention wondering if her mama was in the streets or some other nigga’s face.
“Why did you park behind me when there are so many street parks available, Josias?” Kasia opened her front door, looking fine as fuck, per usual.
“My bad. I wasn’t thinking,” I lied, swaggering as I pulled up my sagging jeans. Grabbing the toy for Divine on the way toward the house, I smiled at Kasia’s pretty chocolate ass as I walked up the steps.
“You are such a liar. You blocked me in on purpose.” She rolled her eyes, leaving the door open and switching off.
In a pair of tights and a T-shirt, Kasia looked good as fuck, and her ass was fat in that perfectly round way as if God himself had sculpted it.
I met Kasia while out eating one night with Zaire and did the most to get her phone number. Initially, she turned me down, but I was persistent, even paying for the meal she was eating with her homegirls who, of course, began to back me in my effort to get with Kasia.
From there, shit was cool. We kicked it, went out, traveled, and of course fucked. The pussy was so good I took the condom off one night and never put that bitch back on, resulting in our two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Divine.
I was happy and so was Kasia, until Tarin found out and started causing problems, mainly telling Kasia that I was still fucking her, which a nigga was.
After that, Kasia gave me an ultimatum to which I agreed because she was perfect, but I couldn’t stay from between Tarin’s toxic ass legs.
And once Tarin showed up on Kasia’s doorstep telling her she was having my daughter, Kasia wrapped our shit up with the quickness.
These days, I still tried with her, and sometimes she would let a nigga stay the night or a little more, but it was nothing like what it used to be.
I wanted that shit back, but I knew myself, and right now, I was unable to be a one-woman man and couldn’t truly fucking promise I wouldn’t fuck on Tarin, which was much less than Kasia deserved.
“Damn. I can’t get no fucking hug.” I tugged her wrist and pulled her back toward me.
She scoffed but embraced me.
“Stop!” She shoved me lightly when I took a handful of her ass and kissed her lips.
“Daddy!” Divine rushed in as Kasia elbowed me off her. “You got my stuff?” Her eyes were lit up at the sight of the cooking set I’d brought.
“I did. I knew you said you was gon’ cook for Daddy, so I wanted to be sure you had everything you needed.” I smirked down at Divine who squealed with delight.
“Okay! Open!” She clapped, and I felt like I was being stared at, making me look over to see Kasia simpering.
Catching herself, she said, “I’m gonna go take a shower. I just came from the gym.”
“Don’t lose that ass trying to work out,” I said, stealing a glimpse of her booty before focusing back on unboxing the toy for my baby girl.
“Language, Josias. Gym helps my butt look better, but remember, nothing on my body is any of your concern anymore.”
I didn’t respond as she sauntered upstairs. For the next half hour, I ate about fifty times since my baby kept making different meal combinations with the plastic food that she wanted me to eat. The customer service was trash, but the food was good.
“Mommy, make chicken chips?” Divine asked as soon as her mama floated past us toward the kitchen, smelling good enough to eat.
I couldn’t help but watch, like always, eyes glued to her hair, her pretty ass face, and her body in them long ass shorts and a top void of any straps.
“I am, and it’s nachos, baby.” She chuckled.
“You make enough for ya boy, right?” I called out.
“I hadn’t planned on you staying, but it’s a whole tray, so it’s enough for you.” Kasia talked as she pulled out the supplies for the food. “I know this Saturday is mine, but can you take her for me?”
“Yeah, I got you.” I nodded, whispering to Divine that we were gonna eat sweets all fucking weekend, even for breakfast. “What you doing on Saturday? Them niggas called you in? I told you to quit.”
“I like my job, and I like having a job. I can’t just sit up in the house while you take care of me.” She recited the same shit she always did when I urged her to kick back. Tarin had no issue with the shit, which I appreciated. “I’m umm, I’m going out.”
“Going out? With who? Nila?” I sat up, interest beyond piqued until she eased a nigga’s nerves and confirmed it was Nila or even some other female. I hadn’t heard her mention Nila in about a year, so I was internally spiraling.
“Does it matter? You agreed to take Divine for me, right?”
“Who you going with, Kasia?” I rose to my feet, venturing into the kitchen after making sure Divine was still concentrating on her Play-Doh set. “Is it a fucking date?”
“Why does that matter?” She frowned up at me, one hand using a large silicone spatula to cook the good smelling meat in the skillet.
“Answer the question.”
“Oh my fucking gosh.” She angrily moved the chicken around the pan while shaking her head.
“It is. I am going on a date. I just met him, so I don’t wanna invite him over or have him meet Divine.
We’re gonna have dinner. Now, will you watch her for me?
I can take her back the same night, or she can spend the night with you. ”
“Nah, I got some shit to do,” I said, bothered as fuck.
Kasia turned away from the food to peer up at me with her mouth agape as if she was waiting for me to tell her ass I was joking.
I didn’t wanna be that type of nigga, but I couldn’t help it.
I wouldn’t even be able to focus thinking about Kasia on a fucking date.
It would take everything in me not to pop up on her shit and hem that bitch ass nigga up.
It was fucked up since I wasn’t in a place to do right by Kasia, but I wouldn’t actively give her to the next nigga either.
Shaking her head while chuckling mirthlessly, she said, “It’s cool. I will tell him next Saturday is better for me since she will already be with you.”
She wouldn’t stop shaking her damn head.
“That works,” I replied, watching her as she migrated from one area of the kitchen to another while I attempted to conjure up some way to block that rescheduled date too.
“Can you move? I need space to cook.” She bumped into me. “Stop. I am not playing.” She shoved me hard as fuck when I grabbed her waist to kiss her temple.
I returned to the living room with Divine, who I played with until it was time to eat. Kasia didn’t say shit to me the entire time we ate, even having me make my own fucking plate.
Afterward, she bathed Divine, and then I read my baby girl a bedtime story until she dozed off.
I hit the shower since I had shit stored here, and upon doing so, I noticed Kasia had tucked all my shit into the bathroom cabinet instead of it being out already like normal.
“Fuck,” I mumbled, realizing what that shit meant. She didn’t want the nigga she possibly moved on to seeing my belongings, and that fucked with my ass, putting me in panic mode.
Once cleaned up, I searched and found my bag containing my toothbrush, paste, floss, and mouthwash, then got to work on my teeth before heading out and into Kasia’s bedroom.
She was in bed, reading a book but quickly put the shit down on her nightstand as soon as I opened the door.
“What are you doing? Go home,” she spat as soon as I peeled back the covers and started climbing in with her.
Hugging her body and making her turn so that her back was to me, I kissed her neck, inhaling the scent.
“Why you wanna date, baby?”
“Because I’m single and want to share my life with someone. Why else?”
“You can share yo’ life with me.” I pressed my cheek on top of hers after kissing it.
Craning her neck and forcing my face from hers, she looked into my eyes.
“That’s not what you want, Josias. You want multiple women and have an allergic reaction to anything close to monogamy.”
I just looked down into her pretty face, lips covered in some type of muted gloss. She was right and speaking nothing but fucking facts.
“Not no more,” I lied, hating myself for it, but after hearing about a date and seeing my shit hidden away, I had to act quickly before an invite to her wedding ended up in my fucking mailbox.
Pursing her lips in disbelief, she asked, “So you’re done with Tarin?”
“I am. I haven’t been fucking with Tarin like that for a minute. She do too much, and I been focused on work, so I can’t even remember the last time I dealt with her outside of my kids.”
Shit, I wished the shit a nigga was saying was in fact true.
I hated Tarin but couldn’t cut her loose no matter how hard I fucking tried.
Shit was easy with her. I could be my-fucking-self whereas Kasia wanted me to be a nigga I wasn’t.
Tarin took the time I gave her and made the most of it while Kasia constantly wanted to know who I was with and if I was only fucking with her. It could never just be about us.
Tarin got pissed, too, whenever she became privy of my transgressions, but she would never leave, so there were no real consequences other than an argument and a possible hospital visit for whatever poor female I’d hit. Fucking over Kasia was too risky because I knew she had a limit.
Same time, in a perfect world, I would just co-parent with Tarin and be the faithful, focused, one-woman man Kasia asked me to be.
But this wasn’t a perfect world, and I wasn’t a one-woman man by far.
I couldn’t even make it twenty-four hours doing right.
I might have not necessarily fucked every day—I was too busy for that shit—but I at least talked to several bitches daily and made plans to fuck when the time allotted.
“You swear?” Kasia broke me from my spiraling ass thoughts. A better man would’ve come clean, but that wasn’t me.
“I do.” I kissed her slowly, making her turn onto her back so I could get in between her legs.
We only broke the kiss so she could remove the T-shirt she was sleeping in which left her naked since Kasia never wore underwear to bed.
I wasted no time revealing my dick and pushing my way inside of her tight walls that I hadn’t felt in a whole three months.
Despite my many women, she was the only one I made love to and the only one I gave head to.
I used to give that shit to Tarin, but once I stopped trusting her ass, I couldn’t do the shit anymore.
“Jojo.” Kasia whimpered, running her soft fingers up the back of my head and through my locs.
Hearing her moan my name in my ear as I gripped her ass and started pounding between her legs was worth every lie I’d told tonight.
Deciding to tell her something true for once, I said, “I love you.”