24. Josias #2
“You want more in general or with Kasia?” She nibbled on her lip nervously, staring up into my eyes with a sorrowful expression and making a nigga wanna lie like usual.
Glancing off so I wouldn’t have to face her when I spit out the truth, I responded, “With Kasia.”
She nodded, more tears welling up in her eyes.
“You only want her, Jojo, because she’s this good girl and—”
“Nah, that’s not it. I couldn’t care less about that shit.
You a good girl too. Just ’cause you got a different background don’t make you bad.
I’ve always wanted more with Kasia, but my trauma and vices were always more important and got in the fucking way.
Growing up in a place where I was always belittled and made to feel less than made me seek out women who put me on pedestals. That was you.”
“What’s wrong with that?” She whimpered, eyes searching mine for the answer before my mouth could give it to her.
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “But shit was easy with you—too easy, and shit was hard with Kasia because she wanted me to be a real man and stop leaning on childhood trauma. She wanted me to be faithful, focused, seek some therapy, and stand up, but you ain’t try to make me do none of that.”
“I just wanted you to be yourself and be comfortable.”
I kissed her forehead gently and smirked.
“You did do that, and I appreciate you for that shit because I needed that. But I gotta grow up, especially now that I’m out here on my own since Zaire is gone.
I can’t continue the way that I have, or I’ll continue to make fucking broken homes and broken women.
I never wanted that shit, but I couldn’t stop myself.
Zaire dying reminded me that life don’t last forever, and if I died right now, I wouldn’t be happy with the shit I’ve done.
I can’t change the past, but I can do better moving forward. ”
“You can do better with me.” She pulled her hands from mine and caressed my biceps, smiling up at me as much as she could.
“I can’t, because I want her. And you deserve to have a man that wants you and only you. I don’t want you putting your all into a nigga and I’m thinking about her. That ain’t right. I couldn’t do that shit to you.”
Tarin’s tears fell in abundance, and I felt like shit. Lying to my baby mamas was much easier than this shit right here. It was a struggle not to give her ass false hope at the moment.
“I guess.” She retreated from me slightly, hugging herself.
Lifting her chin using my pointer finger, I said, “I’m gon’ always take care of you and my kids because that’s my responsibility, but us having a sexual and emotional relationship ends right here.
You pissed right now, T, but you gon’ thank me in the future for letting you go to find a nigga that really care for you. ”
Tarin snatched her face away before spewing, “Do not come back around trying to fuck or lay up with me when Kasia turns your ass away. I mean it, Josias Godfrey. You think you’re done, but I’m really done with you.”
“Tarin . . .” I called her name, but she ignored me, making an about face and switching out.
I would miss her—the connection we did have—because it wasn’t all bad, but if I had to choose between simply co-parenting with Tarin or simply co-parenting with Kasia, I would forever choose the former.
* * *
“Aight, Daddy coming right back,” I announced to JJ, Julianna, and Divine as I stood on Rakim’s porch.
“Tell ya pops you prefer Uncle Rah anyway,” Rakim announced, kissing Julianna on her fat cheek as he cradled her to his side.
Daylin laughed.
“They are gonna have way more fun here, right, girlfriend?” Daylin asked Divine who lit up, nodding.
“Paint our nails?” Divine queried, and Daylin nodded while JJ scoffed.
“Relax.” Rakim rubbed JJ’s head. “Got the video game ready for you.”
JJ grinned widely and rushed into the house without even saying goodbye to me.
“Appreciate y’all. I will be back in a little bit, maybe longer if shit goes my way,” I said, and Rakim and Daylin gave each other looks.
I, in turn, gave their asses my back, uninterested in whatever they were fucking thinking.
Getting in my whip, I sped out of the long driveway of Rakim’s home and drove straight to pick up the custom bouquet of roses I’d ordered a few days ago.
Once the flowers were secured, I drove straight to Kasia’s home, hoping that old boy wasn’t occupying her time. It was my week with Divine, and because Kasia and I didn’t speak, I had no idea what she did in her fucking free time anymore.
Pulling up to her crib, I let out a sigh of relief to see her car in the driveway and no one else’s. Last time I pulled up and Darron was here, his vehicle was planted behind hers in a driveway I’d fucking paid for.
Grabbing the heavy ass floral arrangement, I hopped out the car and made my way up her driveway and onto the porch before ringing the doorbell.
Kasia peered through the peephole, judging from what I could hear, and paused seemingly. Moments later, I heard her unlocking the door before it came open.
“Josias? What is this?” Her brows kissed as she took in the roses from behind the screen door.
“Can I come in? Just for a second.”
Kasia stared at me once she was able to peel her eyes away from the flowers and then eventually nodded with a sigh as she unlocked the screen.
I wanted to comment on how long it took her ass to oblige me, but what I wanted more was to remain on her good side or make my way over to her good side.
“Okay,” she said immediately after shutting the front door.