Chapter 12 Lumi
Lumi
Go after him.
Every instinct in me is screaming to chase him. To go after him. I don’t believe a word he said. He still loves me. He just saved my life for fucking sake.
But there’s that tiny kernel of doubt. The one that says I barely know him. I thought I knew Ambrose before, and I was wrong. He betrayed me.
Nyx’s love might be no different. He’s not my mate. He isn’t tied to me. Maybe he did fall out of love with me.
No, he didn’t. That kiss wasn’t one-sided. It was world-shifting. He felt it too. It’s not just lust; it’s love.
I’m about to walk out the door and chase after him when Talonis appears.
“Don’t,” he says.
“I can’t let him go. He’s not in the right state of mind. He’s going to get himself killed. I can feel it.”
Talonis shakes his head. “Unless the curse is broken, he doesn’t have much time left to live. Let him live with the time he has left so that he has no regrets.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Nyx still has a chance at love. The kind that lasts an eternity. Your eternity will be spent with your mate—with Ambrose. But Nyx, there was a woman before. One he could have loved. She was a human. He was a wolf shifter. But they became the best of friends as kids. They were inseparable. Until her family moved. He vowed to find her when they were older. And he did. He found her. But by then, he’d been turned.
He was a vampire. He went to tell her goodbye.
And found her dying. So he turned her to save her life. ”
Talonis takes a deep breath. “It should have been an epic love story. Instead, she hated him for what he did to her. She hated what she had become.”
I bite my lip, hanging onto his every word. “What happened next?”
“Nyx returned home. He became the best alpha, the best lord. He protected his pack and his vampires. He vowed to break the curse for her. He couldn’t turn her human again, but he could let her live the best life she could uncursed.”
He runs his hand through his hair. “Nyx doesn’t know this, but she came looking for him once after. She had accepted what she had become. Was ready to give him the chance.”
“Why didn’t she speak to him?”
“Because by then, he was with you.”
I suck in a sharp inhale.
“He has a chance to find his true mate. Let him go, Lumi.” And then Talonis disappears into the night. I know that he’ll keep Nyx safe. But…fuck.
Nyx is mine.
I love him.
I can’t let him go.
I scream, but nothing comes out. I don’t allow any sound out. I’m still torn. Do I stand here or go after him?
A tear drips down my cheek. I have to let Nyx make his own decisions. Even if his decisions kill me.
I turn, walking back to my room, knowing I need to sleep. I walk up the stairs and down the hallway. Before I make it to my room, Ambrose pokes his head out of his room.
“Are you okay? I felt something strange in our bond. Like someone punched you in the heart,” he says.
He doesn’t know what Nyx did or is doing. All he saw was us kissing. And yet, Ambrose doesn’t hate me. I can tell that he doesn’t. Whatever Nyx decides to do tonight, I can forgive him.
“Just tired,” I say.
Ambrose frowns, looking behind me like he expects to see Nyx, but there is nothing but empty shadows. I feel Ambrose gently prod in my mind, but I slam the door down so hard on my mind that he winces as I lock him completely out.
“Don’t. Not tonight,” I say, and then I keep walking toward my room.
Brax is there. He studies me. “Where’s Talonis?”
“With Nyx.”
He nods, then sticks his head into the hallway. A few seconds later, Riven appears. My babysitters. I can never be left alone without protection.
I pull the covers back and climb into bed before tossing the thick comforter over my head. I don’t change clothes. I don’t brush my teeth. I don’t do anything but collapse as the tears fall and fall.
I can feel the heavy tension between Riven and Brax. They have no idea what to do with me or even what’s really going on. But thankfully, neither of them tries to help. The lights dim, and I hear them take seats in the chairs in the corner of the room.
I doubt sleep will come quickly, but to my surprise, I feel the dark pull me under quickly. Like it can’t wait to greet me in my sleep. It has something to show me.
Suddenly, I’m standing at the entrance of the vampire cave. The same one that Nyx showed me before. Why am I here? I’m not supposed to be here. Where is everyone?
Light flickers like candlelight all around me. But I sense that I’m not alone.
Ambrose—I need to reach Ambrose through our bond. But I feel his fire burning. I’m in his head already.
Confusion sweeps through me. When did I connect? How am I already in his mind?
I’m about to say his name when I see her. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Piercing green eyes, thick midnight hair that cascades down her back in thick waves, and her body is practically glowing in the dim light.
Desire and love heat through my body like a fire blazing through my veins. My entire body lights up like never before.
“Nyx,” the woman speaks.
I gasp, realization hitting me.
This isn’t a dream. This isn’t a nightmare. I’m feeling what Nyx is feeling through Ambrose’s bond.
I should pull away. I’m not supposed to see this. This will wreck me. Ruin me. Destroy me.
Whatever is about to happen is private. It’s not for me to see.
But I can’t.
Not that I try. There is no way not to stay locked on the scene in front of me.
“Amora,” he says back.
I wait for the conversation to transpire between them. For the words of regret, of sorrys, of undeclared love to exchange. None of that happens.
Nyx walks toward her like the predator he is. Intense and primal and clear intentioned. I feel it all. I feel his desire raging through his body even though I can’t see him. It’s like I’m looking at her through his eyes.
He keeps walking until he’s hovering just in front of her. Until I can see just how green her eyes are—forest green and shimmery and fucking beautiful. Until the midnight shade of her hair blends with the shadows around her.
She doesn’t cower under his gaze. Doesn’t retreat. Like she’s expecting exactly this. Been waiting for this moment for years.
She cocks an eyebrow at him. She’s not going to be the one to initiate. To speak. But she’s waiting—waiting for him.
Unspoken words transfer between them. Words that I don’t hear.
And then, he kisses her. Hard, fast, claiming kiss.
She kisses him back. Her arms wrap around him, clinging to him like now that she has him, she’s never letting go again.
Heat radiates through Nyx in spades. His body is usually cool to the touch, bloodless—a vampire’s body.
But not when he’s kissing her. When he kisses her, everything changes.
“I thought I’d lost you forever,” he whispers.
“Never. You never lost me. I was a fool,” she says against his lips. She kisses his hard, her fangs nipping at his bottom lip until she’s drawing his blood.
He shakes his head. “I definitely lost you. But if I get you tonight, I’m never letting you go again.”
“I’m yours, Nyx, forever.”
I’m shaking. This is a nightmare. It can’t be real. It’s a nightmare.
Overwhelming feelings of love and lust crash into me, so violently that it steals my breath. But for once, the feelings aren’t for me. The emotions are all for her—Amora.
His true love.
I—I was nothing. I am nothing more than a shadow he left behind.
What pours through him now is unlike anything I’ve ever felt, touched, or dreamed of claiming for myself. It is vast. Ruinous. The kind of all-consuming devotion that remakes the world around it. The kind we pray the gods to bring us. What I imagined only true mates get to experience.
Amora is his mate.
Not me.
The truth settles over me like a final darkness, cold and absolute.
It’s truly over between us. He’s choosing her.
I’ve seen and felt enough. There is nothing left for me here but the wreckage of my own heart.
I try to pull back from the images. Try to retreat from Ambrose’s mind. But nothing happens. The images keep coming. The feelings continue to bombard me over and over.
Does Nyx know I’m here, feeling everything he’s feeling? Is he forcing me to stay to watch? Or is it Ambrose?
“I believe you, Nyx. Let me go!” I shout at him. But if he hears me, he doesn’t acknowledge me.
“Ambrose, help me!” I scream.
But he doesn’t hear me either.
I’m stuck here. I can’t retreat.
And their clothes are suddenly gone.
Beautiful—she’s so fucking beautiful. Tall and curvy, impossibly perfect as if she’s shaped by a god that knew how to craft a woman who doesn’t feel mortal. She’s too polished. Too flawless. A lethal elegance to be worshipped from a distance. She’s perfect for him.
I can see why Nyx would be attracted to her. Why he would choose her over me. She is darkness, all power and otherworldly beauty, while I am little more than human. Fragile. Ordinary. If I weren’t destined to break the curse, I would be nothing special.
But maybe she was meant for that too. Maybe vampires have mates.
I never thought of it before, but watching them together shows me the truth. She’s his mate.
Nyx drops to his knees in front of her.
My stomach sours. I’m going to vomit. I can’t watch this.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block this moment out. But I’m asleep. I can’t close my eyes any harder than I am now.
A spark shocks through my body as I concentrate as hard as I can to get away from him.
I’m free.
But I’m not. Instead of being in his head, I’m floating above them now.
I see Nyx—the tall, dark, devastatingly handsome man that I love—drop to his knees before her as if she is something sacred.
Something holy. Raw devotion and aching hunger on his face strips me bare.
He bends toward her, away from me. How could I have ever thought he was mine?
He bites her inner thigh, and I see the ecstasy sweep through her body as he drinks her blood. And then he’s kissing a far more intimate body part.
She grips his hair, barely holding on as he licks and sucks. The air around them shifts. I can smell their scents intertwining like hot steam mixing together.
“Nyx!” she screams as her orgasm rips through her.
I see his cocky grin. The one I thought he held back for me, not her.
But it’s her grin now. Maybe it had always been her grin, never mine.
“You’re beautiful when you come undone like that.”
“I need you. Stop making me wait another second. I need—”
Faster than I can process, he’s grabbed her, lifted her into the air, her back against the cave wall, and thrust inside of her. The speed at which they fuck is that of two supernatural beings.
Tears burn my eyes at the sight. At how quickly and easily he moved on from me. And then he says the words that absolutely destroy me.
“I love you, Amora.”
All the oxygen is yanked from my lungs. The world tilts, and it feels like I’m about to be hurled from the earth itself. Everything we were—everything we had—vanishes in an instant.
And I realize this must be what he felt when I rejected our bond.
I never thought about it before now. Never let myself imagine the depth of his pain. But I do now.
Slowly, the images begin to fade—he way they looked at each other as if they were each other’s entire world. The desire bouncing back and forth between them. The lingering taste of blood on my lips.
The scent is the last to leave me. It clings to the air, heavy and unforgettable. Sex and love and lust all mix together in a musky sweet scent. One that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
At last, the darkness of the room I fell asleep in pulls me under again, back to the safety of my room.
I can see Brax and Riven sitting in the chairs, watching me and waiting for an attack. They don’t realize that the attack happened while I was asleep.
I scream, unable to contain my grief for another second. The walls cave in around me, and the tears cascade like waterfalls down my cheeks.
“Lumi!” I hear Ambrose scream through our bond. A second later, his arms are around me. “What’s wrong?”
I can’t speak. Can’t think.
Thankfully, I don’t have to. He sees it all through the bond.
“Out,” he shouts to Brax and Riven.
They both hesitate.
“Get the fuck out!” Ambrose shouts again, protectively.
“She shouldn’t be left alone,” Brax says.
“Guard the door. But she needs to be alone right now. She needs as few people as necessary to watch her heart breaking,” he says.
I don’t know if they leave. I don’t know how the world shifts. I don’t know what happens next. But I know that Ambrose is here. I feel him everywhere and nowhere. As if he’s trying to comfort me by giving me the space to grieve alone.
Let him go; the pain will ease if you let him go. If you hate him.
I know that it’s true. That if I hate Nyx, the pain will ease. It’s the best thing to do not only for myself but for the world. I was never meant to love Nyx. To be his mate. It was always temporary.
But I don’t want to stop the pain. I don’t want to forget. Because what he did, it doesn’t make me hate him. I’m not sure anything he could ever do would make me hate him.
I fell out of love with Ambrose the moment he betrayed me.
But what I feel for Nyx goes beyond anything I can control.
It’s buried deep, carved into the very marrow of my soul, and I know I’ll love that man until the day I die, probably longer.
Even when I shouldn’t. Even when I’ve fallen in love with someone else. Even when my love will destroy me.