Chapter 19 Lumi #2
Nothing is instant, though. No world-changing, crashing crescendo of overwhelming lust. No earth-shattering sensations that curl my body frantically around his.
The kiss is nice. It’s warm, comforting, and tender.
Home—it makes me feel at home, completely secure and protected by him.
Hesitation quickly fades. Our lips brush together again, testing the boundaries of what I’ll allow. My heartbeat quickens. And the kisses shift to familiar territory. Like we never stopped. Like no time has passed between the last time and now.
I part my lips, allowing him full entry. That’s all the invitation he needs. His tongue sweeps through my seam as heat radiates through my body. Want, desire, and something more dangerous than I’ll allow myself to name spread like wildfire through my body.
His hand finds the nape of my neck, pulling me deeper into the kiss. We don’t speak, even mind to mind. Everything about the kiss is so all-consuming that I have completely forgotten about our connection.
Tentatively, I push against his mind, needing him to name what’s happening between us. A solid wall greets me. He’s blocked me out. I have no way to know what he’s thinking or feeling unless I ask him.
His dark eyes, streaked with a golden hue, open wide.
The glow of his eyes catches me off guard, but he doesn’t relent the kiss.
His tongue pushes deeper, forcing a small whimper from my body before he speaks, “If you want my thoughts, then they’re yours.
But know what it is you’re asking of me before I let you in.
Because I can’t hold back my feelings. And if you aren’t ready to hear them, feel them, accept them, then it’s better this way. ”
My heart beats erratically at that. He’s right. I’m not ready. I don’t want to hear how much he wants and loves me right now. Don’t want to be reminded of this curse that still feels impossible to break and could end my life at any moment.
I pull him back into the kiss, grabbing onto his hair to hold him against my lips. My eyes close, my mind lightens until I’m no longer thinking. Just kissing. I can kiss away the pain, the anger, the loss. Just keep kissing.
It works. The kisses become all I think about. It encompasses my entire body, until it’s all I feel. Mindless, lovely kisses that make me feel good down to my core. It’s not love, but it’s nice. Was it ever?
I don’t let my mind answer that question. I lose myself in the kisses again. Turning my mind off. And then I feel his hands on my shoulder. Gently pushing the fluffy towel that I’m wrapped in off my shoulder.
“Is this okay?” he asks against my lips.
I swallow down the unease and then nod.
Keep going. Let him make you feel good. Fuck him. Forget. Remember. Fall in love.
Slowly, his hand continues pushing the towel off my body in one slow, revealing motion. Shivers follow his fingertips against my skin, and I tremble under his touch.
“You’re safe, my queen. I’ve got you.”
I still can’t find words to respond to him, so I don’t say anything at all.
His lips start traveling down my neck, my shoulder, my arm, and then over my hip before they stop.
I can feel the heat in his stare as he looks at my naked body.
The towel is now bunched around my ankles.
But I don’t open mine. I don’t look at his body.
I keep my mind turned off, just enjoying the feel of his hot lips and touch on my body.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lumi. So beautiful. I’ll never get enough of you.”
I reach out, grabbing him so he’ll kiss me again and stop talking.
He can’t stop kissing me. He has to kiss me.
Has to keep me feeling this high so that I don’t start thinking.
Because if I think too hard, I’ll stop this.
I’ll change my mind or second-guess this decision.
And this could save us all. If my heart flutters when he fucks me, if it opens just enough to let him in, I could save us all. And enjoy it in the process.
“Fuck me, Ambrose. Make me feel good.”
I hear his sharp intake of breath. But he doesn’t ask if I’m sure. He doesn’t second-guess. He doesn’t give me time to change my mind.
“Of course, my queen.”
And then his kisses are everywhere.
I smile. It feels good. Better than I remember. His kisses move over the swell of my breasts, and then I shudder when his tongue finds my hardened nipple.
My teeth scrape over my bottom lip as I hold in a moan at how good it feels. I can feel and see his grin in my mind at my reaction. I’m tempted to open my eyes, to see him, but I know better than that. So I keep my eyes closed.
Even though I haven’t been with Ambrose in weeks, I can remember everything about him. His muscles, his runes, his hair, his reactions. I remember it all.
I feel him spreading my legs. His face is lowering as he takes a deep breath.
“You smell so sweet. I can’t wait to taste you.”
I grip the sheets beneath me as I wait in anticipation. I know it will feel good. I’m not worried about that.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers, noticing my reaction.
And before I can overthink anything, his tongue sweeps across my seam, sending dizzying, wonderful buzzes through my body. He holds my thighs gently apart, spreading me so that he has access to everything.
I moan at his touch and finally shut my brain completely off. All I can do is feel. My mind becomes filled with him. His smell. His touch.
Shadows strike against my mind. Cool, dark, dangerous visions. Midnight hair, even darker eyes that sometimes shift to red, and tall, lean muscles.
“I want to fuck you,” he murmurs over my clit.
I nod. “Hmmm.”
“Can I?”
Why is he asking? Of course, he can fuck me. I always want him to fuck me.
I grip his tendrils, waiting for the cool touch of his skin that centers and grounds me. Instead, I’m burning up.
I frown, but I know it will come.
His lips vanish, and I feel his hardness settling between my thighs.
Something feels wrong. Something isn’t right.
His touch is different.
His smell is wrong.
Even how he settles between my legs is different.
He lifts my legs and starts to push.
“Stop!” I scream.
Opening my eyes and sitting up abruptly with tears in my eyes.
Ambrose—it’s Ambrose, not Nyx.
Fuck.
Ambrose, to his credit, pulls back immediately.
There isn’t a look of disappointment, just pure concern.
Within a second, I’m covered, dressed in a sweet nightgown that covers me completely.
And he’s in boxer shorts. The scent of sex that was there before vanishes with his magic sweeping through it.
It’s like nothing ever happened between us.
“I’m sorry, Lumi, I shouldn’t have pushed you. We have all the time in the world.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t push me. I did.
This was all me. And it’s not your fault.
I—” but I never finish my thought. I hate telling him that shutting off my mind ended up with it replacing him with Nyx.
That isn’t fair to him, to know that. But looking at his expression, I suspect he already knows.
“This isn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. Lying down on the pillow, I eventually match him so that we are face to face, lying on our own pillows. “It’s not fair to any of us.”
“We don’t have all the time in the world. We’re mates. And you love me. That should be enough.”
“Nyx messed with your mind. He stole your heart and broke it.”
“I hate him. I hate what he did to me.”
Ambrose gives me a knowing smile that says he’s not sure if he believes me.
I hate Nyx; I have to hate Nyx for cheating on me. For hurting me. For loving her over me.
“That doesn’t mean you are ready to love or be loved again. What we did find out tonight is that there is still a spark between us. I can work with that. It means I still have a chance to make you love me again.”
“And what if I can’t?”
He kisses the back of my hand. “Then I’ll find another way to save you.”
He strokes my hair and then closes his eyes.
I do the same, knowing that sleep will find me fast. I’m too tired to fight it.
But it doesn’t stop my brain from torturing me one last time with words that I could swear Nyx speaks into my mind, even though I know it’s not possible, “Always so selfless. Always the martyr. You’d do anything to save others. But who is going to save you, love?”