Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Lia
‘ W e can’t let them find out. How early will the healer be able to tell?’
‘Likely not for a few more days. Jak said his magick isn’t very strong.’
‘Can we rely on that?’
‘I don't know.’
The whispering wakes me, snatching me out of my discussion with the Harbinger. It's afraid that the Dark Realms is close, but it can’t be sure.
I sit up in my bed. ‘What's going on?’ I whisper.
Grey and Kal pull away from each other like naughty children caught doing something wrong.
‘Nothing,’ Kal mutters. ‘Nothing you need concern yourself with. Get some rest.’
My eyes move between the both of them. There's something wrong.
I shake my head and get out of bed. ‘Tell me,’ I say. ‘The truth.’
They glance at each other again and my eyes narrow.
Grey relents. ‘We just saw Fiana with Vern.’
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, thinking I must be misunderstanding him. ‘Fiana and Dane are ...’
They shake their heads. ‘They ... they're leaving. Together. They're going to betray Varrik.’
I wince, and Kal’s eyes narrow. ‘It seems they aren’t the only ones keeping secrets. You knew this already,’ he accuses. ‘How?’
I rub my eyes. ‘I heard her talking about it,’ I admit.
‘When has Fiana been in this room?’ Grey’s snarls, his eyes turning violet immediately.
I stare at him. Now that I’ve been asked plainly, I don't want to lie, so I say nothing.
‘Get Dane,’ Grey growls at Kal. ‘Bring him here. Make sure no one sees you.’
Kallum nods and disappears. Grey's looking at me oddly, a pitying expression deep in his eyes. The Harbinger doesn't like it and neither do I.
‘Tell me what's going on,’ I say. ‘Don't tell me it's nothing and don't tell me it was only what you just saw Fiana and Vern doing.’
‘When the others get here,’ he says gently, pouring me a cup of water from the jug on the table and handing it to me. ‘Sit down. Please.’
My heart is thumping in my chest, but I do as he says, sitting by the smoldering fire and watching as he puts a couple of logs on it to warm the room. I glance up at the sky through the bars on the window, trying to see the position of the moon to guess what time it is. Grey’s eyes follow mine.
‘I don't know,’ Grey murmurs. ‘Early morning, I think.’
A moment later, Kal appears in the room with a rumpled-looking Dane who’s still blinking the sleep from his eyes. ‘What the fuck is this?’ he mutters. ‘It couldn't wait until morning?’
‘No,’ Grey snarls, ‘it couldn't. Sit.’
Dane shakes his head and mumbles something but he sits in one of the other chairs.
I look from Dane to Kal to Grey. ‘We're all here,’ I say. ‘Speak.’
Kal and Grey share a look.
Dane snarls. ‘Gods, what is it?’
‘Lia is with child,’ Grey bites out.
‘Impossible!’ Dane hisses.
I'm standing up, shaking my head, my heart thundering in my chest by the mere idea.
‘No,’ I say. ‘Dane’s right. It's not possible. I drink the tea he brings. All of it. Every time. I have never not since this ... began.’
Dane is nodding vigorously. ‘Every day without fail,’ he says. ‘I have never forgotten. Not once. You are mistaken.’
‘My nose doesn’t lie.’ Grey looks at the floor. ‘I wish I was wrong. I'm sorry, Lia.’
I’m still shaking my head as Kal pulls a small jar out of his cloak and plonks it on the table.
‘Is this the tea?’ Kallum asks Dane.
‘Yes. I keep it in my room.’
Kal sits down heavily. ‘We came upon Fiana the night of the banquet. We followed her to your room. She switched the jars.’
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ I ask, trying not to feel betrayed.
‘We didn’t realize what she was doing or why. We didn’t know.’
Dane bears his teeth as he jumps to his feet. ‘No! I would have noticed. I'd have ...’
Kal opens the jar and waves it in his face. Dane breathes it in and blanches, his eyes finding mine as he takes some of the loose tea out with his fingers and looks at it more closely.
‘Lia,’ he whispers brokenly, his face as shocked as mine must look. ‘I didn't know. Gods. You must believe me. Why would Fiana ...? Why would she ensure ...?’
‘She wants the babe,’ I whisper, sinking back into the chair slowly, my head in a whirl.
I clutch my belly, feeling sick and ignoring the others for the moment as I give in to my fear. I’m with child. Dane’s child. A babe that both Varrik and Fiana would steal for the power it might possess.
‘How do you know what Fiana wants?’ Dane asks.
I laugh mirthlessly. ‘Think I’m lying? She’s in here after you leave every day, telling me ...’ I break off and close my eyes, stifling a sob.
How can this be happening? As if things weren’t bad enough.
‘I wasn’t—’ Dane starts.
Kal interrupts him. ‘Lia’s right. She and Vern are leaving together. They’re only waiting for Skith’s word that your seed has taken. They intend to take Lia with them. They'll keep her as a slave until after the babe is born.’
Dane's mouth opens and closes, and he sits down in the chair hard.
‘There's ... something else,’ Grey continues.
How much more can there be, I wonder as I stare down in front of me at nothing, barely hearing their words. The Harbinger is similarly shocked. I can feel its astonishment. It didn’t know either. The next time I’m at the Dark Lake will be an interesting conversation.
For now, though, I try to focus.
‘We’re sorry, Dane, but Fiana, the love you feel for her. It's ... not real.’
Dane scoffs. ‘Not real? What? She put a conjure on me?’ He laughs.
Grey and Kal glance at each other, and his eyes narrow.
‘No, that's not pos?—’
‘It is possible,’ Grey says almost gently. ‘We heard them talking about it. It was done long ago. She practiced her skill on you, Dane, and she couldn't undo it. That's the only reason you think you care for her.’
In the chair, I wince, dragging my legs up and hugging my knees to my chest. I glance at Dane and, despite everything, my lip wobbles at the devastation I see in his eyes. I’m not the only one who Fiana’s ruined.
‘When are they leaving?’ I ask.
‘They’ll go soon as they know you're with child,’ Grey says quietly.
I stare at him for a moment, weighing my options. But there aren’t any. Not really. I touch my stomach. It’s not here. I feel no different, and yet everything has changed. I suppose I could ... do something about it. It's still very early, after all.
‘Jak,’ I murmur, remembering his last visit.
‘The healer?’
I nod. ‘I think he knows.’
‘Will he tell?’
I shake my head as I recall the conversation we had and see his words, his talk of help in a new light. ‘I don’t believe so. I think he offered me a way out of this,’ I whisper.
Dane looks away but says nothing, and my lip curls.
Good. It’s not his decision.
But the thought of downing some concoction to rid myself of this , as if it’s no more than a piece of dirt to be swept away, leaves me feeling hollow. I want this babe, I realize. It’s mine, and no one will take it from me.
There’s only one way. The Harbinger isn’t yet strong enough and we can’t escape until it can help.
I heave a shuddering breath. ‘Tell Varrik.’
All three pairs of eyes cut to me.
‘What?’ Kallum asks.
‘Tell him. Tell him they’re planning to betray him and steal me.’ I look at Dane. ‘He’ll believe you. He won’t listen to me if I try. He trusts Fiana above all others except you. Tell him your seed has taken. Make sure he knows all of it. Better him than her.’
Dane’s jaw clenches. ‘No.’
Unbidden, tears come to my eyes.
‘Then you’re just a selfish cunt,’ I snarl, ignoring how my words wound him. ‘The Harbinger isn’t ready yet. It can’t protect me.’ I put my hand over my abdomen and watch his eyes track the movement. ‘ Us .’
Grey comes forward, putting his hands on my shoulders. ‘Let’s talk first,’ he says calmly. ‘If you still want Dane to reveal everything to Varrik, he will.’
I nod reluctantly. ‘Fine, but I’ll do what’s needed to protect the babe even if you won’t.’
‘We will,’ Kallum promises. ‘We will, Lia. Come. Sit.’
I go with him, not looking at Dane as Kal settles me on his lap, holding me close and rubbing small circles on my skin softly.
‘How are they leaving?’ Dane mutters, almost to himself.
‘And are they using that map Varrik found? If so, where are they going?’ Grey follows.
Dane rubs his forehead and pulls at his hair as he casts a look at Lia.
‘I was right. Varrik has something. That’s the only explanation.’
‘Something?’ Kal asks, not hiding his confusion.
‘Aye.’ Dane looks at the table and pulls the map out from under the book. ‘Something that will take him here.’
Kal’s eyes dart from him to Grey. ‘You can read the script, then?’
Dane shakes his head. ‘No, but I’ve seen a likeness of the map before. In Alcana’s library more than once.’ His fingers trace over the lines of the map Grey copied. ‘It’s ... the Light Realm.’
Kal’s fingers squeeze me for a moment. ‘You’re sure?’ he breathes.
Dane nods. ‘It’s the Light Realm. I have no doubt of it.’
‘That’s what this is about? He’s going to the Light Realm ?’ Kal asks.
‘No, it’s just the starting point,’ Grey murmurs, pointing to the star symbol at the top. ‘It leads somewhere else, remember? But where? Where is it that Fiana and Vern ... and Varrik are actually trying to get to?’
Kal scoffs. ‘Who fucking cares? This is the answer to our problems. Varrik has a way of getting to the Light Realm . We need go no further.’
Dane is nodding along to Kal’s words for once.
Grey frowns. ‘Not even if it’s as Fiana said? A fae court?’
‘After my delightful time in the fold, I oddly have no wish to live among any more of our brethren ,’ he sneers, his thoughts mirroring my own regarding more fae. ‘Besides, the Light Realm is where it’s safest for Lia ... and ...’ He gives me a small smile. ‘And the babe as well.’
Dane stands up at Kal’s words and paces the room. ‘We need to find out what Varrik will use to get to the Light Realm. And why he hasn’t gone. He must already know what this map shows, which means he has his starting point. Why is he still here? What’s he waiting for?’
‘There’s something else,’ I say. ‘The Harbinger. It believes the Dark Realms is close to discovering the fold, but it can’t be sure. It told me that it will know when it’s near, but we may have only hours to get everyone out once it finds the location.’
‘Then we have to work quickly. They’ll try to steal whatever Varrik is going to use to get to the Light Realm. We need to find out what Fiana’s plan is, when they’re leaving, and how they intend to get out of the fold.’
‘I can get her to talk,’ I say. ‘She thinks me a fool.’
‘How will you get her here?’ Grey asks.
I wince. ‘She'll come in the morning after Dane ...’
They all look at each other.
‘How do you know for certain?’ Kal murmurs.
‘She always does,’ I say quietly, leaving it at that.
There’s no reason for them to know about the rest, I decide.
‘When she comes, I will get her talking. Even if she doesn't tell me how she intends to leave in words,’ I look at Kal pointedly, ‘she'll think about it.’
Kal grins, following immediately. ‘And if I'm in here ...’
I nod. ‘Perhaps you can glean something from her thoughts. Then we can use what we find out to leave before she can ...’
I pull out of Kal’s grip, my stomach finally revolting at all the revelations, and I run to the chamber pot, emptying the contents of my stomach into it loudly.
My body is shaking as I wipe my mouth and glance over at Dane. In truth, he doesn't look much better than I do.
‘You do believe us, don’t you?’ Kal asks, giving Dane a hard look. ‘You aren’t going to leave this room and tell her all this, are you?’
Dane sighs. ‘Nothing is how I thought. Not Varrik, not Fiana, not even the fold and, in truth, since Fiana returned, I’ve not been able to understand my feelings for her. It’s all seemed ... wrong .’
I can’t help my snort. ‘What of all the times you've been with her?’
Dane frowns. ‘I haven't been with her, Lia, even when I tried it ...’ He shakes his head.
Kal chuckles. ‘Aye, we were there for that one as well, weren’t we, Grey? His cock wouldn't work. She was one angry female!’
He sniggers, and Dane snarls at him as Grey rolls his eyes.
‘She told me ...’ I whisper. ‘She went into great detail about all the things you did together.’
Dane sits back down hard. ‘I have not been with Fiana. I tried when she first got back, I admit that. I thought if we pretended things were like they were before, it might be easier between us. But I haven't spent much time with her at all. I haven't wanted to. It’s not been ... right. Kal can look through my head if you want.’
I watch him carefully, but find I’m able to accept that Fiana is lying much more easily than Dane, especially with the others witnessing them not together.
‘Fine,’ I say. ‘But before we do anything, someone needs to go to Jak and tell him to hide Ryon.’
‘Who?’ Dane asks, looking bewildered.
‘He'll know who you mean, and I won't do anything against Varrik or Fiana unless he's safe. Please.’
Dane grits his teeth and nods. ‘Fine. I’ll go. At sunrise. For now, I ... need to ...’ He shakes his head. ‘I need some fresh air.’
He gets up and leaves the room, startling the guard dozing in the hall outside as he slips out.
‘ Can we trust him?’ I ask, almost fearing the answer. ‘Fiana’s conjure must have been strong to last so long even when they were so far apart. Can he truly fight it?’
Kal nods. ‘Everything he said was true. He’s sensed that there’s been something very wrong for some time now.’ He hesitates.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘He’s tormented by his actions when it comes to you.’
‘I don’t want to talk about that,’ I mutter, closing my eyes. ‘Let’s focus on getting away from here before the Darks Realms comes to kill us or anyone finds out about the babe.’
I walk around the room, willing myself to put the past few minutes aside.
‘If you stand in that corner by the bed, so long as you're quiet, you'll be able to see and hear everything and no one will walk over there,’ I say. ‘And, no matter what you see or hear, you mustn’t let them know you’re here?’
‘Them?’ Grey growls.
‘Sometimes she and the healer come together,’ I say, glancing away, not wanting to see the look that likely passes between them. I suppose they’ll find out everything now, and I don’t know whether to laugh or scream at the prospect.
‘How long do we have?’
‘A while,’ I say. ‘Dane will need to come back, and I suppose he'll need to ... keep up appearances for Skith and Fiana.’
‘Come.’ Kal leads me over to the bed and lays me down before taking up the position next to me.
Grey does the same on my other side, and their arms snake around me, just holding me and making me feel safe.
I know it’s an illusion, but I take it for now, if only so that my rapidly beating heart will slow and I can try to think about what my life will look like if we can escape.
I’m having a babe. Perhaps I’ll have what I always dreamed. A home. A life. A family.
My heart jumps for joy for the first time today.
I will protect it, I vow. The dream and the tiny life within me.
‘Kallum?’
‘Yes?’
‘I’ll need more of those flowers.’
Dane
‘You! Healer!’ I whisper from the entrance to the healers’ rooms not far from the buildings where skills practice takes place.
The younger fae male, standing at a well-worn table and grinding something in a pestle and mortar, turns with a frown at my voice.
‘Is someone hurt?’
I shake my head and come inside, out of the shadows.
‘Lia sent me,’ I mutter.
His jaw clenches as I get closer and I see that he recognizes me. He's angry with me, I realize, and my eyes narrow. I have enough to atone for without this boy’s ire as well.
‘Did you tell her the truth?’ he growls, looking at me with disgust. ‘It seemed as if you cared for her when I came to heal her before, but I suppose it was an act so that she’d trust you.’
‘What are you talking about?’ I growl low, cognizant of the two narrow beds on one side of the room that appear to be occupied by sleeping patients. I don’t need anyone overhearing our words and taking them to our enemies.
‘She told me that you brought her tea to ensure that your seed didn’t take root with her,’ he spits. ‘But I could tell as soon as I saw her that it's too late for a fucking tea.’
His eyes are slits. ‘Or perhaps not quite that one .’
I roll my eyes. Am I really going to have to defend myself to this pup ?
‘I didn't know,’ I say. ‘I didn't mean for this to happen.’
I curse under my breath, my hands raking through my hair.
‘Does she know yet?’
I look him in the eye. ‘Yes,’ I grind out. ‘She sent me to tell you to hide ... Ryon?’ Unwelcome jealousy rushes through me. ‘Who the fuck is Ryon?’
Jak turns and gestures to a small cot in the corner that I didn’t notice before where a tiny faeling lies curled up asleep.
‘The boy,’ he murmurs, his ire seeming to recede for the moment.
I stare at the sleeping child. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘I heard a rumor once that a faeling was killed in the keep.’ He looked at me pointedly. ‘It was just before the fire. She didn’t tell me anything, but she was clearly worried about this one. I ... I said to her that I would hide Ryon if she asked it of me.’
I take a step back, my mind reeling.
‘Do it then,’ I say.
I leave the healer, feeling sick. Varrik always said the faelings were the most important part of the fold because there were so few of us. Could he really have allowed one to be killed? Jak certainly thinks so.
A desire to go and find Fiana bubbles up inside me, a need that, granted, has begun to diminish as I’ve been ignoring it over the past few days, but I still grimace. As soon as they told me what she’d done, I knew it was the truth. She really put a conjure on me to make me love her years ago. How could I not feel it? How could I not know it was there? The idea of her and Dane should send me into a jealous frenzy, but as I conjure images of them together, I feel nothing but anger that years of my life have been stolen from me, that my thoughts and feelings weren’t my own. Did she ever really care for me, I wonder? Did I truly ever care for her?
I wrack my brain for a time when I didn't. When she didn't consume my mind. When I didn't feel as I do now. But I can't remember one. Even though I can more easily fight it now that I know it for the trick it is, I want it gone. I want to be free of her. I push the faux feelings away, seeing them now as a pale imitation of the real thing. Not like when I look at Lia ...
I shy away from those thoughts as well. Lia hates me and with good reason.
I reach the keep, the wards letting me through easily. Outside Lia’s room, the guard ignores me as I slip inside, used to my comings and goings. One small advantage of Varrik’s orders, I suppose. I make sure not to open the door more than I have to as I go inside so that he can’t see that Lia isn’t alone in there, but as I close the door quietly, I stop short just inside the room.
The three of them are in the bed together. They don't seem to realize that I've entered. My breath hitches as I watch Kal kiss her deeply and leisurely, half in yearning because even when I’ve tried to go slowly, she doesn’t want me really, and half in embarrassment that I’m witnessing this private moment between them. Yet I don’t look away, and I don’t make a sound as I move closer and sit carefully in a chair that affords me the best view of their activities.
Grey’s hand slowly makes its way under her dress, making her moan a moment later as he begins to play with her. Kallum doesn’t break their kiss as he raises her arms and binds them to the headboard.
She lets him, and I feel my mouth go dry even as my cock hardens painfully in my breeches. It works so easily in Lia’s presence, I’ve noticed, dancing to attention as soon as I hear her name, whereas, in Fiana’s, it has remained limp, refusing to perform.
I watch with bated breath as Grey hikes up her chemise and Kallum unlaces it at the neck. By the time they’re finished, she might as well not even be wearing it, and I can see everything from my vantage point.
I part of me says this is another invasion. I should look away, but when my eyes move to the floor, I hear Kallum’s voice as he pulls his mouth away from her breasts.
‘You’re coming with us, Dane,’ he states.
His tone is light but it brooks no argument.
I thought, after all this, that they’d definitely forsake me, and my face must show my thoughts because he snorts.
‘You thought we’d leave without you?’
I nod, and he grins, making Lia writhe as he rolls her nipples between his fingers. Lia catches my eye over Kal’s hands, and I’m ensnared by her gaze.
‘No, Dane,’ Kal says, looking down at Lia with a small smile. ‘You won’t be left, just as we won’t make you go while Grey and I pleasure our female before you.’ His eyes flash as he looks at me. ‘But you won’t be touching her again, not until she decides.’
My brow furrows. Until? He’s wrong. He must be. She despises me. She must. In trying to help me and my brothers, I caused her unimaginable suffering at the hands of my kind. In trying to help her , I've caused her even more misery. All of this is my fault. How can I ever make it up to her? How would I even begin?
But her eyes don’t leave mine. She stares at me even as her mouth opens on a moan while Grey laps between her legs.
‘Your punishment will be to watch us when we do this and be unable to join us,’ Kallum continues. ‘And you’ll endure any other penalty she decides as well.’
Lia’s eyes drift shut and her body bows. Kal’s lips close over hers, muffling the squeals of her release as Grey’s tongue remains on her, tasting her as she comes.
Her sated gaze finds me again when her pleasure ebbs.
‘And you agree?’ I ask.
She nods.
Grey turns back to look at me, wiping his mouth as he rises over her. He winks. ‘It was her idea.’
My brows rise, but she’s no longer looking at me; instead, her focus is on Grey, who’s sinking into her slowly, making her whimper and moan as she spreads her legs wider for him.
Her sounds of delight and of need have me gritting my teeth, wishing that I could join them. But I will endure her penance, I’ll endure whatever she deems necessary if it means that one day she’ll forgive me, that she’ll allow me to be with her and the others to raise the babe together.
I want to be there, I realize. I want to go to the Light Realm with them. I want to be a family. I am hers, and it's time I started acting like it.
I glance at the mirror. I’ve been trying to make the spying conjure work on it for days. Since Fiana returned. I haven’t trusted her with Lia, I suddenly comprehend. I’ve been wanting to keep an eye on her, but my mind has been so jumbled since she arrived. I freeze. Could Fiana have been working conjures on me over the past days? Would I know if she had?
I shake the thoughts away for now. The spying conjure has failed both times I tried, and I haven’t been able to figure out why. I stare at it, trying to understand why it hasn’t been showing me anything. Other magick I’ve used in the keep has worked without a problem, so why hasn’t this?
I mutter the incantation I used in Rondorai, trying to figure out what I did wrong. It worked fine in that tiny room, so what is it about this that’s different?
I’m dimly aware of what the others are doing, of their groans and whimpers, and that Grey and Kal have switched places, but I ignore them for now. Instead, I stand and pace the room as I wrack my brain for the reason the conjure wouldn't have taken, but there’s nothing. It should be working even now. The conjure is on it. I can feel it. It just isn’t making it to the small looking glass I keep at my belt.
I look out of the window as I think. It’s still dark, but any moment now, the first rays of the sun will peek over the hills and I’ll see it shimmer on the wards surrounding the keep just for a second like spider’s silk.
I stop in my tracks. The wards.
The makings of the spying conjure and the ones used to create the wards aren’t much different from one another and Varrik has so many on the keep. Could they be somehow interfering with my spell? I consider it seriously. It’s possible. More than possible. There must be dozens of layers of wards, and they’re all Varrik’s magick, not mine. They could easily be thwarting my power if not compensated for.
I close my eyes and sense the conjures I put on the mirror before. I remove them both, and then I remake them, weaving them into Varrik’s wards at various points, integrating them so that they stop working against my magick.
When I open my eyes, I surreptitiously take out the tiny mirror and peer at it. I see myself through it looking at the tiny mirror and can’t help the burst of elation that I’ve fixed the problem.
We’re leaving here today, but Lia won’t be unprotected while she’s left alone.
I glance up and see Kal find his release, pumping his seed deep into the female who's pregnant with my babe. Though I wish that things had happened in a different way, I find that I'm not upset by the result. I've always wanted a family, I just always assumed it would be with Fiana, thanks to her deceits.
I watch the end of the show in front of me.
Kallum stays poised over her as Grey presses kisses down her body, suckling at her teats.
‘Come for us again, my little slave,’ Kal growls low, and her breath hitches at his words.
His fingers drift to where he’s still fit snugly against her, and his fingers move between them, making her buck under them.
Grey drags his elongated teeth down her neck, making her scream, and she comes hard, her legs shaking and her hand curling into fists in his hair.
I take in the sight, committing it to memory, and finally look away to the window. I see that the sun has risen. It’s late enough for the keep to be stirring.
‘I'm going to leave now,’ I say quietly. ‘The keep will be awake soon. She’ll be here soon.’
I glance at the mirror, inordinately glad that it’s working. Anger rises in me. I had no idea that Fiana was coming here after I left and clearly tormenting Lia when I was none the wiser.
I exit the room and go to my own, taking up the small handheld mirror again to make doubly sure that it works as I take a bag of salt out from under my bed and make a circle with it on the floor.
I watch in the mirror as Dane and Grey get up, get dressed, and go to the corner by the bed. They disappear. Lia doesn’t move, but I can hear her talking to them, telling them not to make noise and not to show themselves no matter what happens. I feel trepidation take hold in my belly, but the others are there, I reason. She’s safe for now.
I step into the circle, sit on the floor, and close my eyes. It’s time I got rid of whatever magick Fiana has stained me with.