Chapter 16 Julian
Julian
Zinnia fell asleep on top of me just in time. I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming from my eyes or the trembling that was beginning in my limbs. She’d healed me as we made love, and somehow I’d stayed hard the entire time, but I wasn’t sure how I’d managed.
I was certain now the magic that had been trapped under my skin in the tattoos hadn’t been released, only moved to pool under the remaining marks.
The silver in my blood before may even have been mitigating its effects, keeping me from feeling all the pain.
I’d seen something like that before, witnessed how the presence of silver could keep a shifter from madness. Mine had kept me from agony.
But not now.
I bit my teeth to stifle a sob. I’d been shot, stabbed, bitten, and even poisoned, but I’d never known true torture until it came at my rejected mate’s soft, slender hands.
No, there had been one other time when I’d felt this kind of agony. When I’d taken the first silver blade to my shoulder, and what I now knew was mate sickness had begun. That agony had driven me almost to madness.
If only I’d listened to my wolf then, maybe I wouldn’t have been too late. Zinnia’s wolf would still be strong. Maybe my own pain wouldn’t have built up, the magic sickening me for decades.
“Sergeant?” Bo called out, pulling me from my memories. “Alpha?”
I’d left him at the stream, fishing for tonight’s supper, and sent Leroy to join him. His voice grew louder now as he approached. Since Zinnia had opened the magic of her garden’s shield to all three of us, I knew he’d be inside soon.
Shit. I pulled Zinnia’s sweatpants and shirt over her as much as I could, but the real issue was one I couldn’t cover up so easily. I couldn’t let Bo know how weak I was.
We’d been doing a crash course all week in how to control his unexpected Alpha power.
Every shifter who was powerful experienced surges after their first shift, but Heirs to Alpha-level power felt them far more intensely.
He would act more aggressively to any other male shifters around him, even if they were previously close.
His friendship with Leroy was already strained, and I’d probably made it worse by separating the two, but it had to be done.
I didn’t think I had much time to give Bo the lessons he’d need.
A part of me had known the smart thing to do was take him back to the Mountain pack and give his instruction over to Alpha Brand and the pack’s warriors, but I’d been weak.
I hadn’t wanted to leave Zinnia. Even if I’d known her healing was killing me, even if I feared it was hurting her, my wolf had refused to let us leave. The distance I’d put between us had enraged my wolf, and the pain I’d been in had added to the trash fire I’d made of Bo’s training.
This morning, I’d been particularly harsh, even for me.
I’d been forcing him to memorize the code all the packs had adopted, based on the old ways.
Every time he stumbled over a word, he’d earned push-ups, cold-water dunks, and miles of running.
I’d watched his frustration and anger grow and knew he was close to the breaking point.
I’d said some regrettable things, spoken my deepest fears aloud, and hurt him.
My pain was making me cruel, and I hated it.
I rolled the sleeping Zinnia to one side and slipped on my sweatpants, still wracking my brain to figure out where his power level had come from. His father had been a Southern nobody, and the only family he had left alive was his little sister, who was still a child.
“Sergeant?” Bo called out, much closer now. “Are you okay?” He sniffed, and the breeze must have carried our scents to him. He started laughing. “Nice going, Alpha. I just won a bet with Lero—”
I was on my feet and across the garden, snarling in his face, before he could finish the extremely unwise comment. “This, Bo. This is why I said what I did this morning.”
“That I’ll never get it right?” he shot back, fur rippling over his cheeks as he fought a shift.
His eyes glowed with his wolf’s power as he struggled to control himself.
“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know that you think I’m a piece of shit?
Hell, Sergeant, I’d be the first to admit it.
But if you think I’m gonna be a bad Alpha, why fuckin’ bother?
Why not just cut off my head, or throw me outta your pack?
” He spat on the ground. “Tell you the truth, you’re actin’ more like the Alpha I grew up with.
Maybe you’re not the right one to show me how it works, huh? ”
“Disrespectful pup!” I roared, grabbing him with both hands by the collar, rage giving me the strength to lift him off the ground.
I shook him, then let him go. “Laps, up the mountain and back, and don’t stop running until it’s dark.
I don’t want to see you again until you remember who I am and who you are and what that means, boy. ”
His lower lip trembled, and a pang of agony shot through me, worse than anything I’d felt from my tattoos. The young pup whose eyes had always shone with love and hero-worship, now looked at me with something closer to anguish.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I muttered.
I was talking about myself, but his eyes hardened. “My old Alpha used to call me that, too,” he spat, turning on his heel to run.
I had to explain, but he was already gone by the time I took my first step. “Bo!” I called, but he had all his strength and rage keeping him ahead of me, and I fell a few steps later, gasping for air.
“Sergeant?” Leroy came jogging through the pines to my right, carrying a stringer of fish. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I panted. “I’m… going after Bo. I need you to… go to the garden. Watch over Zinnia. She’s sleeping.”
“I can help you find him,” he offered, dropping the fish. “You look tired.”
“I told you what to do! Go watch over my mate, Leroy.” I barked the next command, to make sure he’d understand how serious I was. “Don’t leave her alone until I’m back.”
He shuddered as the command hit home. “Yes, sir,” he whispered, grabbing the fish and running for the garden.
A hundred yards down the path, I found Bo’s discarded clothing.
Shit. He’d taken on his wolf form, which meant he was moving even faster.
Cursing myself, I pumped my trembling legs as hard as I could.
I didn’t have the strength to shift and follow on four feet, though the path grew steeper and more perilous for anyone in human form.
I slowed, hoping to keep myself from plummeting off the side of the mountain, though a part of me felt I deserved the pain of such a fall.
My instincts screamed at me as I followed. He should have reached the top of the mountain and returned by now. Had he run away? I sniffed the air. The cold breeze seemed to carry the scent of alarm, and a musky smell I hoped to hell wasn’t what I thought.
The scream of a mountain lion had my blood going cold. I understood immediately why Bo hadn’t returned. But he knew better than to face down a lion… didn’t he?
Of course he did. After the encounter with Marta the bear, he and Leroy had vowed not to harm any more animals—other than trout—up here. But ahead, around the next jumbled pile of boulders, I heard a wolf snarling and another lion scream.
Worse, I scented blood. “Bo!” I shouted, racing toward him. I rounded the mountainside and kept going, though the scene before me was dire.
The mountain lion had backed Bo against a cliff at a narrow place in the path, into a pile of medium-sized boulders. I could tell at once that his back paw had gotten jammed in between two rocks. Bo’s ruff was raised, his teeth bared, as he stared down the lion, but he couldn’t retreat.
And neither would the mountain lion. Above Bo’s head, on a ridge of stone, two cubs perched, watching the scene below with wide eyes. Their only easy way down was where Bo stood.
Fuck. This was bad. The mountain lion had already gotten in more than a few lucky swipes with her claws, it looked like.
No. Not lucky. As I watched Bo snap out with his jaws, just missing the mama lion’s throat, I knew what had happened.
My heart sank. We’d all made a vow not to harm any of the animals near Zinnia’s home, and he was keeping it.
“Hey!” I shouted, waving my hands in the air as high as I could. “Hey, ya! Leave my son alone!”
The cat turned, spitting, and ran at me.
Fuck. I couldn’t jump out of the way, not without falling off the mountain.
I did the only thing I could think of: I ran toward her, ducked under her claws, and flipped her over my head.
I ignored the rivers of fire that ran across my shoulders from the lion’s claws as I reached Bo’s side.
He yelped as I kneeled to free him. I knew why; I could smell her coming at me again.
I turned back, aiming a solid roundhouse kick at the cat’s muzzle and connecting.
I only had an instant, so I leaned down and twisted Bo’s hind foot, covering him as much as I could with my body so that if the lion struck again, it would only hurt me.
When it struck again.
Bo whined as his hind foot came free, and I threw myself backward at the same time. The lion was on me, jaws closing on my shoulder, claws catching my side and turning me, tearing into me.
“Run!” I yelled, pushing as much Alpha command into my tone as I could. “Run to the cabin!”
Bo whimpered, and I thought he obeyed. I couldn’t tell for sure. I was fighting for my own life now.
Not a lot of things could kill a full-grown shifter. A fall from an incredible height could do it, crushing a skull on impact. Enough wounds that weren’t healing fast enough would work, too. For instance, if an enraged mama mountain lion thought her cubs were in jeopardy.
I didn’t have the strength to fight this cat, or to run away.
I had to make a choice. As I tried to force her jaws away from my shoulder, I managed to stagger close to the drop off. Far below, I knew there was a wide spot in the river. I also knew to reach it, I’d have to roll down half a mountain and fall over a cliff. Could I make it?
I had no other options.
Using the last of my energy, I pushed the lion off, throwing her a few feet back, and let myself fall. Time slowed as my body plunged downward.
I’d always thought I’d die on a battlefield. I’d been prepared for that sort of end, one where I’d been protecting the ones I loved, fighting for the pack. Comforted by the knowledge that I’d lived a good life and been true to the ones who relied on me.
But now, as I fell to an inglorious death, all I had were regrets. That I’d finally managed to have sons, or boys who looked up to me like a father, and I’d forgotten that it wasn’t just their bodies that needed protecting, but their tender hearts.
I’d spent my last days breaking down a young Alpha instead of building him up.
Bo, I thought as I hit the first cliff and felt my legs break. I’m sorry, son. I failed you. You never once failed me.
I regretted that I’d never told him, or Leroy, what they meant to me. How they’d filled the past few years with laughter and joy. How I’d loved them.
I love you. I love you both. I tumbled over another jagged limestone cliff, pain my only companion on the way to the bottom.
Then, just before the world went dark, I saw her eyes. Her perfect, beautiful face, and those lips, forming my name. Calling me to her side.
I’m sorry, my love, my little star. I’m so sorry I’m leaving you alone again. Although she wasn’t alone, now. She had the boys.
That thought was what had my lips turning up as I lost consciousness.
She wouldn’t be completely alone.