Pages of Amber

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THE CAB ROLLED TO a stop before the familiar house. After paying and thanking the driver, Amber pulled open the door and stepped out to the curb. She clutched her book bag by her hip and took a moment.

Funny how this was already her second time visiting Noah’s house when she had barely tolerated him only a few short weeks before.

Today, there were three cars parked before his home. Amber recognized the car parked in the same spot as last time that belonged to Noah’s mom. Noah’s truck shared the driveway with another car. Exhaling a breath, Amber told herself to put one foot before the other and walk towards the front door. Noah expected her but he didn’t have telepathic powers to tell when she had arrived.

Amber had just stepped up to the wooden porch when noises from the other side of the door reached her ears. She hesitated when she recognized one of the voices, the cadence and tone familiar, but not the volume. Her gaze fixed on the door when she was certain who the yell came from. Uneasiness fell over her. All the years she had known Noah, she’d never heard him yell. He was always reserved, collected, in control. Even their most heated arguments had only ever warranted a glare from him before he shot back. What could have broken through that tough exterior? Amber pulled back a few steps from the door. The yelling died down and an eerie silence lurked now. She stood there contemplating her next move when the door swung open. Amber looked up at the person who stepped out.

Maybe he did have telepathic powers, after all.

Noah met her eyes, the angry expression on his face shifting into surprise. He blinked like he was processing why she was on his porch. Amber’s eyes ran over him. His hair was tousled over his forehead. He had on dark jeans, a plain tee with a dark brown jacket slung over his arm and keys in the hand not holding the door. Was he going somewhere?

“You’re here,” he finally said.

“Yeah, for the project. I was going to knock but I heard a noise.”

Noah’s face darkened as her words trailed off. He looked away, his hand on the doorknob tightening. Footsteps from inside the house caught their attention. They both turned as Mrs. Rhodes came into view. Amber sucked in a breath at the sight of the older woman’s teary eyes. Her hair was in a disarray and she wore an apron like last time.

“Noah, you and your father need to talk about this.” She froze when she saw Amber. Her hands flew to her hair, smoothing away the tendrils as she blinked rapidly. Amber didn’t miss the way her hands shook. “Oh, hello Amber.”

She smiled back at Mrs. Rhodes despite the confusion and worry brewing in her. “Hi, Mrs. Rhodes.”

The woman had been kind to her the first time they met. She had made Amber feel welcome, spoken to her like they had known each other forever and hadn’t let Amber leave until she’d had dinner at her table. Amber wouldn’t wish for her warmth to be dimmed.

Noah turned to his mom. “Not now, Mom. Please. We’ll talk when I get back.”

Mrs. Rhodes stared at her son and a silent conversation passed between them. She nodded jerkily and waved them goodbye. With an answering nod, Noah led Amber over to his truck. He turned the key in the ignition and buckled up, his actions stiff. Amber tried not to stare as she buckled up too.

“Do you mind if we go over to your place?” Noah laid his hands on the steering wheel and took a breath. He glanced at her.

Her answer came surprisingly easy. “Sure. I don’t mind.”

The drive back to her home was quiet. Amber clutched her bag until her knuckles turned white, her mind tossing and turning. He was so quiet, his eyes focused on the road. What was he thinking? Should she say anything? Ask him how he was? Make some other small talk?

In the end, she stayed quiet and let him work through whatever was going on. Thankfully by the time Noah parked along her driveway almost an hour later, most of her curiosity had waned. Amber punched in the security code at the door and walked into the house with Noah following behind. The house was silent, as usual, standing empty and elegant. Amber felt a skip behind her sternum at seeing Noah shelve his shoes in the anteroom closet but the sky hadn’t fallen when she’d first gone to his home. She figured this wouldn’t be any different. Besides, her mom wasn’t home today. She didn’t exactly fancy visitors, even the rare times Beverly and Lexi came over. Amber did not want to know her reaction to seeing Noah here.

They walked further into the home, Noah’s gaze roaming over the space. He hadn’t been here before. Only Evelyn had come into her home the day they’d picked up Amber for the trip to Coney Island.

The increased silence between them made Amber feel itchy. Sometimes, she cursed his ability to hold everything in so well. The crease gathered above his brows wasn’t as prominent as it had been in the car but Amber had no clue what he was thinking. She led them under the curved entrance to the kitchen where she knew they would find Dottie. The older woman lifted her head from the fridge as they entered the kitchen.

“You’re back? I didn’t think you’d return until- Oh, hello.” Dottie blinked rapidly as though convincing herself she was really seeing Noah. “I wasn’t aware we were having company.”

“This is Noah. He’s the one helping me with the assignment I have, remember?”

Noah stepped forward to greet her. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Dottie.” His voice held a charming lilt to it that surprised Amber. The tiniest smile edged the corner of his lips as Dottie took his extended hand and pulled him in for a hug.

“Just Dottie, please. I haven’t been a missus in years.” Her smile relaxed her features as she continued, “Besides, you’re helping my Amber. There’s no need to be formal. You’re our guest.”

“Thank you. Amber should have mentioned you sooner. I would have invited myself over earlier if I knew I would meet you.”

Amber had an imaginary spit take. Who was this charmer and what had he done with Noah, the grumpy jerk who would rather be locked in the library for hours than have social interactions?

She yanked on his shirt and Noah moved back to her side. “We had to change our meet up location so we’ll be using the study for a bit.” Amber paused. “Actually, we might stop by the greenhouse first.”

The surprise on Dottie’s face threatened to darken Amber’s cheeks. She looked away, hoping Dottie wouldn’t ask any questions. At least not in front of Noah and not when she had no idea what she was doing either. The older woman stared at Amber for a minute then simply nodded. “Sure. I was just about to cut up some fruits for a snack. I could bring them over for you kids.”

“Thanks, Dottie.”

“The greenhouse?” Noah asked as they walked down the corridor. She nodded, pulling her bag off her shoulder. “Don’t we have to finish your assignment?”

“We don’t have to start immediately. Besides, I think you’ll like this.” And she thought it might help take his mind off the argument she’d overheard at his house.

A tilt of his head was the only response she got but Amber knew she had captured his curiosity. Following the familiar corridor she could walk through even with her eyes closed, Amber pulled open the door to the greenhouse. The huge breath she took in sent a feeling of bliss and comfort through every bit of her at the welcoming scents. She dropped her bag to the floor and looked over the flowers closest to her. When she heard nothing for several seconds, she turned to face Noah in time to see the splash of expressions that painted his face.

Confusion. Disbelief. Curiosity. Was that last one really amazement or was she dreaming it up?

“Well, what do you think?”

His eyes hadn’t once left the greenery. Amber tried to see the room through his eyes. Flowers covered every inch of the space. The white jasmines were closest to the door because of their heavenly scent. The indoor garden was situated towards the back of her home. It was a small greenhouse with a glass dome ceiling, large windows for ventilation, and stocked with flowers and equipment she wanted. All around them were pinks, blues, yellows, whites, reds that decorated the petals. It was an explosion of color. Her mother hadn’t wanted to include a garden with this home but Amber had cried and pleaded for hours on end, until she’d given in. But she’d never stepped foot in it. Amber didn’t hold it against her. She was just grateful to have this one space she could call hers.

It was her organized chaos, her safe room and for some absurd reason she wouldn’t be acknowledging anytime soon, she wanted Noah to feel safe here too.

She glanced back at him when he moved to a trough. Noah lightly grazed the peonies in front of him. Then he uttered one word.

“Beautiful.”

The word rushed out of him in a low, awed whisper that slammed into her and left her bent sideways. Her heart paused, skipped and restarted all in the span of seconds and Amber wondered if she needed to find the nearest doctor. Her fingers trembled by her sides at the warm feeling that bloomed suddenly and unexpectedly behind her sternum.

Noah’s gaze drifted back to her and lingered. Did he somehow know he had stolen her breath with a single word?

“It’s amazing, Amber.” He was admiring the peonies, his fingers stroking the pink petals as though he couldn’t believe the softness.

Amber couldn’t suppress her proud smile for the life of her. “That one was a pain to plant. It took weeks to set the soil just right for them and a lot of them didn’t pass seedlings. Although seeing them now makes it worth it.”

Amber would have taken offense at the way his eyes widened to large saucers if she wasn’t more amused by it.

“You… Did you do all this?”

“I’d be offended, but I’m a little too busy soaking in the satisfaction at your surprise instead. Yes, I did it all myself.”

He stuttered again and Amber laughed at the look on his face. Guess she had really thrown him for a loop.

“I didn’t mean that. Not like that, no. Actually–” He took a heavy breath. “I’m a little dumbfounded. This is wonderful, Amber. How? When? Why?”

She rolled her eyes, despite the smile tugging at her lips. Amber grasped her watering can and stepped up beside Noah. She tipped the can and water trickled out the spout, feeding the flowers. “Careful, Noah. You keep complimenting me and I might start thinking you like me.”

Noah coughed, his eyes darting away from her as he cleared his throat.

She tilted her head as she said, “I started out gardening when I was little. I loved watching the flowers grow and there was something so beautiful about their scents, their delicacy. I wanted to learn about them. I planted my first seed when I was five. It barely sprouted. By the time I was seven, I knew the names of flowers and the meanings behind them.” Amber pointed at the irises a few feet away. “Those are purple irises. They are associated with wisdom and respect. It’s a huge compliment for someone to give them to you. Forget-me-nots symbolize true love and respect. The carnations bloomed recently. The red ones specifically symbolize love and affection. They come in different colors and each one has a different meaning.”

Amber realized she had been blabbing botanical facts for a little too long when she glanced over at Noah. He was staring, the smallest smile nestled on his lips. She looked away, determined to ignore the fluttering in her stomach.

“What?”

“Nothing.” His soft tone only increased the feeling. “The flowers in the kitchen and living room. They were from here, weren’t they?”

She was surprised he had taken note of them. Amber liked putting together the vase display every week. They brightened up the room and made her smile every time she saw them. Her mom didn’t exactly feel the same. She had never said anything about the flowers but Amber had seen her walk past them like they weren’t there and take the farthest chair in the living room away from them.

“They are. I always mix different flowers in my arrangement but I try to include the white jasmines as much as I can. Its fragrance is welcoming and relaxing.”

“Is that why you have it beside the door?”

Oh. He was really perceptive. Way more than she gave him credit for. Amber nodded and moved over to water the irises. Noah followed, waiting for her answer. “Like I said, they’re welcoming. I always feel welcome here. It’s my favorite place because it would have been my dad’s favorite place too.”

There was a moment of silence filled only by the slosh of the water trickling out of the can.

“He loved gardening.”

It wasn’t a question. Amber nodded as though it was. “He did. Taught me everything I first knew about them. The right spots to plant in, preparing the soil just right, his secret trick for watering and pruning.”

Gardening had been one of her father’s favorite hobbies. He liked to connect with the earth, tend to nature and let the stress of the day drain away while he focused on his plants. He had been more than a little sad when he couldn’t do that anymore.

“After he passed, I insisted on having the greenhouse. It was so hard moving here without him. I couldn’t imagine leaving this part of him behind when it had become a part of me too. Now every time I’m in here, it feels like he’s right here with me.” Her voice grew quiet. She lowered her watering can to the edge of the trough, suddenly feeling the weight of it as heavy as the stone sinking in her chest. “It helps a lot of times, you know. At least I think it does. I still find myself wishing he really was here so I could have more time with him.”

Her words sunk into the silence and they stood, side by side, letting it hang between them. A cool breeze moved through the open windows towards them and Amber found the courage to finally ask, “What happened today, Noah? At your house?”

The question must have pricked a nerve. The lines were back in his forehead, more disturbed than angry. When he turned away, she didn’t push and returned to watering. She had just set down her can when his voice filled the air, soft and hesitant.

“My dad and I. We haven’t exactly gotten along lately.” He paused, sighed and scowled in the span of a minute. “He doesn’t listen. He never has. He doesn’t make it easy to talk to him. We only get as far as yelling before one or both of us gives up and walks away.”

Noah’s jaw rippled, the words seeming to have taken a strain on him. It probably hadn’t been easy opening up but he needed it or it was going to eat him up. She knew that from experience. It was why she was glad she had the greenhouse. This soil had tasted her sorrow. These walls held her deepest secrets. But who held Noah’s?

“Parents aren’t always the easiest people to talk to,” she started. “That doesn’t make them bad people. They’re exactly that. People. They lash out, they make mistakes, they hurt. Like we do.”

Memories whirred through her mind from past years. Her mother smiling in the kitchen as she prepared her dad’s tea. Her mom on her knees beside the hospital bed, cradling his lifeless hand, every part of her breaking. Her mom now, stern and unsmiling, her back turned away from Amber.

She clutched the handle of the can, trying to anchor herself. This wasn’t about her, it was about Noah. She turned to him. His eyes were shifted downwards, his gaze locked on the flowerbed. Amber laid a gentle hand on his arm.

“It isn’t easy trying to reach them but it isn’t impossible. It might be difficult but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying. Maybe what you and your dad need is to stop talking at each other and to each other instead.”

She knew now why she had wanted to show Noah the greenhouse.

It had been her lifesaver after moving to a strange new place, and her anchor when everything around had been shifting. It was her safe place, there was no doubt about that. But bringing Noah in here, maybe she had just wanted to give him a safe place too.

Pink cosmos were from the sunflower family. Also known as the Mexican Aster , the bright pink, daisy-like flowers thrived in full sun and moderate soil. They were easy to grow, of low maintenance and were a perfect fit for flower pots. They grew best in early spring and she had already sown the seeds in anticipation of the coming season. Symbolizing love, kisses and hugs, she couldn’t wait to see their pink blossoms.

They were Amber’s favorite flower.

She remembered the day her father had come home with the seeds. He had swept her off her tiny feet and announced they would be spending the afternoon in the little garden at the back of their home. Her mom had shaken her head, a large smile on her face. As they prepared the soil, their hands sheathed in gloves and dirt already smudging Amber’s little cheeks, her father had turned to her with a wide smile.

“These are special seeds, my little flower. Their petals are beautiful, resilient and brighten any room, just like you.” He had leaned in and tapped her nose, smudging it further as her delightful giggles filled the air. “Remember this, Amber. Don’t let your cheer die out. Your spirit is bright and beautiful, like these flowers will be. But the weeds will try to steal that cheer. Don’t let them, my flower. Be your own sunshine.”

She was trying. Every day, she tried. She put on her smile, she protected her happiness, she was her own sunshine. Even when the seasons turned against her and she fought the harsh winds.

The bright pink flowers had bloomed that spring, beautiful and resilient. Like her dad said they would. They reminded him of her. Not the sharp, painful reminder of his loss. But memories of warmth and laughter and happier times she wished to go back to. Amber flexed the glove on her fingers and checked the soil for any weeds before stepping back with a satisfied hum. She replaced the gloves with her watering can, tipping it onto the soil then moving to the next section. She gently rearranged a few of the flowers that didn’t seem to be getting enough sunlight. When she finished, she added more water and could almost swear she saw the petals perk up. She made a silly face at the plant as though receiving the imaginary appreciation.

“If I see you giving the flower a fist bump and saying something like, ‘you grow, girl’ I’m gonna think you’re cuckoo instead of cool.”

Amber jumped, almost forgetting Noah was still in the room with her. He hadn’t said much since admitting he and his father didn’t get along. Standing with his back to the trough on the other side of the room, his arms were folded and legs crossed at the ankles. The afternoon sun through the greenhouse windows somehow knew to hit him at the right angle to highlight his hair to a brownish red and deepen the shadows on his cheekbones and jawline. She didn’t want to admit how good he looked standing there.

Instead, she looked away, replaying the last thing he had said. A gust of air left her as she laughed. “You finally admit you think I’m cool, Noah. Good for you.”

She could almost feel the eye roll he sent her way. A glance back showed she was right on the money. Amber laughed again. “Admit that if I did do that, you’d secretly think it was adorable and you’d have that exact same smile that you have on right now.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He tried to feign it, pulling his lips down into an exaggerated frown that didn’t last long.

Amber snorted. “Yes, you do. That one-sided smile thing where you’re trying not to be amazed by me but utterly failing.” Teasing him was fun. Much more fun and relaxing than trying to one up him with wordplay.

Noah straightened, his hands falling from his chest. He took a step towards her. The smile grew bigger. “This one?”

“Close. That one has less teeth and more pinch right around here.” She booped the left side of his cheek, at the curve of his mouth. The amused gleam in his eyes seemed to intensify into something that made her feel all fluttery like before.

“You’re being quite descriptive about my smile, m’lady. Are you sure you aren’t the one who secretly thinks I’m adorable?”

So now he was using her words against her?

“No.” Amber wrinkled her nose. Her gaze fell on the smile he had now. Different to the other one but more Noah. The other smile showed he was amused, made him look secretive with an edge. This one made him look more boyish. It took the edge off and made him look happy. A subtle zing went through her and she suddenly became aware of how close she and Noah stood. There was barely a bit of space left between them and if she put all their hallway banters together, she was sure this was the closest she had ever been in Noah Rhodes’ space.

Noah seemed to be thinking the same thing. His smile slipped slowly, the amused look in his eyes morphing into a dark and intense stare that burned her and kept her teetered to him, unable to breathe or think. The only thing she could feel was Noah.

It happened so slowly that either of them could have stopped it but didn’t. His head lowered as hers tipped higher. His breath skated over her lips and every nerve in her body was standing on end in aching anticipation. Her lashes tickled her skin as her eyes fell closed and then, almost like she had imagined it, the lightest pressure fell onto her lips.

Their lips met and Amber started to make sense of what was happening.

She was kissing Noah Rhodes.

The boy she loved to hate. The boy she loved to tease. The boy she loved to argue with. The boy whose hands were in her hair, bringing her closer, melding her to him, taking her apart piece by piece. Her hands reached up, shaky and curious to wrap around his neck. She sunk into him. The kiss deepened and all she could think was, she was really kissing Noah.

The realization would probably continue to sink in long after this moment but right then, they were interrupted by the door to the greenhouse swinging open. She and Noah jumped so far apart, they were basically across the room.

“Sorry, that took so long. I had the smoothies in the fridge for a while.” Dottie beamed at them, oblivious to the tension settling in the air. She held a tray set with two tall glasses of smoothie mix and a plate of chips. Noah jumped in before she could set the tray down, swiping it from her hands.

“Actually, Mrs. Dottie. We should probably head to the study. We’ve spent more time in here than we thought and there’s still the assignment to finish. It turns out the distractions in here are too tempting to ignore.”

Her eyes widened. Was he saying–?

“It’s such a beautiful garden, isn’t it? Amber worked so hard on it.” Dottie smiled up at him, the double meaning clearly going over her head. “Please drop the formality, Noah. Let’s head to the study.”

“Sure, Dottie. The smoothies smell heavenly. What’s your recipe?”

Amber watched them leave the room, so engrossed in conversation that they failed to notice she hadn’t moved from her spot. She bent to grab her book bag and paused. Her hand, trembling, reached up to her lips. The memory of that kiss, the splendor of that short moment, the bliss that had coursed through her, it all came flooding back. With a gasp, she opened her eyes.

The afternoon sun now rested on a section of daffodils. Amber stared at the blossoming petals, their vibrant hue as bright as a dawn sky. Their beauty struck her as deeply as the symbol behind them did. She wrestled a nervous swallow at the thought of having to sit in the study for the next few hours. How could anyone expect her to focus when she had been kissed like that?

Amber didn’t know how she was going to survive being alone with Noah now, but it seemed she would soon find out.