Pages of Amber

CHAPTER NINETEEN

THE FROWN ON HER face felt stiff and unnatural.

She glared at the small metal box before her, her hands scouring every inch. It wasn’t here. She had left it at home. Again . Amber groaned, the tempting urge to smack herself peaking. She needed to stop kissing Noah. He was turning her brain to mush. Even being around him made her knees turn into jelly and got her heart racing like she’d danced a hundred variations.

But did Noah care? Of course not. With his cheeky grin and mischievous eyes, he followed her around all week, accosting her in the halls and waiting outside her classes. He’d say nothing for several seconds, then right as they turned in a secluded hall, he’d pull her into the nearest class or closet and kiss the living daylights out of her, thus turning her brain into mush and causing her to barely retain any memory of what she had last been doing. She had to admit he was nailing the leg-raise, fireworks and electricity combo a little too well. It was already a few minutes before lunch break and Amber had no idea how the day had flown by so fast.

Thankfully, Evelyn had dragged her away from the doorway of her last class, claiming Noah had been hogging her. Her winning statement had been, “Back off, I haven’t seen her all day. You’re not her only friend, you know?”

That had been spinning in Amber’s mind for a bit. She and Noah obviously weren’t friends anymore. Friends didn’t kiss each other until they couldn’t breathe or have their heart ready to run out of their chest at the mere sight of each other or share longing looks every time they met each other’s gaze. At least not any friends she knew.

Amber shook her head. This thing with Noah was taking up more brain space than she had at the moment. She needed to turn in her assignment to Mrs. Wilson, finish up her practice for the audition this weekend. Then, maybe she and Noah could talk about whatever this was. Their collaboration had come to an end, but she couldn’t deny that it had brought them much closer. This deal had forced them to see more of each other, understand and connect and it had sparked feelings between them. Feelings other than dislike or the need to constantly bash heads. Amber wondered why she had ever pushed Noah away so much. Had she always felt this attraction between them and wanted to ignore it for as long as possible? Or had she noticed those lingering looks and deep stares they shared at every argument but hadn’t wanted to fool herself into thinking there was something there?

It had happened anyway and she found no regret in it. In fact, she hoped for more. More midnight kisses, more lingering stares, more of the connection between them. She wanted it all. But hope had never been on her side.

“… she said we should study the harder topics. I have a sinking suspicion her questions might come from there. Why does she have to make it so hard?” Evelyn leaned in to Amber, the swish of her jacket sliding against the lockers pulling her gaze.

“We could study the questions from the previous year,” Amber suggested. “She might repeat a few and we’ll get a little clue on how to answer her questions.”

Evelyn’s nod was sober. She sighed. “Why do we have to be tested, though? Can’t we just say we attended classes and retained knowledge and they’ll take our word for it?”

“Honesty is as honesty is. It would be easy for anyone to lie about their attendance and stuff. This way, they have hard proof and you have to study so you retain even more knowledge than simply listening in class.”

“Why do you have to be so practical sometimes?” Evelyn narrowed her eyes.

“I can be impractical if you want but one of us has to be the non-delusional one here.” Amber teased. “What do you have against tests and examinations?”

She scoffed. “What don’t I have against them? They’re evil, mean apparatus meant to torture students, make them study and worry about their grades until their heads want to explode. Also the fact that they have the power to make students repeat a grade even though they’re just pieces of paper with words written on it! Do I really need to go on?”

“Those pieces of paper help people get jobs and recognition from other people, Eve. They have their positive sides.”

“I still hate tests and exams,” Evelyn groused, folding her arms.

Someone was a grouch today. She was an adorable grouch though. Amber flung her arms around her friend in a show of sympathy. Evelyn remained stiff for a few seconds then sighed and sunk into Amber.

“It’ll be okay. We can study together. You, me, Emmett–”

“Emmett’s stupid. I’m the smarter twin.”

Amber smiled. “Okay. We’ll remove Emmett. Don’t forget you have the school’s top student in your corner too.”

Evelyn’s head popped up. “Oh yeah. Why do I always forget about that?”

They were interrupted by Trent and Karl running up to them. They looked frazzled. Karl kept running his hands through his thick hair and Trent messed with the folder in his hands.

“Hey, guys,” Amber greeted. “How is the new equipment coming in?”

“Great. Principal Ellis wants to help us get them early,” Trent answered. “But there’s something we wanted to tell you.”

“We were walking by. We didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Karl blurted out in a rush. “Principal Ellis had called us in to talk about the shipping date and when we could have our stuff.”

Trent glanced at his friend, his hand popping at this collar. “Yeah, we heard the shouts when we got to the door. We didn’t know what was happening but we tried to see who it was. The voice sounded familiar too so we thought…”

“Hold on. If someone was yelling in Principal Ellis’ office, it was probably a pissed-off parent. Why are you guys being so weird about it?” Evelyn darted her gaze between the two of them.

Their eyes fixed on Amber and a chill crept up her arms. Out of nowhere, a feeling of doom latched onto her, making the frown on her face the least of her worries.

“Because it was Amber’s mom yelling in the office,” Karl answered.

A record scratch echoed through her brain. Why was her mom here?

“We heard her ask about the interview.” Trent cringed. “It was playing on one of the screens in the administrative lounge.”

“Then she asked why you were doing silly interviews with us when you should have been catching up on your studies and preparing for the midterms. Principal Ellis said something about a deal with another student to tutor you for classes. She tried to explain, but your mom…she exploded, Amber.”

Three pairs of eyes locked on her, nervous and worried but she could barely think past what they had said. The cold feeling now flooded her veins.

Her mom was here.

Her mom knew about the deal with Noah.

Her mom was yelling about it in the Principal’s office.

Her feet took off before she realized she had moved. The hallways blended together, the corners hazy as she zipped past them. Behind her, Evelyn called out her name, but Amber was too strung up to stop. She needed to get to the office. She had to draw her mom’s fire away from Noah. She wouldn’t let her mom tear him down like she had done to Amber for years.

The receptionist’s desk was empty. Shelly had probably fled once the raised voices reached her outside. Her hands trembled as she heard it, her mom’s voice loud and demanding while the principal’s voice was low and placating. Amber stumbled forward, feeling like she was slugging through mud. She jerked the door open to the sight of her mom leaning over Principal Ellis’ dark oak table, a finger pointed at the head of the school.

“You are the reason my daughter is losing interest in the Theatre. She has a bright future in dance. One you will never understand, and you want to distract her by relegating her to mere student body duties? How dare you!”

Amber’s head spun. Had she stepped into some sort of alternate reality? Her mom never yelled. She was calm, composed, in control with only the strength of her gaze and the command in her voice. Amber thought she feared her mother’s calm, but her storm was something else entirely to behold.

“Mom,” she called out, regretting opening her mouth when her mother turned fiery blue eyes on her. “What are you doing here?”

Her mom narrowed her eyes. “Is there a reason I can’t come to your school? Other than what you were hiding, of course.”

She floundered, unable to give an answer. Principal Ellis stepped around her desk. “Miss Coleman, I have this under control. You may go back to your class.”

“She’s not going anywhere.” Her mom dropped her bag onto the desk. “Step outside, Principal. I need to have a talk with my daughter.”

“Mrs. Coleman, this is a professional environment. You can keep this between the teaching staff and yourself. She doesn’t need to be here.”

“Out, Principal Ellis. This is between me and my daughter. You’ll have your turn when I get to you.”

Principal Ellis tried to stand her ground but few people had done that before her mom and won. Unfortunately, the school’s principal would not be one of them today. With a sigh and a squeeze of Amber’s shoulder, Principal Ellis shut the door with a resounding click. The silence of her exit didn’t last long.

Her mom’s gaze dug into her, the anger in them simmering barely below the surface. Principal Ellis had only seen the tip of the iceberg.

“Tell me the truth, Amber. Which one of them set you up to do this? I told you no excuses and no distractions this year and you somehow get into this mess? If your friend hadn’t mentioned this to me, you would have continued to hide this nonsense from me!”

Her voice rose, piercing into Amber like claws against her skin. “Mom, please. I did this so I wouldn’t give you any excuses. I did this to help my record.”

“Your record shouldn’t need any help,” her mother scoffed. “This is why I came into your school today. Prestigious ballet companies will be accepting submissions soon and everything should have been ready, Amber. Your tests are next week, your audition is right at the corner and you have the opportunity to dazzle talent scouts and professional dancers. But you throw it all away on some boy?”

“No, it wasn’t like that,” she tried to argue. “I’ve been trying to catch up with my schoolwork and he was help–”

“Of all things, Amber, this is the most stupid one you could have pulled. Why do you keep sabotaging all the hard work I have done for you? Are you truly so selfish? Do you think of anyone but yourself?”

“Mom…”

“You will stop this nonsense immediately. I don’t care what deal you had with this boy or how you plan to perfect your school record but you will do it.” With a fierce glare that dug into Amber’s bones, she ordered, “Don’t think this is over. I will not let you ruin all I have done.”

She stormed out at the twist of her heel, pushing past Amber like she was nothing more than an obstacle in her path. The door slammed hard behind Amber, pulling a landslide on her thoughts that consumed her in the subsequent silence.

Her chest heaved, her head foggy. Amber tried to breathe but her chest felt tight. She couldn’t understand. Her mom hadn’t heard a word Amber had said. She’d demanded an explanation and hadn’t even listened to it.

Why did this have to happen? An hour ago, Amber was happy. She had been optimistic about finishing up the assignment she had painstakingly worked on for weeks despite drowning in the million other assignments and classes she had and the practices she had gone for, even the extra ones she had worked so hard to perfect her variations for the audition. She had struggled to hold it all together. Her work, ballet, friends–

Amber stilled. Her mom had said her friend had told her about the deal. Her head spun. She was drawing in enough air. She felt dizzy. Evelyn and Emmett knew she hadn’t told her mom about the deal but they had never met her mother before. She wouldn’t recognize them as Amber’s friends. Noah had only met Dottie. He wouldn’t have gained anything from telling her mom about the deal between them. The only person she had told was… No.

Amber tried to deny it, but the memory flashed in her head again. Beverly standing at the fountain. Beverly pleading with her. Beverly laughing, ice cream in hand.

“You don’t have to tell me. I only thought… It’s nothing. Forget it.”

Had Beverly tricked her into spilling everything just so she could turn around and spill everything to her mother? Had she still been so angry at Amber that she had planned to stab her in the back? Her fists tightened. Beverly wouldn’t get away with this. Not if Amber had anything to say about it.

Her vision seared red as she marched up to Beverly. Her best friend stood at her locker, talking to Willow and Casey. She threw her head back and laughed, the sight sickening Amber. How could she stand there, happy and uncaring that she had shattered Amber’s trust? As though she felt Amber’s burning glare, Beverly looked over her shoulder. Her dark hair swung around her as she smiled and waved Amber.

“Hey,” she paused, her smile dropping. “Are you okay?”

How could she even ask that? “I bet you’d just love if I wasn’t, wouldn’t you?”

Her response was a slow blink. “What?”

“I’m talking about you breaking my trust like it meant nothing to you! How could you trick me into telling you everything so you could betray me like that?”

“Woah!” Casey jumped in. “We need to calm down here.”

“Yeah, that’s a pretty serious accusation, Amber.” Willow tried to pull her back.

She shrugged off Willow’s hand. “It’s not an accusation when it’s true. Explain this to me why you’d do this. You’re always the one saying I run to her whenever she calls, but you went running the moment I told you everything.”

Beverly reddened. “You think I sold you out to your mom? I might like gossip but I don’t go snitching on other people’s business. I didn’t do anything.”

“Save it,” Amber snapped. “She said my friend told her about that deal or she wouldn’t have known about it. You’re the only one I told, Beverly and you’re the only one my mother would recognize as my friend. She’s known you for years. I’ve known you for years. I thought you were my best friend!”

“Of course, I’m your best friend,” Beverly shot back. “I know I asked you to talk to me but how could you think I’d do that? You know what I think about your mom. Why would I want to talk to her about anything?”

Her scoff was sharp, her voice rising as she continued despite the crowd forming around them. “How would I know? Maybe you got jealous that I wasn’t spending any more time with you. You were being so weird about me hanging out with Evelyn instead of you. You kept asking me about Noah. You wanted me away from them.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Beverly yelled.

No, she wasn’t. She was angry, she was hurt and she was going to get to the bottom of this even if it broke into a fight and left her with a stain on her school record. Amber didn’t care anymore. She had already disappointed her mother. What was one more added to a trail of broken hopes? “What else am I supposed to think–?”

“I don’t know. How about stop thinking so high and mighty of yourself for one second?” Beverly screamed in her face. “You’re not as perfect and put together as you like to make everyone think with your stupid mommy issues and that annoying self-sacrificing thing you do all the time. No one needs that. I’ve been your friend for years. I’ve been beside you through so many struggles that you kept hiding from me. You think I’m your friend because you’re some popular person in a school full of famous people? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Then tell me the truth, Beverly. My mom said you were the friend who told her–” A shove to her shoulders ended her words. Beverly didn’t let up, her fingers poking into Amber harshly.

“That’s your source? The unbearable woman who can’t even show you a modicum of love, who makes you swear blind allegiance to her and doesn’t acknowledge you in return? The woman who uses you as an extension of her legacy and treats you like you’re nothing more than a prop? Is that whose word you’re taking over mine?”

Amber slapped her hand away, pushing into Beverly’s space. They stood toe to toe now, flanked by stunned and gaping students.

“Don’t you dare talk about my mother that way.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hurt the slave’s feelings by calling out her dictator?” she sneered.

“Beverly, you–”

“I didn’t tell your mother anything. I’d rather take a trip to hell than be in the same room as her. You know that, but you won’t admit it because she has you brainwashed. And in case you’ve forgotten, I’m not the only best friend you have. I’m just the one you forgot about until you needed someone to push blame on.” Her eyes narrowed, spitting fire that seemed to rival Amber’s as she said, “The only one you need to blame is yourself for bending backwards to please a mother who won’t even look twice at you.”

The silence following her words blanketed the hallway. This wasn’t a simple argument between friends. This wasn’t a fight where they wanted to physically hurt each other as much as possible.

These were two friends – best friends – who had held onto each other for years, their grip slipping and sliding until they had finally breached the storm that had torn them apart.

She spun on her heels, pacing furiously from one end of the room to another. Her hands moved restlessly, raking through her hair, brushing down her face.

The walls were closing in.

It was hard to breathe.

Underneath her skin, the anger from the day hadn’t left. In fact, it continued to buzz a steady itch that almost drove her crazy. She flexed her fingers, the crack of bone filling the room. She wanted to shout. She wanted to yell at herself, at Beverly, at her own mom. Amber could count on a single hand the amount of times she had been angry. None of them compared to this burning feeling. She had never been so angry that she saw red. She had never been so angry as to yell at her friends, but that was exactly what she had done. She had let herself get swept up and accused someone without first asking and trying to understand what had happened.

She scratched at her knuckles, her feet taking a path through the worn rug. She was sure she could feel the hardwood beneath her feet from her brutal pacing. Her head spun as she moved, the jagged pieces of the day making their rounds in her mind. Every bit made her angrier the more she thought back.

Had Beverly been truthful? Amber begrudgingly admitted the fact that Beverly couldn’t stand Amber’s mom. Not after the way her mom always treated her friends. She’d never particularly liked them and while her mother was a cold woman on some days, she was colder to them whenever they came around.

Her hands moved again, punching useless movements into the air. Who had told on her to her mother, and why?

Footsteps sounded at the door. Amber didn’t lift her head. It wouldn’t be her mother. She hadn’t neared Amber’s room in years.

“Dinner started ten minutes ago,” Dottie said, her voice quiet.

“Not hungry.”

“It’s your favorite.”

“Don’t want it.”

Not if it came with the low-carb ingredients her mom forced Dottie to use that took Amber’s pleasure and appetite to enjoy the meal. Dottie’s gaze followed Amber for a minute as she made her way round the room. She’d watched Amber closely since she’d walked into the house with a slam of the front door followed by the slam of her bedroom door when she came upstairs. Amber bit her lips to keep the scathing words in. She needed at least one person in her corner after the wreckage of the day. Dottie had always been in her corner. She needed to remember that.

The thought quelled her anger enough for her to think with a clear head. She looked over at the elderly woman who had taken care of her more than her own mother. Her voice softened. “Thank you but I’m not hungry, Dottie.”

She wasn’t hungry for food, but solitude. For once, she wanted to slip into the loneliness, embrace the quiet that had haunted her all her life. She paused her steps after Dottie left, her hands squeezing around herself in an attempt to keep everything in. Her anger, her hurt, her aches.

Tomorrow, she would be herself again.

Tomorrow, her sunshine would rise back with the sun.

Tomorrow, she would put on her mask and face everyone.

But today, she wanted nothing more than to be left alone.