Chapter 32
Benson
If I wasn’t positive that Remi is feeling even a fraction of what I am, I wouldn’t be able to hold his gaze.
But there’s no doubt or fear resting inside my chest. His words echo across my mind, four letters so small for what they are.
Love.
He offered it so freely. Without fear of his own.
He’s brave and good and kind and so beautiful I can hardly stand it.
“I don’t think I can let you go,” I tell him.
I don’t know how much of it he caught, but he says, “Don’t.”
I tuck my face against his neck as Remi’s fingers card through my hair.
His cock is resting against my stomach, hard.
I worry about the buckle at the front of the chaps, so I reach down and pop it free, not wanting to scratch him.
As if understanding my intention, Remi smiles, a couple pats to my ass cheek following.
“Whenever you’re ready,” he says, voice quiet.
‘Never,’ I admit. He frowns at my hand before I explain, ‘Because then it will be over. I’m not ready for that.’
He huffs lightly, fingers digging into my ass cheek as he tips his chin up defiantly. “Then you’ll just have to fuck me again, won’t you?”
I groan as the realization washes over me. Again. Because this won’t be the only time. This man wants me in his bed, at this ranch, in his life.
He wants me.
“That’s it, Ben.”
Remi’s voice is a breath as I roll my hips, the glide inside of him smooth and slick, his body hugging my cock as if it were made to. Remembering his mention of nerves and the way he had me curl my fingers, I shift my hips to move in an upwards arc as I fuck into him slowly.
Remi’s mouth falls open, and he stutters out what sounds like a laugh. “Good fucking boy. Don’t you dare stop.”
A thrill shoots through me as I hike his leg up higher, not caring to question why those words mean so much. Not willing to stop and analyze. There’s safety here in a way I haven’t felt before, and with it comes the freedom to allow myself. To feel. To indulge. To let go. To fall and fly.
Remi’s fingers tighten against me as I slide my hand to the point where his thigh meets his hip. “Ben…”
The word falls away as I get a proper hold, thumb pressed into the muscle there. I don’t know what it is about this spot that feels so good to Remi. It doesn’t affect me the same. But I suspect it has to do with some of those far-reaching nerves he talked about.
His teeth clamp onto his lower lip, the ecstasy on his face like a shot of adrenaline through every inch of my veins.
Honey-brown hair haloes Remi’s head, his eyes slits of sky bright blue.
His nose is perfectly straight, beauty marks sprinkled across his face like markers I’m supposed to follow.
I do, kissing over his cheeks and jaw, his breathy pants intoxicating, just as powerful as his praise.
My own voice is breathless, my words falling as effortlessly as my heart. “God, I’m obsessed with you. The way you move, the way you smell, how you smile and laugh and sign my name.”
Remi’s hand shifts to my chest, feeling the vibrations of my words. I don’t stop the roll of my hips, don’t stop either of us from climbing.
“I think I had to find myself before I could find you. So you could see the real me. It scares me to think how close I was to missing this. You were right here and I nearly missed you.”
“Ben.” The word is hoarsely spoken, Remi’s hand in my hair now, tugging me down. He snags my lips, his cock so hard against my stomach it has to hurt. “Make me come for you.”
I drag blunt nails along Remi’s thigh toward his cock.
He sucks in a breath as I wrap a fist around him, my thumb stroking lovingly over the head.
His cry is a yes, a plea, a demand in one.
Watching every light and shadow that crosses Remi’s eyes, I stroke him until he tightens around me.
Until his cock swells beneath my fingertips.
Until he moans out his relief and comes across his stomach, so mesmerizing I forget, for a moment, everything else.
Remi smacks my ass as he catches his breath. “I told you not to stop, Ben. Not until we’re too exhausted to go on. So be a good boy and fuck me until your cum is running down my thighs.”
Christ.
I can’t stop the chuckle that rolls out of me.
Remi pulls his head back enough to catch my eye, a grin on his face. “You’re laughing.”
I ease upright, drawing my fingers down Remi’s flushed skin. ‘Happy,’ I tell him, my hands practically dancing through the air. ‘So fucking happy.’
God, the way he smiles at me. “Prove it.”
Accepting that challenge for what it is, I take Remi’s hands in mine, press them flat to the bed, and kiss him until my lips feel raw.
He meets the snap of my hips, his legs wrapping around me and a punched-out groan leaving his throat.
It’s far too easy to chase the pleasure he’s asking me to share with him.
The heat in my chest flares outwards, blanketing me so tightly I feel as if I might snap. And then I do. It’s a caress that bowls through me in a wave, Remi there every second of it, consuming my thoughts every second of it. It wouldn’t be this way without him. It wouldn’t be the same.
I empty inside of him, but I’m not empty at all. The opposite. I’m overflowing. Joyous and happy, clinging to Remi as his hands draw up and down my back. His fingers slip beneath the chaps before he repeats the path.
I don’t want to move, everything about this bliss.
Even the feel of my cock softening in Remi’s body.
I’ve never had the chance to enjoy that, having always used condoms before.
Not that I minded. But I understand now why he was eager to feel me skin to skin.
It’s a privilege, isn’t it? One I won’t take for granted.
When I finally draw back, Remi is watching me. I stroke a thumb across his cheek before the leather on my legs has me grimacing. I forgot about the chaps for a while, but now I can think of nothing else.
Lightly, I tap Remi’s cheek with two fingers.
His mouth falls open, eyes glinting. “I’m staring right at you, Ben. You don’t need to smack me around to get my attention.”
I huff, and he chuckles.
“What is it?” he goes on, tone warm.
I sit back enough to motion down to the chaps. ‘Can I take these off now? They feel…’
I don’t quite know how to finish that sentence other than wrong.
Remi’s eyes widen. “Of course! Shit, were they uncomfortable?”
‘Not the whole time,’ I assure him. ‘It’s just…now I’m all sweaty, and…’
He waves a hand hurriedly. “Yeah, of course. Ditch ’em.”
Grateful, I lean forward to plant a kiss on Remi’s lips.
My eyes slip to his ass as I leave his body, the sight of him so slick making my gut tighten.
Remi chuckles as if he understands perfectly.
Stepping to the ground, I shove the leather down my legs, trying not to shudder.
They really didn’t feel awful before. But neither did the fluids now cooling on my body, sweat included.
‘Do you think we could…take another shower?’
Remi chuckles again, rolling out of bed with an ease that reminds me of every single one of the twelve years that separate us. When he shoots me a smirk, it takes me a second to clue in. But as he turns for the door, I see it.
The cum sliding down his thighs.
“Oh, fuck,” I mutter, fairly certain that doesn’t have any right to look as sexy as it does.
Remi’s hand catches the doorframe, the man glancing back at me, naked as the day he was born. “Coming, Ben?”
I nod quickly and follow after him. Once we’re cleaned up for a second time, our teeth brushed, I help Remi change the sheets. He takes care of his nightly CI routine and slips on his watch before joining me on the freshly made bed.
‘Sex with a man is a lot messier, isn’t it?’ I note.
He laughs lightly, hands moving in a lazy crawl. ‘It can be.’
Remi reaches for the hat that got displaced, setting it on my head as he hums to himself.
‘Do I look like a cowboy?’ I ask.
‘You look like you belong on a ranch.’
His phrasing isn’t lost on me.
‘Will you tell me any of what you said?’ Remi asks, lying down and slipping one arm under his head. His hair is still damp, as is mine.
I have no doubt what he’s referring to.
I set the cowboy hat on the floor before nodding. ‘I’m…kind of obsessed with you. That’s what I said.’
His lips turn up at that, so much fondness in his gaze I have to clear my throat.
‘And…I think I found you at just the right time.’
Remi’s tongue flicks against his teeth. ‘Now that I’m legal and all that?’
I groan. ‘Oh God, stop. I never looked at you like that before, Remi. You make it sound awful.’
He snickers, but then his expression turns serious. His hands move the same, with intent. ‘I’ve been a bit obsessed with you for a long time, Ben. But… You’re nothing I expected and everything I’ve been waiting for.’
I pull in a shuddering breath and nod my fist. ‘I think we scarred your brother earlier. Colton.’
Remi grins. ‘When I called you good boy?’
I nod before managing to ask, ‘Will you still call me that when I’m fifty?’
His grin never falters. ‘If you’re still fucking me like that? You bet I will.’ He hums before adding, ‘Actually, I can’t imagine a single reason I’d stop. Not when you’re so very good to me.’
My heart patters swiftly, and soft fingers drift through my hair, pulling my gaze back to Remi’s face. His movements are just as soft.
‘You like when I tell you that, don’t you?’
I lift my own hands. ‘I do. It’s…reassuring. I like knowing where I stand with you. I like knowing I’m not misreading you.’
‘I hope I never make you doubt.’
‘You haven’t yet.’
He smiles widely, his voice quiet. “Hold me for a while, Ben? Until we fall asleep?”
I’ll hold him as long as he asks. Every night. Every day.
Even then, I have a feeling it won’t ever be enough.
I find August inside our mom’s kitchen, mixing a pitcher of lemonade as Mom puts a lasagna together for dinner. It has eggplant and vegetables and more cheese than is probably healthy.
It’s my favorite.