Chapter 32 #2
Mom notices me first, her singing cutting off into a greeting. “Well, hey there, Benson hon. Haven’t seen you in a hot minute.”
“Yeah, sorry. I…”
She waves her hand quickly. “You’re free to come and go as you please. You know that. Will you be here for dinner?”
I nod, and she beams at me.
“It’ll be ready in forty,” she says, placing the dish into the oven and setting a timer. I can tell there’s something else she wants to add, and I’m proved right a moment later. “You’ve been spending nights at the ranch?”
Nothing like living with your parent while in your forties to make you feel like a teenager again. I exchange a quick glance with August before saying, “I have.”
Her smile catches, and I’m alarmed to see moisture pooling in her eyes.
“Mom…”
“I’m just real dang happy,” she says, voice thick with emotion. “I know you won’t be here forever, Benson. I never expected you to be. But I’m so happy you’re back and that you…” She sniffles. “That you’re happy. Promise me when you move out, you’ll still visit for dinner sometimes?”
“I’m not…moving out.”
“Not yet,” August mumbles.
My mom walks over, squeezing my shoulders. “I’ll support you once it’s time. Oh, my. Hello, Mouse.”
She waves her fingers at the rodent in my pocket before a frown settles over her face.
“Benson, hon, I thought you said you were releasing her?”
“I tried,” I tell her, tossing my hands into the air. “Eight times. She won’t go.”
August snorts, and my mom’s smile widens.
“Can’t blame her,” she says, giving my arm a pat. “She knows she’s loved.”
With that, my mom walks out of the kitchen. August shakes his head, eyeing Mouse warily.
“She’s not going to bite you,” I mutter, grabbing two glasses for the lemonade. “Not unless I ask her to.”
He huffs. “Thing is I believe you.”
August thanks me when I set the glasses down. He pours lemonade into each, a couple ice cubes following the drink into my glass. It’s cool as I take a sip. Sweet.
“So…” August says, scratching behind his ear. “Do you think you will move out soon?”
My heart thumps. “Remi hasn’t asked.”
My brother’s smile goes crooked, even as he shakes his head. “Like that would stop you. Haven’t you already brought some clothes over? And an extra toothbrush? Not to mention the toothpaste you prefer. And a house for Mouse.”
“I get it,” I cut in.
He chuckles. “We’ll still hang out right? Text and stuff?”
The nerves in my brother’s voice have me looking fully his way. His eyes are on the countertop, his finger slowly circling the top of his glass. “August… You wanna go antique shopping with me next weekend?”
He looks up at me. “Antiques? We haven’t done that in…”
“Decades,” I fill in. “Not since you were six. Do you still have that little figurine we found? The brown horse?”
His gaze is lost for a moment, a gentle huff leaving his throat. “Yeah. You still have the turtle?”
I nod, my throat tight. “The terrapin, yeah. Plus a few hundred other animals. That was my first one.”
“You collect them?”
Again, I nod. “I can show you sometime if you want.”
“Yeah,” he says, blinking a few times before he looks away. “Have you, uh, talked to Dad recently?”
“No, but I’ve been meaning to call.” After a second, I ask, “You guys…?”
My question hangs, but August nods. “Still pissed at him, and he knows it. He said he’ll come for Christmas this year, but I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“I’ll be here,” I promise him.
His smile twists. “Benson, I know you’re not stepping a foot outside this town. Not with the way you’re glued to my best friend like a freaking baby opossum.”
“I’m not…an opossum.”
“Basically,” he retorts. “You’re not exactly cuddly, but you are attached. It’s fine. It’s cute or whatever.”
I shove my brother when he pretends to gag, and he stumbles away with a laugh.
“I’m telling Remi,” he threatens, pulling his phone from his pocket. “Dear best friend, your boyfriend is being mean to me. As my bestie of thirty years, you’re obligated to take my side, and—ahh.” August leaps away when I try to grab his phone.
“Don’t make me hug you,” I threaten.
He cackles, skirting out of the room as he types furiously. “The horror,” he whispers, so deadpan I snort. I’m fairly sure he means it.
Left alone in the kitchen, I put the pitcher of lemonade into the fridge and pull out my own phone. The clock in the living room tick, tick, ticks as I stare down at my dad’s contact.
Finally, I hit call and wait as it rings. When it goes to voicemail, I check the time. The beep signals for me to speak.
“Hey, Dad. I just realized you’re probably in your afternoon meeting right now.
I’ll keep this quick.” Taking a breath, I steel myself and go on.
“I’m sorry if I made things harder between you and August. But the truth is your reaction last year did hurt.
I’ve spent my life diminishing myself to make other people more comfortable.
And instead of listening, you told me to keep myself small.
Not in those words, but it’s what you meant. ”
I pull in another breath, the space inside my lungs feeling too tight. I wait until I’m fairly sure my voice will cooperate to speak.
“I don’t know if you’ve experienced the same in your life. I don’t know…if you want that to change. But I’ve found peace in who I am. At the very least, I hope you can be happy about that. When August talks, just listen, okay? It’s all he wants, too.”
I hang up without another word and quickly shove my phone into my pocket. Mouse pokes her head up from my shirt, whiskers twitching. I offer her a pecan from the cupboard, which she happily tries to stuff inside her cheek.
“You’re going to need a better house,” I tell the rodent. “A permanent one.”
Tiny paws grip my finger, black eyes blinking up at me. She doesn’t need to be human for me to understand her yes.
When I head to the ranch that evening, I text Remi to let him know I’m around. He finds me before long, his expression shifting from happy to incredulous the moment he spots me and my companion at the back of the stables.
“Ben… What in the world is that?”
I look down at the donkey currently chomping up an apple. “That’s the Darling Donkey.”
“No, I know that much.” He huffs what might be a laugh. “What are you doing petting him?”
“He’s sweet.”
His eyes widen. “He is not. He’s the biggest ass around these parts. How long have the two of you been friends?”
I shrug. “Since I got back, I guess?”
He rubs his forehead, even as he approaches at a slow pace. “Of course you befriended the goddamn Darling Donkey. You’re practically an animal whisperer.”
The donkey finishes his apple and nudges my hand, lips flared. I bop his nose as Remi makes a strangled sound.
“He just tried to bite you.”
“He did not,” I reply, bopping the donkey’s nose lightly again when he goes for my jeans pocket. He gets the hint, braying and walking off.
Remi shakes his head, watching the donkey’s departure for a long moment before glancing at his watch. “I thought you had an appointment tonight?”
“Yeah, I do. I, uh, was going to do it here.”
For whatever reason, Remi looks immensely pleased about that. He runs a hand over my chest, up to my neck, tingles following his touch. He squeezes my jaw before leaning up to peck my lips. “Let me know once you’re done?”
I nod, and he smiles. The sun casts a golden glow over Remi as he walks across the ranch land. I can’t look away. Not until he disappears from sight.
Finding a good spot to sit, I brush my hair back, check the time on my phone, and call my therapist.
Steph’s face appears, her smile following. “Well, hey, Benson.”
“Steph.”
“You’re somewhere new today.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah. I figured, if you don’t mind, I could show you my new home.”
Steph’s smile grows. “Yeah? I’d love that.”
Panning the phone around, I let Steph see the barns, the animals, and the sprawling fields that have become such a big part of my life. From the bright, spring-green grass to the blue sky to the yellow sunlight Remi said means happiness.
I can believe it. With every ounce of my being.
“Steph? This…is Darling Ranch.”