Chapter 39
I t wasn’t until they got back to the saferoom and she was staring down at the only bed in the room that she realized something.
“Oh my God!” she cried.
“What is it?” Matthieu asked. He was getting a bed for Tank and Big B sorted. Her other babies were all fast asleep. Dougie was snoring away and Gummy was kicking her legs in her sleep like she was dreaming that she was running or a kung-fu fighter.
“I can’t sleep here.”
‘Why not?” he asked. “If you’re worried about the single bed, don’t be. I’m going to sleep on the mattress on the floor. Or I can sleep outside in the corridor if you want.”
Sleep outside in the corridor? What? That sounded terrible. She didn’t want him doing that.
“No, no, you don’t need to do that. That’s not the problem,” she cried. “I don’t have Dicky. I left him there in the house! How could I forget about him? What if he was burned?”
“Wait. Who is Dicky?” he asked in concern.
“My dolphin!”
Then she realized what she’d said. “I mean . . . my, uh, okay . . . um . . .”
“Hey, don’t shut down on me. You mean the toy dolphin you sleep with?” he asked in a low voice.
She sat on the side of the bed, her legs felt like noodles. Tears were welling in her eyes.
Shit.
It seemed the numb had completely gone now. She’d been holding onto the tiniest of fragments to get her through. But that was all gone.
And she was left with the crash of emotions filling her.
Tears dripped down her cheeks. Suddenly, Matthieu was crouching in front of her, his hands on her knees.
“S-sorry,” she sobbed. “S-sorry.”
“Hey, Bébé, what do you have to be sorry about? You don’t need to apologize for anything,” he soothed.
“Didn’t w-want to c-cry. J-just stuff . . . b-babies okay . . . y-you okay. Just s-stuff.”
“Your dolphin isn’t just stuff. He’s obviously very special to you. And I’m going to get him for you.”
“No!” she cried out as she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she sent him toppling back onto the floor with her lying on top of him.
Wow.
This was . . . surprisingly comfortable. She lay there, trying to remember how to breathe as her body pressed in against his.
All it would take was for him to roll her over, press her to the floor and start kissing her like he never wanted to stop.
Eek!
Put the brakes on that, naughty Maya! He is not into you like that.
And you’re the one that basically just pushed him over.
“I’m so sorry!” she cried, her tears from before forgotten as she attempted to get off him.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t watching where her legs went. Which seemed to be a bit of a habit of hers around him. And her knee accidentally slid up between his legs as she attempted to sit up.
“Oh fuck!” he cried.
“Oh my God, no!” she yelled before she burst into tears again.
Okay, so she hadn’t hurt herself so she wasn’t quite sure why she was in tears. But she was sobbing like her life depended on it as she kneeled next to him.
“Hey, hey, Maya. Come here, Bébé. It’s all right. Come here,” he said in a strangled voice.
Even though she tried to resist him, he drew her down onto his chest once more. Although this time, her legs weren’t near his. Only their upper halves touched.
A wise move on his behalf. And he just held her until she quieted down.
“I’m s-so sorry,” she told him. “How b-badly did I hurt you?”
“I’m fine, Bébé.”
“I just kneed you in the balls,” she said, sitting up and wiping at her cheeks.
Urgh! Why was she crying? She wasn’t the one that had gotten hurt.
“And if anyone has the right to cry, it’s you. Why aren’t you crying?” she practically accused him.
“Because I’m fine. I might never be able to father children, but that wasn’t actually in my life plan.”
“Urgh,” she groaned. “I feel so terrible. I can’t believe I did that. Again. You should just not let me near you. I shouldn’t be allowed to touch you.”
“Hey, hey, accidents happen. Now, if you were doing it on purpose, we might have an issue.” He sat up. Slowly.
Shoot. Was he still in pain? How long did pain in the balls last? Could it really stop him from becoming a father?
She needed to do some research into this.
He got up, moving a bit tenderly and grabbed some tissues before sitting on the bed and widening his legs.
“Come here,” he said in a soft voice.
Nuh-uh. She shook her head. She wasn’t going anywhere near him.
“Bébé, come on. Don’t be scared.”
“Not me that should be scared, it’s you,” she told him. “I might hurts you.”
Uh-oh.
Hurts you? That sounded like something . . . like something her Little might say. But she never let her Little out in front of other people. She’d never told anyone about that side of herself.
The only person who could protect her Little was her . . . and if anyone like Kathryn or her father found out . . .
Maya wasn’t sure she could survive someone using her Little side against her. Or ridiculing her. She’d hidden this part of herself for a long time. It was only once she owned her own house that she’d let bits and pieces creep in.
Those bits and pieces were held in tight now, though. She’d packed it up in her closet . . . oh God! Her closet! What if the firefighters looked in there?
What would they think?
Calm down.
What does it matter? They don’t know you. And lots of people probably have boxes of Lego in their closet.
Right?
Urgh.
“Spitfire, come here.” He pointed at the floor between his legs.
“Urgh!” She stomped her foot down. “I don’t want to.”
“Sassiness is cute,” he told her. “But being naughty isn’t.”
“I don’t think you can say that sort of stuff to me!”
“Hmm, can’t I? Are you sure that’s not what you need?”
“It’s not.”
“Maya, come here. I want to check on you. And I can’t do it with you all the way over there.”
“Oh, okay,” she grumbled as she stomped over to him.
But she was careful to go nowhere near his balls, stopping just next to his knees. To her shock, he grasped hold of her hips and moved her forward.
“You’re brave,” she grumbled at him. “I’d stay well away from my knees if I was you.”
“Is that a threat?” he asked mildly as he grasped her chin, holding her head steady as he wiped at her cheeks gently.
Darn it.
Why did he have to be so sweet right now? She wanted to hold onto her temper, instead it was fading away, like water down the bath drain when you pulled the plug.
“No, of course not. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know you didn’t, Bébé,” he said soothingly. “I’m not mad, okay?”
“I can’t believe I burst into tears like that,” she grumbled. “So ridiculous. I hurt you and then I cry!”
“You’ve had a bad day. A lot has happened.”
She nodded. Was he going to say anything about her crying over a missing toy? Or the way she’d talked before? Or how she’d stomped her foot, and he’d called her naughty?
She braced herself, ready to deny everything and anything. But all he did was put the tissue down and move his hands back to her hips.
Probably holding her still so she didn’t kick him again. She couldn’t blame him for that.
Although she also couldn’t deny how nice it felt to have his hands on her hips, warm and heavy. Yep. It was almost drugging her, it felt so good. She could feel herself start to sway.
“You’re so tired, Bébé, aren’t you? You need to go to bed.”
She nodded, then tensed as she remembered that she couldn’t. “I can’t.”
“You can’t sleep without your toy?” he asked.
Shit.
“Of course I can,” she said with a scoff. “That would be silly to need a toy in order to sleep.”
“Is it? Some people need eye masks or ear plugs, other people might need music or a nightlight. Is that really all silly?”
“But that’s different. It’s not a toy.”
“Who cares what it is,” he said in a calm voice. “If it’s what you need, it’s what you need.” He leaned over and grabbed his phone off the small bedside table.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Getting Butch to grab it and bring it over here.”
She reacted on instinct, smacking the phone out of his hand. Thankfully, it landed face-up or she would have been even more horrified than she already was.
“What was that about?” he asked in a quiet voice.
But she could hear the stern warning in his voice. Yep, she might be in trouble here. She attempted to take a step back. But it was like her body had decided that she’d had enough. The world started to spin and she just knew she was about to collapse.
Before she hit the floor, though, she felt herself scooped up into a strong pair of arms and held tight against a warm, firm chest.
Matthieu said something in a low, quiet voice. But she couldn’t understand what he was saying. Was that French?
“Yes, Bébé. It was French. Basically, I told you that you’re in big trouble tomorrow.”
Great.
“I’m always in trouble,” she grumbled.
“Then you need to start thinking before you act,” he told her as he laid her on the bed. His accent was leaking out which surprised her.
Damn that was sexy.
“What is sexy?” he asked as he drew the covers up over her.
Drat. Why did she keep talking without realizing it?
“Your accent,” she mumbled. “It’s unfair that you’re already so sexy then you go and add a sexy accent. Leave something for the rest of us.”
“My apologies, Spitfire,” he told her. “I’ll try and get onto that.”
“See that you do,” she informed him. “I’m so tired.”
“I know you are.” Something heavy jumped up next to her legs and she startled.
“Shh, it’s just Tank. I think he wants to be close to you.”
“Poor Tankie. He’s probably scared. I keep you safe, Tanks. I love you. I loves all of you.”
Matthieu watched as she drifted off to sleep. He guessed her exhaustion had finally won and she’d forgotten that she didn’t have her stuffed dolphin. Although Butch had said he’d race over with it.
Maya would probably be shocked to learn how everyone was practically falling over themselves to try and help her.
Over the past few weeks, they’d all learned about her soft heart when it came to animals, the way she took on the animals no one else wanted, the emotional abuse she’d suffered from her father and stepmother. And then to have this happen . . . yep, she had everyone falling in love with her.
And he knew she wouldn’t believe him if he told her that.
But there was a lot to love about Maya.
He knew that.
He found himself wanting to be more and more for her. To be her champion, her protector, her safe space.
Her Papa.
Because he was certain she was a Little.
Could he help her? He could see how close to the edge she was, hell, she’d basically just fainted in front of him from stress and exhaustion.
Maya needed a break.
And getting her Little to take over would give her that. Letting him take control and make the decisions for her might help her. But convincing her could be an issue.
There was a quiet knock on the door and he got up, checking the camera. Butch. After turning off the alarm, he opened the door. The saferoom was probably overkill considering there was no way Vince would ever get in the building, but no one was taking any chances.
Butch handed him a box of stuff. “I did some looking around, didn’t mean to pry but I thought I might be able to grab some other things that the smoke didn’t get to. Found this stuff in the closet. Most of her clothes stink of smoke and I didn’t want to touch them.”
“No, thanks for this, though. Livvy is organizing some clothes for her.”
Butch nodded and left and Matthieu shut the door, resetting the alarm.
He set the box down and found her dolphin. It smelled a bit, but not terrible. Moving to the bed, he set it under the covers with her. With a grumble, she pulled it close then smiled.
Fuck him.
That was just too adorable.
He turned back to look in the box again, wondering what Butch might have found that he’d thought she would want.
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. Lego? There were clumps stuck together. Walls? Roofs? Strange. Had she just dumped it in here half-built? Or had they been built and broken?
He set it down in the corner and pulled a spare blanket over it. He’d try to get it into the car tomorrow without her seeing. Now wasn’t quite the time to ask her about it.
But that time was coming.
He sat on the armchair next to the bed and stared at her while she slept. She looked so small like this. She was so quiet.
Finally, he let down the wall he’d put up. The one that had kept his deepest emotions at bay.
Sure, he’d felt anger and fear tonight.
But what he hadn’t allowed himself to feel was pure and utter terror. However, it had been there, bubbling away deep inside him.
He stared down at his hands as they shook.
She could have died tonight.
Matthieu didn’t know why that was hitting him so hard.
Don’t lie to yourself.
You know.
He’d never felt like this toward anyone before. Like his entire life would be over if something happened to her.
As though she was his life.
This was insane.
He’d known her less than three weeks. It wasn’t possible to fall this deep for someone in that time. He’d lived with women in the past and he’d never felt like this before about them.
Leaving them had been . . . easy. It shamed him to say that. But he’d always held part of himself back from them. And he’d never made them promises.
He’d chosen women who he knew he wouldn’t hurt when he left.
Which is why he couldn’t get close to her.
And yet, Maya had managed to work her way under his skin and into his heart.
Fuck.
She was in his heart.
Now it was time to decide.
Did he stay or did he walk away?