Chapter 15
Hudson
The bliss that had hung over me snapped like a thread pulled too tightly, unraveling as I tried to keep it in one piece.
Something had changed in Olivia, taking what we’d just done, the admissions we’d made, the happy ending that sat on the cusp for us, waiting for us to grab it, and turning them into something that caused her mask to go up.
I could see it reforming as I pulled my pants back on.
Touching her again, having her in my arms, her body succumbing to ecstasy with mine had been like a dream.
A dream I’d had for too many years to count.
Even when I’d hated her the most, she remained locked in my heart, entering my dreams, my thoughts.
Clouding everything I’d done and every attempt I’d made to free myself from her. And now…now she was mine again.
But the look in her eyes, the dimness there, the distance I’d watched her place between us was an obstacle I hadn’t expected.
I rubbed my face as she closed the bathroom door, her scent still strong on my fingers.
It tempted my body, waking it again. She was irresistible, she always had been, and keeping my hands off her had been something I’d never succeeded in doing for long.
I buttoned my pants before I sat on the bed, thinking of all she’d confessed.
I had known there were secrets she kept from me, but never had I imagined they were that bad.
The burden she’d carried for so long, the violence she’d witnessed and her brother had suffered.
I wanted only to wrap her in my arms and hold her, to let her know she was safe now and that she could let those burdens go, pass them to me so I could carry them for her.
But the idea that she had left me for a trust, for money, had stung until she admitted the real reason.
Not only to avenge her mother’s death but to do right by her brother.
To be the big sister he’d never allowed her to be.
She had sacrificed her happiness for him because he had done exactly what I would have done for her.
He had protected her. Both of them had sacrificed so much because of one man’s actions.
It made me sick, but there was nothing I could do to make it better for her except forgive her.
In doing so, the strain of years of carrying her in my heart, of fighting that love, eased, and the barriers I’d built around it collapsed completely.
Olivia owned my heart. I’d given it to her in college and never taken it back because it would always belong to her.
I rose, grabbing my shirt as the bathroom door opened.
She came out with a towel wrapped around her and headed to the guest room.
Something was wrong, and my stomach bottomed out.
She was in her head. I’d seen it happening before she’d walked into the bathroom, and I wasn’t about to let her stay there.
I ran after her, grabbing her arm and pushing her against the door.
“What are you doing?” I asked, looking down at her.
“I could ask you the same thing.” She tried to pull from my hold, but I had her boxed in, my hands on both sides of her, holding her arms.
“You’re running, Olivia. Putting that mask on again, like what we just did meant nothing more than a night with one of your hook-ups.” The words came out with the venom that was broiling in my chest.
Her head went back.
“That’s not true,” she said, avoiding my gaze.
I took her chin and forced her to look at me. “Say it again.”
“It’s not…” She stopped, her eyes misting, and I saw her fighting it, her features hardening, icing over as if showing me she was soft would damage her.
And perhaps that’s what she’d been doing for the past fifteen years, burying her emotions just like I had, but with me it simmered in constant grumpiness, where for her it was cold and distance.
“You don’t need to do this.”
“I do,” she mumbled, trying to break from my hold. I pushed her back to the door, stepping completely into her space. “This can’t work. We’ll just end up hurt again. I…I can’t do it, Hudson.” A fracture in her voice softened me.
“We’ll make it work.”
Her eyes jumped back to mine, and I loosened my grip on her, still pinning her to the door with my body.
“I promise you, Olivia.”
“We lead different lives. In different states. Too much time has passed.”
“And you think what? That I ever forgot what it was like to touch you? That I erased the hues of your eyes from my memory, the sound of your laugh, the way your smile makes my chest tight like it’s about to burst? Do you think any of that faded or ever will?”
Her bottom lip quivered, and she looked away from me, a tear sliding down her cheek as her jaw went rigid.
I smoothed it away with my finger, remembering how she never cried, not even when her mother died.
She had clung to me, curling into my body as if it were the only thing keeping her alive, but there had never been tears.
“When was the last time you cried, Olivia?” Because in the kitchen, it was almost like a dam had released.
“Men don’t cry, so I don’t.”
I forced her face back and leaned my forehead against hers. “The day you left me, I cried like a baby. For days I couldn’t stop, the ache was too great.”
A shaky inhale, and her fingers spread over my chest.
“It was the worst day of my life, and I’ve never cried so hard. So don’t tell me men don’t cry.”
Misty hazel, surrounded by thick lashes, held my gaze. “But I don’t.”
Her answer was like the strike of a lash, splitting my soul in two, and I wanted to shake the life out of her father for doing this to her.
“Maybe not there, not in New York where there’s no one there to catch your tears. But I’m here, and I promised you long ago that I would never let anything hurt you. I’ll be your strength, Olivia, if you’ll just let me.”
Her lips parted, and more tears welled in her eyes, making them shine. “I’m so tired.”
“I know.” And I’d seen it. The deep sleep, how easily she drifted off.
Because she felt safe here, and I didn’t want her to ever suffer again.
I scooped her into my arms, carrying her back to my room.
Sitting on the side of my bed, I held her against my chest, her tears soaking my skin as she set them free.
It broke my heart just as it had in the kitchen, and I kept her there, being the strength she needed to let herself be weak for once.
To not hold the weight of the world on her shoulder or be someone she wasn’t.
When her body stopped shuddering, I continued to hold her, stroking her hair and inhaling the hint of jasmine. Outside, rain lashed against the windows. The storm hadn’t ceased, and I didn’t want to consider the damage that awaited me.
“I tell you what. You curl back into the bed.” I tugged at her towel. “Take this thing off first.”
She lifted her head, her eyes puffy and red, her cheeks wet. I kissed her nose and wiped the tears away.
“No more thinking about what could happen when the storm ends or…” I swallowed back the pressure building in my throat. I didn’t want to think about what she’d said. About our different lives or the miles that separated us.
“Okay,” she said, bringing my face closer, her lips brushing over mine. Currents jolted through me, and I brought her further against me, swiping my tongue to meet hers as my body came back to life.
“Shit, Olivia,” I growled as her towel fell open.
“That’s still a swear,” she mumbled, a smile forming. “And I don’t think I like it as much.”
Nipping at her lower lip, I flipped her onto her back, cupping her breast, its weight doing nothing to calm my body.
“Then I’ll stick to fuck,” I said, dragging my mouth down her neck and suspecting if I didn’t stop myself, I’d never make it out of the house. “Now get that sexy body under the sheets and stay there.”
“Why?”
I drew back, giving her a wicked glare. “Because when I get back, I’m going to spend the day using it like I’ve dreamed of for fifteen years.”
“All day?” she asked, her eyes wide.
With a chuckle, I bumped her legs apart with my knee and slid my hand down her body. “All damn day.” Palming her warmth, I watched as the hues in her eyes shifted. “And you’re going to come for me repeatedly until I’m satisfied.”
A perfectly manicured brow arched. “Until you’re satisfied?”
I plunged a finger into her, loving the exhale that escaped as her face contorted with pleasure.
“Exactly.”
Hands wrapped around my neck and pulled me down, sending my mouth meeting hers. Separating from her for even a few minutes was going to be difficult now that I had her back, and I didn’t want to think about how miserable it would be when the car returned to take her home.
Stopping the kiss, I removed my finger and sat back, cleaning it and convincing myself not to continue until she broke. “Just like honey,” I said, rising and adjusting myself.
Sprawled on my bed, with her hair streaming around her, eyes lit with excitement, tears dried, she looked like a goddess.
“Get under the sheets and wait for me.”
I rolled my neck, trying to focus on anything but the taste in my mouth and the tempting woman in my bed. The sheets ruffled, and I glanced back to see her sitting up, her knees drawn to her chest, sight on me.
“And no more tears, Olivia.” I stopped, reconsidering my words, and turned to her. “No. Cry if you want and when you want, but don’t shed tears about what’s to come. We’ll deal with that when the day arrives. For now, you cry about anything else and I’ll be there to catch your tears. Understood?”
“Tears don’t solve anything,” she said in a quiet voice.
“Maybe not, but they sure as hell make you feel better when they’ve been bottled up inside of you like they have, and I refuse to let you bottle that shit up anymore.
I want you free of it. So free that you’ll walk up to your father the next time you see him and with that confident, bitchy tone you have, tell him what a piece of shit he is before you cut him from your life. ”