Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Finch
She was hugging him. He was hugging her. He was looking at her like he still loved her, and even though she had her back turned to me, all I could imagine was her looking back at him the same way.
Fuck, why had I gotten so swept up in this lie? Wasn't this the plan all along? To make Jake jealous? To get revenge? Although, I’d really thought Frankie wouldn't go back to him. Was she going back to him? From my vantage point, it seemed like it.
I balled my hands into fists as I stormed through the rear pathway to the vet hospital. We’d always agreed to use each other to our own ends. There had been no mistake, no miscommunication. I’d been the one who’d been so fucking adamant about it in the first place. Would she still be hugging her ex like that if I hadn’t? I’d been the one to keep her at arm’s length, but dammit, I thought she’d have at least told me she was going back to him.
I had no right to be angry. We weren't really together. It wasn’t like she was cheating on me. I'd made my position very clear: I didn't do long-term relationships. But after the last few weeks we'd spent together, office lunch dates, cuddling on the couch, falling asleep tangled in each other’s arms . . . I was starting to rethink all of my previous misguided sentiments.
Frankie made me rethink everything I’d ever wanted. Maybe I didn't want a long-term relationship, but I didn't want this thing with her to end, and I certainly didn't want her going back to fucking Sgt. Douchebag! That professional level shit stain was so unworthy of her.
"Hey, Finch, I?—”
"Not now," I growled at Crane as he tried to flag me down in the middle of the back pathway.
"Jeez, what the fuck has your panties in a twist today?"
I stopped and turned, a murderous glare on my face, and my little brother had the good sense to flee. He knew the ass-kicking I could give him—as was my ordained right as eldest sister. Someone had to put the little scoundrel in line. And I was in no fucking mood to put up with his shit.
Crane took a Hail Mary pass through the recently trimmed hedgerow, probably garnering scratches all up his arms and legs. Good. Let that be a fucking lesson to him to never mention my twisted panties ever again.
I kept storming up the hill to the vet hospital. I'd feed Cranky and then get the tranquilizers ready for the howler monkey castration. And then I had the dental check on Guava. And then I'd feed Cranky again. And then I needed to draw bloods on Ptolemy. And then I needed to feed Cranky again . . . on and on and on forever. The work would keep me sane, and I'd forget about the way Jake had hugged Frankie, pressing himself against her beautiful body like she belonged to him. I’d work straight through the night until I forgot about how fucking happy she'd looked in his arms, when I could've sworn she’d looked just as happy in mine just last night.
Maybe I’d been seeing only what I wanted to see.
Maybe I just wanted to be loved, even when I didn’t have the capacity to give it in return.
I threw open the door to the treatment room, waiting the hear the chorusing squawks of Cranky . . . but heard nothing.
My heart dropped into my boots. I practically ran the rest of the way to the incubator and threw the blanket off the top.
Relief flooded through me as I saw Cranky's chest rising and falling. Her little heart was thumping through her translucent skin. She was alive.
But the relief was short-lived when she didn't perk up or start flapping her wings again. She didn't start bobbing for food, wiggling her cute little porcupine-esque feather sheaths that had begun to grow. The little, lethargic baby bird simply lay there.
"Fuck!" I shouted, the frustration of the day already compounding.
Hawk came running in like he was ready to wrestle a crocodile. “Finch? You okay?"
"Yeah," I said, scrubbing a hand down my face. "The chick isn't looking too good. Again.”
“No lemon zest?”
“Zero zest.”
It was something my siblings and I said when an animal was particularly lacking in gusto. When Wren was a little kid, she’d thought that zest for life meant lemon zest, and we’d never really stopped saying it after that day.
“This is one of those ones that’s really going to hurt,” I said. I’d put so much into this little bird. With some animals, I could handle their deaths with a level of professional detachment. It was part of the job, unfortunately, when you dealt with sick and injured animals all day. But some animals’ deaths wrecked you, even with all the experience in the world. I leaned on the bench top and hung my head. “I don't know if she's got it in her to keep fighting.”
Hawk wandered over and put a conciliatory hand on my shoulder. It was all he needed to do. I was used to this part of the job, used to having my heart stomped on, but it still hurt just as badly. I fought tooth and nail for every animal, even when their chances were slim. But Cranky, I'd fought harder for. She’d become my reason to keep moving forward, and I couldn’t let her go.
"Is there something you need? Carnivores okay?" I asked, shedding off the momentary slip on my emotions and focusing back on the work.
"Actually, Hannah asked me to ask you if you and Frankie would want to go on a double date to the Salty Dog?”
I shot my elder brother an incredulous look, and he held up his hands defensively. "I know, I know."
"As opposed to the other times we all hang out in the Salty Dog?"
Hawk rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "There's not a lot of other couples around. It could be fun?"
"Maybe another time," I said. I didn't want to say it out loud, but I didn't think Frankie and I would be carrying on this fake relationship for much longer. Not after what I’d seen with Jake.
"Everything okay with you two?"
"It's fine," I snapped and then smoothed over my rotten mood with a cheeky smile. "I'm just tired and keeping her to myself for now."
"Fair enough," Hawk said. “Look at the two of us. Who would have ever thought,” he added, and it was like a knife twisting in my gut. "I never could’ve imagined I'd find someone like Hannah."
I wanted to tell him that his relationship was very different than mine. His was real, for example. But I just smiled and nodded.
We were interrupted by Dove on the radio asking me to come take a look at a sun conure whose mate was over-plucking her feathers. I was grateful for the reprieve.
"Double date rain check?" I asked. "When it isn't baby bird season?"
I grabbed my jacket as I headed out the door. Hawk laughed and nodded. "I like that you're planning that far in the future."
I rolled my eyes. "Spare me the sappy love stuff, bro. Especially today.”
He held a hand to his chest and laughed. “I may be spouting sappy love stuff , but don't think I won't be chasing you for an incident report on what happened with Ron in the bakery.”
I slung my go bag over my shoulder and headed to the door. “Nothing happened with Ron in the bakery.”
Hawk gave me a deadpan look. “I saw the tapes, Finch. You didn’t report one of the flamingos almost managed to escape the zoo because you were too busy making googly eyes at your girlfriend. I expect the report by the end of the week.”
"There’s the Hawk I know and love,” I called with a wink, ignoring my brother’s request and heading out to the aviaries.