18. Chapter 18
Arlo
I am so bloody screwed.
It’s been years since I’ve trusted anyone the way I’ve come to trust Gunnar. I don’t want to let him go when all this is over. I want this stupid fake thing between us to be real so badly. I’d nearly told him as much when he held me after our lovemaking, then again when we’d showered together.
“Lo? Are we going in?” Gunnar’s deep voice jolts me out of my thoughts.
I realize I’ve parked us outside the ring store but have just been sitting there brooding. Too embarrassed to answer, I hop out of the car and lock it once Gunnar’s out.
Starting a relationship is not what we agreed on.
The only reason Gunnar agreed to be my fake fiancé at all was so he could soothe his berserker rage without moving on from Leif.
I can’t believe how daft I am. I’m falling in love with a man who’s in love with a ghost. A man who made it clear I would never be his mate.
Oh goddess, why is it always the broken boys who do it for me?
The bell dings when we enter the shop and a man in a suit smiles at us from behind the counter. “Welcome! Let me know if you need help with anything.”
Gunnar already gave me a beautiful engagement ring, so I’d like to pick something just as perfect for him while we’re shopping for wedding bands. Even though this is all fake. Goddess, that fact keeps hammering itself into my head.
I couldn’t fix the last shifter I fell in love with, and he went berserk and almost killed me. But if Gunnar breaks my heart, that’s it for me. I’d have nothing left to give to another person because, without even realizing it, I’ve given it to him, broken pieces and all.
The wedding is next week. Seven days until this thing between us ends.
Unless… maybe it doesn’t have to end?
I chase the thought from my head and focus on shopping. I doubt Gunnar’s the kind of guy who wants diamonds or flashy jewels. He’d prefer something subtle but not boring, which unfortunately this store doesn’t seem to carry. Nothing’s screaming Gunnar to me.
“Lo? How do you like this one?” I go over to Gunnar. He points into a display case.
Nestled in a velvet box is a gorgeous white-gold band studded with sapphires. “It’s lovely.”
“The sapphires made me think of your eyes,” Gunnar mumbles, staring at his toes.
I bump my shoulder into his, hard, because damn it, why does this man insist on getting me in my feelings?
“I’d like to try it on.”
Gunnar waves an employee over and she fetches the ring for us. He takes my hand and slides the ring over my finger, but it’s too tight to fit past my first knuckle. Gunnar frowns, but I poke his nose. “Don’t be surly. We can get it adjusted.” His face brightens adorably. “Do you like it?”
A smile slips easily across my face. “I love it.”
Gunnar’s eyes hold mine, crinkling at the corners when he grins. “It’s perfect for you.”
I agree, which only frustrates me because I’ve yet to find a ring I like for Gunnar.
I sidle up to the counter and get the employee’s attention. “Can I request a custom order?”
He smiles. “Of course.”
While Gunnar makes his purchase, I fill out a form and decide on a number of things, from metals and gems to engravings.
An idea pops into my head. I want to truly personalize it, make it Gunnar’s alone.
Phone in hand, I search the web for images of what I’m looking for.
“Could you do these engravings?” They’re elder futhark runes, and I pick ones symbolizing desire, luck, and trust.
After getting Gunnar’s measurements, we decide on matching sapphire wedding bands, and we leave the store together. I hope he’ll love his engagement ring. I wish I could wear my wedding ring right now and show it off.
Once we’re home, Nan texts me, asking me to meet her in the greenhouse. When I arrive, she’s trimming a bonsai with utmost care. “Just a moment, love.” She snips a branch, gives her handiwork a once-over, and beams. “There you go, little dear. That look suits you nicely, doesn’t it?”
I can’t help but smile at how much Nan loves her plants. “It looks nice.”
“Doesn’t it?” she agrees, removing her gloves and returning her shears to the toolbox. “Now!” She spins around and marches up to me. “Have a seat, dear. There’s something I want to discuss with you.”
I settle in at the tea table. “Is everything all right?”
“Quite! Your father and mother got the barn all cleared up and stabilized.”
“So no surprises during the ceremony?” I ask, biting back a grin.
“Don’t joke about such things! Goddess, we were so worried about you. That reminds me, has your father spoken with Gunnar yet?”
That surprises me. “Is he going to?”
“He said he would. I’ll have to remind him.” She huffs. “My son is many wonderful things, but admitting he’s wrong is not one of them.”
I quell my curiosity about that little revelation and focus more on Nan. “What is it you wanted to talk about? Nothing bad, I hope.”
She smiles. “Not at all. Do you remember when you asked me about my lunar flower?”
My heart leaps into my throat. “Y-yes?” Could it be she’s decided to give it to me? Or maybe she’s decided it’s out of the question entirely? I lean forward, gripping my knees hard.
“After what happened to you…” Nan trails off, blinking hard. “It tainted my perspective of shifters. We all loved him. Trusted him. And then he turned around and did… that to you.” Nan’s eyes water.
Throat tight, I take her hand and squeeze. “He was sick.”
“I know, and you’re a far better person than I am to have forgiven him. When you told me your betrothed was a shifter, it terrified me. All of us were shocked but most of all, we were worried about you.”
I nod my understanding and rub my thumb over her knuckles. “No one was more shocked than I was, believe me. I thought I’d never trust a shifter again, but Gunnar is…” I chew my inner cheek so I don’t grin like an idiot. “He’s wonderful.”
“I can see that now. It’s obvious how much he cares for you.”
Is it really? I want to ask, but I bite my tongue. If everyone can see it, then does it mean we’re on the same page?
Nan exhales, nose scrunching when she smiles. “I’d hate for wonderful shifters like Gunnar to suffer from a curable affliction. If you still need the lunar flower for your potion, you may have it.”
That’s it then.
I’ll be able to make my potion. Gunnar will drink it, and if it works, the Council will be able to mass produce a cure for berserkism. This is wonderful news. It is… but once Gunnar is cured, he’ll no longer need to take a mate.
He won’t need me anymore.
“Thank you!” I spring from my chair and throw my arms around her. Hopefully, she’ll think the sudden rush of tears in my eyes is tears of joy and not of heartache.
This was always the way things were going to end between us, and yet I went and fell in love with him anyway.
I will have no one else but myself to blame for every stab of pain that’s to come.