Chapter 28 #2
Luna did surprisingly well at listening to our instructions, so we finished the dough to cool right as the doorbell rang with the pizza.
We all sat around the table eating our pizza and telling stories.
I couldn’t help but pause and admire the three most important people in my life.
Gram with her shining light even when she was at her absolute worst. Avery, with her ever-present kind and helpful nature.
And Lu, with how she continued to learn and grow in the best ways.
“Are you okay?” Avery asked from next to me.
“Yeah, I’m basking in the moment.” I reached over and rested my hand on her thigh. She put her hand on top of mine and squeezed.
The following weeks after learning about Gram’s cancer diagnosis were some of the hardest. I finished my spring semester at school but made it a priority to be home whenever I could.
Gram’s doctor suggested that Gram be put in a palliative care facility to help manage some of her pain.
She fought us on it for a while, but then it got so bad she couldn’t even get out of bed.
She’s been at La Luz Palliative Care for a few weeks.
As much as I tried to pretend this wasn't happening and she was going to come home good as new, I had to face the facts of what the doctor said. She still seemed so alive when Luna went over and played doctor with her. It was nearly impossible to imagine her gone.
My phone rang and it was Avery calling. “Hey, babe, what's up?”
“Are you home?” she asked, sobbing.
“What’s wrong? I’m on my way now.” I drove a little faster because I’d never heard Avery in such distress before.
“They’re moving Gram…” She paused, continuing to cry. “It’s bad.”
“Baby, take some deep breaths for me, okay? Breathe with me.” As anxious as I was to find out what was happening with Gram, I needed Avery to be calmer so she could tell me. We breathed together for a few cycles before she was relaxed enough.
“Gram has taken a turn for the worse this week. They’re moving her to the building over which is the hospice.”
My vision blurred. Hospice meant she was really dying. My tears fell rapidly.
Avery continued, “They said she may not make it through the week.”
I had to pull over because I couldn’t see the road through my tears anymore. I openly sobbed with no end in sight. Avery stayed on the phone with me, and we cried together.
“We’re going to get through this together,” Avery finally said as our sobs slowed down.
I wiped the tears from my face and composed myself to drive home. “We will for Luna. She’s too young to lose the only parent she’s ever known.”
“We will. I love you, Grant. I’ll meet you at the hospice after I pick up Lu. It’s the building right next to the palliative care center.”
“I love you so much,” I said, hanging up the phone and driving toward the hospice.
Once there, I sat in the parking lot trying to control my emotions for Gram. I had to be strong. They needed me to be strong. I couldn’t break right when they needed me.
I got out of the car and headed into the building.
Avery and Lu were sitting on a beige couch in the corner of the room when I arrived.
The room was quite relaxing with the scent of lavender in the air.
Gram’s bed was in the middle of the room with a chair matching the couch next to it.
There were a few more chairs off to the other side of the bed as well.
I walked straight over to Gram, who seemed to be barely awake. I leaned down and put my head next to hers. “I love you so much,” I whispered into her ear.
She responded weakly, “I love you too. Take care of them, please.”
“I promise I will,” I said, but Gram had fallen asleep. I didn’t know it then, but that would be the last time I heard Gram’s voice.
Gram didn’t wake back up after the first day in hospice.
Avery and I took shifts being with her, so she was never alone.
She made some moans and groans to indicate she was in pain, so the nurse would come in to give her pain medicine.
I held her hand the entire time I was with her, almost like I was afraid to let her go.
Lu usually came and told Gram stories, but this time she sat on the other side of Gram and held her hand.
She cried for the first time since learning about Gram’s illness.
“Who’s going to listen to all my stories when Gram is gone?” she cried.
“I will,” I said confidently. “No matter how silly or small it is, I will always be here to listen to you, okay? Gram made sure I could take care of you, and I will. Always.”
She smiled at me while wiping tears off her face.
Gram’s breathing made a rattling sound, which we learned meant her time was coming to an end.
I reached over and held Luna's hand, so we were in a little circle. I’ll never forget what Gram sacrificed to ensure we had a good life.
I would do everything in my power to make sure she stayed proud of me.
“You both should go home and get some rest,” Avery advised.
We both kissed Gram on the cheek and went home.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Lu asked as we walked into the house.
“Of course, bug,” I said, pulling her close to me.
We didn’t sleep very long before the phone rang at five in the morning. I looked at the screen to see Avery calling. I knew Gram was gone before I even answered.
“Is she gone?” I asked as I answered the phone.
“Yes, but she wasn’t in any pain. She went peacefully.”
“Thank you for being with her, baby. I’m going to tell Lu.” I hung up before she could respond.
I woke Luna up, dreading giving her the worst news of her young life. She woke up fairly immediately and looked over at me.
“Gram’s gone,” she said sadly. I nodded.
We lay in the bed together, holding each other so tightly and crying in each other’s arms. Avery soon came home and joined us. The loss felt so heavy and unreal that neither of us left bed for most of the morning.
But eventually, we had to figure out how to keep on living without her.