Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
Emma and I spent all of our college years together.
We travelled a bit once we graduated until I finally landed my dream job in Tucson.
We were visiting a friend and stumbled upon an indie bookstore that was hiring a marketing manager for their social media and events.
I instantly applied and was offered the position on the spot.
Emma found a teaching position at a preschool close by.
We may have lived in a small, downtown apartment, but we were happy.
The happiness wasn’t meant to last, when I received a call from my mom.
“We’re getting married!” she relayed excitedly, completely stunning me. She told me my entire life about how she didn’t believe in marriage and would never let a man take away her independence. I wondered what he said or did to convince her.
Apparently, she forgot to consider what I told her about him when I was twelve and again when I was fourteen.
I could scream at the unfairness of it all.
I’d never be able to have a healthy relationship with my mom because he’d be around forever.
The fear from his threats always sparked when I thought about telling my mom more of the story.
This time, she needed to know more before she made a drastic mistake.
Emma found me crying on the living room floor when she came home. “Babe, what’s wrong?” I couldn’t speak through my sobs. Emma sat on the floor next to me and put her arms around me while I cried. “Let it out, I’m here,” she said, reassuringly.
“My mom is going to marry Andrés,” I finally said. The silence was loud.
“I think you should tell her the truth.” I had confided in Emma about the abuse I experienced from Andrés after I had yet another failed relationship.
My flashbacks, nightmares, and overall depression became so bad that I ended up getting dumped during one of my longer stints of a depressive episode.
I knew I should go to therapy, but I was scared I waited too long to tell someone.
What if they judged me for not sticking up for myself more? I’d be ready one day.
“What if it doesn’t change anything?” I lay my head on Emma’s shoulder.
Emma leaned her head on top of mine. “Then at least you told your truth. If she still chooses to marry Andrés, then that’s her choice and has nothing to do with you. Then you can decide if you want to have a relationship with her or if it’s time to cut ties.”
I wiped my face and stood up. “You’re right. I need to tell her. I’m going to call and see if we can meet for lunch tomorrow. I don’t mind making the trip to her because I’ll never know if she would have made a different choice if she knew.”
Emma stood up and put her arms around me. “I am so proud of you.”
I met my mom at a small boutique cafe near her house.
I wanted to meet somewhere a little more private, but she was adamant that the café was perfect to share a surprise she had for me, as if I needed another surprise.
I wrote down everything I was going to tell her so I wouldn’t forget—or lose my nerve.
Nerves made me antsy as I sat down, unable to stop bouncing my knees or playing with the ring on my right index finger.
“Hi, mija,” she approached, leaning down to give me a side hug and kiss on the cheek. I still couldn’t understand how she talked to me as if we were close.
“Hi, Mom, how’ve you been?” I put my napkin in my lap and rolled it in my hands. They were already sweating.
She sat up and put a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m wonderful! Look at this ring.” She extended her hand to me, showing off the giant rock on her finger. Of course, she would need something extravagant. I tried my best to fake a smile.
The waitress came to take our orders and poured us some water. “That’s actually why I wanted to meet today.”
She gave me an incredulous expression. “What do you mean?”
The moment of truth. I wouldn’t succumb to Andrés’s threats anymore. I didn’t tell her, so she’d be safe. I hope she’d see that. “I need to tell you what happened when we moved back to the city.”
Her face fell. I couldn’t tell if her expression was one of understanding or disappointment. “Happened when? Is everything okay?” She crossed her arms on the table and leaned closer to me.
As I was about to recite the script I had prepared, our waitress arrived with our food.
I poked around my salad as my mom took a few bites.
I didn’t have much of an appetite. The pit in my stomach grew in intensity, and my heart was beating a million miles a minute.
“It has to do with Andrés,” I blurted out.
She dabbed the napkin at the corner of her lips. “Are you still telling the same old story? Haven’t we already talked about this? It was a misunderstanding.”
“There’s more, Mom. I’ve been trying to tell you for years, but you haven’t listened.
I need you to listen now, okay?” She rolled her eyes.
“I’ll accept whatever you do with the information I give you, but our relationship may never be the same.
” I pushed my salad away because I was too anxious to eat. I clasped my shaking hands in my lap.
“Go on then, tell me what you came here to say.” She went back to eating her salad, appearing disinterested.
I wasn’t going to back down, though. I was going to get my truth out, whether she liked it or not.
“I know you love Andrés, but he’s not who you think he is.
” Another eye roll. “He…umm…used to come into my room at night and touch me inappropriately.” I looked down, holding back tears from the memories.
I didn’t look back up at her as I said, “He also watched me shower. The incident when I was twelve was only the beginning of many years of trauma from him, Mom,” I said, almost pleading for her to believe me.
Her eyes narrowed as she clenched her jaw.
“Why are you telling me this now?” she spat.
“You had all these years to tell me—if that’s what really happened.
You waited all these years and only tell me when I’m about to marry him.
You don’t want me to be happy, do you?” She was fuming but kept her tone low and measured.
I took a deep breath. “I tried to tell you in the best way I could, but you wouldn’t connect the dots or ask any questions that would help me trust you and be honest. He threatened to hurt you if I told you anything he did to me.
I didn’t know if he was serious, so I kept it to myself.
” I looked away. I couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore.
I could see the anger overcome her features, blaming me like she always had.
“You say I don’t know him, but you’re the one who doesn’t know him. If he heard these accusations, he would be heartbroken. He loves you like a daughter. He would never hurt either of us, don’t you see how much he’s done for us—for me?” I wasn’t getting through to her.
The walls were caving in on me as I tried to accept that she would never believe my truth.
“I just needed to tell you before you decided to marry him.” She was going through with it, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Can we stop with the negative talk? You are being so ungrateful and don’t even realize what we’ve done for you.” She grabbed an envelope from her purse. “We both want to help you get settled now that you’ve found a job,” she said, handing me the envelope.
I grabbed the envelope from her and opened it. “Is this a deed to a house?”
“It’s a condo!” she exclaimed. “We bought it for you, baby.”
I was in disbelief. Why would she buy me a condo? “Why?” I scanned the packet of papers.
“You have big dreams that will be easier to chase if you weren’t living in such a small apartment in a loud and dangerous neighborhood.
You weren’t built for that. I want you to have an easy and happy life.
” I stared at her incredulously. She didn’t register or believe anything I just told her.
She used her money to try to buy my love like she always did.
I should throw the deed right back at her, but I could feel my body growing numb. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and held back the tears I wanted to let fall. There was no getting through to her. She bought my silence before the words even left my mouth.
“I can’t go to your wedding,” I said in barely a whisper.
“That’s okay, mi amor.” She flicked her wrist, indicating it was no big deal.
“We’re going to do a small gathering in Europe somewhere.
Oh!” She paused, reaching into her purse again.
“Here are the keys. You can move in whenever you want. We didn’t see it, but we have good friends in the area who looked at it, and they said it was beautiful.
I hope you enjoy it. Please send pictures when you have everything set up. ”
She threw a couple of twenty-dollar bills on the table and stood up to leave. “This was just lovely. I’ll call you when I get back into the States.” She kissed me goodbye and walked out the door without another word.
I sat there frozen by what transpired during our conversation.
She didn’t acknowledge anything I told her.
She was still going to marry him. And through that, they bought me a condo.
I shouldn’t have accepted anything from them, but her dismissal of my abuse stilled me.
I couldn’t help but wonder if it was Andrés’s idea because he figured out why I wanted to meet with my mom before they got married.
I sat at the table, processing the conversation. How could I continue to let her buy my love, knowing my pain meant nothing to her? I didn’t expect much from the conversation aside from some empathy or compassion. I should have been stronger. They still made me feel so weak.
Once I arrived back at my car, I gripped the wheel tightly and let out a scream. I then proceeded to call Emma.
“Hey, babe, how'd it go?”
“The bad news is that she didn’t care, but the good news is that she bought me a house—or rather, us.” I still couldn’t believe it even as I left the café with the paperwork and keys.
“Did you say a house?” she practically yelled.
“Actually, it’s a condo,” I corrected.
There was a long silence. “How very Isabella of her, bribing you so she doesn’t have to be accountable for her actions. I guess there could be worse things.”
I thought this time she would be different. “Looks like we’ll be moving this weekend. Thankfully, we signed a month-to-month lease.”
“Are you okay, though? Truly?” she asked with sincerity.
“I will be. I can’t let them break me.”
“I’m here for you. Get home safe.” And with that, she hung up.
I was alone with my thoughts. She chose my abuser over me, and I couldn’t fathom how a mother could ever make that decision.