Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
PRESENT
Serenity and I returned to her place after her birthday party.
I couldn’t believe how many unsupportive people were in her life.
Her so-called friends managed to give the most backward ass compliments.
Don’t even get me started on her mom. I could tell from Serenity’s demeanor the rest of the night that being around her was tough.
Serenity seemed to crave her mom's approval so much.
A sudden bang came from the bathroom where Serenity was taking a shower.
I knocked on the bathroom door. “Are you okay?” I yelled through the door.
She sounded incoherent, so I slowly opened the door. I was surprised to hear her crying. Not just crying but sobbing. Loudly. I approached the curtain quickly. “Can I please help?”
I waited for her muffled approval before I opened the curtain.
She kept sobbing, gasping for air between sobs.
My heart sank when I saw her. She was sitting on the bathroom floor, rocking back and forth with her knees hugged to her chest. I didn’t even hesitate before hopping in the shower, sitting behind her, and pulling her close to my chest. I reached over to turn the water to the coldest setting.
Darla told me cold showers could ease anxiety, so hopefully it worked for whatever Serenity was experiencing.
“I got you, you’re safe,” I kept repeating into her ear. We stayed in the cold shower until Serenity’s body shakes turned into shivers from the cold, and her crying subsided.
She turned and looked up to me with her sad, storm-cloud eyes.
The sad eyes I remembered from that first day I met her.
The eyes that made me want to know her story—know her.
Her expression quickly changed to one of embarrassment.
“I’ve been right where you are, so there is no need to feel embarrassed.
I’ll even help you get dressed if you need me to.
I will respect your body, but I also want to take care of you.
You don’t even have to tell me what’s wrong, just let me be there for you. ”
She nodded slowly as her tears began to fall again.
I reached around her and turned off the shower.
I stood up from the tub floor, stripping out of my wet clothes aside from my boxers.
I grabbed the yellow towel from the towel rack and wrapped her up in it.
I opted to carry her back to her room. She nuzzled her face into my neck and put an arm around my shoulder.
I took her to her bed, where she sat with the towel wrapped around her, head hanging low in defeat.
“Can you tell me where your night clothes are or point me in the general direction?” She looked so broken, and it shattered my heart.
She pointed to the dresser next to her desk.
I opened a few drawers before I found one with nightgowns and pajamas; I picked out a long red T-shirt.
I gently put it over her head, delicately removing the towel to pull the shirt down.
“I can get my own underwear,” she said, walking toward the dresser. I stayed close by in case she lost her balance. Once dressed, she got back into her bed.
“Will you be okay if I wash up and change myself? I’ll be quick, promise.”
“Yes, thank you,” she whispered. I gathered my clothes from my bag and went to the bathroom.
I showered in under five minutes. I was so worried about Serenity and wanted to be in her presence.
“How are you feeling?” I climbed into bed next to her.
“I’m better now. I’m sorry about all of that.” She looked away, picking at her cuticles.
“Look at me, please,” I pleaded. “You never have to apologize for feeling your emotions at the deepest level—especially on your birthday. I hate seeing you so sad and wish there was something I could do.”
“You did more than I could ever hope for. I’ve never had someone so willing to take care of me before. And trust me, that wasn’t the first time I had an episode like that.” She looked down. “I hope you don’t think I’m being dramatic.”
“I had a panic attack on our first date, so I’d never think that of you. I’m here for you no matter what. Do you want to talk about it?” I asked hesitantly.
“Tonight was hard,” she admitted. “I was not expecting to feel that way, but trauma has a way of not giving a single fuck about your expectations.”
“I didn’t realize how judgmental your mom would be. Her husband seemed laid back.” Her face paled. “What is it? You can talk to me, but no pressure.”
“Andrés was the reason I was so on edge tonight, not my mom,” she said, cuddling closer to me. “She didn’t help, though.”
I furrowed my brow. Andrés and I talked a good bit during dinner, and he seemed like a decent guy. “What do you mean?”
She remained silent. I didn’t know what I’d do if I found out Andrés hurt her in any way. I already felt so protective of her, and she hasn’t had many people look out for her throughout her life. I’d do everything in my power to ensure she felt cared for and safe.
“I had a bad feeling about him since the day I met him,” she started. “I never quite liked the guys my mom would bring home, especially when I had to live alone with them when she would travel for work. He was constantly in my space.”
“How old were you when you first met him?” She shifted her body to look at me.
“I was eleven,” she replied. “I didn’t feel comfortable being home anymore. He didn't do anything that bad until I was twelve.”
I clenched my jaw. She was a child. “What did he do?” I tried my hardest to keep my tone low and controlled.
I balled my hands into fists to keep them steady.
If anyone had put a hand on Luna when she was a kid, I would have been forced to protect her.
I would have done just about anything to protect her.
“For the most part, he would stand too close to me in the kitchen or make inappropriate jokes about sex or my body, but when I was twelve…he cornered me one day and…tried to kiss me…and touch my bottom.” My heart began to beat rapidly, processing what she admitted.
Her mom was married to a literal pedophile.
I hope I never crossed paths with him again, or I’d beat the shit out of him—or worse.
“Did you tell your mom?” I was in shock. I assumed if her mom were aware, she wouldn’t marry him. People were capable of the unthinkable, though.
“I did. We moved for a bit after that. She said she believed me, but her lack of support said otherwise. We moved back a year later, and they were quickly back together.”
I squeezed her closer to me. “Did he ever do anything else?” She started crying again. I had a large pit in my stomach, realizing she was only at the beginning of her story. How long did she endure his abuse? How many times has she had to come face-to-face with her abuser over the years?
Her crying began to slow. “My freshman year of high school was probably the single worst year of my life.” I sat up in bed and cradled her in my arms. Her words came out more ragged as she cried. “He threatened to hurt my mom if I told anyone.” She came to an abrupt pause.
I wiped tears from her cheeks. “You don’t have to talk about all of it right now.
I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. I can’t even imagine the hardship that must have caused you, but I’ve come to know you as a resilient woman who didn’t let the past interfere with building a successful future for yourself. ”
“I want to share this with you. You see me. You really see me. You continue to try to understand who I am and respect my needs and boundaries.” We smiled at each other, and I snuck a kiss on her cheek.
“I want to tell you, but if it’s too much to hear, then you must tell me, okay?
I don’t want my trauma to traumatize you. ”
I hate how others made her feel like she couldn’t live her truth. Her lived traumatic experience was out of her control, but she was still made to feel like she was too much. “Nothing you say or do will ever be too much for me.”
Her sad eyes found mine. “You mean that?”
“With every fiber of my being.” I stuck my pinky out. “I pinky promise that you can always talk to me about anything on your mind, and I will enter the conversation with an empathetic ear.” She put her pinky in mine.
She took a deep breath. “He snuck into my room most nights to violate my body. Later, he would watch me shower or get dressed. There were months where he stopped, but it never lasted long.” Her body stiffened beneath me, caught up in a memory.
I held her tighter. “I told my mom everything five years ago before they got married, but she married him anyway.”
She closed her eyes for a long minute, and I watched her.
She was the sunshine I needed on a cloudy day, but she went through an unimaginable trauma from a man whose hand I shook mere hours ago—a man who I thought was chill.
The anger coursed through my veins. How could someone do something so vile to an innocent child?
I took deep breaths and focused on Serenity to calm my angry energy.
I wanted to be the one who saved her from all the misery.
She opened her eyes, looking lost. Her eyes pooled with tears. “I got you, baby girl. Let it out.”
She sobbed in my arms while I held her. “I should have told someone. I shouldn’t have let him get away with it and threaten me. I was old enough to know better.”
I stopped rocking her and tipped her chin up to look at me.
“You were a child who was put back into an unsafe environment. It was your mom’s job to believe you and keep you safe, and she failed.
An adult took advantage of you, and there was nothing you did to indicate that any of it was your fault.
I’m sure Darla has told you something similar, so you need to believe it. ”
She kept silently crying while nodding. “I know. I hate that my mom still makes me see him without even asking if I would be okay with it.”
“I would look at your relationship with her and ask yourself if it’s a relationship that brings any good into your life anymore.
” I gently rubbed her head. “You deserve good things and people in your life after everything you’ve been through.
And I may have stolen that line from Darla as well, but it applies here. ”
“Thank you, Grant. For always being there. For being my best friend. For being everything I’ve been searching for.” She raised her head and lightly kissed my lips before laying her head on my chest. I continued to rock her in my arms. “I’m getting tired; can we get some rest now?”
“Of course, baby girl.” I stood up and turned off the lights. I got back in bed and spooned her. “Can I take you somewhere soon?”
“I’d go anywhere with you.”
“I want to show you the safe space I picture in my sessions, which has become my happy place. Or my other happy place, since my first happy place is anywhere you are.” She snuggled closer into me.
I could hear the smile in her voice. “Where’s your happy place?”
“Rose Canyon Lake. It’s up near a small mountain town about forty minutes from here. Have you been?”
She audibly yawned. “I don’t think so.”
“We can talk about the details tomorrow. You’d love all the mountains and fall-colored trees.”
Serenity didn’t respond, clinging to me as exhaustion took her under.