Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
PRESENT
Iwas eager to explore the mountains and Grant’s happy place, so I woke up early to get ready. Grant and I fell asleep naked in each other’s arms last night. I woke up at some point during the night to use the restroom and slipped into pajamas.
I was showered and ready before Grant even opened his eyes. “Good morning, sunshine,” I said when I noticed him wiping the sleep from his eyes.
“Look at you all cute in your purple hiking wear.” I wore purple yoga pants, a purple tank top, and hiking boots with purple laces to match the ensemble. “I’m ready to go; get out of bed,” I reached over and threw a pillow at him.
He laughed and reluctantly rose from bed.
He quickly gathered his clothes from his bag and headed to the bathroom.
As he was getting ready, I researched breakfast places with good coffee because I knew Grant would need his fix.
I found a place called Iron Door, which was the only breakfast place in the small town.
“I found us a breakfast spot,” I exclaimed when Grant came out of the bathroom.
“Oh, yeah. Where?” He started slipping into his own hiking boots.
“It’s called Iron Door. Have you been there?”
“I haven’t, let’s go. But first…” He trailed off, heading toward me. He tipped my chin up and brought his lips to mine. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“I have a new rule,” I said. “Good morning kisses every morning. Even if you’re sleeping over and need to leave before I wake up, okay?”
“Deal,” he said with a wink.
We left the en-suite hand in hand to drive to the restaurant.
The restaurant was quaint with a few tables in an open dining room, but we decided to sit outside on the patio to enjoy the cool fall weather.
We reviewed the menu and ordered in completely opposite directions.
He went savory with a ham, cheese, and veggie omelet, and I went sweet with a Belgian waffle with bananas and strawberries on top.
We ate our breakfast in silence, taking in the scenery. “So, what’s next?” I asked once the waitress had taken our plates and brought us the check.
“We can go walk around the lake, then I have a favorite trail I’d love to take you on.” My eyes went wide. I knew we were going to hike, but his idea of hiking and mine were probably vastly different. “Don’t worry, it’s more of a stroll rather than an actual hike.”
I let out a relieved breath. “Thank goodness. I know my attire gives the impression that I’m an avid hiker, but that is very much not the case.”
He smirked. “You almost had me fooled.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Let’s get the show on the road, then.”
We walked back to the truck to head to the lake. As we drove along, I was amazed by how many trees there were. I never would have guessed we were just forty minutes from our desert home.
“Have you been out here a lot?” I asked as he opened my door to let me out.
We walked toward the lake where a few people were fishing.
“I was in a bad place when I first started working with Darla. I knew her as my sister’s therapist when my Gram died.
We were discussing a happy place I could picture after our EMDR sessions, but everywhere I pictured was filled with memories.
I decided to seek out a new place I hadn’t been to before. ”
“That’s when you came across this place?” I questioned. The view was magnificent with the trees surrounding the lake and the sun glimmering off the water.
“I spent a lot of time out here when I first moved to Tucson. I was mostly looking for a getaway when the silence would get so loud from being alone for the first time in my life. A local in town asked if I had been to the lake, and I hadn’t at the time.
You know what he said?” He slanted his head to the side.
“What?” I asked, intrigued.
“He said, go sit by the lake if you’re looking for serenity. Who knew that’s exactly what I was looking for?” He winked, and I couldn’t help but paste a cheesy grin on my face.
“How long have you been waiting to say that?” I giggled.
“Maybe since the day I found out your name was Serenity,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I’d been searching for serenity for a long time, and when you found me in a place of healing, I had to believe it was something like fate.” My nose stung, and my eyes misted over at his confession.
“You felt like fate to me, too. Everyone before you taught me what not to accept in a relationship. When I met you, I knew I had found someone special. Someone made especially for me. Someone who understands me more than anyone has ever even attempted to before.” He squeezed my hand in silent reassurance.
We walked hand in hand around the lake, mesmerized by the quiet, the only sounds coming from the moving water and leaves rustling. “There’s a spot just up ahead that’s tucked into some trees where I love to sit and think or journal.”
We reached the spot, and I had to stop to truly take in the view.
The sun was high, shining bright in the cloudless sky.
The water gleamed under the sun’s shine.
We were surrounded by trees with various colored leaves.
As I continued to take in the view, Grant was setting up something under a tree behind me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, approaching him. There was a blanket laid out with a couple of pillows, and a Bluetooth speaker on top.
He turned to me. “Would you like to dance?” he asked, extending his hand to me.
I almost hesitated, embarrassed. But I’ve started to learn that I’m tired of shrinking into myself to accommodate those around me.
With Grant, all he wanted was for me to be myself.
“I’d love to dance with you.” He played a slow song and approached me.
He pulled me close with both his hands on my waist, and I reached my hands over his shoulders.
The song he played was a love song sung by a man who was trying to find the words to tell her he loved her.
I gazed up into his eyes, and I saw the truth. He loved me.
We danced while I listened to the lyrics. The song had to be called “I’m Yours” because the phrase was repeated throughout. I lay the side of my head on his chest and lightly cried. For the first time in my life, I was experiencing genuine love.
The song ended. He tipped my face up to face him, wiping away my tears. “So, what do you say? I’m yours; will you be mine?”
“Can I confess something, first?” I looked away worriedly.
He tipped my chin back to face him. “Anything.”
I shifted my balance from one foot to the other, uncertain how I’d approach the subject.
“Maybe I should have said something sooner, but it’s also a delicate topic.
I may not be able to get pregnant naturally.
I’ve had some complicated hormone issues, but I don’t want you stuck if you were hoping for some big family that I might not be able to give you. ” I couldn’t read his expression.
He cradled my face in his hands. “If you decide you want to be a mom, then we’ll figure it out together. I want whatever life I can have with you.”
I jumped into his arms. “I’m yours, truly.” He spun me around, and we both laughed with glee. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I felt happier than I did in that moment with Grant.
“I love you, Serenity. And before you say anything about it being too soon, it would have been impossible to spend as much time as I have with you over the past few months without falling completely and fully in love with everything that you are.” He kissed me passionately.
“I wasn’t going to say it’s too soon because I think you know and understand me more than anyone else in my life—even Emma. You’ve given me something I’ve been searching for my whole life—a safe love.” I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
“You radiate empathy and honesty so beautifully, which is what I’ve been searching for my whole life,” he said, setting me down and to take a step back to admire me. He grabbed my hand and guided me to the blanket.
“I’m going to put some meditative music on; can you do something for me?”
“Anything,” I quickly responded.
“Now that most of the people fishing left, it’s nice and quiet.
Can you lie back on the pillow and close your eyes?
” I nodded, and he continued, “Focus on the meditative music and the sounds of the scenery. I always come up with the best epiphanies up here.” He took my hand in his as we both lay back on the pillows and closed our eyes.
I first thought about the two of us and how lucky I am to find someone like Grant to love me.
Negative thoughts crept in, telling me he’s too good for me.
I needed to practice believing I deserved good things in my life, and I didn’t deserve the trauma I was put through.
I am not what I was put through, but it will always be a part of my story.
And because of that, I had to make a difficult decision I’d been avoiding for too long.
My peace, healing, and new life with Grant were worth letting go of people who no longer served a positive impact in my life.
I shot up. “I know what I need to do.”
Grant chuckled lightly. “What is it that you need to do?” He sat up next to me.
I searched for an explanation. “I need to cut off the financial ties I have with my mom. Then I need to completely distance myself from her––at least for the time being.”
“What financial ties?” I was afraid of that question.
I didn’t think he would judge me, but I’d been judging myself.
I couldn’t get away from Andrés if she hadn’t paid for my college.
I had a safe condo in a good neighborhood, but she purchased it for me as a manipulation tactic.
I see that now. I’d never be able to heal if she continued to cross my boundaries when it came to Andrés.