Chapter 47
FORTY-SEVEN
PRESENT
Serenity and I spent the day cleaning, shopping, getting our hair done, and finally getting ready in our date attire. She frantically checked her phone throughout the day, though. I was itching to know what her surprise was. She checked her phone once more before putting it in her purse.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
“As ready as I can be with having absolutely no information on what we’re doing or where we’re going.”
Right as we were about to open the front door, the doorbell rang. “Who could that be?” she said in a sing-song tone. I gave her a side eye, knowing she was up to something. She opened the door wide, and I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Hi, brother,” Luna said, standing there, all grown up from the kid I helped raise.
“Lu,” I said in a whisper.
We ran into each other’s arms. I picked her up and spun her around. I set her down and took a good look at her. “You’re all grown up.”
I looked over at Serenity, who had tears in her eyes. “Did you plan this?”
“I just reached out; it was Luna’s idea to surprise you.” I thought I couldn’t be in love with Serenity any more than I already was, but her reuniting me with my sister made me fall in love with her that much more.
The two women walked over to each other and hugged. Both thanked the other.
“So, I made plans with Emma so you two could talk,” Serenity said. “I have Chinese food being delivered, and I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
I wrapped her in my arms, hoping my love and appreciation for her were being communicated through the hug.
“Thank you, my love,” I whispered in her ear.
“You continue to save me, and I will spend the rest of my time here making it up to you.” We kissed lightly before she gave Luna one last hug goodbye and headed out the door.
“Come on in and make yourself at home. Do you want something to drink?”
She walked to the couch. “Ice water would be perfect.”
“Coming right up.” I went to the kitchen to get us both a couple of glasses of ice water, taking a moment to gather my thoughts. I was overwhelmed with emotions, but one thing I knew for sure was that I would do anything to keep my sister in my life this time.
I handed her the glass, sitting in the chair facing the couch. “Can I go first?” she asked.
We were interrupted by the doorbell with our Chinese delivery. I answered the door and brought the food into the kitchen. “We don’t have to eat right away if you’d like to talk first.”
“I had a long drive and want to get some stuff out before I forget, if that’s okay.”
I joined her back in the living room, encouraging her to continue.
“I didn’t mean what I said the last time we saw each other.
I never wished it were you; I just wished we could have found a way to be okay without Avery,” she said, looking down at her hands that were clasped together.
“I never thought losing her also meant losing you, and I missed you—you from before. You were my role model and my best friend, and I need you to know I didn’t wish it were you.
I was an angry teenager entering adulthood who thought I already knew everything.
” Her tears fell openly. I rushed to her side and put my arm around her.
“There hasn’t been a day in the time we’ve been apart when I haven’t thought about you.
The loss of Avery caused so many conflicting feelings for me that I didn’t know how to be there for you through your grief.
I was navigating missing her but also being so incredibly upset with her. ” I allowed my tears to fall freely.
She cocked her head to the side. “Can you tell me what was really going on with you two in those last months before she died? I sensed a shift between the two of you, but neither of you was really addressing it.” I scooted over from her a bit on the couch so I could turn and face her. Her misty eyes broke my heart.
“First, I want you to know everything Avery and I did for you after Gram passed was because we loved you and wanted you to grow up as healthily as you could.” I wiped a single tear that escaped.
“Avery started to feel like she had to grow up too fast and was missing out on experiences her friends were having in college. I put so much focus on you and our family; I missed the signs that I was neglecting the relationship I had with her.”
“You said she cheated. Was that true?” she asked, sadness crowding her expression.
I looked down, unable to meet her eyes. “She did. She met someone at her friend's birthday party who made her feel seen. I witnessed him running out of the house when you and I were coming home from an appointment. She admitted she felt neglected by me but also wanted moments to feel young again.” I took her hand in mine as I said, “She suggested we travel separately to have time to think about our situation and how to move forward.” I took a deep breath. “I was conflicted during our flight because I wanted to propose, but I didn’t think I could ever trust her again.”
“That’s why her loss was confusing for you, right? You were going to lose her either way,” she said solemnly, squeezing my hand.
I nodded. “I felt so guilty because in the moments before she was taken from us, I was thinking about how to end our relationship without completely breaking up our family.”
She placed her hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry she cheated on you, and I’m even sorrier I was so angry during our fight that I didn’t even bother listening to what you were saying. We missed so much of each other’s lives we can’t get back.” Her shoulders slumped as she looked down.
“I’ve been going to therapy,” I admitted. “I’ve been seeing the therapist you were seeing after Gram passed. I have learned by working with her that maybe both of us needed time away to grieve separately instead of continuing to live like we were.”
She nodded along in acceptance. “I’ve missed you so much.”
We hugged each other tight. We held on to that love and forgiveness, crying in each other’s arms until there were no tears left.
She pulled away from me. “There’s something else I need to tell you. I’m scared because I don’t think you’re going to be very happy.”
I gave her a confused expression but nodded for her to continue.
“When I left, I was so lost. I traveled for a bit, but when I came back to Arizona, I started therapy again. I talked a lot about Mom.” She paused, and I held my breath. We never really talked about our mom. “I went looking for her, and I found her.”
My eyes widened. “You did what?”
“I know, just hear me out.” I nodded my head again for her to continue.
“She was in a live-in rehab facility. I visited her weekly to learn about her life and how she ended up there. I was too young when Gram died to ask the burning questions I always thought about. She was the same age you were when her dad died, and her grief swallowed her whole. She tried to get sober when you were young, but she was too weak. At that point, she had lost all her chances to ask Gram for help, so she figured leaving was the best for everyone.”
“We both understand grief and didn’t seek solace in substances to get through,” I said sternly. I was in disbelief at how she was defending her.
“I did,” she admitted. “I was drinking and partying heavily before I started meeting with Mom. She helped me figure out what I should do with my life. I realized I wanted to help people who lost their way as she had. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in social work and started the master’s degree program online last year.
I was even able to get an internship at the facility where she was staying. ”
The disbelief turned into pride. She always sought to help others when she was younger, so social work was the perfect path for her. “I’m so proud of you, Lu. Wait, was?” I questioned. “Did she leave again?”
“No, she’s been clean and sober for two years.” She paused, shifting her gaze away from me. “We moved in together when I started grad school,” she blurted out.
I stood up rapidly. It was one thing for her to be talking to her, but living with her? I paced the room, saying nothing. She watched me, not daring to say anything either. “How could you trust her so easily after she abandoned you?”
She stood up, standing aside me. “It wasn’t easy.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” she said, exasperated.
“But I got to hear so much more about Gram, and she has so much of Gram in her. She helped me find my way when I had no one. I know I could have gone back to you, and we could have patched things up, but I wanted to prove to myself and to you that I could make my own way even after everything I went through. She understood in a way no one else did. We saved each other, and I think talking to her and getting some closure yourself could help you from holding onto so much hatred and anger within.”
“Are you already psychoanalyzing me?” I sat back down, cradling my head in my hands.
“Maybe a little.” She giggled. “You had a tough life, brother. You took on so much responsibility with me when you were still in high school, then becoming my guardian when you were only twenty years old after losing Gram, and then Avery…” She choked up.
“I’m not saying you need to welcome her in as your mom, but try to be open to listening to her story.
Maybe you’ll understand more than you think. ”
I looked down, lost in thought. There had been many times over the years when I wanted to find my mom. I mostly wanted to yell at her, but I also wondered why she left us. “Okay, I’ll talk to her,” I decided.
“Really?” she beamed.
“Yeah, but can we eat and talk about something light?”
She extended her hand out to me. “Let’s eat.”
I heated our food and brought it to the table, where Luna joined me. “Your house is beautiful. I’m assuming that’s all Serenity.”
“She’s only been here a couple of months, and she has thoroughly taken over. I don’t mind, though; I love the hell out of that woman.”
“So, what’s your story?” she asked.
I told her everything. How we met in Darla’s waiting room, our long phone calls when I was traveling, the various dates, and the moment we realized we were in love.
“What about you? Do you have a special someone?” The thought of my baby sister dating was so foreign to me since she didn’t bring anyone around during those last dark years.
“My special someone is a cocker spaniel named Cheyanne.” She chuckled lightly. “You may understand, but trusting people is hard. I’ve only ever done casual relationships.”
I grimaced. “I guess I’ll have to get used to you being a grown ass woman.”
We were interrupted by her phone ringing. She excused herself down the hall to answer. All I could hear from her was: “I haven’t asked him yet.” I wondered if she meant me.
“Everything okay?” I asked as she joined me back at the table.
She hesitated. “Well…umm...”
“Spit it out,” I pushed.
“Mom drove down with me. She was hoping you might consider talking to her.” I blinked rapidly at her admission.
We were interrupted by Serenity opening the front door. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” She walked toward me and planted a kiss on my lips. “Is something wrong?”
Luna chimed in, “I may have dropped the bombshell that our mom drove down with me and would like to talk to Grant.”
“Oh boy,” Serenity said. “What are you thinking?”
I grabbed her hand, and she squeezed lightly. “I think if I continue to avoid the hard stuff, I’ll never truly heal to be the best man I can be. Especially for you.”
“So, you’re open to it?” Luna asked, hopeful.
“I am. Go ahead and call her back. I know I can handle anything with you two by my side.”
Luna went to make the call with such excitement.
“I’m so proud of you.” Serenity gave me an understanding expression. “Your Gram and Avery would be so happy you found your way back to each other, and that you’re open to hearing your mom out.”
“Will you be here with me when I talk to her? I don’t think I’m as strong as you are to do it alone.”
She wrapped her arms around me. “I’ll be by your side every step of the way, and I’m here to support you with anything you need.”
“I don’t know how to thank you or how I will ever make up for you bringing my sister home, but I will never stop trying.” I kissed her deeply, never wanting to forget that moment.
She took a step back from me and gave me a serious expression.
“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we? Through our trauma and grief, we found each other.
Even though we still have our panic attacks, sleepless nights, and flashbacks, we still put our love first.” I wrapped my arms around him.
“I spent all day with Emma crying because I knew how much seeing your sister would mean to you. You helped raise a beautiful young woman, and I can’t wait to see how your influence guided her to some of the great things she’s done.
I think even if things don’t go well with your mom, you both will be okay and present in each other’s lives moving forward. ”
“I’ll make damn sure I never lose her again. I know I can do just about anything with you by my side.” I kissed her passionately.
Luna came back into the room, clearing her throat. “She’s on her way.”