Chapter 29
FIFI
“Are you ready to talk about our future?” His expression of pleasant surprise is comical.
He thought I was going to say feelings. But he’s not off the hook.
He hands me a cup of coffee and takes a gulp of his before he returns to bed next to me.
It’s early, but I know we don’t have a lot of time before Stats class.
“Let’s go for it,” he says.
“So now that you’re not going to jail, or getting expelled from college or thrown off the team for fighting, things are looking up for you.”
He gives mock offended and makes a move to tickle me. I evade, laughing, but not because he’s trying to tickle me. It’s the joy bubbling up because I’m happy. I’ve been so worried for so long and now I’m not.
“You make me sound like I’m a hair above a degenerate.” He relents, gathering me in. “I kind of like the pirate vibe.”
I giggle. “You’re a wanna-be pirate at best.” I kiss his unshaven, and if I’m honest, pirate-like cheek. “I just needed to point out how much things have changed and appreciate the moment and how we don’t have to worry anymore.”
“That’s what you were worried about? Not Darcy the saboteur?” He eyes me suspiciously.
I hold in my mirth because I want to be serious. “I’m also wondering about what happens after the hockey season is over.”
“There’s the draft.” He turns to me. “What about you? You heading to New York City to design fashion for the summer?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Depending on?”
“Whether you’ll come with me.” I hold my breath.
“I might. It depends.”
“You’d rather work on a fishing boat?” I giggle because I know I’m pushing buttons, but I have no idea what he has in mind, or if he’s even had a chance to think about his new options.
“No fish for me.”
“Then what?”
He shrugs his shoulders and I realize he has no idea.
“What will you do when you outgrow playing hockey?” I ask quietly.
He turns to me, his seriously intense blue eyes jumping with electricity. “You don’t have to dance around the question of what happens if I don’t make it in the NHL—”
I sit up. “I’m absolutely not dancing around that question because in my mind—which is very reliable—you will absolutely make it in the pros. But a hockey career is short and you need—”
“A fall back? You sound like my Dad.”
“Just like him.”
“Shit—sorry I said that. He’s not so bad when you get to know him.”
I take his face in my hands and stare into those vivid and oh so dear blue eyes and my chest tightens because my heart beats so wildly.
“I promise you, Patrick Jennings, I will get to know your father and I will love him because he’s part of what made you who you are.”
His eyes soften and his face relaxes into a smile. “Only a small part, I promise you. I have more of my mom in me.”
“Maybe, but you know who you also take after?”
“Don’t say it—”
“Pops.” He grabs my leg and finds the sole of my foot, then proceeds to relentlessly tickle me while I flail around. We tangle and he tickles every part of me, my ribs, my belly, my thighs and… all the way home.
My head rests on his chest where I can listen to the strong steady beat of his heart which has finally slowed down from its frantic pace.
“You said the L-word,” he says. His voice is strong and clear as a church bell. Why am I thinking of church bells?
“When did I say that?” I scrunch my eyes like it’ll help me remember.
“You said you would love my Dad.”
I smile, remembering. “So?”
“So what about me?”
Boom. My heart clenches so hard that my hand reflexively touches my chest to protect it and I lean in, caressing his face. He looks so vulnerable right now that I empty my heart.
“I love you so hard and so completely that I’m terrified of it.”
I watch his eyes darken as I lower my lips to his and kiss him.
He weaves his fingers through the hair at the back of my head and presses, deepening the kiss and turning me over so I’m under him.
He gazes down at me with a look I’ve never seen before.
His eyes are tender and intense at the same time, his face open as a book and I know what he’s saying before the words come out. I hold my breath as he speaks.
“I love you, Fifi. I don’t know what I imagined love would be like but it’s more, extra fire and extra hell.
Like if you’re not with me, my life has no meaning.
You’re the first person I want to see every morning and the last person I want to see every night.
You’re the only one I ever want in my bed ever again, the only one I want to share every big moment with and every single tiny moment. ”
Inhaling a deep breath of him, I’m speechless and I brush at my cheeks as I hold his face in my hands and he lowers his mouth to mine, giving me everything he has. And I take it and give everything I have, everything I am to him.
We’re only ten minutes late for Stats class and we sit in the back, holding hands between our seats, goofy smiles in place, even while Professor Gringely glares at us, but only for a second.
Then he gives up and shakes his head, trying to keep the corner of his mouth from tipping upward into a grin.