34. Reese
Reese
“The job’s finished.”
I heard myself say it, but the reality hadn’t sunk in.
“No shit?” Gunnar asked. “What happened?”
I stood in the backyard, keeping to the shade to stay out of the heat. I’d called Gunnar to check in and let him know Axel was no longer a problem. We didn’t exactly have an operations manual, but it was standard procedure, even though Summer had never been a typical client.
I gave him the rundown, and he asked a few questions. He already knew it wasn’t a paying gig, so he didn’t mention the financials.
“You’re sure her mom was telling the truth?” he asked.
“That was my first thought—she might not be. But it doesn’t track that she’d intervene. She doesn’t seem to care whether or not she gets to see her grandson, so I don’t think she’d go out on a limb for another club member like that.”
“Especially if he’s on the club’s shit list.”
“Exactly.”
“Not gonna lie, I’m relieved. I thought this job might go south.”
“Me too.”
“So what’s the plan now? You heading back to Arizona?”
I hesitated, trying to ignore the way his question made my chest ache. “Not yet. I’ve got some details to wrap up here first.”
“Okay, man. Keep me posted.”
“Will do.”
I ended the call.
It had been a few days since Summer’s conversation with Roxi. We’d gone back to our house in town, and I’d spread the word to my brothers that the asshole had left.
I should have been relieved it was over. And I was. I’d promised to keep Summer and Nate safe, and I’d kept my promise. Done my job. She could start over. Settle into life in Tilikum without fear.
But I was still uneasy.
Even so, it was time to move on. Take some time off so I’d be ready for the next client. I still had Theo’s wedding, and I wouldn’t leave before that. But once that was over, it would be time to go home.
Except I didn’t know what home meant anymore.
I went back inside, and Nate looked up from his latest Lego creation. He’d taken over the small dining table to build what looked like a castle.
“That’s pretty cool.” I pointed at some small gray Lego bricks stuck onto the blue of the moat. “What are those?”
“Sharks.”
“A castle with a moat that has sharks in it?”
He clicked another brick into place. “Yep.”
I nodded in approval. “Awesome.”
“There’s just one problem.”
“What’s that?”
“I left my knights at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.”
Grandma and Grandpa. I’d noticed that he’d been referring to them as his grandparents. At first it was cute. But it had started to poke at something inside me. Guilt, maybe.
I glanced at the time. Summer wasn’t off work for another couple hours. “Should we go get them?”
“Can we?”
“Sure, why not? A castle needs to be defended.”
He smiled and got to his feet. “I’ll find my shoes.”
I waited while he thundered down the hall to his bedroom. A moment later, I heard a muffled ouch. He’d probably stubbed his toe. It was going to take some time before he grew into that body of his.
Not for the first time, he reminded me of me. Which didn’t do anything to ease the ache in my chest.
When he was ready, I grabbed my keys, and we left. Out of habit, I checked the rearview as I drove. As expected, there was no sign that we were being followed.
Nate hopped out of my SUV as soon as I’d parked and darted to the front door. He knocked, then walked right in, leaving the door open behind him. Cracking a smile, I followed him inside.
I found Mom and Dad in the living room, standing in front of the couch.
Mom’s cheeks were pink, and she was fidgeting with her glasses, like she was flustered.
Dad raised his eyebrows at me. I was about to ask why they were standing there—it was kind of awkward—when it hit me.
Had they been making out on the couch when Nate had torn through the house?
“Found them!” Nate called from the bedroom.
“Sorry for barging in,” I said. “He forgot something.”
“You’re fine,” Mom said with a wave of her hand.
Dad just grunted.
Nate emerged, holding the bottom of his T-shirt up to create a pouch for his knights.
“Let me get you a bag so you don’t drop those,” Mom said, heading for the kitchen.
He dumped the toys onto the coffee table. “Thanks, Grandma. Can I have a root beer?”
“Why not,” Dad answered. “I think we might have one or two left out there.”
Dad led Nate through the kitchen and out the back door to the shop.
Mom lowered herself onto the edge of the couch and started putting Nate’s toys in a small paper bag.
“Thanks,” I said.
She smiled and set the bag down, then glanced toward the back door. “Your dad misses him already.”
“He looked annoyed.”
“No. That’s just his face.”
That made me chuckle. “Fair enough. And they’re not going anywhere.”
“That’s good to hear. I was hoping Tilikum would work out for them. Summer’s planning to stay in the house?”
“As far as I know.”
She nodded slowly. “But you’re not.”
It wasn’t a question. Reluctant to meet her eyes, I kept my gaze on the floor.
“I told her I’d get her away from her ex. And I’ll make sure she’s settled.”
“What are you running from, Reese?”
“I’m not running.”
“Yes, you are. Aren’t you tired of it?”
I was tired of it. And I wasn’t even sure what I was running from anymore.
“You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, aren’t you?” she asked. “Things might be fine now, but it’s only a matter of time before that changes.”
“What makes you say that?”
“That’s how you’ve always been. Ever since your father left.”
I let out a frustrated breath. “I barely even remember that.”
“Maybe not, but it left a mark. On you, especially. You always kept yourself a little bit apart, even from your family.”
“Mom—”
“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for leaving.”
“I know you’re not. None of you have. And I don’t get it. It would have been easier if Zachary had punched me in the face, and Garrett had given me a ticket out of spite, and Josiah had refused to acknowledge my existence. And Dad…” Trailing off, I rubbed my forehead.
“If Dad hadn’t welcomed you home.”
“Yes,” I said, my tone emphatic. “I don’t deserve that.”
Her voice was soft. “Why not?”
“Because of what I did to him. I stole from him. And then I said all the worst things I could think of. I hit him where it hurt, and I did it on purpose.”
She opened her mouth to reply, but I interrupted, the words pouring out in a rush.
“What I did to Dad was just the beginning. No one seems to care that I was a criminal. You have no idea what I was capable of. None of you do. And the bottom line is, I don’t belong here.”
She held my eyes, but I couldn’t read her expression. After a long moment, she stood.
“You do belong here. And I think deep down, you know that. But you’re afraid to believe your family could forgive you.
And if we can’t, if it’s all on the surface, one day it’s going to crack.
You’re so convinced that you’re bad—that you’re worse than everyone else—you assume the first time you make a mistake, it’ll all come crashing down.
And that when it does, it’ll only be what you deserve.
So instead of taking the risk and living the life you’re meant to live, your instinct is to cut ties.
To run. To push people away before they have the chance to hurt you. ”
“I push people away because I don’t want them to see who I really am.” The admission felt like a knife wound. It was too true. My deepest fear spoken aloud.
“Oh, Reese. You keep clinging to the shame of your past. But that’s not who you are. Not in here.” She put a hand on her chest. “Anyone can see that. You’re a good man.”
“Am I? How would you know?”
“Because I see who you are. And so does she. You’re a man who dropped everything to help a woman in trouble. Who treats her son like his own.” She laughed suddenly, shaking her head. “You’re so much like your dad.”
What was she talking about?
“No, not the man who fathered you.” She pointed at the back door. “Him. Do you see the way he treats Nate? The way he accepted him into our family? That’s how he was with you, from day one. And you’re just like him, Reese. You don’t have his DNA, but you have his character.”
“I wish that were true.”
“It is true. That heart in your chest is so much bigger than you realize. It’s a Haven heart.
But you have to let go and turn that love inward enough to forgive yourself.
You don’t deserve to be punished for the rest of your life.
And the other shoe is not going to drop.
Your family is not going to abandon you. ”
A lump of emotion lodged in my throat just as Nate burst through the back door, talking about hand-feeding a squirrel.
Mom stepped in to intercept him while I turned away, trying to get my shit together.
I wasn’t going to lose it in front of Nate—or my dad—but it took a lot to keep the dam from breaking.
You’re just like him, Reese. You have his character.
Dad grinned while Nate kept chattering about the squirrels behind the shop and how they came right up to him and grabbed birdseed out of his hand.
Mom was absolutely right. Dad had embraced Nate from the moment he arrived.
Mom had, too. But there was something about stoic Paul Haven hanging out with a ten-year-old boy.
That was the thing. My dad was the best man I’d ever known.
He’d forgiven me. And he meant it. Paul Haven was no liar. He’d been willing to move past what I’d done to him. My entire family had done the same. Maybe they’d followed his lead, but maybe it was simpler—and deeper—than that. He’d raised them to be the type of people who could forgive.
And maybe it was time I learned to forgive myself.