10. Isaac
Chapter 10
Isaac
Third Year of Medical School
10 Years Ago, April
“ W hat do you mean sleeping arrangement?” The attitude rolls right off Jo’s tongue as she stands up from the couch, beer in hand. Kelsey shoots up from Kyle’s lap and paces anxiously around the living space.
“Well you see,” she begins, “we were supposed to have had the bed delivered last week, but there was a delay with the shipment. Something about port congestion?” She wrings her hands, but stops pacing momentarily to look between Jo and I.
Kyle accounts for Kelsey’s absence in his lap, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “Yeah guys, we’re sorry. We really wanted you both to come and we were afraid you wouldn’t. I can sleep in this chair and we can make it work, no problem.” He rubs the palm of his hand over the scruff on his chin.
“Wait,” I respond, “what exactly is the current sleeping arrangement?” I glance up at Jo, who is biting at the skin on her thumb. Jo and I follow their gaze to the couch I’m currently seated on.
“It’s a pull-out.” Kelsey tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I figured Kyle could take the recliner. Jo, you and I can sleep in our bed. Isaac, you take the couch. It’s perfect!”
Jo shakes her head fervently. “No, we’re adults. We’ll take the couch.” She spins to face me. “Right?”
If I was standing, I would’ve fallen right to the floor. What has gotten into her? How can I say no to that?
“Uh, oh, mhm,” I stutter. “Yeah, for sure.”
A subtle silence encompasses us, and Jo goes back to biting her cuticles. I stand and grab her wrist, pulling it away from her face. “You’re going to make yourself bleed.” She huffs, facing Kelsey.
“Where’d you put our bags? I’m gonna take a quick shower.” She sounds fine, but she’s not. Her smile is forced.
Kelsey starts towards the hall closet and Jo follows, rolling her neck in a circle.
Honestly, at this point, I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve the cards I’ve been dealt, but tonight could very well be the hardest night of my life. I should’ve told her weeks ago, but I just couldn’t bear to ruin this weekend.
Kyle stands and places a firm hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, brother, we really tried to get everything figured out before this weekend.” He squeezes my shoulder and the corner of his mouth tilts up in a sly grin. “Hopefully you can keep yourself in check.”
I clear my throat, glancing over to where Kelsey and Jo have begun hauling her bag towards the bathroom. “You know I can’t do anything now.” He releases his grasp on my shoulder and nods towards the couch behind me. “Carmen has already warned me against putting Jo through any more ‘man trauma’ as she calls it.” The sound of the shower turning on down the hall pulls my attention just ever so briefly.
Jo’s in the shower.
Naked in the shower.
No shit, dumbass, how else would she be?
“Yeah, whatever you say.” He exhales a chuckle and pulls the first of the three couch cushions up from its resting spot. I help, grabbing the second and third cushions and setting them to the side. “I just know this is a wide-open shot for you and you should take it.” My heart skips a beat when the image of Jo on top of me on this pull-out couch invades my consciousness. I shake it off as quickly as the thought appears. I can’t.
Kyle tugs on the strap and the pull out bed flies out of its hiding spot towards my shins, sending me stumbling backwards. “Slow down, killer!” Dust particles erupt into the air as Kyle unfolds the two whole inches of mattress in front of us. “It’s just so much more complicated now. I honestly don’t even know what the status is on douchebag Andrew.”
He huffs, leaning forward to situate the mattress on its metal frame. “All I’m saying is that y'all are halfway done with school. Who knows where you will end up for residency.”
“Oh, you move to Tennessee and all of a sudden we’re ‘y’all’ huh?” Kelsey emerges from the hallway carrying a stack of fluffy pillows and blankets for our makeshift bed. Blinking rapidly, she blows dust out of her face with a puff of air.
“I feel like maybe we should open a window,” she laughs, tossing the bedding onto the mattress and exiting the room once again. I reach down to grab a fitted sheet from the pile and pull one edge over the corner of the mattress. “Jo should be done soon if you want to grab a shower too, Isaac…”
I nod, pulling the second corner of the sheet over the mattress.
A shower would be good. Clear my head.
Definitely cold.
Kyle pulls on the free edge of the sheet and the two corners I just secured pop free. “Shit,” he mumbles. “You go, I’ll get Kelsey to figure this out.” He rolls the sheet up in his arms, dropping it back down on the mattress in a rumpled pile.
With a deadpan glare and a slump of my shoulders, I turn to grab my bag from the hall closet. The sound of the shower reduces to silence as I start down the narrow hallway towards the bathroom.
“Learn how to put on a fitted sheet, you incompetent ass,” I toss the words back over my shoulder, only half joking.
The door to the bathroom swings open just before I reach it, steam escaping quickly from the enclosed space. Jo emerges, wrapped tightly in a fluffy white bath towel. Her wet hair is plastered to her shoulders, and I watch as one innocent drop of water falls from her collarbone down between her breasts.
“Isaac.” She crosses her arms over her chest. I’ve been caught.
Good job. Real subtle.
“Did you save any hot water for me, punk?” I tease, trying for a smooth recovery. She rolls her eyes and turns towards the open door to the main bedroom, where her bag lays open on the bed.
I watch, rooted in place in the hallway, as she examines each piece of clothing, assumedly deciding on what to wear.
“Go get in the shower, Isaac.” Without even turning around, she kicks the door closed, and I’m left with only the light from the bathroom wall sconce to keep me company.
Spoiler alert—she left me no hot water.
I pull on a fresh pair of briefs, followed by my favorite pair of basketball shorts. Glancing at my reflection in the mirror, I run a hand through my still-damp hair. A fog appears on the bottom border of my glasses and I attempt to wipe it away, leaving fingerprints on the anti-scratch coating. The gnawing feeling that tonight might change our whole friendship makes me slightly nauseous, but I try my best to shake it off.
I throw my toothbrush and contact case back into my bag and flip off the bathroom light. Silence extends through the house, and I assume, based on their closed bedroom door, that Kyle and Kelsey have turned in for the evening.
A sliver of light from the living room lamp guides my way back towards Jo.
If there’s one thing I know about Jo, it’s that she is exceptionally particular about her sleep. No light. No sound. No disturbances.
I’m utterly shocked to find her fast asleep, wrapped up in a pink throw blanket and propped up on both sides by Kelsey’s down pillows.
I set my duffle bag gently on the ground next to the couch, and examine my current situation. The stack of blankets on my side of the sleeper sofa is just a tad excessive, so I pick up the pile and set it down on the floor next to my duffle. Pulling the top blanket off the pile, I sit down on the mattress as gently as I possibly can, trying my best not to disturb the sleepy princess next to me.
The steady, even breathing pattern from Jo’s side of the bed provides an odd sense of relief as I settle into a comfortable position on my back.
It takes about twenty minutes of staring at the popcorn ceiling before I decide to close my eyes. Everything about being in this bed with Jo and not being able to pull her into my arms feels wrong.
But I can’t do that.
I just need to make it through tonight and the drive home tomorrow.
Jo stirs slightly as I pull my blanket up a little tighter around my chest.
“Isaac,” she whispers, just loud enough for my ears. My eyelids pop open once more, my vision blurry without my glasses. The pillow between us shifts as she rolls to face me, wrapping her arms around it in a tight embrace. Her fingertips brush my arm and goosebumps erupt on my skin.
“Yeah, Jo?” I silently pray that she’s fallen back asleep, but her voice responds.
“Thank you.” Her fingertips brush against my arm again, a little more assuredly this time. I’m not sure exactly why she’s thanking me, but the flutter in my chest is nothing compared to the mounting pressure against my shorts. “The book. Gray’s Anatomy . That was so kind of you.”
“Anytime, punk.” I chuckle quietly. “Hopefully that means we’ll have a nice, peaceful drive home tomorrow.” Without notice, the pillow between us goes flying across the living room, and Jo’s hand takes hold of my bicep.
“Don’t punk me,” she hesitates, “you turd.”
Her grip on my arm tightens as I laugh, too loud for the paper-thin walls of this old farmhouse. The creak of the metal springs on the pull out are the only answer to my laughter.She’s closer now. In a matter of seconds, Jo’s entire body has taken the place previously held by the pillow.
Silence settles around us once more. Unless you consider the “Tell-Tale Heart” situation we have going on here.
Except it’s my heart. There’s no one under the floorboards.
Either way, I think I might be going mad. Damn you, Edgar.
A warm exhale hits the bare skin of my neck before I can create space between us.
“Jo…” I exhale sharply. Her hand trails up my arm and across my chest, leaving a blazing fire in its wake. I reach up, finding where her hand has settled on my chest and encasing it with my own. I want nothing more than to pull her on top of me in this moment and finally put an end to the tension between us, but it’s too late.
The moment her lips touch the bare skin of my shoulder, I panic, releasing her hand and flinging my body entirely off the mattress. Carmen’s voice echoes in my head. Don’t fuck it up, Isaac. Don’t ruin this good thing we have going, Isaac.
My brain adds its own commentary, solidifying how terrible a choice it would be to let myself have this. If you cross this boundary, there’s no going back, Isaac. She will leave you just like Mom did.
I recover quickly, standing beside the couch. “I’m so sorry, oh my God, I thought…” she trails off, the embarrassment in her voice rips a hole through my heart.
“Jo, no.” I run a palm across my chest, finding the warmth that her touch left behind. “It’s just, I…”
I sit back down on the mattress, my back to Jo, and rest my forehead in my hands. The bed shifts slightly as she repositions herself.
“Jo, I’m…I think we’re better as friends.” Twisting to face her, I watch as she pulls her knees up towards her chest and wraps her arms around them. “I don’t want to ruin this, you know?” The glow from the porch light streaming through the living room window is just bright enough to see one small tear roll down her right cheek.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” Her voice is hollow.
Everything in my soul is telling me to put my lips on hers right now. To wipe away the tear that slowly follows the trail the previous tear left behind. But Carmen was right. This friendship is too important to me. I just can’t.