Chapter 25
Jaylynn
My hotel room is dim, only the faint glow of the string lights above my window casting soft shadows across the walls. I’ve been curled up in the bed I’d shared with Penn for a couple days now, the weight of the blankets no match for the heaviness pressing against my chest.
Dad called earlier to check in on me, wanting me to come home to watch the Grinch.
It’s our favorite family tradition, but I just want to lay in this bed, tucked away from the real world.
Everyone thinks I’m hiding because I’m angry.
Because Penn ruined everything. But the truth is… I’m not mad at him. Not at all.
I keep replaying the moment in my head. The way he stepped between Dylan and me, the way his jaw set, the fury in his eyes. He didn’t hit Santa for himself. He hit him for me. Because in that moment, I mattered more than anything else.
And God help me, I love him for it.
What breaks me most is that he’s probably sitting somewhere right now, tearing himself apart, convinced he ruined me, convinced he isn’t good enough.
Penn has always been his own worst enemy, and I know he’s drowning in it.
I want to call him. I want to talk, but he hates himself, and no doubt thinks I’m better off without him.
I need to give him space, time with himself to figure things out.
I push from my bed and walk to the window, the gift I bought Penn wrapped and sitting on the desk.
Will I ever be able to give it to him? I turn, and a small laugh escapes me despite the heaviness in my chest. The creepy elf—the one we’d both claimed wasn’t judging anyone—has been put back in the room, perched on the shelf like it’s silently keeping tabs on me.
Its plastic eyes glare in my direction, and for a second, it feels like the elf really knows everything that has gone down.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, shaking my head. “I know. You’ve seen it all and I know what list I’m on.”
A knock sounds at the door, startling me. It could be Belinda or Jaxon’s parents, who’ve been bringing me food and have also been keeping tabs on me, but I have zero appetite tonight. I jump back into my bed, bury my face in the pillow, and pretend not to hear.
Another knock. Louder.
My heart stutters, because when I don’t answer them, they don’t persist.
Who is at my door?
And then…his voice. Rough. Unsteady. Aching in a way that makes my own chest splinter.
“Jay. It’s me.”
I press my hand to my mouth, biting back a sob.
Penn.
He’s here.
Back in Snowberry.
But…is he here for me?
Us?
“Please,” he says, desperation threading through every syllable. “Don’t shut me out. Not yet.”
Tears blur my vision. He really thinks I don’t want him here. That I hate him. That I could ever hate him. I sit there, trying to breathe, to think…to make my legs move.
He keeps talking, words tumbling like they’re being ripped from someplace deep. “I screwed up. Worse than I ever have. I embarrassed you, I hurt you. I should have had more control, done better. And I will regret that until the day I die.”
I shake my head into the pillow. No, no, no. That’s not what happened. That’s not what I feel.
“But I need you to know…” His voice cracks, broken and shaky. “…I love you, Jaylynn. I love you so damn much it terrifies me. And if you never forgive me, if you tell me to walk away right now, I’ll do it. But I couldn’t let another night go by without saying it.”
He loves me…
My whole body trembles. Not from anger. From the sheer force of his love, his guilt, his inability to see that what he did wasn’t failure, it was proof. Proof of how much I mean to him. Proof that to Penn Radford, I am worth fighting for.
The tears spill over, hot against my cheeks. I can’t let him stand out there thinking the worst for another second. My legs move before my brain can catch up, and I stumble across the room. My hand trembles as I twist the lock.
The door opens slowly, and there he is. Shoulders tense, eyes haunted, clutching something in his hand.
He looks at me like I’m the air he hasn’t breathed in days.
And all I can think is, he has no idea that the only thing broken here is him, and all I want is to put him back together.
I reach for the man I’ve loved this entire time, my hand trembling.
My voice is barely more than a whisper. “Penn…” He flinches, like he’s not sure if he deserves to hear my voice. I capture his rough, calloused hand and pull him a little closer. “You… you didn’t ruin anything. You stood up for me. For me. That’s… that’s everything.”
His eyes widen, disbelief flashing across his face. “Everything?”
“Everything,” I repeat, firmer this time. My heart is pounding. “You didn’t hurt me. You… you showed me how much I mean to you. And that… that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
He swallows hard. The tension in his shoulders eases, just a fraction, and I feel a tiny spark of hope flicker between us. “But your job…your future.”
“Everything will work out.” In my heart, I believe that.
“I… I just…” His voice falters. “I thought I’d ruined everything. I thought I wasn’t enough.”
“You’re more than enough,” I say, gripping his hands. “You’ve always been enough. You just didn’t see it yet. And now… now I want you to see it too.”
“Your dad came to see me. He told me you were responsible for getting me called up. You…you saw my worth…you saw me.”
“I see you, Penn.”
“I see you too, Jaylynn.” His lips quiver. His eyes shine with tears, and I feel my own spilling over. We stand there for a moment, letting the weight of everything pass between us—regret, fear, love, hope—all tangled together.
And then, slowly, he leans forward. I don’t pull back. Our foreheads touch, and it feels like the world has narrowed down to just this. Just us. Then he inches back and holds his hand out, and my gaze goes to the snow globe in his palm.
“What is this?”
“I got this for you… for Christmas.” He holds it out, shaking it gently so I can hear the soft swish of something inside. My eyes catch the snow falling over the country club inside the globe.
“You once said you wanted to bottle that night,” he murmurs, his voice low.
A laugh escapes me, bubbling up before I can stop it.
Not because it’s funny, far from it. It’s the most thoughtful, ridiculous, perfect gift I’ve ever received.
But when I tilt it, peek through the glass, my chest tightens.
There, glued carefully to the back, is a picture of us.
Just us. From the night he had dinner at my parents’.
“You did this?” I whisper, incredulous. “You glued us on there.”
He grins, that easy, crooked smile that has me melting from the inside out. “You don’t like it?”
I shake my head, tears threatening to spill over. “I love it… Penn. I love it so much.”
He steps closer, the warmth of him brushing against me, and I can’t stop the small smile tugging at my lips. “Good,” he says softly. “Because I love you.”
“I love you too,” I reply, my voice breaking as emotions well up inside of me.
And in that moment, standing in the quiet of our peppermint-themed room, I don’t know what our future careers hold, but as long as we have each other, that’s all that matters.
I feel him shift slightly in my hands, and then he hesitates, pulling the small velvet box from his pocket. My breath catches.
“Penn…” I murmur, heart hammering so fast I can barely speak.
He swallows hard, eyes flicking to mine, searching, needing permission, and I nod. He opens the box. Inside rests my grandmother’s delicate diamond, small but brilliant, catching the light in the dim glow of my room.
My hands fly to my mouth. “Oh… oh, Penn…”
“Your dad also gave me this.” He swallows again, voice low. “I want to spend the rest of my life proving that I’ll protect you, care for you… love you. Always.”
Tears spill down my cheeks as I stare at him, at the man who would fight the world for me, at the man who finally sees himself the way I’ve always seen him. “Penn… I, this…” My words falter, but the meaning is clear. I love him. I want him. I always have.
He swallows and lets the box hover between us. “You… you don’t have to answer now. I just needed you to know how much you mean to me.”
I step closer, closing the space between us. My fingers brush his, gripping the edge of the box. “Penn… The answer is yes. It’s always been yes. Yes, I want this. I want you.”
His eyes go wide, and then, finally, a smile breaks across his face. Genuine, shaky, but radiant. Relief floods him, and it hits me how much he needed that affirmation as much as I needed him.
He leans in slowly, pressing his forehead to mine as he slides the ring on my finger. “I love you,” he whispers again.
“I love you too,” I whisper, then admire the ring on my finger. “I also have a present for you.”
“You do?”
I tug him inside, letting the door click shut behind us, and point toward the bed.
“Oh,” he says, waggling his brow. “I like the way you think.”
I burst out laughing, shaking my head. “That’s not what I was thinking.” Well, that might not be entirely true. I hand him the neatly wrapped box on the desk.
His fingers tremble a little as he rips the paper, and his eyes go wide when he sees what’s inside. An old board game—Trouble. A laugh bubbles up from deep in his throat. “My favorite.”
“I wanted to recreate your quiet Christmas morning,” I say softly, smiling. “You said you loved them.”
“I do,” he murmurs, his voice low and full of something that makes my chest flutter. “Maybe with this one, I’ll get lucky and pop a damn six.”
I nudge him playfully. “Oh, I think you might get lucky.”
He chuckles, but then his gaze drifts across the room, and a look of horror flashes in his eyes. “What the hell is he doing back here?”
I tilt my head toward the elf perched on the shelf, its tiny eyes staring at us. “Judging,” I say simply, smirking.
Penn’s laugh rumbles against my ear as he pulls me toward him, and before I know it, we’re collapsing onto the bed together, tangled limbs and laughter spilling through the room.
“How about we give him something to judge,” he murmurs against my hair, his voice low and playful, “And really secure our spot on the naughty list?”
“Now I’m the one who likes the way you think.” I snuggle closer, letting the warmth of him and the absurdity of the elf fill the room.
“Wait, I think your dad wants us to come over to watch the Grinch.”
“We don’t need to go anywhere. Not when I’ve got my own Grinch in my bed.” I wink at him. “I mean, you did deck Santa.”
He smiles back. “Twice.”
I laugh. “Maybe there’s something else you can do twice?” I tease.
“No maybe about it.”