Maizyn #2
My stomach drops to my feet at his request. I fumble to undo my seat belt so I can lean over the center console to get closer to her.
Her breathing is coming out rapidly. Her eyes are wild-looking, flicking back and forth without settling onto anything.
Her nails are scratching at her arms, leaving red welts behind.
I grab her hands to stop her from hurting herself, pulling them flush to my chest. Her touch is almost burning through my shirt but she has no reaction.
It’s like I am not even here. I press my fingers on her pulse point in her wrist. It’s beating out of control.
“Maizyn. Maizyn!”
She looks at me for a brief moment before her eyes seem to gloss over.
“Maizyn. Can you hear me?”
No response. Just a dazed look and her breaths become shorter. “Hey. I need you to breathe with me. Breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four.”
Still nothing. Fuck! Tears begin to stream down her cheeks. Her breathing is so shallow and choppy she is almost hyperventilating. “Atlas, the normal things are not working.”
“Fucking do something, Gavin!” his voice trembles as he yells.
“Fuck! Okay! Look… I have one more idea, but you might not like it.”
“I really don’t give a fuck what you have to do, just do something! Whatever it takes to get her to calm back down.”
Releasing her hands, I climb over the console, flopping ungraciously into the back seat next to her. I cup her face, hoping the touch will snap her out of it. I try to talk calmly, but the panic still bleeds out in my words. “Look at me. It’s okay, I’ve got you. You are safe.”
Still no response. Fuck am I really about to do this?
I don’t have another choice. I smash my lips against hers.
She gasps, sucking in a breath as soon as my lips connect with hers.
I press my fingers against the pulse point in her wrist again.
The moment I feel it slowing down, my lips pull away from hers, my own panic beginning to set in.
Her breathing has returned to normal, and her eyes widen in shock as life finally rushes back into them.
I jumped away from her so fast, as if she burned me.
Fuck! I didn’t want to kiss her, but I didn't know any other way to get her to calm down.
I whip my head in Atlas' direction, expecting an outburst of anger or for him to hate me, but instead, he thanks me for helping her.
It makes me feel like an even bigger asshole than I already did.
I move away from Maizyn, trying to give her space.
“Wh- What- happened?”
“I’m sorry… You were having a panic attack. Nothing was working, and I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Uh. It’s- It’s okay. I’m okay. Thank you, Gavin.”
She turns away from me, laying her head against the window, closing her eyes.
Not wasting another moment, I climb back over into the front seat and look anywhere but at her.
I might not have understood why my best friend worshipped her on an altar earlier today, but after meeting Maizyn Lewis and kissing her, I did.
I was envious he met her first, and I would quickly drop to my knees right beside him.
Maizyn
Getting carried out of Elixirs thrown over Gavin’s shoulder, then proceeding to throw up in front of both of them was not on my bingo card for how tonight would go.
I also didn’t expect a fight to break out, or for Atlas to have been the one throwing the punches.
I know it’s fucked up, but a tiny part in the back of my brain gets giddy at the fact Mister Control will always lose control for me.
I know it’s not a healthy reaction, but after going through life begging for scraps of love and grasping onto the bare minimum from people, the full force of his affection feels otherworldly.
Atlas helps me into the backseat and I relax against the window with my eyes closed. I am almost asleep when my palms begin to sweat. Fear begins to creep up my spine and I jump up into a sitting position.
Something's wrong. I know something is about to happen.
My heart is pounding.
The rapid thumping begins to echo in my head, a swooshing sound accompanying it.
It feels like my head is underwater.
My chest tightens.
I try to suck in air, but my lungs refuse to inflate.
Short, shallow breaths escape in rapid succession.
Fuck I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe?
The car interior is shifting between the one I am sitting in and a different one entirely. The feelings of impending doom become so overwhelming I begin to claw at the skin on my arms to see if the feeling will leak out. I just want it to stop.
I try to move.
I try to grab the door handle, but my body won't budge.
I don't have control of my body; my fear does.
I still can’t breathe.
No matter how fast I try to suck in air, I get nothing.
It feels like trying to drink through a straw with a hole in it.
Someone's face is in front of mine. Their lips are moving, but I cannot hear what they are saying. My focus is going in and out. He is in front of me one moment and gone the next. My vision feels fractured.
I see bright lights. I brace for what comes next. The sound of metal hitting metal assaults my ears, yet it’s quieter than I expected.
Warm lips crash against mine, catapulting all of my focus into the single sensation.
Everything else around me fades away. I squeeze my eyes shut.
My breath catches in my throat; instead of fighting to expel any air, I let it stay trapped in my chest. The swooshing in my ears subsides and I use the moment to push my lips harder against the ones touching mine.
The kiss is brief. It tastes of desperation.
They pull back, breaking the kiss. My eyes flutter open and immediately collide with frantic honey brown ones.
Gavin apologizes almost immediately. He somehow looks panicked and defeated at the same time.
I tell him it’s okay; I’m fine. I’m not sure how true the words are but they leave my mouth anyway.
Pretty sure my panic attack is a clear warning I’m far from okay, but what else are people supposed to say after they have a panic attack?
No one wants me to actually tell them how bad I am spiraling.
As soon as my mind catches up and I realize I am, in fact, not dying, all my remaining energy fades. I slump against the window and drift to sleep.