Chapter 15
Will wrapped his arms around me from behind as I stared out the bedroom window.
I hadn’t said a word in two days. But the rainy weather had finally ended, and my silence needed to end as well.
“You can’t stay in this room with me forever,” I said.
“Yes, of course I can stay. I’ll be here as long as you need me.”
“I know. But please go.”
As my body and my mind had fallen apart on the way to England, repressed grief slammed into me, creating a destructive cyclone of emotion. My mind fought back, forcing me into a mental lockdown. But it was time…I had to pull myself together, and I needed him gone.
Gone, but only so I could mend my broken heart with its own pieces, not with his.
He pressed his warm lips to the side of my face, and we watched deer frolic on the lawn, their spirits so wild, so free.
One little doe stopped in her tracks and looked up at the house, fixing her gaze on my window. She and I stared at each other before she finally ran off with the herd and left me staring at my own reflection on the glass.
She looked back once, and I knew…only one thing could set me free. I had to feel the pain, so it would leave me alone.
And I had to release Will from carrying my burden.
He had stayed in the room with me, protecting my heart, taking on my pain, and I let him.
“You’re not ready to be alone, Elle. I’ll stay,” he said.
I turned to meet his eyes, touched his face.
“I am ready. I need to feel my own pain.”
He nodded and kissed my forehead.
“I’ll come back in a few hours.”
As soon as he shut the door, my tears began to fall.
I pushed back at the numbness in my body, in my mind, and pulled all the hurt inward, crying with the force of someone who was drowning.
Every splintered piece of my heart cut me deeply and bled out. My heart mourned for Isabel. So young, too young to die. I mourned for my gran.
Snot and tears mixed, choking me as I sobbed harder.
I grieved for my parents. As a two-year-old, I never truly mourned that loss.
My soul wept over all the years I’d had with my sister and my gran. Because even through the good years, a hole in my heart had always existed.
I screamed silently.
Pain and loss ripped through me.
My heart pounded and banged.
I writhed on the floor.
And finally, when I willed myself to be stronger, to pick myself up from the floor, something inside me shifted…my grief shifted. I didn’t know what the change meant or how it would play out, only that it wouldn’t be easy.
But my god, the fear in my heart.
Five. Four. Stop it. Just fucking stop. Fear and anxiety can be managed.
Doing my best to change my thoughts, I stumbled to the bathroom, hoarsely whispering Lissie’s name.
Her losses are greater than mine.
While showering, I let my mind wander back to our arrival. I remembered the comforting car ride, the smooth roar of the engine, the wheels floating over the asphalt, the security of Will’s arms. I compared him to his sleek black car—a strong, sensual Jaguar that suited him so well.
His brother Thomas had driven us through the lush countryside to Hastings, their hometown situated along England’s southeastern coast. An ancient seaside town so appropriately named.
The name held power.
Will’s family estate overlooked the English Channel from the top of the sandstone cliffs.
And it was during that drive when I had come to understand how much Will favored Thomas over Ethan when it came to me.
Thomas’s size, his dangerous disposition matched Will’s. They even looked remarkably similar, the eyes, the mouth, and both classically handsome.
As I rinsed away the rose-scented soap and shut off the water, I remembered seeing all four brothers greet each other with notable affection at the airport.
I smiled, then winced after realizing I had.
Fresh linens covered the bed, and a tray with sandwiches, cheese, fruit, and hot soup waited on the side table.
Will had mentioned the efficiency of Eastridge’s staff.
I slipped into my robe, pulled the pins from my hair, letting it fall down my back, and let my mind drift back to Will.
He would be back soon.
And as if summoned by some intuitive force, he came through the door with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a bottle of wine in his other. He poured while inspecting me, his eyes roaming, evaluating, seeing my mood brighten.
What we’d shared in the days before was intimate and beautiful, chaste even. His kisses had been tender and sweet, his arms my sanctuary. But now that was all about to change.
A smile tugged at his lips as he stalked across the room and towered over me with our drinks in his hands. He waited for me to meet his eyes.
“Elle, when I say you’re mine, I mean it. And I don’t lose what’s mine. You will recover, you will smile again, and we will start over. Now drink.”
His first command since we had arrived, his voice strong and authoritative.
He put the wine in my hand.
“I want us to do this properly,” he added.
While sipping, I measured the determination in his eyes. Goosebumps raised on my arms. I let a small smile curve against my glass.
“You’ll start eating. With me, tonight. Now, or in an hour or two,” —he smirked— “but you will eat.”
I stood there, just staring at him. I stared at the man who had threatened to smack my ass for poor behavior. Who had shattered me so blissfully on that damn plane, using only his fingers. The man whose presence in my life was finally real.
And I wanted him more than anything.
His brows flashed. Had he read my mind?
Those long fingers guided my glass back to my mouth.
Will went to refill his glass, and while he did, he kept his eyes on me, this time as if he were diving into my soul. Then, without moving his gaze from mine, he shot his whisky.
“You haven’t said anything, Elle, but your eyes tell me everything I want to know…those fucking beautiful eyes.”
He stepped close again and swept my hair out of his way, threading his fingers through the back. He pulled my mouth to his and sucked hard on my lips, mumbling against my mouth.
“Goddamn it, I can’t wait any longer to have you.”
The glass slipped from my hand, splashing wine at our feet.
Neither of us cared.
He opened my robe, and it slid away from my shoulders, falling to the floor, covering the wine mess, revealing my bare body.
I reached out, my heart fluttering, but he stepped back.
“I want to look at you.”
The blue of his eyes disappeared behind dark pupils.
“Christ, you’re quite fucking lovely.”
The same words he’d said when we first met on the pier.
My mouth curved into that same nervous smile.
“You know what will happen if I don’t leave now,” he said.
I nodded.
“And that’s what you want.”
Not a question. Never a question.
The tone in his voice suggested that I shouldn’t want him, that it should offend me.
“Yes, I told you on the plane. I want to be with you, Will.”
His entire presence erupted, becoming an explosion of fiery emotion, and he tore his shirt over his head and dropped his jeans while stalking closer.
I gasped at the sight of him…his body was enormous…his erection was enormous.
My body quivered like a virgin’s who had never seen a naked man. But my strong desire for him beat out the nervousness.
Will smirked.
Then he lifted me into his arms and carried me to the bed. He dropped onto his elbows above me and kissed me. Our kiss was a firestorm of pent-up emotional and physical desire.
It boiled in our blood.
It was bone deep.
And as his skin burned into mine, I couldn’t tell the difference between us.
Someone pounded on the bedroom door.
No, no, no!
Still kissing, we ignored the pounding until we couldn’t.
Will leaped off the bed like a starved animal who had his prey taken from him and quickly shoved into his jeans. He jerked open the door.
“The fuck,” he snapped.
Ethan hesitated.
“Jesus. Calm down. I tried to leave you to it, but you need to hear this now. We’re going to lose Stanbury if you don’t speak to him. He agreed to stay with us if you get your arse back to work on his offshores. If not, he’ll pull everything today.”
Will pushed his fingers through his hair and looked over his shoulder at me.
“Yes, all right. I’ll take care of him.”
He shut the door and pulled on his shirt as he came back over to the bed. He rested his lips on my temple.
“We were so close, baby.”
I didn’t know why, but the least romantic thing possible popped out of my mouth.
“You weren’t concerned about contraception or?—”
“—I have no concerns. I saw your pills on the plane, and I was tested before I came over for you. I would never touch you without knowing it was safe for you.”
I suddenly felt shy.
“Oh. Well, what about me?”
He grinned.
“I assumed you would be on top of that as well.”
I nodded.
“Good,” he said.
“Go take care of your business, Will. I’ll wait for you.”
He grabbed a raspberry from the food tray.
“No, don’t wait up. You eat and then sleep.”
He put the raspberry in my mouth, brought his mouth to mine, and smashed the berry with his tongue, tasting it, tasting me.
I touched his face.
“Promise me you’ll eat, Elle. It’s been days. Mrs. Bates will have your green salads ready tomorrow.”
Without my response, Will walked away.
I threw myself back against the pillows, smiling while remembering the disbelief on his face back at the beach house when he noticed kale and avocado salads were full meals for me.
Just as he went through the doorway, he glanced back and saw me smiling.
“There you are, baby,” he said.
But then his soft expression became a scowl, and he left me all alone with that.