Chapter 35
Quentin
I’m not pitching today, which means I can take it easy as I watch the team gear up to play against Florida.
The humidity is stifling, with many of us walking around with portable fans to keep ourselves cool, seeing as it’s a day game.
With my fan in hand, I sit on the bench in the dugout as our team makes their way to the field. Ryker whips a ball to first base, right on target, never missing his focal point.
And while there’s so much going on around me, I can’t help my mind from drifting back to Teagan time and time again. Coach Tran doesn’t like us to be on our phones, so I made sure to check in before we got to the stadium.
She claims she’s fine and to stop worrying, but fuck, I can’t help it.
With us getting closer, it’s getting harder and harder to feel like we’re just friends, which doesn’t help my anxiety about being away from her at all.
It’s probably not healthy to be this wrapped up in her, but that’s a problem for another day.
The rest of the team fills in on the benches, and there’s a single spot left beside me, and as expected, Ian is the last one to make his way to the dugout.
He eyes the spot next to me and his jaw tightens, knowing he has no choice but to sit beside me.
Ian begrudgingly sits down, not uttering a word.
It’s like I can feel the tension mounting between us, a wave that’s rising and rising, and soon will drown us both.
Teagan keeps asking how it’s going with Ian since he found out I’m the father, and each time I have nothing to report back to her with. Before we would spar verbally, but now, he won’t even look at me.
So I know I really need to make an effort to be cordial in hopes to give her some good news soon.
I cough, clearing my throat before I speak up. “Saunders is looking good today.” I don’t really care to talk about who’s pitching today, but it was the only thing I could think about that would be safe to talk about.
Ian’s green eyes cut to mine, and it’s clear that he’s angry. He immediately looks away without saying a word.
Can’t say I didn’t try to be civil, dickhead.
We watch the game together in silence, with me talking to a trainer on my right until he gets up to check on a player.
When we’re somewhat alone, with most of the team on the field, Ian speaks up.
“If it didn’t piss Teagan off, I’d have my hands around your neck.”
Pfft. Ian has no idea that I’ve been trained in self-defense since I could understand what the term meant.
On top of that, Idris spent countless hours with me, teaching me how to fight before I left for America so that I could protect myself.
So while Ian might throw a good punch, there’s no way he could take me.
“It doesn’t change anything. She’ll still be pregnant with my baby,” I say low enough so that no one can hear us.
If smoke could come out of someone’s ears, let’s just say it would be right now.
Ian blows out a breath, then curtly says, “You fucking prick.”
“I already told you, I didn’t go after her knowing she was your sister. If I had known that, I would’ve stayed far away thinking she was exactly like your stuck-up ass. But she’s not. She’s amazing.”
That has him standing up, towering over me. “Do you have feelings for her? Getting her pregnant is one thing, but I forbid you to be with her.”
I stand, not about to let him think he can intimidate me. “Teagan and I will do whatever the fuck we want. We’re adults.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know they’re the wrong ones.
Ian grabs my jersey, cocks his arm back, but before he can land the punch, I duck and have him against the wall.
“Calm the fuck down. You’re going to make an even bigger scene and stress your sister out. She doesn’t need that.”
“Fuck. You,” he enunciates as he struggles to get out of my hold.
“What is going on here?” Coach Tran asks, making me take my hands off Ian.
“Nothing,” I mutter.
“He knocked up my sister,” Ian sputters, still trying to catch his breath.
Coach looks from me then to Ian and says, “Look, kid, I know you’re pissed because you hate Laurent for whatever reason. But everyone involved is an adult, free to make their own choices. Now I need you to be an adult and act professional. If you can’t, get out of my dugout.”
Ian is seething, but instead of doing anything dumb, he merely mumbles, “Yes, sir,” and takes off down the dugout to an empty spot that wasn’t there before.
I go to sit back down when Coach puts his hand on my shoulder.
“I don’t know how, but fix this. I won’t have your personal drama fucking up this team’s dynamic.”
“I’m doing my best, Coach,” I tell him honestly.
“You better.”
I can’t say I have a newfound appreciation for Ian, but Teagan’s happiness is more important to me than my feelings about her brother. So I’m going to do everything I can to make her happy and fix this.
The team is sitting in the hotel lobby bar, having a relaxing night in because we fly back home early in the morning. Our road series against Kentucky went well, sweeping them right on through. But Florida put up a good fight, ending the series in a tie as we both won and lost two games.
I’m looking forward to a small break before I pitch again because my shoulder’s been sore since this road series started.
At night in the hotel rooms, I do my personal therapy exercises, along with icing and praying that it somehow will be fully free of pain. I guess that’s what comes with being a pitcher for twenty years and having been in an accident.
“Give me another,” I hear a drunken voice slur from down the bar. Ian.
I didn’t even realize he was here. Ryker, Cole, and Pauly left a few minutes ago, so I hadn’t really taken in who else was at the bar.
“Sir, we cannot. You’re too drunk,” the bartender tells him calmly.
I throw money down for the two beers I had and make my way down to Ian.
“I want a fuckin—” Ian slurs.
I sit down in the seat next to him, my voice low but firm. “Ian, what is going on?”
“Oh, great. You.” He smiles, but it goes away as fast as it came.
“You’re not my cup of sunshine either,” I respond, doing my best not to lose it on him. The way he’s acting is childish. His sister is her own person. He shouldn’t still be this upset over it. “Why are you drinking?”
While we don’t know much about Ian as a team because he’s so closed off, we do know that we’ve never seen him drink during the season.
“Why do you think?”
“Look, Ian, we need to move forward for this baby.”
“It’s actually not that.” His voice is cold and detached.
That has me rearing back. “What is it then?”
Ian runs a single finger on the rim of his empty glass. “My mom called me today for the first time in years.”
I’m shocked into silence, unsure of what to say, because I know from Teagan that their mom hasn’t seen them in years and basically gave them away. Add in the fact that Ian’s telling me something personal? It feels out of body almost, the whole moment.
“What did she want?” I decide to ask because he’s sharing anyway, so why not? If he doesn’t want to share, that’s his choice. But at least I can say I tried to be there for him.
Ian pauses his finger, glancing at me then back at his empty drink.
“Oh, good ol’ mother of the year wanted to know my thoughts on us making the World Series. Because if so, she’d rearrange her schedule for that. I told her I wasn’t sure, and that she’s welcome to visit anytime. You know what she said?”
“Something that’s going to piss me off,” I say, feeling tense all over.
“She said, and I quote, ‘Oh, honey, you know I only make it for the big things. You don’t need to see me for nothing.’”
I shake my head as a storm brews within me, heat radiating throughout my entire body. Because what the fuck kind of person says that to their kids? Yes, I may have left my family behind, but it wasn’t for their lack of trying. They wanted to be there, but I didn’t. It’s a different story.
“I’m sorry, Ian, she sounds awful. You should probably stop answering those calls,” I say carefully, wanting to be honest while trying not to push him too far.
“I tell myself each call is going to be the last. And then suddenly she calls out of the blue, and I get this pinch in my chest. Hope, you could call it. That maybe, just maybe this is the one where she apologizes. Where she wants to get to know me,” he says on a choked sob, tears streaming down his face.
I pause with my hand halfway in the air, then think fuck it, and wrap my arm around his shoulders as he shakes.
“I’m sorry she wasn’t the person you needed her to be. But, Ian, I gotta tell you. Apart from being a closed off know-it-all, you should be really proud of yourself. You’re a hell of a pitcher, and I know you’ve looked out for Teagan her whole life. You care, and that’s important.”
A chuckle slips between his tears that have slowed, his breathing becoming less erratic, so I remove my arm.
“Since you shared with me, I’ll share something with you.
I grew up in a strict household, where hobbies were chosen for us.
I had a bit more leeway, because I had so many brothers, and that’s how I got into baseball.
But I knew from a young age that wasn’t the life I wanted to live.
So I left and haven’t had contact with my family since, apart from Camille and one brother.
I guess I’m just trying to tell you that I know what it’s like to feel like you have no one. You’re not alone in that.”
“Yours was a choice. Mine isn’t,” Ian responds, sniffling.
“You’re right. I’m just trying to show you that we all got shit from our pasts, and when we open up to people, it feels good.
Having a team that has your back feels good.
Being able to share things about your life with people feels good.
Being invited to celebrations, get-togethers feels good.
Choosing to continue to live a life of loneliness doesn’t feel so good, does it? ”
Ian’s eyes are full of sadness. I’ve never seen the guy so open and honest before. It’s jarring.
“I did it all for her, you know? Worked my ass off to be great at baseball, in hopes that my mom would come back to watch me play. It’s why I stayed so fucking focused on only baseball, so that I could be the best the world’s ever seen.
I ignore team camaraderie because I don’t want to lose focus.
All for what? A mother who doesn’t give a shit?
Who will never call me again once I retire in ten years? ”
“It doesn’t have to be that way still. You can choose a new path,” I encourage him, hoping that he’s listening even though he’s drunk.
He snorts. “The team hates me. You hate me. There’s no point. I may as well stick to the character I’ve created.”
“No one hates you.”
Ian gives me a don’t bullshit me look.
“Okay, maybe I did before, but not now. I understand you. And the guys will too if you just talk to them. You don’t need to tell them what you told me, just start with conversation.
Ask them what’s going on at home, talk about the latest movie, anything.
They don’t hate you. They just want to know you and have you truly be a part of the team. ”
“All right,” he replies, seeming better than he was before. “So where does that leave us two now?”
“You tell me,” I reply, letting him be the one to decide how this goes.
“I’d like to try and be…friends. Or whatever. You’re going to be around for at least eighteen years, so I may as well get used to you,” he says, a slight curve to his lips.
I smirk at his attempt to joke. “A lot longer than that. Wherever that kid is, I’ll be there.”
“Good, you better be. Or I’ll hunt you down,” Ian threatens, and I know there’s no joking to his words.
He doesn’t need to worry, though, because I’ve never been excited for anything in my life as I am to be a father.
I won’t be going anywhere.
It only adds to my potential decision to retire at the end of the season. Because not only do I want to before my body gives out on me, but now, I have a family to think of.
I want to be there for everything. The first time she rolls over on her tummy. Hearing the first giggle.
It’s with those thoughts that I decide retiring is more than likely going to be a possibility this year. There’s just someone I need to talk to first.