Chapter Twenty
Gracie
“Soooo,” Layna said in my ear as I flipped through my notebook for the next party I was planning.
“So, what?”
“Is he as good in bed as I imagine?”
“What?” I squeaked. But the sound had two of my cousins looking over, making me lower my voice.
“Oh, come on. We both know something was already going on there before you started shacking up at the club.” Worried her voice might carry, I casually walked back to the basement as if I were looking for something.
“And if you’re both on lockdown there, you’re totally fucking.
Is it hot? I mean, I’m sure the sex is hot.
But is the sneaking around hot? Damn, I wish I’d been that brave. ”
“You are very brave.”
“Not brave enough to bounce around on Spike’s cock. And, believe me, I was interested.”
“I don’t think you two are compatible. You’re too all over the place. And he’s very stationary here.”
“I’m not talking about marrying and making babies with him.
I’m talking about sex. Good, hot, sweaty, toe-curling sex.
Skinny guys like him are always hung… Yes, Cosmo, please,” she said, clearly sitting at a bar somewhere.
“I probably just need to get laid,” she admitted.
“Which might happen on this trip if I could stop winning at the tables. But until then, I will live vicariously through you. Come on.”
“I don’t—”
“Gracie Goose, come on. You know you can trust me. I would never break the confidence. And I know you. If you’re doing what I strongly suspect you are doing, you are probably equal parts excited, exhilarated, terrified, and guilty. You need someone to talk to about it. So talk.”
I glanced around the basement.
“Give me one second,” I said, tucking the phone in my pocket to rush up the ladder.
The glass room was empty.
So I hauled myself in, closed the door, and sat down.
“Okay,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“Alright. All ears. You two are banging, right?”
“Do people still say ‘banging’ these days?”
“I do. Stop stalling.”
“Yes, okay, yes.”
“I knew it! For how long?”
“I mean, there were some… things leading up to it. But actually having sex, just since I was put into protection here.”
“I knew he had blue balls that day!” she said, and there was a laugh somewhere in the background. “I probably should have eaten. This is only my second drink and I’m feeling it. Anyway, yes. Love this. Details, please.”
“It’s been…” Fantastic. Life-altering. “Really great,” I settled on.
“I bet. The sneaking around must be making it even hotter.”
“Kind of.”
“But, also, because you’re such a rule-follower, you must be anxious too.”
“Definitely. It doesn’t help that it’s all-hands-on-deck around here. I feel like I’m bumping into someone everywhere I go.”
“Are you in Nave’s old room?”
“The basement.”
“The basement? Why are you in the basement?”
“Fallon thought it was extra safe.”
“Well, I guess if no one is going up to the glass room, it is pretty private down there. So, heart check. You okay?”
“Heart check?”
“Come on, Gracie. We both know you are not a casual hook-up kind of girl. In fact, I don’t think you’ve ever slept with someone who wasn’t a boyfriend.”
“You’re not wrong,” I agreed.
“I mean, it has been ages since you’ve dated anyone, though, so I totally get needing to get back on the D. But… because of that history, how’s your heart?”
I fought back the instinct to lie.
“It’s… a little confused,” I admitted.
“Aw, of course it is. Especially since he saved your life. And because you kind of knew him before this, so there is already a bit of a connection.”
“And because we’re both locked down here, we’re talking more. And…”
“And?”
“And he’s a surprisingly nice guy. Like, he had a rough past, but he was good too. And he washes the hummingbird feeders and feeds the squirrels and… and he looks at me like I’m a puzzle he hasn’t figured out yet. And he holds me like he doesn’t want to let go.”
“Girlllll...”
“I know,” I agreed, squeezing my eyes closed when tears threatened.
“Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying!” Yet.
“Are they happy tears or sad tears or confused tears?”
“All, I guess.”
“My sweet little tear factory. Well, let’s tackle sad. You want more than hooking up?”
“It’s probably too soon to make that claim.”
“And yet.”
“And yet,” I agreed.
“Confused… because you don’t know if he feels the same?”
“No. I mean, yes. I just… I know it can’t happen. Not for real.”
“Because of the club rules.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, there have been exceptions…”
“Niro and Andi and Valen and Louana don’t count, since they were in love as far back as we remember.”
“Okay. Well, then there is Billie and Rowe.”
That was the one instance that I could compare what was going on with Perish to. Because Billie was a princess who had a wicked crush. Rowe had turned her down. Then, well, stuff happened. Now they’re married with lots of kids.
“I don’t remember, but I don’t think Rowe had quite the, uh, extensive criminal background that Perish does.”
“I think we know this family well enough to know they aren’t going to judge him based on that.”
“Maybe,” I agreed. “I mean, he hasn’t given me any reason to think he is thinking about this as anything more than a hookup. We both agreed that it’s over once I leave the clubhouse.”
“If I were a betting woman, and I am, I would put money on that not happening.”
“I guess we’ll see.”
“How long is it looking like you’ll be there?”
“You know them. Aside from the initial briefing, they’ve been keeping me in the dark.”
“Perish won’t tell you?”
“As far as I can tell, he’s been kept in the dark too.”
“Why?”
“I think maybe Fallon is worried he might get a piece of information and charge over there to deal with Cameron by himself.”
“And they’re, what, worried Perish’s massive body might bend Cameron’s knife?”
“I know, right? All I know is they need to make some progress soon. I’ve already lost my job.”
“The job that you haven’t needed for months? Good riddance.”
“And I have a party this weekend. I can’t cancel it.”
“I’m sure they will figure it out by then.”
“Fingers crossed. Because they probably wouldn’t like having to escort me to this one.”
“Why?”
“It’s for Cian.”
“Cian… O’Donovan?” Layna asked after mentally linking the name. “Irish mob Cian O’Donovan?”
“That’s the one.”
“Another guy I wouldn’t mind bouncing on top of…” Layna said, sounding lost in the fantasy for a second. “Is the club having issues with Cian? I thought we were kind of neutral on them.”
“Well, the word is that the Grassis have their guard up about Cian. So now the club is leaning a little more toward the Grassis.”
“Old allies. Access to the ports…”
“Exactly.”
“Why’d you take the job?”
“Well, at first, I didn’t know who it was for. Someone in his organization reached out to me. Then at the first big meeting… there was Cian.”
“And you didn’t want to piss off the mob.”
“Yeah. I mean, it was also an insane amount of money.”
“What kind of party is it?”
“A welcome home party.”
“Is that a nice way of saying ‘fresh out of prison’ party?”
“Yep.”
“Oh boy. Yeah, Fallon is going to hate that. I can’t believe you haven’t told him yet.”
“I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t need to tell Fallon,” I admitted. Then, hearing footsteps on the ladder, I tensed. “Hey, can I call you tomorrow?”
“Company?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Enjoy the amazing D.”
“You make good choices,” I said, having no idea how close she was to doing the exact opposite of that.
“Who you keeping secrets from?” Perish asked, popping up in the trap door opening.
“Heard that, huh?”
“Wasn’t eavesdropping. Was just coming up here to take a shift. You can’t be keeping shit from the club when we’re in lockdown.”
“I know. I was just kind of hoping lockdown would be open before this party.”
“What party?”
“For Cian.”
“Cian O’Donovan?” he asked with a bark of a laugh.
“I know, I know. But I didn’t know at first, then it was too late. I can’t cancel.”
“No, you can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “But I figure Fallon might actually be more comfortable with that than just a normal party.”
“Because there will be a bunch of armed men there?” I asked.
“Yeah. Things are… shaky with the Irish mob, but not unfriendly. Cian isn’t going to hurt you or let you get hurt if he can help it. It would be war in town. And nobody wants that. But you gotta tell him.”
“I will.”
“He’s on his way in now,” Perish told me, finally coming all the way into the glass room.
It was getting dark quickly.
But neither of us reached to turn on the light.
“You know,” I said as he closed the trap door and moved closer, “I’ve driven past this clubhouse a million times. And when this light is off… you can’t see anything from the street.”
“Gracie…”
“Or the ground,” I added. “Which I know for a fact because I’d been looking right up at it when Billie and Rowe were… occupying it. And I would have been scarred for life if I’d seen that.”
“Baby, it’s too risky.”
“Is it?” I asked.
My desire for him had made me bold. And it had been a couple of days since we’d gotten a chance to be fully alone. We’d spent plenty of time with each other. Talking, watching TV, playing cards, eating.
But nothing to ease the ache clawing at my core.
I reached for some blankets, spreading them out, then lowering myself flat.
My gaze was on him as I lifted up, sliding off my pants and panties.
I knew I almost had him when that little growl I loved so much escaped him.
But his gaze slid to the windows, to the world below. To where my cousins or uncles might be.
“Like this,” I suggested, rolling onto my side, cocking my legs up, and waiting for him to slide in behind me, his whole body blocking me from view even if someone could see.
Another of those little growls.
But he slid behind me.
“You’re a bad fucking influence,” he mumbled in my ear.
But his hands were already sliding up under my shirt, squeezing, rolling, teasing.
It wasn’t long before my hips were rocking back against him.
The hard line of his cock pressed against me.
Desperate for more, I reached back, working his button and zipper free, then reaching inside to wrap my hand around him.
My own legs pressed tighter together as my sex clenched, already thinking of him deep inside.
“Impatient,” he said, teeth nipping my earlobe.
But he was just as desperate.
I lost his hand as he dug in his wallet for the condom, then quickly protected us before sliding back behind me again.
His knees cocked up behind mine.
His body pressed closer.
Then his hardness was against me, then surging deep inside.
A low, deep moan escaped me, mingling with his rough curse as he filled me.
“Almost forgot how fucking good you feel,” he said, breath warm on my ear as I wiggled against his lap, needing movement, needing friction.
I figured, after days of not being able to have this, he would be hard and rough and desperate to get us both to the finish line.
Which was why I was surprised when he shifted his hips back slowly. Then just as slowly slid back deep inside.
I expected to be frustrated by the pace.
But slowing things down made me achingly aware of each thick inch as he moved inside me.
I expected the intensity of the need for release. What I didn’t expect was this broken-open sensation on my chest as this big man held me gently, and his lips and tongue lightly teased my ear and my neck.
And the only problem?
Perish seeped into those cracks, filled them, filled me.
And I knew right then that it wasn’t just enjoyment anymore, just harmless sex.
Because we’d gotten too close over our little lockdown, being in each other’s orbit, sharing casual conversations, learning things about each other thanks to proximity and curiosity.
This wasn’t just about sensation.
It was about connection.
And the feelings that had been growing.
I squeezed my eyes shut when they burned and forced myself not to think, just to feel, just to get lost in what was easy, uncomplicated.
The way I wanted him.
The way he wanted me back.
And as my body climbed closer and closer to that cliff, it became easier.
Perish groaned in my ear as the orgasm coursed through me, then rocked deep and tensed as he came.
But as soon as the waves of pleasure ebbed away, all that was left were the feelings.
Perish held me for a long moment.
Until the sound of the bike rumbled closer and closer.
Fallon had arrived.
That was what had him releasing me, moving away, then handing me my pants and underwear before tucking himself away and heading down the ladder.
Alone, I pulled my clothes back on.
Then pulled my knees to my chest, leaned forward, and let the tears come.
I knew myself well enough to know that if I tried to hold them off, they would just come out at the most inopportune moments. Over a petty frustration. Watching a sad scene. Hearing someone say something nice. Anything could be a trigger.
So I just wrapped my arms around my legs and let the hopelessness of starting to fall for a man I could never have overtake me, draining from me tear by tear.
Then, when there were none left, I wiped my cheeks, blew my nose, and made my way down from the glass room.
I stopped only to dig in my purse for my eye drops. One pro tip I’d learned was that if you were going to be someone who cried a lot, you had to carry eye drops to get the red out. Or everyone was going to keep asking you if you were okay.
Satisfied, I squared my shoulders and made my way upstairs to fess up to Fallon about the party.
All the while trying to avoid looking at Perish, even though I could feel his gaze on mine, something intense there that I was choosing not to analyze. Because what good would that do?