Chapter Twenty-Four
Emberli
F ive days have passed since Mack left and they have dragged. What feels like weeks has only been two days, with a short message to Thayne saying that everything will be okay and is under control.
And on the topic of Thayne, he and I had fallen into a pattern of spending more time together than usual. He’d often stay behind at work to drop me home after my gigs and had even accompanied me to my second check-up appointment here in Shadow Peaks, where I was relieved to find a younger and more amiable midwife filling in for the not at all missed space of Stacey.
Her name was Rhea and I was convinced she was a godsend. She’d recently moved into the town from the big city for a more simple and quieter life. Something I too had found myself wanting more and more. And I wouldn’t forget the look on Thayne’s face as I told her I agreed with her. I think a part of him still doesn’t believe I’m here to stay.
Rhea was more than accommodating. She’d even given me her phone number. I’m not sure she knew exactly what she was getting into when she did, but she still answers my texts at midnight saying that I can indeed eat five bananas one after another if I wanted to.
I’d introduced her to the girls and, as expected, she fitted right in. I’d never had an overly-wide circle of friends until I came here. The girls were all amazing. I couldn’t ask for any better than them.
After speaking to Odessa, who seemed to have become my unpaid therapist after my gigs, I’d been meaning to work up the courage to ask Thayne about what was going on between us, but I bailed every time I was given the opportunity.
Fear of rejection? Positive.
I’d never missed alcohol more. Liquid courage would have got this sorted out by now. Done and dusted. But instead, I had to be brave for once and not rely on alcohol to give me that extra confidence boost. It was bad enough that I was already lacking in the confidence department.
I spent my time this morning looking around for Thayne, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
He wasn't in the cabin and nowhere to be seen on the ranch either.
When I make my way into the main house, it’s only Colton who’s there, cursing at the video game he plays.
“Have you seen Thayne?” Colton’s eyes dart up to me from the television he’s taken over as he pauses his game.
“I think he’s down at the graveyard. He won’t be long. Anything I can help you with?”
I collapse on the couch beside him and run a hand over my bump. “No. Not unless you can pretend to be me.”
He chuckles. “I think that might be a bit hard. Wanna talk about it?”
“No, it’s okay.”
The last thing I wanted to do was burden Colton with my current problems, despite them eating away at me.
His eyes flicker to mine. “Wanna play a game to distract yourself?” He hands me a controller and I don’t hesitate to snatch up the opportunity to take my mind off Thayne and I for a little while.
I spent the next hour listening to Colton chat my ear off about a girl he was hung up on, often using it as an excuse for when I won. All five times.
“I just… I don’t know. Everything comes back to her. Does that make sense?”
“I mean, yeah.” I click the trigger on the controller numerous times as my in game character finds Colton.
“Fuck!” He yells and tosses his controller to the side, falling back into the couch with a groan. “Why are you so good at this?”
“My brother,” I say. “Look, if you like this girl you can’t be whoring around like you are currently.”
“Ouch. But true.”
“If she’s the one, she needs to know that.”
“But the others, they’re all just distractions from the way I feel about her. She doesn’t get that.”
I stare at him, trying to make sure I heard what he’d just said correctly.
“Colt. If you were in her shoes, would you accept what you’ve just said to me?”
He goes silent for a moment before grunting. “No.”
“Exactly. If you want her, you need to show her you do.” I shrug.
“You don’t understand, I think I’ve fucked it this time.”
“What, so you're just willing to give up?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. Women are complicated.”
“Men are complicated.” I counter with a sigh.
“It’s always been her. But I’m afraid I’ve fucked it up for real this time. I take every chance she gives me and ruin it just like I do with every other good thing in my life.”
“What’s her name?”
“Jaycee.”
“And does she love you?” Colt nods at this.
“I think so. She always has.”
“Then trust me, you can win her back. ”
“You really think so?”
“I’m a woman. I know these things. Life lesson? Women are always right.”
Colt nods firmly. “Got it. Thanks, Emberli. That kid inside of you is going to be so lucky to have you as a mom.” A sigh leaves him. “I never really had many memories of mine, but I can imagine she was like you. You’re gonna be an amazing mom, Em.”
I involuntarily tear up and Colton’s eyes widen at this. “Oh God. Are you gonna cry? I didn’t mean to upset you, Em.”
“I’m fine.” I wave him off. I've gotten used to the daily cries lately. Accepting myself not as weak, but as a hormonal, justifiably so, mess.
“I’m not good with females crying. Tell me what to do. Did I upset you?”
I laugh at this but it comes out strained, like a wail.
“No you didn’t.”
“What did you say to her, shithead?” Thayne’s grouchy voice fills the living room and we both turn to him. His eyes bounce between his brother and I before he narrows them. “Are you okay?”
I nod and then sniffle. “Colton was just being sweet. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to find you.” I wipe my eyes.
“I was at the graveyard and then I took a trip to Lacey’s for some camping bits.”
“We’ve got a shit ton in the shed out back.” Colton says.
“Wanna come help me look?” Thayne asks and I nod, following him in silence into the backyard as I attempt to phrase what I want to say to him in my head.
Hey, so what is this?
Hey! Is there something between us?
This was awful.
Excruciatingly awful and painful.
How does one attempt to bring up numerous situations I need explaining?
I needed to know what this was between us .
Was I even ready? Yes, I definitely was.
Was Thayne?
And if so, would he even want to be with me?
Had I misread everything?
Perhaps he was just helping me out. Perhaps he didn’t feel what I was feeling.
“Colt was right,” Thayne mumbles. “There’s so much stuff in here.”
“Did you guys camp much as kids?”
“Yeah all the time. We used to hike into the mountains and set up camp for a few nights.”
“I see.” I see?
God. How awkward can I get?
Thayne’s head dips as he enters the small shed, the man is so broad that he fills up most of the small space as he clatters around.
“Pick up anything you want to take.”
“Okay,” I say slowly and he turns to me, almost as if he can hear the hesitation in my shaky voice.
I don’t know why it was so hard to just come out and ask him if we could talk. I think a part of me was worried that I’d get shut down the way I used to with Elijah.
Thayne was nothing like him, but my fears were all the same.
It appears that being constantly deprived of basic communication would do that to a person.
“You okay?” Nope .
“Yep.”
One not-convinced eyebrow raise later, Thayne strides forward to me, his eyes flying up to above my head just as a watering can on the shelf rocks. He grabs it with one hand almost instinctively before it falls, snagging my waist towards him with his freehand.
I try not to gawk at Thayne too much, but it’s almost as if it’s unachievable. The two of us remain firm in place until he pulls me closer, making this a lot more intimate than it just was. Neither one of us speaks. Our breaths tangled closely and my eyes flicker over his lips as I wonder just for a second what they’d taste like.
Thayne’s facial expression remains unreadable. Unaffected. But the heavy intensity of his focus on me is enough to cause every inch of my body to go into dysregulation.
I’d bet money that he doesn’t even know the effect he has on me.
I want to capture this moment in a picture that I can remember forever, which sounds awfully cringey and somewhat childish. But that’s what Thayne Rawlings has done to me.
“Colt told me I could find…Woah! Sorry! Didn’t realize I was interrupting something. Let me just…” Willow startles the both of us and she gracelessly fumbles with the door of the shed as she tries to close it. “Sorry!”
“We’re meant to go out riding.” Thayne explains as he loosens his grip on me, clearing his throat.
“Right.” I awkwardly look anywhere else but at him.
“Look, why don’t you take a look in here and see if there’s anything you want to take on the camping trip, okay? I’ll meet you back home.”
“Okay.” My throat is as dry as anything, as I wipe the sweat off my hands and onto my dress. “Can we talk soon?”
My words stop him in his tracks and he turns around, his eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Of course we can. Do you want to do it now? I can cancel on Wills, she won’t mind.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No. You go. We’ll talk later, yeah?”
“Okay.” He smiles, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss against my temple. It’s a short and sweet moment that has my heart thumping in its chest even when Thayne leaves.
That man had a habit of making my heart beat in ways it’s never beaten before. It becomes apparent to me that Thayne Rawlins owns it. He owns my heart.