Chapter Twenty-Five
Thayne
THAYNE: Any luck yet? Are you safe?
MACK: Don’t worry about me, big bro. I’m doing just fine.
THAYNE: See this is exactly why I worry about you.
T he blades of grass are overgrown as Willow and I ride through the vast plains, specks of golden and green pasture merge together under the herd of cattle in the distance. The wind is high as it flies over the peaks, whistling past us with a heavy push.
“Are we going to talk about what I stumbled upon fifteen minutes ago?” Willow asks as she rides alongside me.
“Nope.”
“Okay. Let me rephrase. We are going to talk about it.”
I roll my eyes, I should have known better than to say no to my younger sister, who appeared to never know just when to quit.
Didn’t need a DNA test to know she was a Rawlins.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Nothing?! Thayne you were literally about to snog her face off.”
I turn my nose up at her choice of words. “I was not about to snog her face off.”
Lucy, beneath me, makes a snorting sound at my words. Like my sister, it’s clear my horse doesn’t believe me either.
“See? Even Luce thinks you’re talking whack.”
“Do you like her?” I turn to my sister just as we start to move downhill, she stares at me, waiting for my response.
“Of course I like her.”
She nods her head slowly. “And… Do you want to be with her?”
“I’m not having this conversation, Wills.”
“Yes we are.”
There it is again. That Rawlins’ stubbornness I know so well. My sister didn’t give up easily, it was one of the best yet worst traits about her.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve let someone in.”
“I know.” Willow's voice cracks with emotion, I can feel her looking at me even though I look forward. “That’s why I don’t want you to mess this up and push her away.”
“Wills.”
“I’m only looking out for you because I love you and I’ve grown to love Emberli too. You’ve been through something traumatic, Thayne. And Emberli has only just surfaced out of a really emotionally abusive relationship.”
“I know, Wills. You don’t have to look out for me.”
“You’re my brother. Of course I’m going to, dipshit.” She sighs. “But I’m serious, okay? If you’re all in with her. You have to be all in.”
“I am. I just don’t want to force her into anything she’s not ready for. ”
“She likes you, Thayne. I’ve seen it.”
And whilst I hope what Willow says is true, I can’t stand the thought of losing Emberli like I’ve lost others.
“And I know you’ll be good to her. But she wants to give you the world, Thayne. Let her. For once, let someone else take the lead.”
“Alright. That’s enough about me.”
I tend to try to make light of serious situations so they don’t seem so serious.
Serious is terrifying and I’m not good at it.
Something I’d need to work on if I wanted whatever this thing was with Emberli to work. Because I do want it to work. I’ve just never been good at the whole letting people in thing.
Willow shoots me a knowing look, completely aware of the avoidance I’m dancing with.
“What’s the deal with the motorcycle?”
“There is no deal.”
“Oh come on, Wills. I thought we were honest with each other.”
A long and heavy sigh leaves her mouth and I want to fix all the problems she seems to have rushing through her mind. I hate seeing her so overwhelmed. Willow was tested for ADHD as a child, but her results came back and found her not to have it. My family and I didn’t agree. Willow had masked her feelings all the way up to the age of twelve and that’s when the over excitement and stress went to war on each other. It was as if she was in a constant battle with her emotions and when she’d return home from school, she’d be so exhausted she’d fall asleep immediately. As she got older, her traits changed. Like now, she’s obsessed with something new each week, and her determination to do this new thing is always unmatched and excitable. She never falters. But she does get bored, which is why she hasn’t had a boyfriend in a very long time.
Willow described to me that she felt her brain never stopped. Even when she woke, she often felt tired like she hadn’t slept one bit.
It baffled me how she could continue to stay so positive all day, every day.
She believed that everything in this world happened for a reason, it was one thing we disagreed on most. But apart from that, Willow and I had always been close, which is why she’s so worried about my life choices instead of her own.
“You seem like you’re spiraling.” I tell her. She shoots a glare at me.
“I am not spiraling. I just like the way it feels. I like the control I have. Makes me feel like I’m in control of something in my life.” She mutters, a clear dig at Flint who hasn’t given her a break as of late.
“Want me to talk to him?”
She shakes her head. “Nah. Don’t bother. It won’t change anything.”
Flint was many things. Strong-headed being one of them.
“Wills. If he’s upsetting you this much, I’ll talk to him.”
“Honestly, it’s not him. I’ve just been feeling more down than usual lately.”
“Any reason why?”
“Beats me.” Willow shrugs her shoulders as she gives a pat to her horse before jumping off her and stares at the meadows in front of us. “I’m okay. It’ll pass.”
She was always so hopeful. So positive.
Willow turns to me with a stern look on her face. “However, if I hear you’ve so much as upset Emberli, there will be hell to pay. Understand?”
I grin at my sister's protectiveness. “Understood.”
Her face softens. “When are you going to tell her, Thayne?”
“We’re talking tonight.”
“You know what I’m talking about, Thayne. When are you going to tell her about Mae?”
** *
Emberli sits so rigid in her chair you’d think she was frozen. Her face is so pale that for a moment I’m unsure if she’s unwell.
Seeing her on edge puts me over it. She’s even more awkward than usual, blundering around the living room like a spider attempting to flee for its life until I had to forcefully sit her down.
“What’s wrong?”
She hesitates.
“Hey. Talk to me.”
Her shoulders immediately relax before she inhales a huge breath. “What is this? What is… going on here?”
I’d expected this talk sooner rather than later. Assurance was something I’d noticed Emberli needed and I had no issue giving it to her.
“Like I don’t want to get the wrong idea and you’re just being nice? Oh God. What if you are just being nice? What if I’ve…” I’m over by her side in two seconds, sitting beside her and resting my hand on her own as she rambles away.
“You haven’t got the wrong idea, Emberli.”
“I haven’t?” Her eyes flicker to mine curiously.
“No. Look. I like you, a lot. But I don’t want to force you into anything you’re not ready for.”
In the grand scheme of things, it had only been a few months since Elijah and her had ended. The last thing I wanted to do was spring the idea of us onto her when she wasn’t ready.
“I like you too.” She breathes out.
And fuck, does it feel amazing to hear her say those few words.
“But I’m scared.”
“Understandable.”
She looks at me nervously. “What does this mean? For us? There’s a lot more at stake than just me now. What if you decide you don’t want this? What if you change your mind?”
Her worries tear at my heart, knowing that they probably come from a long list of things Elijah has said and done to her.
I grind my teeth together. “I can assure you that nothing is going to change my mind about you.”
She nods slowly, taking it in. “I can’t promise that I’m going to be perfect.”
“I’m not asking you to be perfect, trouble. I’m asking you to be you.”
“I can be me.” She breathes out.
“Good, because you are all I want.”
And even though my words are true, I can see her thinking them over in her head, her brows furrowed as she does.
“Thayne. I’m scared.” Her head dips and I catch her chin, tilting it up to face me.
“Hey. We don’t have to do anything. We can just see how it goes.”
Her face visibly relaxes at this. “See how things go.”
“Yeah.”
She ponders on this for a second before nodding. “Okay. I like that. I have another question.” Her cheeks flush a pink color and I lean back on the sofa.
“By all means, ask away.”
“Okay. So this… seeing how things go, does this entail seeing other people?”
Fuck no.
I try not to show any sign of emotion as the words leave her mouth, and clear my throat. “Do you want to see other people?”
“I mean… yeah. I’ve just… I’ve spent so long with one person that I just want to be on the dating scene for a while, you know?”
I nod even though I feel I’m in a chokehold. I don’t want Emberli to see other people, but if that’s what she needs to do before she realizes I’m the one, then so be it.
I’ll just have to make all of her dates disappear, perhaps I could take a page out of Flint’s book.
Emberli’s eyes search my face and I try incredibly hard not to show the jealousy that consumes me whole.
“You’re okay with that?” she asks .
I bite out a strangled “Yep.” And she bursts out laughing, flying back into the sofa as she shakes her head at me with a huge grin on her face.
“Thayne, I don’t want to see other people.” She giggles. Thank fuck for that.
I know I wasn’t the only one in town who wanted to date Emberli, so I’d have my work cut out for me with all the disappearing acts I’d have to perform. I’d still do it regardless but at least now I didn’t have to.
“You should have seen your face.” She giggles. “I should have taken a picture.”
“Well, how about you picture this… You and I, forever.” Her eyes soften at my words and I reach over, squeezing her hand.
“I was trying to be nice. I really don’t want you to see other people.” That smile I enjoy seeing so much makes another appearance on her lips as she rolls them together.
“So we’re seeing how things go, and not seeing other people.” She confirms.
“Correct.”
“Okay. I’m glad that’s out of the way.” All seriousness drops from her face as she turns to me with a smirk. “Wanna watch The Lion King?”
I hate that fucking film.
Can you be jealous over a film? I’m definitely envious of how much she pays attention to it.
But I say yes and pop some corn because watching it makes Emberli happy. Most of it anyway.
I grab a box of tissues for when Mufasa’s death scene surfaces and plonk myself beside her.
This, right here, is where I want to be forever. By her side.