Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Si x
Emberli
C amping was a total and absolute flog.
It turns out that neither of us checked the weather forecast to see that there were thunderstorms and heavy winds due. Dark rain clouds integrated above the truck as we headed back home in an attempt to beat the storm. We made it back fine and had gotten word from Mack that he was also okay. The storm had just missed him. He hadn’t managed to locate Elijah and thinks Joel set him up. A part of me couldn’t help but feel responsible for it all and for believing Joel would help.
Thayne had apologized repeatedly for us not being able to go camping. I don’t think he knew just how much I appreciated spending time with him, no matter what it was.
The storm passed in two days, however it had wreaked havoc. Trees had fallen, gates had broken and cattle had escaped. Not to mention the damage to houses around us, broken pieces of painted wood were scattered throughout the town. It had put Rawlins’ Ranch in turmoil to say the least, and Flint was flying off the handle. He had been since three in the morning.
Like the gentleman he is, Thayne told me to get some sleep and rest. But I wanted to help and besides, it was about time I started pulling my weight around here. The Rawlins’ family had done everything in their power to help me, it was about time I repaid the favour.
Apparently everyone, their mother and their mother’s mother is shopping at Lacey’s after the hit we took the past few days, and I’m waiting in line when someone I vaguely recognise waves at me and cuts the queue in order to reach me.
“Hey! Emberli, right?”
I know a fake when I see one, and standing in front of me was Annie. The woman from the night of Aca’s leaving party.
Go away, toxic energy! Shoo!
I had no clue what she wanted with me, but I could guarantee it wasn’t genuine. People like her never are.
“Annie. Good to see you.”
“So good to see you. How’s the ranch?”
“We lost a few cattle and a few sheds have blown over but it’s nothing that isn’t fixable.”
“Shame. I can always come and help out?”
“I think we’ve got it under control, thanks.” I put a divider after my items on the conveyor belt and feel her eyes lingering on me.
“It’s always just so amazing to see how that family manages to pick themselves up after everything that’s happened, you know?”
I nod, taking note of the overly-sympathetic voice she puts on before sighing dramatically and loudly, drawing attention to us. More than I wanted, especially looking the way I do right now.
I have a heavy stained band tee and black comfy yoga pants, and to top it all off… I don’t even think I’ve brushed my hair today.
“I mean, after Mae… just so sad.”
“Mae?” I clamp my jaw shut. Aware I’ve just given the woman beside me something to chew on, she smiles triumphantly but manages to hide it with a pitiful one. “You didn’t know?”
I say nothing and move forward in the line.
“I’m surprised Thayne didn’t tell you. Considering how close you two are and all.”
“Sorry, Annie. I’m kind of in a rush here.”
“I’m just shocked. Maybe you and Thayne aren’t as close as you seem. I’d understand it considering Elijah killed her.”
Suddenly I feel like I've been sucker punched.
What was she talking about?
Who was Mae?
And why hadn’t Thayne told me about her?
This is exactly what Annie wanted, and when she sees the shock on my face, I realize I’ve just handed the trophy to her.
“Oh babe, I’m so sorry.”
Murmurs surround us just as a cherry-red head pops up beside us both. “Annie. Outside now.”
Annie looks at my savior in disgust, flickering her gaze up and down before turning on her heels and disappearing. Thank fuck.
I can’t stand that woman and I’ve met her twice. God knows how the rest of the town copes.
“Don’t let her get to you. Ignore her.” Says the woman as she takes off after Annie.
I’m having one of those frequent moments where I forget how to breathe. And when I do it’s a shaky inhale that feels like an icicle stabbing at my throat.
I barely even remember paying at the checkout, or walking back to the ranch. I’m in a whirlwind state of confusion by the time I place the bags down on the counter.
I don’t know what I’m feeling.
More questionably, I don’t know how I should feel.
In the living room, Colton is playing his video game and losing, no surprise there.
Ryker and Flint are talking about what seems to be repairs for the ranch. Doug and Sally hover behind them, listening. Lynnie, Odessa and Willow are talking about Willow’s missing motorcycle that had disappeared during the storm, Lynnie blames it on Flint and then she and Flint begin to bicker. Again, no surprise there.
And Thayne was in front of me, both hands on my shoulders as he frowns. “You look pale. Are you okay?”
“Who’s Mae?”
If I looked pale, Thayne had just turned into a ghost. His entire face drops. There isn’t an ounce of expression on it. None that I can read anyway.
Silence blankets the entire house. It’s as if nobody dares to speak, as if I’ve just brought up something unspeakable.
“When were you going to tell me about her?” When were you going to tell me how my ex-boyfriend killed her?
“Emberli. Listen, I don’t want to do this right now.”
“Do what right now? I just want to know who she is. Or was I - I don’t understand…”
“You don’t have to. Okay?” Thayne’s tone is harsh and abrupt. “Just leave it.”
Mae is obviously someone he doesn’t want to speak about. And I should have left it there like I always did, but I couldn’t do that anymore.
Something had to change.
I couldn’t continuously push away my feelings to benefit others, and whilst I’m sure Thayne doesn’t mean to shut me down, he’s doing just that.
“I want to know who she is.”
“And I don’t want to have this conversation.”
“Guys. Let’s just calm down,” Willow suggests and I glance to her, to all the faces behind her.
And then it hits me.
Everyone knew. Everyone except me knew.
Maybe I shouldn’t be as upset as I am. Maybe it’s the hormones. But the familiar sting of a slap in the face from feeling alone is enough to wake me up.
“You all knew, didn’t you?” I’m horrified. Humiliated. My chest is rising and falling rapidly and Thayne doesn’t reach out to comfort me when a warm tear slides down my cheek. We stand only centimetres apart, yet we couldn’t be further. The irrational side of me takes over and I suddenly have the urge to pack up all my things and leave.
“Oh my God. I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me Elijah killed someone? How did he… What happened?”
“Elijah happened. He hit her with a car. Is that what you want to hear?” Thayne can’t even make eye contact with me, or more specifically, he won’t.
Did he blame me for what Elijah did?
Is that why he hated me so much when I first arrived?
Oh God.
Everything was piecing together and suddenly there wasn’t anything I hated more in this world than the truth. I should have known my short-lived happiness would eventually meet a standstill. And it appeared this was it.
“I want to talk to you about this.”
“Enough.” Thayne shakes his head. “I’m not doing this. Let’s just forget this conversation.”
“No.” I follow him into the kitchen. “Don’t shut me out.” I plead.
Everything in my body aches, and it feels like I’m slowly evaporating.
“Nothing you say, nothing I do, can bring Mae back. Okay? Do you understand that? This may come as a shock to you, Emberli. But not everything is about you.”
“Thayne!” Someone yells from the doorway and as I turn, as if this situation isn’t embarrassing enough, everyone stands there. Willow’s eyes flicker between her brother and I.
“Excuse me.” Mortification ripples through me and I swear I’m about to be sick any moment now from the revelations that have surfaced .
“Hey.” Thayne’s hand grabs my wrist, a spark of guilt and need threads through his voice as he spins me to face him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?”
I withdraw my hand from his grasp, keeping my head high and begging myself to hold it together until I get outside.
“It’s fine. Let’s just save the hassle of all of this.”
“No. Don’t do this. Don’t push me away.”
“I don’t have a choice. I spent years trying to communicate with someone who wouldn’t do the same. And it drove me to lose myself. I won’t do that again. I deserve more than that, Thayne. I can’t do this. Okay? I just can’t.” I turn, desperately trying to escape and this time, he lets me.
He doesn’t follow, and as much as the lover in me wants him too, I know we need our space right now.
And for once, I need to prioritise mine.