Chapter 4
FOUR
STELLA
“So, what’s good here?” I asked as we settled at our table. We’d managed to grab the last one not taken by Bats fans looking for a quick bite after the game.
It reminded me of all the hole-in-the-wall restaurants in our old neighborhood. Italian and Chinese food weren’t the same anywhere else, but I never knew if it was because of the quality of the food or due to not having any emotional attachments to where I’d gotten it from.
It was nice to be home, if strange, because I hadn’t stayed in Brooklyn this long since I’d lived here. Holidays and random weekends I could spare to see my mother had been it. I’d never hated it here, but staying too long had always made me antsy.
I could never pinpoint the reason why. Maybe it was because I still saw my father everywhere, especially in a restaurant like this.
Local, homey, familiar, even though it was the first time I’d been here.
I’d lived more years without him than with him, but the loss still ached.
Gary had never said why he’d run to enlist in the military after he’d finished school, but I’d suspected he’d felt the same way.
I had to face whatever demons were keeping me away now since I had nowhere else to go and no plan for how to get there.
“Anything. I hear the lasagna is good, but I can’t get that out,” Lee said, cracking a grin as he lifted his water glass to his lips.
“Your mom spoiled all of us,” I said, smiling across the table at Lee. He smiled back, but it faded fast.
Dark rings circled his crystal-blue eyes, and his shoulders were tight as he leaned back.
“Chicken parm is usually a good bet, right? And a nice big glass of wine since I have a ride home.” I closed the menu and set it on the red-checkered tablecloth.
“So what’s got you so twisted? You said you needed a friend and you’re fucking everything up, which I can’t really see you doing. And you kinda look like shit.”
“Is this you sweet-talking me so I’ll open up?” he asked, arching a brow.
“Sure, we could call it that. So, talk to me.” I tapped my finger on the table.
He ran his hand over the back of his head. Lee had always kept his hair short, but it was long enough now to stick up after he threaded his fingers through it. It was black and thick, aside from the glimpse of gray I’d noticed earlier. It looked soft too.
Not that I wanted to touch it or anything.
“My sister is moving. Tom got a huge job offer in Chicago, one he couldn’t pass up.”
“Oh, that’s great. But…are they taking Bennie with them?”
My chest pinched. Lee had been so happy to work for a New York-based team so he could see his daughter more. Maybe this was what seemed to be killing him.
“No. She’s staying with me. My mother is moving too, but not with them. She’s actually moving in to your mother’s place. Some of Mom’s friends are there and love it, and she really shouldn’t stay alone in the house without someone there. Well, someone other than her granddaughter.”
“It’s a great place. Your mom could join us for bingo.” I raised my glass. “I’d love to see her.”
Lee’s mouth curved, but the smile never made it to his eyes.
“She’d love to see you too,” he said, dropping his gaze to the table.
“Wait, so if they’re moving and not taking Bennie—”
“I have to figure out who will take care of her within the next three weeks or I’ll have to quit my job, which I should have done already. We’ll stay in the house since it’s paid for and she loves her school. I can’t uproot my daughter because her father is a fuckup.”
“You’re not a fuckup,” I said, scooting closer to the table. “Stop saying that.”
“I’ve had enough time to figure out how to do this alone. I should have stepped up back then. Or at least not relied on my family for so long.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Katie would be so pissed at me.”
The pain in his features when he clenched his eyes shut gutted me, but there was nothing I could do but watch, just like when she’d passed away.
They were always the perfect couple, so in love I had barely made it through their wedding. The man I’d loved so fiercely at the time had belonged to someone else and still did—whether she was in this world or not.
“No, she wouldn’t. You’re an amazing father, and you held it together the best way you could. What’s wrong with accepting help?”
“I shouldn’t have taken for granted that the help would be permanent. I know what I have to do. I just have to find the balls to do it.”
“My aunts and uncles helped us after we lost Dad. It’s what families do.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but he stopped when the waitress came to take our order. I studied him while he spoke, sneaking me a tiny smile as he ordered for both of us.
“That’s why I probably look like hell,” Lee said. “Sleep isn’t coming easy, as you can imagine. So, enough about my problems. Let’s talk about yours. Why are you back home?”
“My problems are fine,” I said. “I broke up with Zach, moved out, and came here. That’s really the whole story.”
“No, it’s not,” he said with a slow shake of his head. “I can tell.”
“Can tell what?” I said, covering my face on instinct.
Lee reached across the table to peel my hand away from my face.
“I can tell there is more to it if you stopped working and moved in to your mother’s senior apartment. Why did you cover your face like that?”
I fiddled with the napkin, darting my gaze everywhere but Lee.
“I thought you noticed the bruises. They’ve faded, but I guess I’m still self-conscious—”
“Bruises? What happened?” Lee’s lips twisted, his eyes roaming my face. “Did you fall?”
“Remember when you and Gary were shoveling our driveway, and he slipped?” I asked, desperate to change the subject.
“And he somehow clocked himself with the handle of the shovel and gave himself a black eye?” Lee snickered and shook his head.
“It looked so scary, but once we figured out he wasn’t seriously hurt, we couldn’t stop laughing. He got so pissed at us.”
“And we were sworn to secrecy. I hope he’s not that clumsy around ammo.”
“No, he’s good.” I chuckled. “I’m the klutz of the two of us now.”
“So you fell and got a black eye too? I won’t tell anyone.” Lee’s lips tipped up in a smirk.
“It’s really not a big deal. Honestly.” I craned my neck to the table next to us. “If we have time for dessert, want to split the tiramisu? It looks amazing but huge.”
I didn’t want to lie to Lee, but I also didn’t want to tell him the truth—for the same reason I hadn’t planned on telling my brother the whole story. I’d gotten into a mess and hadn’t had a clue until it had hit me in the face, literally. They’d be furious on my behalf, but it had been my fault.
“Stella,” Lee said, his voice low. “How did you get a black eye?”
“I told you. It was no big deal.”
“Then why aren’t you telling me?”
I finally turned my head to Lee’s angry gaze, his blue eyes searing into mine hard enough to kick up my pulse. Not the old kind of kick, more like a deep well of dread that was closing in on me.
“When Zach left—”
“He hit you? For how long?” Lee asked, loudly enough for the patrons at the next table to whip their heads to us.
“Lee, it’s a long story and—”
“He did,” Lee said through gritted teeth. “Fuck, Stella. Does your brother know? No, of course he doesn’t.” Lee balled up the napkin and tossed it aside. “Tell me what happened.”
“Calm down,” I said, holding up my hands. “He only hit me once. But…hard. The bruises took a while to heal, and I swear I can still see them, but no one else does.”
Lee nodded, his jaw working while he moved closer to the table.
“I never liked that asshole.”
“You only met him once,” I said, a smile almost twitching at my lips from Lee’s flared nostrils.
“Once was enough. He didn’t deserve you. Gary said it too.”
“Gary always said that about any man who looked twice in my direction.” I rolled my eyes. “Listen, if you stop looking like you’re about to flip the table, I will explain.”
“I can’t promise anything.” He leaned back, crossing his arms.
“Fine,” I breathed out. “I caught Zach stealing from me. I was away a lot, as usual, so it took me a long time to notice. And even then, I didn’t totally piece it together.”
“Stealing what?” Lee spat out, his body still rigid with rage. I tried to focus on the details and not swoon like a moron over how infuriated Lee was on my behalf.
If Gary had been here, he would have flipped the table, right before he called his old army buddies in the Midwest to run surveillance on wherever Zach was now.
Getting attention from Lee was a slippery slope. The more I’d craved it, the more I’d avoided it because it always left me wishing for different attention, attention I’d never get from Lee because he’d never see me like that.
The energy between us, at least from my side, was sometimes like when you put two magnets together right before they’d connect. That wavy force field would make me wobble, the attraction luring me in, but I’d push against it and stop right before it sucked me in all the way.
It was a line I’d teetered for years.
Badly.
I’d gotten over all the pining for what could be when Lee had married Katie, but sometimes the old feelings would bubble up, like a muscle memory I couldn’t stop.
“Things started disappearing. Jewelry, cash I’d kept in the apartment, our joint account was always in the negative.
He would tell me it was from repairs to the apartment or car issues.
It seemed fishy, but I’d been on a brutal assignment and barely had time to eat and sleep until it was over.
I came home early from a work trip and found pawn shop receipts in the kitchen for all the things he’d told me I probably lost in my travels. ”
“Fucking asshole,” Lee gritted out. “What else did he take?”