Chapter 6 #2
After I scrubbed down the kitchen, I made my way into the living room and was about to take a seat on the couch when I heard Bennie’s laugh waft down the stairs. I climbed the steps halfway, trying to hear what was so funny without being seen.
“I have a whole bunch of hair stuff that I don’t use,” I heard Stella say. “A lot of clips and headbands that you could use for your other customers.”
“I don’t have any customers,” Bennie said, her voice dipping low and sad. “Daddy will let me, but it’s not the same.”
“Well, you can work on me anytime,” Stella said. “This was a lot of fun. Can I come back again?”
“Yes! How many years have you known Daddy?”
“Hmm, almost twenty, I think.”
“Wow, that’s a really long time. I’ve only known him for seven years.”
I smiled at the awe in my daughter’s voice.
“What was Daddy like?”
I laughed to myself, bracing for what embarrassing history Stella would bring out for my daughter, but she was silent for a good minute.
“Your dad was always the best. Kind and funny, just like he is now.”
“Where did you meet him? In school?”
“No, it was a group. A special one that met after school.”
“Oh, like when you get into trouble and have to stay?”
“No.” Stella chuckled. “Everyone in the group came to help one another.”
“Even if they didn’t know you?”
“Well, I guess the point of the group was to get to know everyone. I was too scared at first, but your dad was the one who helped me speak for the first time.”
“What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything but look at me. You know how someone looks at you like they really want to know what you have to say, like they’re listening to you?”
“Yes, my teacher tells me she can tell when I’m not paying attention because I look a lot of miles away. So like the opposite of that?”
“Yes.” Stella laughed. “Exactly like that. He made me feel like it was okay to say what I wanted. I was scared to feel any bad feelings, but he made me brave. I came to the group because I was sad, but after that day, I started to feel a lot better.”
“Oh,” Bennie said as the sound of her drawer snapping shut startled me.
I remembered those days with vivid clarity.
My father’s death had hung over me like a suffocating cloud.
I’d been afraid to let out the bad feelings too, not wanting to upset my own family any more than they were.
My friends had regarded me like I was a bomb ready to explode or collapse, and I’d been close by the time I’d strolled into that group.
Meeting Gary and Stella had helped me learn how to breathe again.
“Want to know something funny?” Stella asked Bennie. “I don’t even remember what I said. Sometimes you remember a feeling more than words or what actually happened.”
“Like when my teacher told us that when you love a book, you may forget what it’s about but always remember how it made you feel.”
“Yes. Wow, you’re pretty smart.”
“I am,” Bennie said with an adorably arrogant sigh.
I climbed the rest of the steps slowly and knocked on Bennie’s door.
“I hate to break this up, but we need to start getting ready for bed.” I crouched on the floor in front of Bennie. “Can you help me and clean up in here while I walk Stella to her car? I’ll get your bath ready when I come back up.”
“But we were having fun,” Bennie whined, jutting her lip out into a pout.
“I’ll come back,” Stella said, pushing off the floor. “Thank you for letting me come over and share your mushroom pizza.”
Bennie clobbered Stella with a hug, wrapping her arms around her thighs.
“We can have more when you come back,” Bennie said, peering up at her with a wide grin.
“I can’t wait,” Stella said, wobbling as my daughter clutched her legs.
“Good night, Stella. See you soon, Daddy,” Bennie said, and she plucked every single headband off the white carpet and shoved them into her drawer.
“She is the sweetest thing,” Stella said as we made our way down the steps. “This is going to be the best job.”
“Tell me that after you put her to bed for the first time. She has a million excuses before agreeing to put her head down on the pillow,” I said, holding my front door open for her to pass through.
“Well, she’s got a lot to say.”
“She does. I get almost-weekly calls about her talking too much in class.”
“I bet,” Stella said as she clicked the key fob. “Thank you for having me over and trusting me with your daughter. I think she’ll be exactly what I need these next few months.”
“Of course I trust you.” I stuffed my hands into my pockets and stepped closer. “And that first night in group, you said you’d been mad at your father for smoking ever since he died, and you felt terrible for it.”
“How did you…” Her brow crinkled. “You were eavesdropping on us, huh?”
“Yes. I didn’t even know I did that for you—”
“You did a lot. So if my doing this helps you—” she nodded toward the house “—even better.”
“I hate the reason we were at that group, but I’ll always be glad I went.”
“Same,” she said, her voice a whisper.
“I’m glad Bennie will get to know you and that I could keep you safe.”
“I’m fine,” she said, dropping her gaze to the ground as she waved a hand at me. “You know, they still have groups like that.” She lifted her head to meet my gaze. “Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for you to stop by.”
“We’ll see,” I said, the same answer I’d given my sister every time she’d asked. It was probably a good idea, if I ever had the time or could work myself up to going.
“Do you want me to see Bennie again before you tell her?”
“I think Bennie will be very okay with you moving in to take care of her. You don’t need to warm her up. She’ll be excited.”
“Good.” She smiled up at me. “I am too. Good night, Lee.”
I pulled her into a quick hug before she climbed into the driver’s seat, giving me a wave as she started the engine and drove away.
After knowing Stella all my life, why did it seem like I was seeing her, really seeing her, for the first time?