Chapter 9 #2
“That would be nice. This is a good offer for me too. It’s not a bad idea to lie low after everything with Zach and whoever else could be involved. But you’re right. I ran because I didn’t want to look back. But I’m tired, B,” I breathed out in a scratchy whisper.
“Then this is a good time to face it head on and move forward, and when it’s over, make a real life for yourself.”
I drained the mug, letting her words sink in. Actually make a life and a home, not a pit stop. It felt simple yet too complicated to fathom, but it was time.
“Let me get going,” I said, flicking my wrist to glance at my watch. “I did want to get there early so I can go over things with Lee and settle in.”
“I’m not that far if you need any help. Bennie is old enough to feed and bathe herself, so you should be able to wing the rest of it.”
“I think so.” I tapped on my temple. “This is my problem.”
“No, it’s not.” She clutched my shoulders, her dark eyes boring into mine. “You will be fine.”
“You really think so?”
She nodded. “You’re tougher than you give yourself credit for. I bet when you leave, he’ll be the one crazy in love with you and begging you to stay.”
I burst out laughing.
“Right.” I pulled her into a hug. “I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago.”
“You can believe, just shift your hopes a little bit. Save the silly fantasies for the ones who are worth it.”
And that was always the bitch of it. Lee would never not be worth it in my eyes. He just wasn’t meant for me.
“Either way, I’m happy not to live out of a suitcase for a while.”
“Attagirl. And it’s nice to talk to you in person, not on-screen,” she said, arching a brow at me. “And that’s why, whatever happens, you’re staying put, right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, chuckling at her wince when a baby whimper wafted down the hall.
“And I guess that’s all the time we have for today.” Her gaze drifted toward the hallway. “Text me later.”
I gave her another quick hug and headed down her outside steps to my car, texting Lee that I was arriving early, and headed straight to his house with no additional detours.
When I did leave Lee’s house, I wouldn’t be running anymore. I’d be moving on. I’d get an apartment, a job that allowed me to sleep in the same bed every night, and accept what never was so I could plan for what could be.
It would be amazing—or I’d manifest the shit out of it all until it was.
The chime of Lee’s doorbell echoed through the windows. When no one came to the door after a few minutes, I rang it again. I set my bags down to call Lee before I registered the creak of the door.
“Sorry about that,” Lee said, winded. “We didn’t expect you so soon, and we were trying to finish up after you texted that you were on your way. Come in,” he said, lifting my bags before I could stop him, and jutted his chin toward the inside.
“I’m sorry for coming too early. I thought we could have extra time to go over things before you left tomorrow,” I said, leaving out the restless and antsy reasons I’d left my mother’s apartment early.
“No, I’m glad you did.” Lee set my bags down, a smirk tilting his lips. “We were planning a surprise for you and had to hurry up to finish it before you got here.”
“A surprise?” I repeated, narrowing my eyes at Lee.
“Stella!” Bennie’s voice drifted from behind Lee as her heavy footfalls grew faster. “Come on,” she said, pulling me by the arm.
I craned my neck to Lee while I stumbled behind her, but he only shrugged, laughing as Bennie yanked my arm and led us upstairs.
“Okay, you have to close your eyes.” Bennie stepped in front of me, blocking me at the top of the stairs with her hands on her hips.
“Okay,” I said, clenching my eyes shut. “But someone has to lead me to wherever I’m going.”
“I got you,” Lee whispered behind me, framing my waist and shifting me forward. His breath fanning hot against my neck, combined with his light, almost-intimate touch, sent goose bumps down my back.
I rolled my shoulders and padded down the carpeted hallway, hoping to shake off the jolt from Lee’s touch and proximity without looking like I’d come down with hiccups.
“Okay, you can open your eyes,” Bennie said, tapping on my arm.
I blinked my eyes open, and my jaw dropped.
The carpet was covered with pink and white balloons, matching the pink-and-white bedspread and curtains.
White bookcases lined the headboard, and I spotted a couple of stuffed animals within the mountain of pillows, as well as a pink alarm clock on the nightstand.
“You said you loved my room, so we made your room pink too!” Bennie said, tugging on my hand.
“But not quite as Pepto-colored as her room,” Lee said, a laugh rumbling out of his chest as he set my bags next to the bed.
“I dialed her back a little when we went shopping, but she was the mastermind of most of it.” He pointed to the bookshelves.
“Not quite a library, but it was the best I could do.”
“Look.” Bennie grabbed my wrist. “We even found pictures to hang up,” she said, pointing to two silver-framed photos on the wall of Lee, Gary, and me when we were teenagers.
“Wow,” I breathed out. “How long ago were those taken?”
“I think in the middle of senior year. Gary hadn’t gotten his first army crew cut yet.” Lee snickered. “The other one is Coney Island, the summer after Gary and I graduated. See, we were at the bottom of the Wonder Wheel.”
I inched closer to the photos, rubbing my chest to ease the hard pinch.
“I broke out all the photos around the house, which you’ll see when you come back downstairs,” Lee said as my gaze lingered on the photo. “Memories are good, right? Makes a house a home?”
“Yes, it sure does,” I said, catching his hopeful gaze in my periphery.
The photo I couldn’t look away from felt like a lifetime ago and yesterday all at once.
I’d hated Ferris wheels, but Gary had wanted to check out the view and had told me to stop being a baby and get on.
I’d agreed so he’d shut up, sitting on the edge and clutching on to the railing tighter as the wheel had ascended to the sky.
Lee had noticed and stretched his arm out behind me, leaning close enough to reassure and distract me from fearing death.
He’d tapped my back with his thumb whenever I’d tensed up.
I laughed to myself when I noticed my face in the photo. My smile was forced and tense, but when we’d rotated back down to the ground, a crushing disappointment had hit me. The view had been beautiful, but not as much as the boy sitting next to me.
“I thought pictures would make it feel more like home for you in here,” Lee said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I know this is only your home for a few months, but after…everything—” he shrugged “—I…well, we, wanted to make your room a little special for you.”
“You did,” I managed to whisper, taking in the space.
I barely remembered my old bedroom in the apartment I’d shared with Zach.
Not only because I’d ended up needing a quick escape, but I’d never put much thought into decorating beyond what was functional.
Visitors would always comment on how it resembled a bachelor pad, but I never had the urge or time to do anything to make it mine.
This room seemed made for me because it was, even if it was temporary. This beautiful bedroom wasn’t home, but with the easy way my feet seemed to sink into the soft carpet and the joy exuding from Bennie’s eyes as she awaited my reaction, it was the closest I’d come to one in a long time.
It was both a comfort and a flashing danger signal.
“I gave you some of my books so the bookcases didn’t look so empty and sad, and I let you borrow some of my plushies.”
“Not that she’s going to allow you much reading time,” Lee joked from behind me, my eyes still traveling over all the detail they’d put into a bedroom I’d have for less than six months.
“And look what Daddy found,” Bennie said, saving me from having to speak over the impending freefall of tears. “It’s a daisy lamp,” she said, hoisting it up to show me.
My head whipped to Lee, my eyes clouding. It wasn’t an exact replica, but the silver stem and the yellow bulb at the top were close enough to suck the air right out of my lungs.
“I remembered this from your old room too. Well, not exactly this, but the white and yellow offsets all the pink we threw at you,” Lee said with a laugh.
“Oh no, she doesn’t like it.” Bennie’s eyes were wide as she glanced at Lee with panic. “She’s crying.”
“No, it’s not a sad crying,” I explained, swiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“My dad gave me a daisy lamp just like that one. When I took it with me when I went to college, it broke. Made me really sad, but now that you found me another one, it’s…
” I trailed off, my voice cracking when I ran out of air for words.
“Thank you,” I managed to whisper when my gaze caught Lee’s.
“Well, that’s a relief,” Bennie said, dragging the back of her hand across her forehead, drawing out a laugh through the tears I couldn’t stop.
After gearing up to hide my emotions for a whole baseball season, they were leaking out not ten minutes after I came through the door.
“We would have blown up more balloons, but you came too early.”
“But that’s okay,” Lee said, giving Bennie’s ponytail a gentle tug. “Balloons were a last-minute add. Daddy was getting a little winded.”
“Daddy is getting up there in years,” I teased.
“That is for sure.” The corner of his mouth tipped up. “But we wanted to give you a big welcome.”
“And for your welcome dinner, Daddy is making special cheeseburgers, and we bought brownies for dessert.” Bennie clasped her hands under her chin and bounced back and forth. I was going to need a lot of daily caffeine to keep up with her adorable energy.
“Well, you guys did great. This is an awesome welcome.” I crouched in front of her. “Thank you so much.”
She leaped forward, hugging my neck so hard I coughed against her shoulder.
“Bennie is excited to have you here, in case you haven’t noticed.” Lee knelt in front of us. “Why don’t you play for a while, and I’ll help Stella get settled?”
“But you might need my help,” she said, her cute brows knitting together as she loosened her grip.
“If we do, we’ll yell.” He kissed her temple. “I promise.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll get out the toys we’ll play with later.”
I cracked up as she scurried down the steps.
“Are you okay?” Lee asked. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t. I just got emotional.” I waved a hand. “But I promise it was in a good way.”
“Good,” he said, his smile deepening. “I hate what happened to you.” Lee took a seat next to me. “Not that this makes up for it, but—”
“It does. More than you know. It’s great.
” I kicked at a balloon as it bounced toward my feet.
Before I could help myself, I leaned over to kiss his cheek.
“Thank you.” Lee’s stubble scraped against my lips as I pulled back, the spicy pine scent of his usual cologne hitting my senses. “I love it all.”
“Good,” he said, grabbing my hand. “Don’t get too attached.” He nodded toward the floor. “I’m sure my daughter will steal most of these before she goes to bed.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “The thought is what matters.”
My gaze snagged on Lee’s, his wide smile shrinking as his hand still held mine.
“Good,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze before he dropped it. “This all had a lot of thought. And we’re both glad you’re here.”
“Me too,” I said, bumping my shoulder into his. “Let me unpack while Bennie is distracted. That way, we can go over everything I need to know tonight.” My eyes fell on a second dresser in the corner that was a different shade from the rest of the pieces. “Is that new too?”
“I didn’t know how many clothes you’d have, so we picked it up along with the rest. It didn’t take long to put together.”
“So you decorated my room, built extra furniture, and blew up balloons for me.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Do all parents do this for their live-in babysitters? I’ve been in the wrong job,” I teased.
“Not sure,” Lee said, his blue gaze holding mine. “But I wanted to do it for you.”
His raspy whisper triggered the flutter of butterflies in my stomach, just like when I was a teenager. They didn’t flutter for anyone else, because this weakness was as permanent as it was chronic.
Even if I’d managed to keep it mostly dormant for the last few years.
“Unpack and rest a little while you can.” He motioned to the hallway. “I’ll come get you when dinner is ready.”
I waited until he shut the door behind himself to flop onto the bed face first.
I rolled over, my eyes landing on the lamp. I chuckled to myself while I reached over to pick it up, a surprising heft to it as I held it in my hand.
Two men had given me this sweet and innocent gift. Without realizing it, I’d altered my life because they both hadn’t been in it—at least, not the way I wanted them to be.
If I wanted a life with any kind of direction at all, even though I’d love them both, I had to start to let them go.