Chapter 3
three
. . .
It’s too quiet.
Trying my best to distract myself from what I’m about to ask Lucien, I look around my room in desperation.
My gaming PC is still on from earlier today when I was playing my favorite comfort game Vibrant lights illuminate through the clear glass computer case; pink, red, purple, and blue dance along my walls and ceiling.
The small vintage lamp on my bedside table is turned on the dimmest setting.
My gaze focuses on a dangling fake ivy vine above my head where tons of them are arranged on the ceiling above my bed.
My phone rings, breaking the tension that was building in the silence of my room. I take in a deep breath, eyeing Lucien’s name on the screen.
I can’t believe I’m about to do this. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. This is nuts.
“Hi again,” I answer, trying my best to play it cool. He can probably hear my heart beating through the phone.
“Hi,” he replies, slight humor in his tone. “Not gonna lie, you’ve kind of been on my mind since you texted me earlier.”
“Have I?”
“You have. What’s the favor?”
“This might sound weird, and I’m sorry if it does,” I shyly begin, hesitating.
“I doubt it’ll sound weird.”
“Okay…well,I’m on my healing journey, so to speak, and I’ve been trying to learn more about myself,” I carefully begin, taking in a small breath as I roll onto my side, staring at the small wall of tall, white bookshelves displaying knick-knacks and all my favorite books.
“I really don’t want to trauma dump tonight. ”
“That’s okay. But if you do want to trauma dump, that’s also okay,” he reassures me.
“I’m just so bored,” I spit out before I overthink it. “Bored and lonely. I’m literally so lonely. It’s been a year since my break up and I’m starting to think I don’t even know who I am anymore, or what I want.”
“I know that feeling all too well.”
“Reading romance isn’t cutting it anymore. I just want to feel something again.”
“Feel something,” he echoes.
“Yes.”
He chuckles softly. “Can you be more specific?”
“Jasmine suggested I get on a dating app, or go to a local bar with her,” I begin, hating how I sound so shy.
“I’m not sure I’m ready or even looking for that.
Not with a stranger, at least. But at the same time, I’m trying to put myself back out there.
I’m dying to learn more about myself. I guess you could say I was hoping you could help me with that… for research purposes only.”
“Research purposes,” he echos, humming quietly.
“Exactly,” I reply, forcing a laugh.
“Well,” Lucien begins, his voice deep, hesitant, “if there’s anything I can do to help, I’m here.”
I’ve never considered hiring him before, especially considering he’s one of my best friends.
I’ve always known Lucien did sex work on the side of his streaming career, but it’s only ever been a passing thought of what it would be like to actually experience it with him myself.
Although right now, the thought isn’t fleeting.
The roots of the idea have taken hold—and it’s become impossible to ignore.
Dammit, Jasmine.
You and your smart, yet batshit crazy ideas.
“Would you be interested in a private phone session?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“That means what I think it means, right?” I ask, my voice trailing off.
“It’s an intimate call where I can assist in taking off the edge.”
Suddenly, I’m frozen in place, gazing up at the ceiling in a conflicted daze, an array of emotions flooding through me. Confusion, excitement, and relief.
“No pressure at all, though,” he tells me. “I kind of just assumed that’s what you meant by feel something.”
Biting my lip, I remain quiet, trying to figure out the best way to respond. I mean, he’s offering. I didn’t even have to ask outright. That’s obviously a good sign, right?
“Wait. Did I read that wrong?” he asks abruptly, concerned. “I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”
“It didn’t,” I reply promptly. “You actually read my mind. I was just too nervous to ask and didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“You’re a sweetheart. I’m not uncomfortable at all. I offered because I want to help you.”
“Research purposes,” I reiterate.
“Strictly platonic,” he agrees.
“Where is Kaelum?”
“In his room, probably unwinding from the stream.”
“How does a one-on-one session work?” I ask. “You talk dirty or something?”
“Talk you through it,” he proclaims.
An immediate rush travels down my body, extending everywhere. My face, my chest, my arms, and all the way down to my toes. Pressure builds within me, a warm sensation spreading across my cheeks.
Shit, are my nipples hard?
I quickly glance down at my white tank top.
Yes. They are.
“Talk you through it,” I repeat , feeling flustered. “Literally or figuratively?”
“That’s up to you,” he answers easily. “You don’t need to act on anything. If you prefer to just listen to get the general vibe of what it’s like, that’s also fine.”
A soft giggle escapes me as I remember the time I joined a late night, private stream on his server.
Those typically consisted of him talking explicitly while interacting with the comment section.
He has these soft, sultry breaths and deep groans that deliver shivers down your spine.
I remember my body filling with heat, followed by me exiting the stream.
There were a bit too many people in attendance and I felt a bit awkward.
“I’ve heard your Dom voice before, Luce,” I admit quietly, draping my favorite throw blanket over myself and lightly tracing the outline of bats with my fingertips.
He chuckles under his breath. “Well, did it do anything for you?”
“It was pretty hot, but how would this even be beneficial for me? Am I crazy to want to try this?”
“Nah. You’re not crazy in the slightest,” he easily replies. “You’ve only heard me in a public setting, though. A private call is on another level. It feels more personal.”
Maybe he has a point. There must be a reason some people sign up for this type of service.
This might be the best way to find out what makes me tick.
“Okay. Treat me how you usually treat clients. If we’re going to do this then it needs to be authentic. I want the full experience.”
“Got it.”
“Do whatever you normally do,” I babble.
“Understood.”
“What’s involved most of the time?”
“Well, usually there are toys involved.”
My eyes widen at the thought, mostly because my interest has piqued. This is truly an act on it type of thing. Does that mean he pleasures himself too? I know that isn’t any of my business.
But why does the thought of my best friend touching himself turn me on?
“You’re quiet. If you have a question, then ask,” he says.
“It’s too personal,” I object.
“I don’t mind.”
“I don’t think it’s fair for me to ask you such personal questions.”
“Nora, it’s you,” he reiterates. “You can ask me whatever you want. I’ll answer with full transparency. Promise.”
Well, here it goes.
“Is it just one sided? The client acts on it privately while you just play a character?”
“To be real with you, I’m usually just scrolling social media or ordering food,” he reveals.
A laugh escapes me. “During the call?”
“Either that or gaming. If I’m in bed, I’m usually just looking up at the ceiling and trying to not fall asleep.”
“That’s so hot,” I reply, slightly sarcastic.
“If you’re asking if I’m also touching myself while I’m in a session, the answer is no. I do fake it, though.”
Suddenly I’m fantasizing what Lucien faking it sounds like.
“It’s a job to me,” he adds “I’m hired to help someone else get off. People just assume it might be happening on both ends.”
For some reason, a hint of jealousy pings me. I cringe, shrugging away the feeling I get when I imagine him in a private call with another girl.
“It would be the same way with me, right?” I ask.
Oh shit. It slipped.
Abort mission, abort!
“I mean…" I gulp.
“Do you want me to touch myself, Nora?” he asks daringly, his voice dropping an octave. “Do you want my hand wrapped around my cock, just for you?”
Jesus fucking christ.
Clenching my thighs, I shift in bed, trying to contain myself. He must be kidding. There’s no way he really meant that.
“So, this is basically roleplay,” I observe, changing the subject.
“Right,” he answers.
“This stays between us?”
“Of course,” he assures me. “This is a safe space.”
“Are you going to tell Kaelum?”
“I’d never do that,” he presses. “If you want to tell him, then that’s all you. I’m not opposed to him knowing, but what happens here is private.”
“Maybe just keep it between us for now,” I say.
“Of course.”
“How do I book you? How long is a session?”
“You never answered my question earlier,” he points out, chuckling under his breath. “But we can worry about putting you on the books later. You can end the session at any time. Just say the word and we’ll end it there.”
“Sounds good to me,” I reply, forcing a laugh. “And to answer your question…”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to respond to that. I was only teasing you.”
With a shy grin, I roll my eyes feeling completely flustered. Thankfully this isn’t a video call. I can’t even imagine how red I must be right now. I’m definitely blushing.
“How much is a session?”
“I’m not taking a dime from you, princess.”
Taking in a small steadying breath, I stir beneath the blankets. “Are you sure?” I question, conflicted. “I want to pay you for your time.”
“Would it make you feel weird not paying me?”
“I just feel like that isn’t fair.”
“You’ve been my friend for years. Let’s just see if this is even your thing before discussing payments. Sound cool?”
“Yes,” I say, reassured.
“If I do or say anything that crosses a line though, make sure to let me know. Okay?”
“Alright,” I breathe, snuggling deeper beneath the blanket. “Are you sure you’re cool with this?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because like you said, we’ve been friends for years. I don’t want to make things awkward between us.”
“I do this for a living, babe. I promise—I’m good,” he tells me. “I give my consent, fully.”
“I do too.”
“Is there anything that you’d consider off limits?”