Chapter 13
Everly
My stomach tightens the way it always does when I think about my ex-husband. I wasn’t planning to have this conversation tonight.
I listen for a moment to make sure there is no noise coming from the direction of Birdie’s room, but after the excitement of Jake’s visit tonight I’m sure she’s sleeping soundly by now. I look down, to where my hand is still intertwined with Jakes, and try to think of the best place to start. I may as well go back to the beginning. Grant was a self-centered jerk from almost the day that I met him.
“Grant was a total playboy when I met him, but I had no clue. We met at a party. It was at a mutual friend’s house. He was charming, confident, and handsome and I guess I was na?ve and ignored the red flags.” I pause and take a deep breath. Talking about Grant isn’t easy, there is still so much pain buried in these memories.
“We were sort of a whirlwind right from the start, texting each other all day and all night. He told me he didn’t really want anything serious, so I guess I should have listened to him. But at the same time, he was taking me out to nice restaurants, introducing me to his friends and family. We spent all our time together. It felt serious. It felt so much like a relationship… I guess I forgot he wasn’t looking for one. I was stupid. I really thought he loved me until I found out later that I wasn’t the only one he was sleeping with.”
Jake flinches and squeezes my hand a little tighter but doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t need to… the look on his face tells me everything. His jaw is clenched, his dark eyes look thunderous.
I sigh. “Anyways, eight months later my whole life changed when I found out I was pregnant with Birdie. I remember just staring at the test in shock. And I was worried about how Grant would react, but when I told him he said that we should get married and raise our baby together. Honestly, I was relieved. We were young and I was so scared, I didn’t see how I could raise a child on my own. So, getting married seemed like the best option I had. And back then, I didn’t know the real Grant.”
Jake’s eyes haven’t left mine. He holds my hand and listens to every word. I can tell that he’s angry, but I also see the care and compassion in his expression when he looks at me. I wish I’d found a man like Jake when I was in my twenties. The kind of man who would make a great husband and father. The total opposite of the man I ended up marrying.
I draw in a shaky breath. “I never should have married him. Looking back, I know that I was never in love with Grant. I stayed for Birdie.”
My confession hangs between us. “You never loved him?” Jake asks me. “Even before you married him?”
“No, not even then.”
“Fuck,” he mutters. “I’m sorry.”
“It gets worse.” A sick feeling swirls in my stomach. “I was a newlywed and expecting my first baby. It should have been a really happy and exciting time, but they ended up being some of the hardest days of my life.”
Jake’s jaw tenses again, a muscle pulsing right below his ear. I’ve never seen him look thisangry.
“We hid it from everyone until about halfway through the pregnancy, Grant kept coming up with excuses not to share the news. When we finally did tell his parents, it was a disaster. You’d think they would be excited to have a grandchild on the way, but they weren’t. They accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to try to trap him. I was so humiliated.”
I suddenly feel the urge to cry pricking at my throat. Even after all these years, it still hurts me to think back to that time in my life. Jake runs his thumb along the top of my hand, soothing me, giving me the courage to keep going. I inhale then exhale a long breath.
“I caught him with another woman two weeks before I had Birdie. I think deep down I knew it was happening for a while but seeing it with my own eyes destroyed me.”
Jake squeezes my hand, catching my gaze. “He’s an asshole, Ev. He never deserved you. You know that right?”
“I do now, yeah. But I didn’t at the time. I was nine months pregnant and as big as a house, my new in-laws were still accusing me of all kinds of awful things and my husband was cheating on me. My confidence was at an all-time low.”
“But then I had Birdie and Grant promised to change. He promised he would be a better husband and a good dad. And things got better for a little while. Right from the start, I loved being Birdie’s mom. And Grant was around more. It felt like we were a family, and I thought maybe it could work. But it didn’t last. By the time her first birthday rolled around, things were getting worse again. He was always working late, finding excuses not to be home. He was cold to me, and I was worried he was cheating again, but when I would ask him about it, he’d lose it.” I sigh. “I finally had enough one night, years later, and brought up a divorce when a high fever sent Birdie to the hospital, and I couldn’t get a hold of him. He wasn’t responding to my calls or texts, and it pissed me off. She was never a priority in his life. Later, I found out there were four other women over the course of our marriage. I’m pretty sure there were probably more.”
Jake’s expression furrows, and he drags his free hand over his jaw. “I can’t believe what he has put you through.”
“We divorced soon after that, but to make the transition easier on Birdie, we never moved out, Birdie and I just moved to a separate wing in the house.”
I married a man who didn’t care enough to be faithful to me. That fact used to sting. Now that we’re divorced, it’s just… regret. Grant and I were never destined for forever, but despite everything, I don’t regret a thing. Because without Grant, I’d never have Birdie.
Birdie is still too young to see the truth about her father. For now, I do my best to protect her, to make excuses for why Grant isn’t around, but one day she’s going to realize that he is an absent father and she’ll have to carry the weight of that. Until then, all I can do is love her enough for the both of us.
“Why did you finally decide to leave?” Jake asks quietly.
I shrug. “I just reached the point where I’d finally had enough. I was tired of thinking about Grant’s feelings when he had zero respect for me.”
“And you came to Reed Point to be closer to your parents?”
“Yes. My mom had been suggesting it for a long time, but I didn’t feel like it was really an option until recently.” I tell him about Grant’s move to North Carolina, and how it was suddenly cut short.
“That’s why he was here the other day, he wants us to move back now that he is home. I’ve already told him that’s not happening, and he’s not exactly thrilled about it. He’s even cut off all financial support to try to convince me to change my mind. So, now all we have is my salary from the restaurant and some savings.”
The more I tell Jake, the more rigid his body gets. I am normally a pretty private person; I can’t believe I’ve sat here and shared every ugly detail of my life. But Jake is easy to open up to. I feel like I’ve known him for much longer than I have.
“So, he cut you off when you refused to terminate your lease and come home?”
“He did. But if I’m being honest, I think it has been for the best. There are no more strings. He can’t hold anything over my head,” I say. “I can’t believe I’m telling you all of this. It’s so embarrassing.”
Jake shifts in his seat, sliding closer to me. The expression is his eyes is so earnest, I feel it deep in my chest. “First of all, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Just hearing what he put you through makes me want to put my fist through his face. He’s lucky I didn’t know any of this when I saw him last week; there would have been cops involved.” Jake’s voice is as sharp as a blade. “And second, you should be proud of yourself, Ev. It takes courage to do what you did.”
“It hasn’t been easy but it’s worth it. I know I made the right decision to come here.”
“Where is he now?” He asks. “Where did you live before coming to Reed Point?”
“He’s in Brookmont.” I inhale a long breath. “He’s living in the home that used to be ours. We bought the house a year after Birdie was born. It’s huge and it cost a fortune, and I hated it. It was all white—the walls, the cupboards, the couches, the furniture. It felt like living in a museum. But Grant never cared about my opinion. He only wanted a trophy wife who he could parade around at high profile functions. He could have cared less if I was happy or not.” I swallow.
Jake cringes. “What an asshole.”
“I know.”
“So, I assume he fought you on the divorce?” Jake asks.
“It actually went quite smoothly. His parents, who are over-the-top wealthy, were all too happy to be rid of me, so they called in a favor with a judge they knew and had our divorce fast-tracked. I had to agree to 50-50 custody, which I didn’t want to do—”
“They bullied you.”
“Essentially.” I tell him. “I knew I didn’t stand a chance against their high-powered attorneys. I also knew that it didn’t really matter because when it came right down to it, Grant wouldn’t make the effort to see Birdie anyways. So, I agreed, just to make it all go away.”
“I hate everything that you went through to bring you here,” Jake says, his voice low. “But … I’m really glad you’re here.”
“I am too.”
I nudge my knee against his. “Thanks for listening. I haven’t told many people about this.” It’s true. Only Willa knows the entire story.
“I really appreciate you telling me.” Jake says. “You’re an incredible mother.”
The compliment feels equally wonderful and appreciated. More importantly it feels special coming from him because I like him. I like him a lot more than I should or ever thought possible. I have so many reasons I shouldn’t think about him the way that I do, but my heart isn’t listening.
I’m suddenly very aware of how close we are. I inhale a shaky breath, and the scent of his cologne fills my nose. Jake shifts forward, and his strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. I feel all of the tension in me disappear. I can breathe again in his arms. Jake is a safe place.
His hand massages my back in small circles while I close my eyes, fighting the tears that threaten to escape. I’m exhausted. This is the first time since we moved to Reed Point that I’ve allowed myself to let go and just… feel. I’ve had to put on a brave face for Birdie, to be strong enough for the two of us, but tonight it feels good to let go and lean on Jake. I like the way it feels to be wrapped up in his arms. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been hugged like this. It’s been years.
We stay like that, neither of us moving except for the rise and fall of our chests. I melt into him, my face tucked against his chest. He trails his hand down my ponytail. I want to stay like this forever.
Jake coasts his hands down my arms, and we pull apart slowly. His eyes find mine and he is looking at me with such adoration that my heart expands two sizes in my chest.
Then his gaze falls to my lips and all I hear is the sound of my heart beating in my chest. He must be able to hear it too. I hold my breath, waiting to see what is going to happen next.
Then, Jake’s hand softly finds the edge of my jaw. I shiver at his touch, lost in his gaze. The space between us has been erased.
“I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs, his eyes leaving mine to travel down to my mouth. I lick my lips absentmindedly and I feel his hand roam my leg from my knee up my thigh a few inches, making the space between my thighs ache.
Desire floods through me. I shouldn’t want this—Jake is too young. But I can’t move. I can’t stop it. Also, every fiber of my being wants to lock my lips to his.
“I want to kiss you so fucking bad.” He slides his other hand from my jaw to the back of my neck, drawing us even closer together. Then he tips his head and his lips fuse to mine, tasting me. Soft, a little uncertain. One feel of his tongue against my lips and I’m opening for him, my lips parting as his tongue slips inside to meet mine. With a sigh, he deepens the kiss, our tongues moving together—slow, lingering, and full of promises. Promises I’m not sure I can keep… but I don’t want to stop.
My God, Jake can kiss.
I don’t ever remember being kissed like this.
It’s soothing, and bold and soft all at the same time.
The kiss is everything I have ever dreamed a kiss should be.
His grip on the back of my neck tightens as his mouth moves against mine, his other hand squeezing my thigh, making me moan against his lips. My skin tingles as he kisses me harder.
My God, his mouth on mine feels like magic.
My hands cling to his arms, afraid if he stops, I’ll never feel like this again.
Before I have time to process what’s happening, Jake breaks the kiss. His eyes are hazy, a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth. I close my eyes as he gently swipes his thumb across my bottom lip.
I open my eyes, shaking my head, realizing what I’ve just done. Exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do.
“Ev…”
“Jake,” I interrupt him, returning to my senses. “I told you, this can’t happen.”
Jake’s dark eyes capture mine. “I know I agreed to friends. I’ve changed my mind.”