Chapter 14
Everly
Four days later and I still can’t get that kiss out of my mind.
It is seared so hard and deep into my heart that it has become one of the hottest moments of my life.
Apparently, I’m shit at hiding my obsessive thoughts about the way Jake tasted, the pillowy softness of his lips and how good it felt when he sucked on my tongue, because Franny picks up on the fact that my mind is definitely elsewhere. If she only knew the reason, I’d never hear the end of it.
“Earth to Everly!” she calls, laughing. “Everything okay?”
Thankfully, she is able to watch Birdie tonight while I’m at work. I already had to miss a shift this week when I took Birdie to a specialist appointment for her broken arm. The good news is the doctor said her arm looks like it’s healing well, and she should be out of the cast in three weeks. The bad news is I lost a day’s pay, which I really can’t afford—especially with Birdie’s birthday coming up soon.
Franny is looking at me now with a crease between her eyebrows. “Where did you just go, because you weren’t in the same room as me.”
“I’m just tired. Early morning with Birdie today.”
I hope that will satisfy her curiosity, because I’m not ready to open up about the real reason I’m so distracted. My mind wanders right back to Jake and to the memory of him and I on this couch, his knee touching mine, his tongue in my mouth. Heat flares over my skin, my thong soaked.
If kissing Jake has done this to me, what would it be like if we took things further? It’s been playing like a reel in my mind for weeks now, taking me down a rabbit hole of fantasies. I’ve pictured him on my couch, legs spread, cock hard while I ride him. I’ve imagined him in the shower, my legs wrapped around his waist, my back pressed up against the tile wall while he fucks into me. I’ve imagined what he looks like underneath his clothes. Where does the tattoo I saw on his bicep end? Are there more? Does he have chest hair, is he circumcised, does he have a happy trail I could follow like a treasure map to a long, thick cock? The fine, soft hair on a man’s pelvis is my weakness. The filthy scenarios I’ve dreamt up in my mind have been constant and dirty.
That one kiss with Jake has made me realize how much I was missing out on with Grant. I was inexperienced when I met him, and I was expecting sex to be one mind-shattering orgasm after another. I thought we would experiment with different positions, in every room of the house. But it turned out that not only was Grant a lacklustre boyfriend, but he was completely boring in bed too. He was a taker. He never took the time to get me off, and he wouldn’t have been able to find my G-spot with GPS and a flashlight. From beginning to end, sex with Grant lasted 10 minutes tops, and after he climaxed, he’d roll over and go to sleep.
I tried to spice things up with sexy lingerie and battery-operated toys, but he never seemed to care. Nothing ever changed. Like everything else about my relationship with Grant, our sex life left me feeling lonely and unwanted.
And then I found out he was cheating.
Well, my condolences to whatever women Grant is sleeping with now. I would never want to have mediocre sex with him again. I want a guy who will wrap his hand around my throat as he fucks me into the mattress, someone who will whisper filthy things in my ear about all the things he wants to do to me.
“What time are you off tonight?” Franny asks, interrupting my daydreams yet again. I turn my face, hoping to hide my flushed cheeks.
“Later than I’d like,” I tell her. “Around 11.”
“Well, we’ll save you some chili,” she says, walking towards the kitchen to stir the pot on the stove. “This smells really good, Ev. I don’t want you to miss out.”
She offers me a weak smile when she sees my face fall. She knows how much I hate missing nights with Birdie.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You know what I meant.”
“It’s fine, I know. I’m just feeling a little frustrated.” I sigh, standing up from the couch to grab my duffle. “I’ve never been away from Birdie this much and with her broken arm, I just feel guilty.”
Franny rounds the kitchen island to put her hands on my shoulders, her brown eyes scanning my face worriedly. She pulls me into a hug. “I know, hon. I wish there was something more I could do.”
“Jake offered me a job working for him,” I tell her. “It’s a 9 to 2, so I wouldn’t have to worry about working nights or weekends.” I hadn’t planned on telling Franny about a job offer I can’t accept, but I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.
“Oh honey, then why are you still killing yourself at the restaurant?”
I wish it was that easy. The job sounds perfect but working with the man I’ve been fantasizing about day in, and day out feels like a terrible idea.
A smile plays on her lips. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“I do… and that’s the problem…” I exhale a deep breath.
“Are you afraid of something happening if you’re working in the same office together?”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” I admit.
“And would it be so terrible if it did?” Franny asks.
“I just think that bringing a man into Birdie’s life right now is a risk I’m not ready to take. What if she gets attached to him and then things go south with us?”
“Then we’ll all be here for her… and for you. Your parents, Violet, me. We’re your family now,” she says, patting my arm gently. “So, is that why I haven’t seen Jake around lately?”
My brow raises and a laugh escapes me. “Are you spying on me, Franny?”
“I know he walks you home at night after work.” She shrugs. “I’ve heard him in the hallway. I might peek through the peep hole sometimes. The man is seriously a work of art. Do you blame me?”
“I kissed him,” I confess. “I had him over for dinner last week and after Birdie went to bed, he kissed me.”
Franny’s eyes go wider than saucers. “Ahh. So, that’s why you’ve been so out of it.”
My teeth sink into my bottom lip, hiding a smile. “I’ve been a little sidetracked ever since, I guess.”
“Then I don’t have to ask how the kiss was.”
My cheeks blaze hotter than a stove. “Franny, it was the perfect first kiss. It could never be topped.”
“Sounds like a once in a lifetime kiss to me.”
I try to ignore the tingle that floats up my spine but when my heart follows next, tumbling in slow motion to the bottom of my stomach, I know she’s right.
It was.
The week fliesby in a blur as I take as many shifts as I can at the restaurant to make some extra money. It’s Birdie’s birthday next month and she wants a new bike. I also need to sign the contract and pay for this season’s dance classes that start in September since she’s decided she likes the studio and wants to commit to a company program. It means she’ll be dancing more hours, competing in the spring, and performing in a year-end recital. And dance isn’t cheap. But she’s made some great friends and I know the benefits of it firsthand. I grew up spending hours in a studio doing competitive dancing and I loved it. I want Birdie to have the same experience.
Being busy at work has given me an excuse to keep Jake at arm’s length. Maybe if I wasn’t so worried about falling for him, we could be spending more time together. He still shows up at the restaurant to walk me home when he knows I’m working late, but I’ve been careful not to cross any boundaries with him since the kiss. We’re friends. That’s it. I’m sure he wants to know where things stand between us. There were a couple of times I got the feeling he wanted to kiss me goodnight, but to his credit he’s been giving me space.
I still haven’t made good on the ice cream date I promised Birdie and Jake that night at my apartment. I’ve thought back to that evening so many times. It was so easy and comfortable. It was the polar opposite of the uptight, stupid dinner parties Grant liked to plan. In just a few short weeks, Jake gets me better than the man I married.
I turn my attention to Birdie, who is asleep in my arms on the couch. She fell asleep halfway through our movie, but I haven’t had the heart to move her even though my arm went numb 15 minutes ago. I can’t get enough of her little snores.
My phone lights up on the couch next to me and I groan inwardly when I see my mother-in-law’s name on the screen. Using my free hand, I swipe to read the message.
Miranda: Everly, I would like Birdie to come stay with us the weekend after her birthday. We are making plans to celebrate with the family.
I’ve never been away from Birdie for more than a night so a weekend without her makes me anxious. More than that, the thought of Birdie staying with the Billings without me scares me.
It’s not that Grant’s parents don’t love her; they just have a very different way of showing it. They buy her things, but they rarely actually spend time with her. Anytime she’s at their house, she ends up watching TV for hours by herself while their housekeeper makes sure she’s fed and taken care of.
Honestly, Birdie would probably love a party. What soon-to-be 8-year-old doesn’t want cake and presents? But part of me worries that Grant will find a way to disappoint her. He always does.
Will he even remember to show up? And if he does, will he bring his most recent flavor of the month?
The whole thing makes my skin crawl.
I look down at Birdie’s sleeping face, listening to the soft sounds of her breathing. I’ll talk to her about it and if she wants to go, I’ll let her.
I cradle her sleeping body against mine for a few more minutes before I gently lift her, carry her to her bedroom and tuck her into her bed for the night. She stirs when my lips brush over her forehead, but she turns on her side, drifting quickly back to sleep.
The weekend at Miranda’s is still weeks away, but I’m already dreading it.
Nobody has ever said parenting is easy.