31. Jax
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
JAX
I’ve been distracted all day, needing to know how Kiley’s meeting with Zander’s dad went.
I was hoping she was going to be back before I had to go to morning skate, but she wasn’t.
When I got back home for my afternoon nap, she had already taken both kids out so I could get some sleep, which never happened.
I couldn’t shut my brain off, especially when I called her asking about it and all she said was, “It went better than expected and we can talk about it later.”
Later sounded torturous, but I respect her wishes.
After we hung up, I lay in bed until it was time to get up and meet the boys for our pre-game dinner.
The fellas were able to distract me enough to not think about it during dinner, and I was able to keep my focus for ninety minutes on the game.
I played pretty solidly and even got an assist on Bishop’s goal.
But once I saw Kiley waiting for me with the kids after the game, my chest filled tight with pressure.
“Jax!” Zander runs and stops right in front of me. “I saw my daddy today!” He’s bouncing up and down in excitement, holding a stuffed dinosaur that I’ve never seen before. I plaster a fake smile on my face while my insides churn in anxiety.
I pick him up and give him a tight squeeze. “That’s great, kiddo. Did you have fun with him?”
“Yes,” he leans back in my arms as we walk toward Kiley and Chloe. “And we’re going to fly on an airplane to go see him in Bawston!”
“It’s Boss-ton, not Baw-ston,” Chloe corrects Zander as they join us.
I stop dead in my tracks. “What?” I look at Kiley. “Is this true?”
“I was going to tell you later, but yeah, we’re going up there on spring break for a couple of days.”
The wheels in my head turn, thinking of what I can do to get permission to join her. “What days? I’ll tell Coach it’s a family emergency and come with you.” I put Zander down but hold his hand.
She steps closer to me and lowers her voice. “It’s not a family emergency, and you don’t need to come with us.” She smiles at Easton Jackson’s girlfriend, Ava, who walks by us and says hello. “Can we please talk about this later?”
I ignore her request. “Are your parents going with you? Keegan?”
“No, they don’t need to.” She narrows her eyes at me. “Why are you acting like this?”
“I’m just concerned. You don’t know this guy at all, and now you’re going to fly to where he lives?”
“Yeah, it’s called co-parenting, and it’s my future.”
I dislike her answer, and I know she’s right, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” Chloe asks, grabbing my other free hand. “You seem upset.”
Kiley raises her eyebrow, daring me to answer Chloe’s question. “Nothing’s wrong.” I smile down at her while I lie. “I’m just tired. You guys ready to go?”
“I think Zander and I might go home and sleep in our own beds tonight.” She looks down at Zander and holds out her hand. “Come on, buddy, let’s go home.”
“Why? I want to go home with Jax!” Zander whines, giving his mother his infamous stink eye.
“Kiley, please,” I beg, not wanting her to leave like this. “Come back to the condo so we can talk. I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m just…”
“You’re what?” she interrupts, her eyes searching mine for answers. Her gaze slips down to the opening of my button-down shirt where she can see the chain to the shamrock necklace, and she swallows.
“I just care about you both and don’t want anything to happen. You don’t know his character yet.” I sigh as her glare is unwavering. “That’s all.”
She nods, but her eyes are stone cold. “Sometimes you have to have a little blind faith, Jax, and trust your intuition.”
I nod and reach for her hand. “Please come back to the condo?” I beg while squeezing her fingers.
“Come back home with us, Kiley, so we can have sundaes to celebrate dad’s win,” Chloe offers and if that girl asked for a million dollars right now, I would give it to her because there’s no way Kiley is saying no to Chloe. Those two have formed a special bond within the last couple of months.
Kiley smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Okay, let’s go eat some victory ice cream.”
“Yay!” Zander shouts and does a silly dance that has all of us laughing, even Kiley.
We go home, eat our sundaes and put the kids to bed.
Neither of us mention Zander’s dad nor Boston, and when we have sex later that evening, Kiley takes complete control.
There is no tender caressing or going slow.
It is pure fucking and as she rides me, an unsettling feeling that I’m losing her washes over me.
Iwake up the next morning to find Kiley cooking eggs, bacon and potatoes for breakfast. “Wow, it smells amazing in here,” I tell her when I walk up to her from behind and wrap my arms around her waist. “I’m going to miss being spoiled rotten like this while on the road.
” I leave tomorrow for our week-long road trip, come home for twenty-four hours to re-pack and then do it all over again for another week.
These are the last two back-to-back road trips before we enter the post-season.
“Why don’t you sit down? Breakfast is almost ready,” Kiley tells me. I kiss inside the crook of her neck, let her go and make myself a cup of coffee. I’m about to pull out a chair from underneath the island when I see two large suitcases sitting by the front door.
“What are those for?” I question, my heart pounds in panic that she’s leaving me.
She turns off the burner and puts her spatula down. “Those are mine and Zander’s suitcases. I figured I would take all of our clothes home to wash since we won’t be back here for two weeks.”
“But you can wash your clothes here.”
“Yes, but it’s just easier to do it at home since we’ll be back there when Chloe leaves. Besides, I will need to re-pack the suitcase for our trip to Boston next Wednesday.”
“Kiley,” I sigh, deciding to bring up the subject. “I really don’t want you going to Boston alone.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “And why is that?”
“Because it’s dangerous.”
“I go to work alone, and you never seem to have a problem with it.”
“That’s actually not true. I always worry about you going to work, but this is slightly different,” I counter, not understanding where she’s going with this.
“No, it isn’t. Chicago can be a dangerous city too.” She leans her hip against the kitchen counter and crosses her arms over her chest. “I want to know the real reason you don’t want me to go.”
Because I’m afraid you’re going to fall in love with him and leave me. “I just think he should be the one coming to Chicago until you have a legalized parenting agreement in place,” is my response.
“Why? What’s the difference if he comes here versus me going there? I’ve never been to Boston before and want to see it.”
“There’s no one in Boston to protect you in case this guy turns out to be a wack job.” I walk over to her and place my hands on her shoulders. “Let me come with you.”
“You’re not my boyfriend, Jax.”
I drop my hands as if I’ve been burned. I have no right to feel hurt by her words, but for some reason, they sting. “I know I’m not.”
“Then if you don’t want to be, stop acting like you are.”
“Kiley,” I start, but she cuts me off.
“You’re not going to say it, are you?” She searches my eyes as if she’s looking for something.
“Say what?” I ask, even though I have a sinking suspicion I know the answer.
She gazes at me intently. “Saying what we both know is true. Feelings have been caught—by both of us.”
I gulp down my denial because it’s a lie anyway. “I told you I can’t offer you anything more.”
“Can’t or won’t?” When I don’t answer, she shakes her head.
“Yeah, you warned me and I was the idiot who thought I could handle it. Well, I can’t anymore, and I don’t think you can either.
So if you don’t want to be with me, then it’s time to end our physical arrangement.
From now on, we’re back to our original boss/employee relationship until your season is over. ”
I nod because my voice is lodged in my throat. I knew this day would come, but I wasn’t prepared for it to hurt like it does. As we stare at each other in silence, the scars on my heart feel like they're oozing blood all over again.
She straightens and squares her shoulders. “This is your last chance to say anything else on this topic.”
“I’m sorry,” is all that I muster, and it feels like the biggest bunch of bullshit.
She nods but doesn’t say anything more and retreats to her room with Zander.