40. Chapter 40
Seren
“Okay, well, if you’re good for tonight, we’re gonna head home,” I said, pushing my hair out of my face, the sweat making it cling to my skin.
“Mommy, my new bed!” Cai jumped up and down on his bed. Derek had already set up a lot of his apartment, and I wasn’t sure why he needed me at all. The only boxes I’ve lifted were the few remaining in his trunk, and it kinda felt like he left them there on purpose. Maybe I was reading into it.
“I see that. Are you and Daddy going to get a truck comforter soon?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he chanted. Derek wanted to take Cai to furnish his room, and I was happy seeing Cai and him connect like that. I wanted them to create memories together, now that was easier to do living here.
“Okay, go use the potty. Then we’re gonna go home, okay?”
He scurried off, and it left Derek and I alone. It hadn’t often been awkward between us, but I could catch a vibe of something being off with him tonight. “Are you doing anything this weekend?”
“The rugby family day is this weekend.” I hesitated. “You should come.”
His eyes lit up, and I worried I’d given him a mixed signal. “You want me there?”
I tucked my hair behind my ear, giving myself a second to answer. “I think it would be good for Cai to see you there,” I said carefully. “Other people will have family there too, and he loves being with the teams.”
Derek nodded, his eyes fixed on mine, and I could sense the misunderstanding before he’d voiced it.
“And I’ll be there with Jake as well.”
The words landed between us clearly. He blinked once, and whatever brightened his expression dimmed by a fraction.
I needed him to understand he was here in Cai’s life, not mine, and there was a difference.
This journey of being a single mom had taught me that I can be my own person again, and Jake was a big part of how I’d learned that.
Cai rushed back into the room, interrupting the awkward silence. “My did peepee!”
Derek’s focus shifted to him immediately. “High five, dude. You’re so smart.” They smacked hands, and Cai beamed. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Come on then, baby. Let’s go home.”
Cai fell asleep in my arms on the way home, so I transferred him to his bed without much fuss.
It was eight-thirty, and I still hadn’t heard from Jake, so I decided to keep myself busy with endless laundry and cleaning I’d neglected a little this week.
But as always, it didn’t take long for my mind to wander to him again.
Was he going to come over at all tonight?
I wasn’t sure, and as I cleaned up the kitchen, I saw something sitting on the fridge that reminded me that Cai was getting attached too.
Today, he’d come home with a picture he’d drawn at daycare, pointing to each wiggly line as he’d said, “Mommy, Cai, Nighty, and Jakey.” I’d smiled so hard my face hurt.
Then my heart cracked a little, and I’d realized I was in way deeper than I’d ever planned.
We were both in deeper. I’d tried to be careful with Cai, but they were like magnets, and it was hard to keep them apart. I was also tired of pretending not to want Jake here with us.
Dragging my hands into my hair, I stopped pacing for long enough to grab my phone and pull up his contact to message him.
Really, I wanted to see him, but a sleeping toddler next door limited that. What was I going to say anyway?
Hi, sorry I accidentally forgot to tell you that my ex is moving nearby. Also, my son drew you in our family picture today, and now I’m one nervous breakdown from crawling into my bathtub and staying there because I like you a lot, and I want to be with you officially.
So smooth.
I never meant to drop the news that way, I’d almost forgotten myself until I realized, with a twist of fear, that I might not be able to see him the night he got home and I had to tell him why.
Jake deserved better than that. It should’ve been a face-to-face conversation so he could read my emotions, not a late-night FaceTime call. Nothing about Derek moving here changed how I felt about Jake, except I hadn’t actually told him that yet.
Which was, apparently, another great choice from the Seren Davis School of Avoidance. Enroll today, receive a free ex-baby daddy and a tote bag.
I decided to message a simple, I miss you, when a knock on my door sounded. My heart kicked against my ribs as I put my phone down and made my way over to the door, pulling it open.
As soon as I saw his big blue eyes and messy hair, my body deflated. His phone was in his hand, as a small smile peeking out as his eyes flicked between that and me. “You missed me?”
The words were teasing, but his voice wasn’t quite. I swallowed, then stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my face into his chest, inhaling his soft cotton scent, and whispered, “Yeah, I really did.”
His arms went around me automatically, and my body finally exhaled with him here.
“I really didn’t think you’d show tonight,” I admitted, my throat thick. His hand slid slowly up my back, leaving a shiver in its wake.
“I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I knew you were busy…” he said, trailing off.
I pulled back to look up at him, observing the shadows under his eyes. “Do you want to come in to talk?”
He nodded, and we both backed up, his foot knocking the door shut behind him quietly, like he didn’t want to wake Cai. This man was so damn thoughtful.
Reaching for me, he caught the front of my shirt between his fingers, tugging me closer. There was a thrum of awareness buzzing between us. Desire drifted around him like an aura as he licked his lips, eyes darkening.
“I know we need to talk,” he said, his gaze dropping to my mouth as he pulled me a fraction closer. “But I really need to kiss you. Can I do that?”
I let out a slow breath, one that didn’t do a damn thing to steady me as my hands ran up his muscled chest to his neck. “Yes,” I breathed.
The second his hands clasped my face and tilted my head up to meet his lips, I was free-falling into something I had zero control over.
His tongue demanded entrance to my mouth, and I opened for him without hesitation, my fingers curling around his wrists for something to hold on to while the rest of me went weightless.
He tasted like mint and night air, and everything Jake. There was so much emotion pressed into the kiss that I couldn’t separate the hunger from the hurt, the want from the relief.
A small sound caught in my throat, and his thumbs brushed my cheeks while he kissed me harder, backing me up until my back hit the door. His body was warm and solid against mine, his chest rising hard against me.
I slid my hand down his shirt, feeling the heavy thud under my palm.
I wanted to soothe him, give him something tangible between us without thinking too much about this.
I’d spent weeks thinking about where this could go, how everything would come together in our lives, and if wanting Jake this badly made me reckless, selfish, or just human.
But tonight I realized that I was ready because of him.
I hooked my thumbs into my pants and dragged them down with my panties, the fabric brushing my thighs before I kicked everything away. Jake’s gaze followed every inch of movement, his jaw going slack in a way that made heat lick through me.
Then, before he could touch me, I sank to my knees, and his entire body went still.
“Oh my fucking god,” he hissed, palm landing on the door behind me.
I reached for him, undoing his pants, dragging everything down enough to free him. He was hard and heavy in my hand, and my pulse kicked at the sound he made, this deep satisfying rumble that tore out of his throat.
His hands found my hair, fingers threading, moving against my scalp.
“Go on, baby, suck it. I know you want to.”
I smiled up at him. I definitely wanted to.
I wanted the taste of him on my tongue, the weight of him in my mouth. I wanted to hear every controlled piece of Jake Ledger crack apart above me because of what I did to him.
Leaning in, I covered the tip with my lips.
His breath punched out as I took him slowly at first, letting my tongue drag along every hard ridge of him.
My hand wrapped around what I couldn’t fit.
As his fingers tightened in my hair, I looked up through my lashes to find him staring down at me with the darkest expression.
I moved lower, taking more, and he cursed under his breath, pulse fluttering at the base of his throat. My core clenched as I worked him deeper, lips stretching around him, my throat squeezing when he hit the back of it.
His hips jerked forward again, and I gagged, eyes watering, but the broken groan he gave me made every part of me want more. Hollowing my cheeks, I took him over and over until I was messy.
“God, you’re so pretty when your mouth is stuffed full of my cock.”
His words made me dizzy. Guided faster by the pressure of his hands, I tasted salt and heat, feeling every twitch of him in my mouth.
Jake’s jaw clenched, his stomach tensing, every muscle strained as he tried to hold back his impending orgasm.
The sight made something powerful bloom inside me, I headily realized that Jake needed this connection, and so did I.
Talking could happen later, but this man needed me.
Without warning he pulled out of my mouth, and hauled me upward into his arms, lifting me like I weighed nothing. My legs wrapped around his waist on instinct as my back met the door, and his mouth crashed into mine, all desperation, and the taste of him still on my tongue.
“This is gonna be fast,” he murmured, his voice rough. “But I swear, I’ll make it up to you later.”
My fingers curled at the back of his neck, pulling him closer, my lips brushing his in a whisper of a kiss that felt too tender for how badly I wanted him.
“Don’t hold back. I want it all.”
His eyes burned into mine. Then he notched at my entrance and slammed inside me.
A cry tore out of me that he silenced with his mouth as my body stretched around him, full and shocked and shaking from the suddenness of it.
Repeatedly, he thrust into me, pinning me in place, his fingers digging into my hips as he held me exactly where he needed me.
The rhythm was frantic and reckless, but I loved it.
I loved the way he lost himself, the way every movement knocked air from my lungs, every drag of him inside me made my thoughts scatter until there was nothing left but Jake.
“I loved your mouth, but…” he growled, his voice not sounding like him at all. “Baby, your pussy is so fucking good.”
My release built fast. “Jake, I’m…yes…” My walls clamped around him, body shaking, pleasure rushing through me so fervently, I could barely hold on.
“Gimme those eyes,” he commanded. My eyes found his, wide and unfocused, but I kept them there because he asked me to.
Because he needed to see it. Beneath the heat and filthy words and the way he was fucking me there was still an ache in him and I needed to show him that I was here with him more than ever.
“Watch me as I fill you up, baby.”
I shattered around him again, my nails digging into his shoulders as the orgasm rolled through me so intensely that tears almost pricked my eyes.
“That’s my fucking girl,” he grunted, capturing my mouth with his as he emptied himself inside me.
His body shuddered against mine, his grip bruising for one perfect second before softening. His mouth stayed on mine, the kisses turning gentle as we worked through the aftershocks. He rested his forehead against mine, still inside me.
“Fuck, I needed you.” He exhaled. His grip loosened and he slipped out of me, some of his cum dripping down my thighs. It was dirty and sexy, and I was beaming.
“I needed you too.”
We silently picked up our clothes, cleaned up a little, and settled into my bed.
My head rested on his chest, as he laid on his back, his fingers moving slowly down my ribs.
“I should’ve told you about Derek moving.”
His breath paused. “Yeah,” he said, “but I know that adjusting to life here has been crazy. I also know I don’t get to have an opinion on Derek.”
My eyebrows pinched together. “You’re allowed to have feelings about things that affect us, though.” I used the word “us” intentionally because there was an us.
Looking down at me, his mouth twitched. “Us?”
“Yes,” I said quietly, swallowing thickly. “If you want there to be an us?”
Jake’s signature dimples popped out with a smile and my pulse stuttered at the sight. “I want there to be an us.”
Someone had taken a match and lit a fire in my belly when he dipped his mouth to cover mine.
“I took a little bit of time to process things on the travel back today,” he said, settling back down, moving his hand up and down my arm, then he stopped. “Are you sure you’re ready for my ugly truth?”
My arm slid across his abs, and I anchored myself to him. “Tell me.”
His heart paced like a caged animal in his chest. “I thought maybe you were getting ready to leave me.”
I lifted my head. “Jake.”
“It’s not logical, but I got scared, and that’s why I shut down when we talked. Why I was later coming here tonight.”
Propping myself up to my elbow, I placed my hand over his chest. “I’m not leaving you.”
“I know that now,” he said and pulled me closer. “I was dealing with some stuff that wasn’t about you directly, but the situation kind of pushed all my insecurities right to the surface again.”
I held his eyes, making sure he knew I was listening.
“When I was a kid, I got used to not being the right fit, so when you mentioned Derek moving here, my brain defaulted to ‘well, I’m obviously not the right fit here.’”
Hearing him say that made me want to reach in and pull every unwanted thought out of him, then I had an idea. Sitting up, I threw my legs off the side of the bed.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Two seconds.”
I padded into the kitchen as fast as I could, grabbing the picture from the fridge and returning to my room.
Jake was sitting against the pillows, sheet draped low on his hips, expression uncertain in a way that made my chest ache. I crawled back onto the bed and held the paper out to him.
He squinted, assessing it.
“Cai drew that at daycare today.”
His gaze flicked to me, then back at the paper.
“This line is me,” I said, pointing to the purple line. “This one is Cai.” I moved to the smaller line, then over again. “That’s Nate.”
Jake’s thumb brushed over the last line. “And this one?”
“It’s you.”
He stared at the picture in his hands, and I watched the meaning settle into him piece by piece. Jake’s throat moved on a rough swallow.
“I know Derek moving here is complicated, but I want Cai to be loved by as many people as possible. And that includes you. You’re the right fit, Jake.”
Jake stared at the picture for another long second, inhaling sharply as his head tipped back. “He thinks I belong there.”
I nodded, tears in my eyes as he pulled me into his arms. So did I.