44. Chapter 44
Jake
I’ve experienced a lot of change in my life.
I used to think that made me adaptable. Resilient. Good at starting over.
But here I was with a child asleep on my chest, a woman I was falling for beside me, and one of my best friends fighting for his life behind a set of double doors, teetering on the precipice of change I didn’t want to happen.
Two hours felt like days here. Seren paced back and forth, talking to her parents on the phone, who were driving home from their vacation.
We’d only been told that he’s in surgery and we’d be updated as soon as possible.
My heart was hurting, not just for me but for them.
Nate wasn’t just a teammate. He wasn’t just someone I trained with or drank with or joked around with.
He was the first person who ever made space for me without asking for anything back when I moved here.
The first person who didn’t treat me like I was temporary.
The first person who didn’t look at me like I was a problem to manage.
And now he was in hospital undergoing surgery, and I couldn’t do a damn thing except sit here and wait.
I kept my hand on Cai’s back, feeling the slow rise and fall of his breathing.
I took solace in knowing that he could take comfort in me.
I just wished I could do the same for Seren.
She was trying to hold herself together, and I could feel the effort in every breath she took, every step she paced.
I wanted to take some of that weight from her, even if I didn’t know how.
“Baby, come sit down,” I pleaded, needing to somehow help her frayed nerves. Her frantic green eyes were rimmed with redness, as were her cheeks.
“I have to just check one more time.”
She took off toward the counter of the nurses’ station, where they shook their heads and gave her empathetic smiles. She walked back with shoulders lower than they were before, and my heart sank as she settled in the chair next to me.
“Still nothing.”
I knew she was torturing herself going up there after only a couple of hours, but I’d make sure I asked next time so she didn’t have to face that disappointment head on like that again.
The doors at the far end of the waiting room slid open.
Looking up, I saw Derek scanning the room.
When he found Seren, his face softened, and relief, fear, and love were written so plainly there.
She’d called him a little bit ago so he could take Cai back to his place, but he promptly fell asleep when we got here.
I hadn’t said so, but I didn’t want to let him go.
Derek stepped closer. “Did they say anything yet? Have you heard—”
“No,” Seren said, her voice shaky with emotion. “Nothing yet.”
He dragged a hand over his face, like he was trying to wipe off the panic. “Jesus…okay. Okay.”
“You can sit for now. Cai’s sleeping,” Seren told him, taking a breath.
He hesitated, watching me with his son, then sank into the chair, elbows on his knees, hands clasped.
There wasn’t anything we could say, so we all sat in suspended silence. I have no idea for how long, all of us stuck in our own minds. Cai’s curls got tighter the more our body heat combined, making his little head sweaty.
Seren’s knee bounced on repeat. Derek’s fingers tapped against each other, his eyes flitting between the three of us every now and then. Cai snored softly against my chest. I kept my eyes on the double doors, willing someone to walk through them with answers.
Seren’s voice broke the quiet first, barely above a whisper. “I can’t stand this.”
“I know, baby,” I said quietly, but apparently, not quiet enough.
Derek’s eyes snapped to mine as the words left my mouth.
His eyebrows drew together, watching my hand on his son’s back, the way Seren leaned closer to me.
I knew he saw it then, realized the way I cared for her. The way we were more than just friends.
Before any of us could say any more, the doors at the far end of the waiting room opened again.
A doctor stepped out, scanning the room.
“Is the family of Nate Davis here?”
Seren shot to her feet so fast her chair scraped the floor. “Yes. That’s me.”
Derek stood too, and I wished I could do the same without disrupting Cai further, but I stayed put, keeping him close, for his sake and mine.
My heart lodged somewhere between my ribs and my throat as I tried to listen to the doctor at a distance, but it was nearly impossible. They were talking in hushed tones, and there were only a few words I could hear. Surgery. Asleep. Time.
Each one landed like a stone in my stomach.
Seren’s shoulders tightened, her hand flying to her mouth, and I watched on as Derek immediately pulled her into his chest. My body flinched as she folded into him like she’d done it a thousand times, and for a split second, something old and instinctive in me braced for impact.
I forced myself to breathe.
Held Cai a little tighter.
This wasn’t about me.
Seren’s fingers curled into Derek’s shirt, her forehead pressed to his shoulder. He murmured something I couldn’t hear, and I hated that I wasn’t closer. That it wasn’t me comforting her right now.
I shifted Cai carefully, trying to ease the pressure in my chest. His little hand twitched against my collarbone, and I cradled him closer, before realization dawned on me.
She might be standing over there with Derek, but she left me with the most precious person in her life.
She trusted me with the center of her world while hers was falling apart.
We might’ve been interrupted earlier, but Seren was still showing me consistently that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she trusted me just like she’d said at the stadium.
All the doubt left my mind, and I had a soul-deep knowledge that she and this little boy were mine too.
That no matter how scared it made me, I’d never give up on them.
Seren pulled back from Derek after a moment, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. Her eyes found mine, and whatever flicker of jealousy or insecurity had sparked in me a moment earlier dissolved instantly. Because she didn’t look at Derek the way she looked at me.
She looked at me like she needed me. Like she was holding on by a thread, and I was the only steady thing in the room.
Something transpired between us then. I told her with my eyes, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.
The doctor said something else I couldn’t catch, and Seren’s breath hitched. Derek asked a question, voice tight, and the doctor shook his head gently, pointing to the doors then quietly leaving.
Change used to mean leaving. Now it meant staying and fighting for the people I loved. God, if Nate wasn’t okay…
I shook away the thought, watching Seren as she walked back toward us in a daze, almost like her body wasn’t fully connected to the ground. Derek hovered behind her, his hands on his hips, jaw tight, but he didn’t try to speak.
Lowering herself into the chair beside me, her hands trembled in her lap. She stared at Cai’s curls against my chest, like the sight of him breathing was the only thing keeping her from breaking apart.
When she finally spoke, her voice was barely there.
“Someone ran a stop sign. He didn’t even have time to brake. They said the impact shunted him sideways and threw him off his bike.”
My stomach twisted, but I stayed still, stayed steady for her.
“His leg’s broken,” she went on, the words tumbling out. “He’s had emergency surgery on his abdomen because his liver was damaged in the accident.” Her hands shook harder, fingers knotting together. “He was wearing his helmet, thank god, but the visor shattered, and it cut his face.”
The way she talked was almost clinical, and all I wanted to do was scoop her into my arms. Instead, I reached out, resting my hand on her knee, trying to disguise my own tremor by squeezing it tight.
“He’s going to be okay, though,” Derek said with a lilt of question in his tone, even though he’d heard it all firsthand.
She didn’t look at me. She stared straight ahead, tears slipping down her cheeks like she didn’t even feel them. “He’s sedated right now, but they’re bringing him down from surgery.”
Then she hiccupped a sob.
“I’m so scared.” She leaned into me, her forehead finding my shoulder. Her breath tremored out of her, and I felt the echo of it as though it were in my own chest.
My hand moved from her knee to soothe her back, wrapping around her as best I could. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”
Derek came in front of her, kneeling, taking her hands in his. “He’s going to be okay, S.”
She nodded, but it was shaky, unfocused. Then she stood abruptly, wiping her face with the back of her hand.
“I just…I need air,” she whispered, pushing past Derek and moving toward the doors.
We both watched her go, knowing she needed a second alone, but when Derek turned to face me, that soft expression he wore seconds ago for Seren had hardened.
His jaw worked once, chewing on something he didn’t want to swallow.
I kept my gaze steady. This wasn’t the place for a dick measuring contest, by any means, and I was way too rattled with my best friend in surgery to lose it right now.
But when he rubbed a hand over his mouth, scoffing into his hand, tension pushed its way into my body too.
His eyes remained on mine, assessing and accusatory.
“Say what you’re thinking, Derek, but fair warning, I don’t have the energy for bullshit.”
The side of his lip lifted in a small sneer, before he wiped it away again.
“Baby, huh?” There was a bite to his words that he didn’t try to hide.
So this was happening. I didn’t want to get into anything, but Derek clearly wanted it out, while I was very aware of his son sleeping on my chest still, that we were in a hospital, and Nate was fighting for his life down the damn hall.
I inhaled, trying to keep myself calm, not to make matters any worse.
“Yeah, that a problem?”