Chapter 3
JAMISON
Frustrated with Dori’s stubbornness, I turn away. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”
“What was that?” Her voice, full of confusion.
I glance back. My instincts kick into high alert. The red lasers aimed at Dori’s heart cause me to react. I push against her to protect her as a shot rings out.
Something hot skims the side of my head. Seconds later, a force pushes me over, causing me to land on Dori. The burning sensation slicing through my back and chest tells me I’ve been hit.
I’ve got a short time to tell her exactly how I feel. If I die, she’ll remember that I love her. It’s my final gift to her. Using all my energy, I get the words out. Then my vision becomes unfocused.
My body warms as I stroll along a sun-streaked beach. The sun beams down on the ocean.
The water is like liquid gold swaying in white waves as it rolls in across the shore. The sky shines bright, although the tint is more yellow than blue. It’s quiet here.
I scan the sand before me as a boy, about six years old, runs up to me. He’s a mirror image of me when I was his age. I’m mesmerized by him.
He tugs on my hand, throws a ball on the ground, and smiles at me. “Let’s play some soccer.”
“What’s your name?”
“Don’t be silly.” He laughs through his words. “You know my name, Daddy.”
He kicks the ball and runs after it. I stay where I am, frozen.
He called me his dad. Overwhelming love flows through me as I stare at him in awe.
When he gets about twenty feet away from me, he stops the ball with his foot. He turns back and kicks it to me.
I stop it under my foot and peer down the beach at him. “Where did you learn to play?”
“You taught me. You’re being silly, Daddy.” He laughs again. “Kick it hard in the air so I can jump and catch it. I want to show you my goalie skills.”
I do as he asks, and he gracefully flies off his feet and catches the ball midair. Pride swells in my chest.
“Impressive,” I say.
As I go to step forward, Dori says something behind me to grab my attention. I turn on my heels to find her standing about thirty feet away. She’s got her hand over her mouth as tears roll down her cheeks.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I advance her way.
She shakes her head and puts her hand out in the stop position. I freeze and glance over my shoulder. The little boy has the soccer ball in his hands. He studies me as I switch my gaze from him to her.
He kicks the ball my way again. I run forward and stop it with my foot. Someone claps off to the side of me and captures my attention. It’s a younger boy, about five years old, and he’s another replica of me at that age.
“Can I have a turn?” He bends over to pick up the ball.
“Sure. What’s your name?”
He laughs, snags the ball, and runs toward the other boy, maneuvering the ball with his feet like a pro.
The older of the two shakes his head. “Daddy, you’re being strange today. ”
“Don’t mind, Daddy. Let’s play the game.” The youngest joins the older one.
I realize that both these boys are my sons. I never thought I’d get to know what they looked like, let alone meet them. It’s an amazing gift. Adoration blooms in my heart. I could stay here forever and watch them play.
They practice passing the ball to each other with the side of their feet. I glance back at Dori. She’s dressed in a mermaid-type wedding gown.
I lose my breath. “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”
“And you’re so handsome.” She smiles lovingly and turns away.
The lace train of her dress has crystals sewn into it. The sun catches the jewels and they sparkle with a dazzling allure. She magnetizes me and I have to be near her. I take a step to follow her.
The boys yell, “Daddy, where are you going?”
I hold up a finger. “I’ll be back. Give me a minute.”
I twist back toward Dori. She’s disappearing behind a tear in the sky. It’s not a door. It’s just a space in the backdrop—a ripple in the texture. The train of her dress glides across the sand and disappears along with her.
“Dori, wait.” I run to the space and follow her into the darkness. “Where are you? I can’t see you?”
“I’m here. Just keep up with my voice. If you stop, we’ll lose each other.”
I quicken my pace. “Keep talking so I know which direction to go.”
“You need to feel for me. Feel our connection. Let that guide you to me.”
There’s a bright spark, and the space turns white before it returns to black. Everything about her fades away. Her voice, my connection to her—everything vanishes.
I stop and glance back in the direction of the boys. They’re gone. I’m all alone in the darkness. Fear slithers up my spine at the thought that I’ve lost all of them.
“Dori, let me feel you. Show me where you are. Talk to me. Don’t make me do this alone.”
“You’re never alone, baby. Trust me. ”
“I do. More than I trust anyone else.”
“I love you, Jami.”
“I love you too.”
“Then cling to that and let me bring you home.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“With our love, I’ll guide you back to me. You just have to believe.”
I focus on that. My chest heaves, and I almost throw up. Blinding light flashes in my eyes. People hover over me.
Where am I?
What is going on?
The energy surrounding me is pure panic. I try to cough because something is in my throat, but I can’t.
“He’s back,” someone says.
I’m paralyzed and can’t move anything but my eyes. Dori and the two boys aren’t anywhere to be seen. I want to be with them, and I’m confused about where they went.
Voices mumble as if underwater, making it so I can’t understand what they’re saying. I close my eyes to escape the bright glare and travel back to one of my early memories.
I can’t be more than seventeen, and Dori’s in her backyard sunbathing. Feeling brave, I sit in the grass next to her.
She’s in a white bikini, her hair is in two ponytails that hang loosely over each shoulder, and she’s wearing a purple sun visor. I’ve always found her attractive, but how she looks now is downright sinful.
She props up on her forearms and faces me. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Yeah? What about?” I stretch my legs out in front of me and rest back on my palms, keeping my gaze on her.
She flashes me a grin. “I’m sixteen now.”
“Yeah, I know. Why does that matter?”
“I’m old enough to date.” She tips her face to the sun. “What if you were the first one to take me out?”
My heartbeat ticks up. I peek over my shoulder, searching for Aiden. “Is that something you would want?”
“If you wanted to. Yeah, it would be fun. ”
My stomach does cartwheels and I swallow hard. I’m still a virgin, and Dori suggesting we go out has my mind reeling with all sorts of sexual ideas. Unable to control myself, I start to grow in my pants.
Fuck, not now.
As a diversion, I move to sit cross-legged and bend over to play with the grass. I will myself to stay in check.
“Jami, I wasn’t asking you to kill me. Jeez.” With hurt melting her smile, she stands and gets in front of me.
I glance up. The sunlight surrounds her, making her curves pop and take form in a shadowy silhouette.
She’s a sex goddess. I want to pull her down on my lap and lose my virginity right here and now. My heart pounds as I stare at the most beautiful and intimidating woman I’ve ever seen.
She takes a step away. “Never mind. Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.”
I reach up and grab her wrist. “No, don’t go. Sit next to me. I enjoy talking with you.”
She stalls for a beat, searching my eyes. I send her a warm smile, and she settles beside me. I grab her visor because what else can I do other than kiss her? She reaches for it, but I hide it behind my back.
“Come and get it, Dori.”
Her face breaks into a wicked grin. “I think I will.”
She pushes my shoulders, thinking she can knock me over, but I’ve filled out over the past year. I barely move, so she climbs in my lap, straddling me. She reaches behind me to get her hat.
Her breasts line up in my sight, and my plan backfires. I’m hard in seconds.
Jesus, how I want her.
My stomach churns with excitement. I flip her onto her back and tickle her. She squirms and pretends to push me off her as we wrestle for a moment.
My face is lined up to hers, and her pouty lips call for me. Her magnetic pull connects to my heart.
This moment is what dreams are made of. My body on hers. Me hovering over her while she writhes beneath me. I’m about to come in my pants, and I haven’t even kissed her.
The warm emotions I feel for her are like nothing I’ve ever experienced. They’re intense and fire off sparks I’m sure everyone can see.
My lips tingle at the thought of pressing them against hers. My skin absorbs her touch like a sponge. I try not to grind my hips into her, but I can’t stop myself.
Her breath hitches, and she calms down beneath me. For a moment, we stare into each other’s eyes.
I tilt my head, asking a silent question for permission to take it further. She responds with a subtle nod. I lower my head to go in for a kiss, but I’m ripped off her.
Aiden has me by the arm. “What the fuck, dude?”
I shake my head as Dori scrambles to her feet. “Chill out, Aiden. We were just messing around.”
“So I see.” He flings my arm as he releases his grip. “Dori, get inside and put on some fucking clothes.”
Her eyes are wide as she stares at him. Her cheeks grow red. “But I’m ? —”
“That swimsuit is two sizes too small for you. Get some fucking clothes on, now.” He yanks her by the arm and leads her a step away.
She swings back and slaps him across the face. Her action stuns us all quiet.
Aiden rubs his cheek. “You hit me. What the fuck?”
“Don’t you ever put your hands on me like that or else that will be the least of your worries.” She storms off.
He growls and unleashes on me. “My dad warned me you were using me to get to her.”
“That’s not how it is, Aiden.”
“Yeah? Well, it looks that way to me.” He gets in my face. “Touch her again like that and I will kill you.”
Confusion fills my head. “What has gotten into you?”
“The way you look at my sister. She’s not a piece of meat, so treat her with the respect she deserves.”
“You know I respect her. We were just ? — ”
“Don’t try to deny it. I saw you with my own eyes.” His glare burns into me. “And so did my dad. If you want to stay friends and be able to hang out with me, don’t do that again.”
I shrink as guilt floods over me, and I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Aiden. We were just… Your dad saw?”
“Yeah. Now he’s pissed at me and on my back for being a lousy brother.” He glances at the window in the direction of his dad’s office.
My gaze follows. Their dad’s standing there, watching Aiden handle me. I coil into myself. Heated shame fills my chest. I didn’t think what I was doing with Dori was wrong, but now I know differently.
“Sorry. I’ll keep my distance from her.” I hang my head.
“You better or else there will be consequences.” He turns away and stalks toward the house.
It was the first time I felt like Dori was honestly attracted to me. It was also the first time I had taken a risk and tried to go further with her.
Since I was twelve, I had been secretly enamored by her, but she never really noticed me—at least not like she did that unforgettable day in her backyard when everything changed.
That day, I realized I’d never have a chance with her—not if her dad and Aiden had anything to do with it.
There were times before that incident I had mentioned to Aiden I thought she was attractive. He would get upset and tell me to forget about her, but he never took it further than a few choice words.
Something about that day changed how he saw my attraction to her. He threatened our friendship, so I resolved to keep my word and avoid her. But I failed many times over the years.
Each time Aiden caught me inching forward with Dori, the threats and the scoldings got that much fiercer. I learned to flirt with her only if we were in private.
That’s why she always thought I ran hot or cold. It’s been challenging to break this pattern.
Wanting her more than any other woman was more complicated than I thought it would be. I fell in love with her through the years, each year a little more than the one before.
If I’m being honest, I loved her before that day in her yard, but I didn’t understand my emotions.
I would invite her to go hiking with me when her brother was unavailable and knew he wouldn’t find out. We would talk about everything on those hikes.
But my favorite part about spending time with her on the trails was when she would stop and take in her surroundings. She appreciated everything from the smell of the dirt to the vast views from the top of the mountain we were on.
I loved that about her. She never seemed to take anything for granted. Her zest for life was contagious.
There were times I almost kissed her, but I could never pull the trigger. My fear of getting caught took over. Sometimes, my heart would race just thinking about her dad seeing me go for Dori like I had.
It embarrassed me constantly. I feared what her family thought of me and how Aiden would react if he knew my true feelings.
Wrap all those emotions up, and the definition of what I experience when I’m near her is spelled out clearly. I’ve been at war with myself over her ever since that day in her backyard.
I want her, love her, and need to be with her, but I can’t overcome the constant obstacles keeping me from her. My feelings are more than difficult to rectify.
They’re like a bullet to the chest. They tear at my flesh and steal my breath.
What am I left with if I can’t be with her?
Never-ending longing and desire burning in my heart. If I could just get past the fear and shame and stand up for what I know is meant to be, would I have my happily ever after? Could we make it beyond her brother’s adamant refusal of accepting us together ?
I’ve got to fight to find out because a life without her doesn’t seem right. I clamor for air and struggle to wake from this nightmare. The only problem is I have no strength left.
“We’re losing him again!” The words bounce around in my head.
I give in to the tiredness of it all and fade away into the black.