37
Conor
“You want one more?” Knight asks me, holding up his empty bottle of beer.
“Make it two.”
“On it.” He stalks off towards the bar and disappears into the crowd.
I’m drinking away my sorrows tonight. I’m so fucking sad and pissed off and heartbroken, and I just need to forget, just for tonight. If I stay sober, all I will think about is Sasha and I can’t think about her right now, so I’m drinking.
“Conor Matthews.” A sugary voice drifts from behind me.
Before I can even turn around, a brunette slides into my lap like she belongs there, with one arm draped lazily around my neck.
Legs for days, designer perfume, perfect makeup.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you without that girlfriend of yours. ”
I grunt in response, the reminder that Sasha isn’t by my side tonight leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I down the rest of my beer to ease the taste and slam the bottle back onto the table in front of me.
“Uh, oh.” She traces lazy circles over my chest, looking up at me through thick lashes. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Something like that.” I grumble, looking around the bar for Knight, needing some kind of buffer here. This woman is beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but I feel absolutely nothing for her. Not even a ball tingle.
She moves into me closer, lowering her head and running her nose along the expanse of my neck.
I suppress the urge to shove her off of me and instead, grit my teeth so hard my jaw hurts.
“Maybe I can take your mind off it?” She whispers into my ear in a sultry voice that does nothing but give me a headache.
Tipping my head back, I let out a loud booming laugh, but there’s no humor in it. Before Sash, an offer like that would have me dragging the woman out the door before she can take her next breath, but now, the thought of even touching another woman makes me wanna be sick. “I’m good, thanks.”
“Oh, come on, Conor. We all know she wasn’t your type. That woman was just a place holder until someone better came along.” She slowly walks her fingers up the back of my neck before fisting my hair. “Someone like me.”
My law locks and my fists clench so hard that my knuckles turn white and it’s taking everything inside of me to stay calm right now. I don’t need to defend what Sasha and I had, especially not to some puck bunny who’s just looking to add another player onto her scoreboard.
Over the brunette's head, my gaze collides with wide, panicked eyes. Knight comes back to the booth, hands full with bottles of beer, a look of horror over his face. “Run, Matthews. Run, now.”
I don’t get the chance to ask why before I see a fiery blonde storming towards me. Oh shit. She looks pissed.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Olivia hisses, glaring between me and the brunette still sitting on my lap.
“Just trying to have a good night, Olliepop.” I say, raising my glass in her direction before taking a long swig.
Josh moves in behind her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, but judging by the look of disappointment on his face, he’s not here to defend me. Olivia swings her arm out, gesturing to the woman on my knee with one eyebrow raised in question.
“This is nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
Does she really think I’d jump straight into bed with someone two days after Sasha dumped me? Or didn’t dump me? I still don’t know what to call it.
“I promise it’s nothing.” I glance at the woman still perched comfortably on my knee. “Tell them it’s nothing.” Her face falls, her cheeks heating in embarrassment. Well, I guess it was only nothing to me.
Olivia doesn’t say anything. She just tilts her head to the side, fixing the woman with a menacing glare which to Olivia means “fuck off”.
Thankfully the woman listens as she scrabbles off my knee so fast, her ass almost hits the floor.
Gone is the confident woman who was just trying to get in my pants and in her place is a scared little girl who looks as though she’s about to burst into tears. It almost makes me laugh. Almost.
“Seriously, Conor.” Josh says quietly. “What are you doing?”
“I told you. Nothing.” Finishing my beer, I move to get another but Olivia’s wrist on my arm stops me.
“Conor.” Something in her voice makes me look up at her. The anger is gone. Now she just looks… sad. “Sasha was here.”
Every muscle in my body locks. “When?”
“She just left.”
All the air leaves my lungs in one breath. “Did she…” Olivia knows what I’m asking. Did Sasha see me with that woman? My stomach drops when Olivia nods her head.
Fuck!
I don’t say anything else as I race out the door of the bar. Rain lashes against my face the second I step outside, but I barely notice. My eyes dart up and down the street. Searching. Praying. Please still be here. Please. But she’s gone.
“Fuck!” My voice echoes through the empty street. What the fuck was I thinking? Even if Sasha didn’t see me, I’m sure someone would have told her. Hell, it’ll probably be on the front cover of that twisted sports news channel by tomorrow morning. I am so fucking stupid!
Nothing happened with that woman. I didn’t touch her. I didn’t kiss her. I don’t even know her name. But if I saw Sasha sitting on some random guy's lap, I’d flip my shit. She must hate me now. All those fears she has about trusting guys has probably just cemented itself in her head.
I pull my phone out of my pocket with shaky hands and press call. It goes straight to voicemail, her velvety voice floating through my speaker. “Oh, come on.” Should I go to her place? Would she even let me in? I’ll text her instead. It’s safer.
Me: It wasn’t what it looked like.
The rain is relentless, large drops bouncing against the sidewalk.
It’s cold enough to sting, but I barely notice it.
I wait beneath the black sky, watching my phone, willing it to light up with Sasha’s name on the screen, telling me I haven’t lost her.
Every second stretches longer than the last, each one whispering the same cruel thought: She’s not gonna answer.
When my phone chimes five minutes later, my heart sinks a little deeper into my chest.
Angel: You're a single man, Conor. You can do whatever you want.
Me: Not when the only thing I want is you.
Delivered. Seen. Nothing. I wait for her response, but it never comes.
My lungs deflate as my feet move against the wet concrete.
Everything hurts. My head, my shoulder, and as cringy as it sounds, my heart.
The puddles on the sidewalk get deeper, the water soaking through my shoes.
I’m cold and wet, but I keep walking, not really sure about where I’m going.
I don’t want to go home. It’s too quiet there without Sasha. I want to go to her, but I can’t. It’s getting late. All the stores have already closed, the street lamps the only thing lighting my way.
I walk aimlessly for so long that my feet are starting to ache and the alcohol seems to have left my system.
My head isn’t fuzzy anymore. The streets are now deserted, not a single person in sight.
The rain has slowed to a faint mist, silently showering the world around me.
The thoughts in my head are louder now than they were when I left the bar.
I stop walking, looking around at the buildings in front of me when I see the familiar sign of Buttons and Books.
Diane is moving around inside the coffee shop, setting up the tables for tomorrow morning.
That woman works too hard and it doesn’t help that she lives above the cafe. She never takes a day off.
Charlie lives with her too. She has Isabella for the night while Olivia and Josh are out.
They’re so lucky to have family this close, helping them out whenever they need.
I wish I had that. My family are all in Canada and I miss them all fiercely.
Maybe I should go home for a while. Just until I heal and can get back on the ice.
A change of scenery might be good for me.
But no, my real family is here. My teammates, Olivia, Diane. They’re my family and this is my home now. These people have been here a hell of lot more than my own blood and that matters a lot more than anything.
I cross the empty street, knocking on the door to the cafe. Diane’s head flies up at the sudden noise, her hand flying over her chest. She visibly relaxes when she sees that it’s me standing on the other side, quickly making her way over to unlock the door.
“What are you doing here so late?” She asks, pulling me inside before locking the door again. I shrug in response, not knowing what to say. “You look like a drowned rat, Conor.”
It’s only now that I’m in the heat of the cafe do I feel the chill running deep through my bones. It’s hard to stop the shivering that is taking over my body and I hug my one good arm around myself but it’s no use.
“Upstairs.” Diane orders, leading me to the back of the coffee shop and toward the staircase that leads to her apartment. “I’m sure I have some of Josh’s clothes laying around here somewhere.”
“I don’t think Josh’s clothes would fit over my huge muscles.” I tease, making a show of flexing my one good arm. Diane rolls her eyes, dragging me up the stairs and into the apartment. “Where’s my Connie girl?”
“Charlotte is keeping her at Josh’s place. She sleeps better at home.”
Diane moves to one of the bedrooms while I stay in the kitchen, my wet clothes dripping water droplets onto the tiled floor, leaving a puddle beneath my feet. She comes out a moment later with a stack of clothes and a towel.
“Do you need help?” She asks, setting the clothes onto the dining room table and handing me the towel.
“Only if you promise not to touch.” I flash her a knowing smirk and she swats at my arm. It’s a good thing Dee knows what I’m like or I could be on the receiving end of a slap to the face at any second now. It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before.
Diane unstraps my sling, the movement sending a shooting pain down my arm making me hiss. “So,” Diane says as she carefully threads my injured arm through the shirt sleeve. “What brought you here?”
“Sasha dumped me.”
Diane pauses her movement, her wide eyes staring up into my own. “When?”
“Two days ago.”
With my shirt fully in place, Diane helps me strap up the sling again. God, it was nice to be free there for a minute.
“Why?”
I stare at the floor. “Guess she didn’t need me anymore.”
Diane turns around as I peel my wet pants off my legs and put on the dry pair she gave me. “Well, did she say why?”
I hang my head as shame floods me. “She said none of it was real, but that was bullshit. And then she tried to explain, but I wouldn’t let her.
” I scrub a hand over my face. “I didn’t want to hear any more excuses.
” The disappointment in Diane’s face hits harder than a hit to the boards.
“I was angry and I needed out. I didn’t want to make things worse. ”
And yet that’s exactly what I did tonight. I made it look like I’ve moved on after only two days. It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Sasha is only going to see the betrayal anytime she looks at me. I can’t even blame her for that.
“I have thought about calling her, or going over to hear her out, but I think she needs space from me, especially after tonight.”
Diane frowns. “What happened tonight?”
I tell her everything that has happened. The girl. The bar. Olivia. The text messages. By the end, she’s looking at me like she’s decided whether she wants to hug me or kick my ass. Honestly, I’d deserve either.
“I just wanted one night.” I say quietly. “One night where missing her didn’t hurt so much.”
The cafe falls silent and only then do I really look at Diane.
Tiredness lines her face. Her usual blue eyes have dulled to a grey, her skin is weathered and pale.
She has lost her shine. My chest aches as I realize just how much of a selfish bastard I’ve been, thinking only of me and my situation and not stopping to think about anyone else.
“Hey, is everything okay with you?”
She smiles up at me. It’s the kind of smile that mothers give when they’re trying to convince everyone they’re fine. “I’m okay, Muffin.”
“You’re working yourself too hard.” I give her a pointed look but she bats it off.
“I’m just getting old.”
“And yet, you still don’t look a day over twenty-five.”
She pinches my cheek, muttering words under her breath that I can’t hear.
“I better head home.” I tell her, standing from my spot at the dining table. “Get some rest.”
“I will. Don’t worry about me.”
“Love you, Dee.” I lean down, placing a kiss to her cheek before walking to the door. Her words float to my ears as I leave, warming my chest.
“Love you too, son.”