Chapter 25 #2
“I’m sorry.” I look back at Z, trying to keep my anger at bay, but between this and what I just found out, I’m not sure I can.
“Didn’t I come to you about Tate last year because I gave a damn?
Didn’t I stop Darren from beating the shit out of you when he arrested you?
” I turn and look at Zeke this time. “Wasn’t I the one who you reached out to when Drew got hurt?
Didn’t I fucking tell you what was going on?
Didn’t I fucking call you to tell you about Z when he ended up in the hospital and got you guys in to see him?
Why am I the fucking enemy when I’ve done everything in my fucking power to look out for you guys? ” I shouldn’t be revealing this much.
“Regardless of all of that.” Zeke steps even closer, trying to size me up. “You’re still our enemy. Your loyalty doesn’t lie with us. You changed out of your uniform hoping it wouldn’t be as much of a reminder, but you can take it off, but you can’t rid yourself of that fucking stench.”
This time I don’t back down, matching his stance and moving in closer.
Out of my peripherals I can see Drew become uneasy.
“The problem is, you guys have no fucking clue who your enemy is.” Moving past Zeke, shoulder-checking him, I pause for a moment before leaving the room.
“Don’t worry. I’ll just write it up as no one knew who would do anything like this.
” Then I actually make eye contact with Tate. “Hope your sister’s okay.”
I’m down the hall and turning towards the doors as I hear a voice call my name behind me.
“What?” I turn, exasperated.
“I’m sorry for that.” Drew says as she gestures back towards the room.
“It’s fine.” I’m surprised she came after me.
“Are you really going to write it up vaguely?”
“Yes,” I sigh, rolling my eyes. “That’s what I do. I protect your brothers. Regardless of the detriment it puts me in.”
We both know I mean her. The detriment that it puts me in is losing her. That’s why I’m angry. I gave up everything to protect them, and they look at me as if I’m the goddamn enemy.
And who the fuck knows, maybe if I had come back to the house, if I had never left her that morning. If I hadn’t agreed to all this bullshit so long ago, would she have lost the baby?
“Then why?”
“What?”
“If it causes you pain, why do it?”
“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”
“I’m sick of that answer.”
“What?”
“Give me a real fucking answer. Why do you protect them?” She stands her ground, staring up at me.
I know I can’t answer her question. “Drew, I don’t give a shit about writing up a report. I didn’t come here to talk to anyone about today, or to get a statement about today.”
“Then why did you come?”
“Come on.” I can’t help but let out a dark chuckle. “You know why.”
I watch as confusion fills her face.
“I came to talk to you.”
She says nothing this time.
Sighing as Is lift my hands in a prayer motion before touching the sides of my fingers to my mouth before lifting them just enough to speak. “I’ll regret that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me for the rest of my life.”
“Eli, I didn’t tell you.”
“And why didn’t you?”
“Because I didn’t see a point…” she trails off.
I’m trying to keep a small bit of composure. I want to console her, but I know I can’t get too close here. There’s a flock of MC members cruising the hallways.
I guess from the look on her face she thinks about that as well, nodding to the door at our side. I follow behind her so we can talk privately.
In the small closet, I get flashbacks of the last night I saw her. Waking up with her panties still underneath me, but she’s nowhere to be found.
“I didn’t know until after…” she lets out a sad laugh. “And I thought it’d be a little weird to leave you a voicemail like… ‘Hey, remember all those times we fucked? Turns out I got pregnant, but don’t worry, it took care of itself’.”
“I’m sorry.” I mean it; I really am. But what’s fucked up is that if I had known now what was happening in the moment, I’m not sure I would’ve made a different decision than the one I did. Hell, it probably would have been more of a reason.
“When?”
“What?” she looks at me confused.
“Was it the last time we…” I trail off, not really being able to think about it much.
“No.” she shakes her head. “Go figure, Liv found me running out of the house and showed up at my apartment. She gave me a Plan B just to make sure.”
“Did you tell me then?” I pause. “I don’t remember everything that happened?”
“No. At least I don’t think I did, but I think we were both pretty fucked up.”
“Why? Drew, why wouldn’t you tell me?” my voice cracks.
“Why didn’t you tell me...” she pauses, shaking her head.
“I’d just taken a test when I got up to purgatory, then fell asleep, and by the time I’d woken up…
” She trails off, but hearing about what happened stings.
Something I never thought I wanted, and yet hearing how it was so close, with her, somehow feels like it changes something.
“That’s why you stopped?” I ask her.
“What?”
“When Collins called you, we were outside your apartment. We followed you out of the city. You stopped just before the city limits.”
“Why’d you follow me?”
“I had to know you got out safe.” I admit to her.
I watch the sadness forming in her eyes. Sad for what we were. Sad for what we could’ve been.
“Are you relieved?” I’m not even sure why I ask it, and I’m even more confused about the feelings I have about her responding with silence.
Nodding my head, I turn, wanting this conversation to be over. Not wanting to have it here in the first place. Pulling the door to the small closet open and storming through the hallway.
I’m out the door, almost to my car, when I hear her from just behind me. “Aren’t you?”
Stopping, I turn and look at her. “I don’t know.” It comes out as a sad mumble.
“How do you not know?” Confusion spreading across her face once again.
“Sketch,” exhaling again. “I don’t know. I just found out, and I’m processing.”
“I thought...” she trails off.
“That I didn’t want kids?”
She nods her head.
“I don’t. I mean, I didn’t think I ever did. But with… I — I don’t know.” Stopping myself before I tell her that was all before she weaseled her way into my psyche.