Chapter Eleven
~Beckett~
When Beckett woke up this morning, he had both hoped and expected to find Willa still in his arms where she had fallen asleep the night before, looking so peaceful and relaxed that he couldn’t help but feel a little swell of pride at having helped her reach that level of contentment. Before he drifted off himself, Beckett was already making plans for a repeat performance if Willa was up for it. In the morning, they would wake up together and go another round before he would make her breakfast, asking her to go out with him again as she enjoyed his signature veggie omelet and home fries.
Instead, Beckett awoke with his arms empty. His chest ached as he scanned the room and found no trace of the woman that had blown his mind in more ways than one. Sex with Willa had been incredible, the best of his life really. Beckett had never been with someone so take charge and it was a real turn-on, but beyond her ability to make him come his brains out, her opening up to him at dinner, talking about her childhood and her parents’ disappointment in her career, made him feel like they’d been forming a real connection. If her running off this morning was any indication, though, maybe that feeling had been as one-sided as he’d feared it might be.
Waking up alone had Beckett feeling low. It only got worse when he hadn’t found a note or a text from her letting him know why she left or even that she got home safely. He could have messaged her, but the idea that his time with Willa was nothing more than a quick romp in the sack for her crushed Beckett’s pride. His self-esteem wasn’t the only thing that had taken a hit because his heart wasn’t doing too great at the moment either.
Beckett had fallen for Willa the moment he saw her dancing in her car, and his feelings grew deeper and more intense with each interaction. Knowing it most likely wasn’t the same for her was like a punch to the gut and a bucket of cold water to the face at the same time. Had he misread everything? The attraction between them was palpable, the air between them thick with sexual tension and longing, but Beckett thought he saw more than that behind her heated gazes. Maybe he wanted a relationship so badly that he saw what he wanted to see, but he wasn’t convinced that was true. There must be more to the story. Beckett just needed to figure out a way to get it.
“What’re you thinking so hard about, Beck?” His father’s voice carried over to Beckett from the dining room where his old man was setting up plates and silverware for their family’s weekly lunch.
Since he was off today, Beckett could actually attend. He had driven to his parents’ house shortly after waking. Truthfully, he would much rather be spending the day as he had originally planned, with Willa in his arms as they continued getting to know one another in every sense of the word, but that wasn’t happening. Resigned, Beckett pushed himself off the beaten leather of the family room couch with a grunt and walked over to join his dad.
The dining room looked almost exactly as it had since Beckett was a kid, though it felt much smaller now that he was a grown man. The dark brown, wood walls matched the table and chairs that were big enough to fit his whole family and then some. The same Persian rug that he and Aiden used to race their Matchbox cars over sat underneath, looking a little worse for wear and the large wooden China cabinet displayed all of his mom’s best dinnerware. The plates and cups that stared back at Beckett were a lot fancier than the ones he grew up with, with nary a chipped corner of missing teacup handle in sight. His mom learned quickly that, with five boys running around, nothing lasted very long and most things ended up broken, so she had given up on having nice things until they were out of the house.
Taking a stack of plates from his dad’s arms, Beckett studiously avoided the older man’s hazel eyes that looked a bit like his own as he walked around the table and laid them out. “Nothing really. Just second-guessing some things,” he finally admitted. It wasn’t like him to doubt himself or his feelings, but Willa had Beckett so twisted up that he was feeling all sorts of things he never had before.
“This is about a woman.”
Beckett chuckled humorlessly. Leave it to his straight-shooter dad to cut right to the heart of the matter. “Is it that obvious?”
Beckett’s dad shook his head and finished setting the table. “Yes and no. It’s clear that something is bothering you, but normally you’d just come right out and talk about it.” He scratched at his short gray beard and shrugged. “So I figured it might be about something a little more serious. You having big feelings for someone?”
Beckett’s head bobbed in the affirmative as his younger brother Travis entered the room with a pitcher of water. “What are we talking about?” Travis asked as he filled glasses.
Their dad clapped Travis’ shoulder as he passed and turned back to Beckett with a smile. “Just talking about Beck and his woman troubles,” he teased with a wink.
Travis did little more than grunt as he continued with his work. Of all of the brothers, Travis was by far the quietest. He was the spitting image of their dad, looking exactly like the older man did when he was nearly thirty-years-old with a strong frame, thick head of hair, and closely-shaved beard, but he was so much quieter, preferring the trees in the orchard to people and only ever really making himself heard when absolutely necessary.
Travis also had sensory issues, hating loud noises in particular, which might explain why he was so reluctant to add his own voice. Just because he preferred not to contribute to the clamoring didn’t mean he wasn’t listening intently, though. The man could be keenly observant. He heard everything, especially when you didn’t want him to. When Travis did speak, people knew to perk up their ears because he was normally hitting them with some wise words formed from years of sitting back and watching the world unfold around him.
“Who’s having woman troubles?” Beckett’s mom asked. She entered the room breezily, her graying brown bob swishing as she bounced over to the table while balancing multiple platters in her arms. Before Beckett could go to help her, his dad was there to help carry the load, kissing the side of her face when everything was settled on the table. His mom’s cheeks turned a brighter shade of pink at the move. The sight warmed Beckett’s heart.
After all their years of marriage and raising five energetic boys, his parents still loved each other and had the ability to make each other blush. It was sweet and something Beckett wanted for himself, something he could have seen happening with Willa. Now though, he wasn’t so sure. His mom eyed Travis a moment before her gaze settled on Beckett. He squirmed automatically under her scrutiny.
Something about his mom’s stare had Beckett feeling like he needed to confess every sin he’d ever committed like he was in front of a priest or even God himself. “You may as well talk about it, Beck, since you know I’ll needle it out of you eventually.”
Nodding, he took a seat at the long table, noticing there were only four place settings. “It’s just the four of us today?” Sunday lunch might as well be church for how religiously he and his brothers all thought of it. Clearly, Beckett wasn’t the only one having troubles if other things had taken priority for everyone else too.
“Nate called earlier. Apparently, the Millers and the Goodwins can’t agree on who is responsible for removing a rotting tree on their shared property line and he went to go mediate. Felix promised to help Autumn package up all the pottery she needs to ship out by tomorrow for her customers, so he won’t be by until later. And of course, Aiden is too busy stressing in Chicago to take the time to join us over video like he used to,” she sniffed.
Beckett’s older brother used to make a lot more time for them than he had lately, and even without his mom’s comment he could tell it was starting to sadden her. No matter how old any of them got or how capable they were, she would always worry about them. Case in point, she shot Beckett a pointed look before plating some potato salad up for herself. “But you’re changing the subject.”
Stifling a groan, Beckett accepted the bowl from her and plopped some potatoes on his own plate. “Not on purpose,” he admitted. He had been genuinely curious about his brothers, but he also hadn’t been sure how to talk about the situation with Willa. It was confusing and a little frustrating, and despite his rapidly deepening feelings, still pretty damn new. “I’m not sure what to say exactly. I thought I was forming a connection with someone and it seems like she might not feel the same way.”
His mom nodded as they continued to pass food around to one another. “Well, did you talk to her about it?” She speared him with a fiercely curious look, and he knew the possibility of a deeper inquisition coming his way increased with every second he left her question unanswered.
Seesawing his head, Beckett tried to think of how to best explain things without admitting that Willa had left his bed in the middle of the night. They were a close family, but even he drew the line at sharing information regarding his sex life with his parents. “I didn’t really get the chance to ask her.” It was vague, but also true enough.
With a thoughtful nod at him, his mom raised a sculpted brow. “Were you going to?” When Beckett offered nothing but a blank stare as he considered her question, she rolled her eyes and bumped his dad with her elbow. “For all the technology these kids have to connect with other people, they sure love to avoid doing just that. When your dad and I were growing up, we had to hop on our bikes and ride five miles just to go find out if a friend wanted to play. Isn’t that right, Nolan?”
“True enough,” his dad mumbled with a mouthful of turkey on rye. “Sometimes I would even go as far as the other side of town to see the girl I was crushing on at her house, only to find out that she was at the library with her friends. Then I would ride there and find that the library was now closed and they had actually gone to the movies. After I finally found her I had to ride us both out to the Old Cider Mill. Damn near rode fifty miles that night.” He looked fondly at his wife, his eyes glazed over with love. “It was worth it to get that first kiss in the dark.”
Beckett’s mom turned a bit red. The two of them seemed to get lost in each other’s eyes before she snapped back to the present. “So you see, if your father could ride his old beach cruiser all over Applewood to come find me, certainly you can pull out your pocket computer, dial up your lady friend, and have a conversation.” With a curt nod, his mother took mercy on him and moved on to other topics.
After lunch, Beckett and Travis stood at the farmhouse sink washing up the dishes. As he went to grab the clean plate from his brother’s hand, Travis held onto it a moment, forcing Beckett to meet his gaze. “Should call your friend,” he muttered. “Otherwise, you’re just making assumptions about her and her feelings. That’s never a good thing.” His eyes pierced Beckett’s, hurt plainly visible behind the mossy green color.
Because he didn’t talk much or interact with others, people tended to make a lot of assumptions about Travis, most of them bad. He got written off as grumpy, standoffish, or just straight-up rude by a lot of people. His brother definitely could be that, especially if he thought you were disrespecting the family farm, but those who took the time to look closely enough got to see a man who was kinder and more understanding than almost anyone Beckett knew.
“You’re right.” With a grateful smile, he took the dish and wiped it dry. “Thanks for that, oh wise one.” Travis silently raised his middle finger at him, causing Beckett to bark before knocking him on his shoulder. Travis bumped him back. Soon, they were wrestling on the cold tile of the kitchen floor like they used to when they were younger.
“Seriously?” their dad called from the doorway. Beckett had Travis in a headlock while his brother’s legs were tangled around his, cutting off the feeling to his feet. Pins and needles shot up Beckett’s legs as he stared at his dad, but he didn’t relent. “If you two have enough energy to act like that, maybe you two can clean out the chicken coop. The visitors from the other day overfed the girls and the evidence is piled up all over the floorboards.” One look at his dad’s raised brow and serious expression, and the two of them bolted off the floor and back to the sink to finish their job. “That’s what I thought.” As the man shuffled out of the room, they sighed with relief. No job on the farm was more horrendous than cleaning up chicken shit.
Once they’d finished with the dishes, Beckett pulled his little brother into a hug. “Thanks again, Trav. I mean it.” When he pulled back, Beckett saw pink peeking up above the line of his beard and smiled at his brother’s bashfulness.
“You’re welcome.” He scratched the back of his neck as he scanned the kitchen. “Going to make that call?”
Nodding, Beckett made his way to the back door. “I am, but not within earshot of anyone in this house.” With a knowing look, Travis waved him off and headed up the stairs to his room. As Beckett walked to his car, his phone buzzed against his leg. Pulling it out, he was surprised to see a text from Willa.
Wild Woman: I’m sorry about this morning.
The words helped assuage some of his fears about her not feeling as much for him as he did for her, but not by much. She had said she wasn’t ready for something serious, though. It wasn’t really her fault Beckett was already falling for her. Unsure of how to reply to the simple message, Beckett decided to just try and keep an open mind like his brother suggested. No assumptions.
Beckett: I’m just glad to know you’re okay. I understand needing space, though I wouldn’t have minded a goodbye.
Three tiny dots danced on the screen, teasing him with the promise of a reply only to disappear again. Climbing into his car, Beckett started the journey home only to finally hear his phone buzz again. Could he wait until he got home to read her message? Yes . Would he? Hell no . Pulling off the road, he snatched his phone from the center console and pulled up their thread.
Wild woman: Can we meet up so I can explain?
Smiling down at the request, Beckett already knew his reply before his fingers flew across the screen to send it.
Beckett: Just tell me where and when. I’ll be there.
As soon as the information came to his phone, he pointed his car south and drove, though the closer Beckett got to where Willa was, the more it felt like he was heading toward his true North.