Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
JAMISON
My resolve to be just friends goes up in smoke, taken over by a wildfire named Dori. Her hand lingers at the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. Her eyes burn with raging desire.
“Don’t fight it, Jami.” It comes out breathy and heated.
I am so fucking in love with this woman.
In a fit of bottled-up passion, I smash my lips against hers as my arms wrap around her waist and pull her into me with a force I can’t control.
Our tongues lash against each other, a mix of forbidden love and pain we don’t dare acknowledge, releasing from our hearts.
Her hand caresses the back of my head and neck, pulling me into her deeper. A growl rolls from my lungs as my hands grab under her ass, lifting her off the ground.
Her legs hook behind me as she subtly presses her hips into me, moaning and looking for some long-overdue friction to get her off.
I guide us from the kitchen to my sofa while kissing her so hard I'm sure I’m about to taste blood. That doesn’t stop us.
I reach the couch, tear myself away from her lips, and release her onto her back. I stand above her, soaking her in.
Her auburn hair splays out around her, making her a perfect vision of fire and heaven mixed into one.
She pushes onto her elbows. Her head tips up to find my eyes. Through heavy lids, her emerald eyes scorch mine with an evil and tempting, heated stare.
“So, Jami, does the devil want to come out and play?”
Oh. My. Fucking. Hell.
She just did me in.
Whatever it’s called when you make a croak, groan, and moan sound all at once, involuntarily barrels from me because that was too much.
“Oh, my beautiful, sweet temptress. You have no idea how bad he wants to play.”
I have her caged below me in seconds as my mouth finds her soft, plump lips. My fingers weave into her hair and take it into fists.
I tug it back enough to make her neck arch so I can drag my mouth down her throat as I send her messages of control with my teeth. Then I make it up to her with soft licks and kisses that follow my trail, promising her nothing but pleasure.
She yanks at my T-shirt as I push her god-awful, heart-filled sweater up and off. She’s on display before me, her sex-crazed eyes demanding more.
She’s wearing a white bra. Against her porcelain skin, the color strikes my heart and reminds me of how pure my love for her is. A stutter of thoughts bounces through me.
Pure?
Is her love for me pure?
Are half-truths pure?
Out of nowhere, a bag of terror gets thrown over my head and zips tight around my neck as it tries to smother me. I push back to my knees and gasp for air as I claw to untangle the noose around my neck .
Being with her is wrong. I turn my head away as I squeeze my eyes shut and run one of my hands down my beard, trying to still my pounding heart.
I can’t witness her sprawled out and wanting me if I’m going to do this right. We have too much to fix before we can go down this path again.
I’ll end up hurting her, or she’ll rip me apart again. Either way, I lose.
No more than thirty minutes with her and she has me undone. In an instant, I realize without a shadow of a doubt that loving her might actually break me. The power she has over me is frightening to the bone.
She pushes herself up and indignantly asks, “Jami, why did you stop?”
“This is wrong.” I shake my head as I force myself to get back in control.
My skin prickles at the thought of how terrible this could go.
“I guess you’re back to running hot or cold.” She curses under her breath and wiggles to free herself from below me.
“Oh, no, you don’t. You don’t get to be mad because I made a good decision for us. This is the same shit that got us into this fucked-up mess in the first place.” I shift away so I’m sitting on the edge of the couch.
Her face is set in a deep, frustrated frown. She sits beside me and grabs her sweater off the floor, pulling it on as her lips protrude in a dramatic pout.
I hate seeing her upset. It’s like someone reaches into my chest and squeezes my heart into a tiny ball. Nothing else matters other than making her feel better.
I softly place my hand on her thigh. “Dori, look at me.”
“Why? So you can show me how selfish I am with one peek into your eyes?”
“No. That’s not what I think. When we’re together in private, I can’t handle it. I lose all control because I’m thinking with an adolescent boy's brain about all the things I want to do to you.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“You need to understand I stopped it not because I didn’t want it, but because I do.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Look, if we end up having sex tonight, where does that lead us?”
“It takes us to a new level. One where we can explore how it works with us.” She reaches for my hand, so I give it to her.
“We’re not ready for that. If we start up right now, it’ll get hot and heavy within two seconds. Everything would be great until tomorrow rolls around.”
“I’m not following.”
“Hunter would come strolling into your office and see us together. He would know instantly. And how would you feel about that?” I squeeze her hand gently to encourage her to be honest.
“I don’t know.” She shifts to sit sideways, moves her legs up on the sofa, and hugs her knees. “I get the feeling he’s been less than honest with me about some things.”
It’s about time she figures that out. I keep my mouth shut because of my agreement with him. No bashing allowed.
“Let’s not talk about him. Let’s focus on us. You say you want to build something, and so do I.”
“You do?” She flashes me a hopeful smile.
“Yes. We just need to go slow so we don’t get caught up in this intense connection. Let’s start with being friends again, then we can see if we still want this.” I rest against the back of the sofa and move my arm over the top of it.
Her gaze follows my movement. “I’ll always want this. That won’t change.”
I know what she’s talking about because I’ll always want it too. My head drops forward as I sink into that fact. Her fingertip touches my biceps and traces the tattoos .
Her head dips to the side to follow where the ink goes. “Why do you get all these?”
“I like the pain.”
“Why?”
“It reminds me of all the people I’ve hurt before. It makes me strive to be a better man. Going through the sting of getting one helps me see I can make it through the toughest times and still hold it together.
“The pain helps me see how strong I can be even when I feel I can’t take it anymore. The throbbing reminds me that in the wake of its destruction, once it’s healed, it leaves something beautiful behind.
“It gives me the strength to hold on to the future. It gives me hope that something beautiful will be left in its path, and soon I’ll see it.”
“That’s pretty deep and insightful.” She studies each mark and line.
I place my finger on the one she’s going over. “Each one of these tattoos has meaning. I’ve felt the pain of each one twice. Once when it happened in real life and once when I was getting it etched into my skin.”
“You have ink all over your arms, back, and chest. That’s a lot of misery to endure.” She hugs her knees. “Do you ever want a tattoo associated with a good memory?”
“Of course, but I haven't had that happen yet. Until then, I’ll focus on getting through the suffering.” I tug at my sleeve and pull it farther down my arm.
“Let me take some of that hurt away.” She reaches over and places her hand on my heart.
I place my hand over hers. “You already do.”
For a moment, we stare deep into each other’s eyes and let love flow between us. It’s not sexual or full of desire.
It’s two people expressing a connection to each other, something we can’t explain. No matter how hard we try to ignore it, it’ll always be there, and we both know it to our core .
“Let’s enjoy some wine and appetizers while rebuilding our friendship.” I nudge her by tapping her thigh.
Her head tilts to the side, and she warmly smiles. “I’d like that.”
I push off the couch and hold my hand out. She takes it, and I pull her up. I don’t do it hard, but she exaggerates it and tumbles into my arms.
On instinct, my arms fly around her to catch her fall. She gazes up into my eyes with a devious sparkle in hers.
She gets on her tiptoes and presses her lips against mine. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop it if she starts this again. My brain scrambles, looking for order.
She pulls away, her sinful eyes peering into mine. “We can start with being friends, but I have no intentions of letting you forget what I want.”
“Dori…” I shake my head at a loss of words.
“I’ll say something to you that you said to me once. The next time I kiss you, you’ll want it as much as I do, and we’ll both be thinking of only each other.”
She steps away and saunters off to the kitchen while humming the Fifty Shades of Grey slow version of Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love.”
My gaze follows her as I stand frozen by her declaration, hypnotized by her perfectly round ass popping from side to side.
If she weren’t here, I’d be on my knees weeping because she just promised to give me something I’ve always wanted. Not only that, but she has to be the sexiest damn thing on the planet.
“Are you coming, Jami, or are you just going to stand there and stare at me all night?” She peeks back over her shoulder. Her hair tumbles down her back, her eyes still promising dark and wonderful things.
How the fuck did she know I was still standing right where she left me ?
I swallow and shake my head as I laugh under my breath. This is one wicked temptress I’m dealing with, and here I thought I was in control of this—such a fool.
Such. A. Fucking. Fool.
We finish a bottle of wine and have some appetizers while she and I go back and forth about why Melanie wants to date around.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Jami. She wanted something serious, just like I did. It all changed that night we saw you at the club.” Dori’s eyes drop to the counter, and she swallows like she’s trying to keep down her pain from what I did.
“I remember she was with Zengi that night, so something happened with them that’s making her react this way.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then she decided she’ll never find that perfect one for her, which is what I believe. She’s always searching, but I don’t think she believes he’s out there.” I toss an olive in my mouth and think back to that night.
Everything would have been different if I had told Dori that Chuck was sick and in the hospital. She never would’ve been with Hunter. This situation is all by my hands.
My stomach tightens, and I twist off my stool and go to the wine fridge. “Do you want more wine?”
“Um…sure, but did you hear a word I just said?” Her annoyance is clear.
I glance over my shoulder and find a very perturbed woman who wanted my full attention, but I didn’t give it to her. It’s not like me to do that, so I stop and address it.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve been listening because we were having a great conversation. When that night got thrown into the topic, my mind just went there. If I would’ve called you that night or told you when we were together…” I shake my head, wishing I could change it all.
Her lips roll between her teeth, and she nods. We stay like this for about ten seconds before we both say something over the other.
“I’m sorry, Dori. It’s all my fault,” I say.
At the same time, she says, “I should’ve let you explain.”
Something about that moment lets it all fall away. We smile at each other and release any guilt or shame. For whatever reason, it was supposed to happen the way it did.
I knock on the counter three times and go back to the fridge. “Now, back to the wine and why Mel suddenly decided there’s no man out there for her.”
“That’s not what’s going on. She wants a serious relationship, but she’s scared she’ll get hurt, so she’s acting like she doesn’t want anything.” Dori goes to the refrigerator. “What do you have in here I can make for dinner? I’m hungry for a meal.”
She’s shuffling around inside the fridge as I pick out another bottle of wine. I catch a glimpse of her as I place the bottle on the counter to uncork it. Something about her makes me stop in my tracks.
My heart balloons, and I know I want this every night for the rest of my life. Great conversation and spending time together, just enjoying our connection.
There’s no doubt she’s my person, but am I hers? Instead of getting lost in the fear of it all, I allow myself to dream. Dream of a life where she and I can be together and be both friends and lovers.
“What is this?” She holds out a deli-wrapped item.
I force myself back into the moment. “Those are scallops. I got them on the way home, so they’re still fresh.”
“They won’t pair well with the wine you picked out.” She gestures to the bottle I’m holding .
“I have white wine, but you said you wanted red. I have steaks in there too, so it’s your choice.”
She moves back and searches for something in the fridge. “Got it. We’re having scallops, baby tomatoes, and asparagus spears, so change the bottle out for white.”
A smile invades my face as I do as she says. “I’m going to need some carbs, so let’s add some angel hair pasta with a garlic sauce, and we’ll be set.”
“I got the point earlier, Jami. The garlic sauce isn’t needed, but since you insist, no more kisses for you.” She sings the last part as she rummages through my cabinets, looking for cookware.
We spend the next two hours enjoying being how we used to be. Friends who have an intense attraction to one another.
No, it’s more than that. We love each other, but it’s forbidden for now, just like it has been for years.
“Tell me why you’re in that outfit.” I grab a pan for the scallops.
“I was craving a Frappuccino and dumped it all over myself on the way here. These were the only things I had in my car.” She glances down. “I had some items I was giving to charity. These were in that bag. I changed my clothes parked in the alley behind your building.”
“That would’ve been a sight to see.” I hold in a laugh. “Let’s get dinner ready.”
As much as I’d like to say I do my best to keep my attraction to her at bay, I don’t. I purposely run into her as we are cooking and hold her hips when I do.
Any chance I get, I put my hands anywhere I can justify. It’s both heaven and hell, but it’s everything we need.
We flirt through dinner while pretending the innuendos we’re both lying down go unnoticed. She laughs freely at my jokes and feeds me bites of her food even though I have some left on my plate .
The night is as perfect as it can be. Just when I think I can’t love her more, I fall harder.
I walk her to the elevator when she’s ready to leave. “Thanks for stopping by. You have an open invitation. You’re welcome anytime.”
“Thank you for allowing me in.” She presses her lips together as she stares at mine.
Fuck it.
I step to her and take her in my arms. “We both ate garlic, so it won’t matter.”
She lifts her chin and allows me to send her away with a gentle, meaningful kiss. The elevator doors open, and she slips inside.
She smiles from her heart, radiating love. “Good night, Jami. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Text me when you get home, just to let me know you made it.” The doors start to close. “I had a great time. Thanks for everything.”
She’s out of view before I’m done talking. With nothing but resolve, I stride back to my place, knowing exactly what I need to do next. It’s way overdue. I’ve been letting it run me for far too long.
I get back inside my apartment and go straight to my phone. I press Lauren’s number and wait.
Here’s hoping this goes well because my relationship with Dori depends on it. But if history has taught me anything, I’m likely walking myself into a disastrous situation.