Chapter 15 - Lila
The last while has been surprisingly nice with the amount of uninterrupted time I’ve had with Astrid.
Between the lazy mornings where she curls up against me, the afternoons spent thinking about nothing but coloring and stacking blocks on the floor, and evenings where her laughter warms the house, it’s something I didn’t realise I needed.
Back when it was just the two of us, I spent most days worrying about how I was parenting her, or if she was getting enough of my attention outside of work.
Even if I was able to bring her with me to the homes I helped in, it wasn’t exactly the one-on-one time she needed.
Not to mention, I was afraid the others would see something they shouldn’t have, which would cause even bigger problems for the two of us.
Now, even Astrid feels more at ease. To her, this is like paradise.
Still, as gentle a pace as it has been, I’m feeling restless.
It started subtle, but over time, it’s only getting worse.
I’m not used to doing nothing. Before, I had to juggle it all on my own, on top of trying to piece myself back together. But now, it’s almost too easy, and I feel like I’m wandering in circles while Caleb handles everything else.
Even while sitting at the kitchen table, watching as Astrid draws some very abstract animals on scraps of paper, my fingers tap restlessly against the wooden surface.
I miss working more than I ever expected to, and I miss having something that’s mine, separate from the pack, and separate from the bond.
I can’t help but wonder if it might return the sense of self I had before, and I know for a fact that I need the excuse to get away from the house for a bit, even if it’s just for a few hours.
To get out of the gravitational pull Caleb has had over me ever since I let him touch me again.
Before the thought can get the better of me, I push it back down. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now.
Right as I start considering talking to him about it, Caleb moves through the door, swathing the house in his overwhelming presence.
Without missing a beat, Astrid hops down from her chair and races over to him, as she’s started to make a habit of. He picks her up with that easy grin, lifting her high while her amusement fills the room and lights up every inch of me.
I stare for a long moment, taking in the way they’ve accepted each other so easily, like no time has been missed—as if Caleb has been in her life since the start.
That familiar ache comes right back, and I silently scold myself for letting it creep in again.
He notices then, and his expression softens as he places Astrid back on her feet, letting her rush off into the living room for something else to entertain her.
Without needing even a nudge, the invisible cord between us hums like it’s waking up again, invigorated by being in the same space again.
Before he can say anything, and before I can lose my nerve, I go for it.
“I want to start working again.”
Caleb stills, caught off guard by it. The air between us tenses, but I force myself to push through anyway.
“I’m closer to town now, and to my clients,” I continue, pulling in a breath. “I can start gradually and go from there.”
His expression shifts just enough for me to notice, and as hard as he tries to remain neutral, I can see the tension in his shoulders. I can feel the immediate refusal forming.
“No,” he murmurs, tone clipped. “Not yet.”
Immediately, burning irritation moves through me at his denial. “Caleb—”
“We’re both still adjusting to the change… to this,” he says, seemingly gathering his thoughts on the fly. “Your place is here now. With Astrid, and with the pack. You don’t need to rush into work again, especially not when I can provide.”
“It’s not rushing anything. It’s my work.”
Caleb huffs out a breath. “You don’t even need to work.”
“Maybe not financially,” I mutter as I stand up from the table, hoping he can see the determination coursing through me. “But I need it for myself.”
Despite listening, his shoulders set, and his lips set in that stubborn line of his. “This isn’t a good time, Lila. Not with Wraith Peak pushing boundaries. I won’t risk—”
“Risk what? Letting me have a life?”
Caleb’s gaze darkens a touch, irritation surfacing just enough to let me know he’s serious. “Don’t twist this. You know what I mean.”
I know exactly what he means, but I’m too frustrated to care.
“I’ve spent years making this work when it seemed impossible with Astrid. I built this career for myself despite that, and it gave me purpose outside of being a mother. I can’t just give that up.”
Caleb takes a small step closer, brows furrowed in a tangle of frustration and something awfully close to hurt. “So what happens when I need you here, or when the pack needs you?”
“I’ll still be here,” I return, not seeing what the problem is. “I’ll be in town, Caleb. Not on another island.”
Surely knowing I have a valid point, he averts his gaze. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is,” I insist, standing my ground despite how he looms over me. “It’s just not what you want me to do.”
His gaze snaps back to mine. “Of course, I don’t like it. I hate the thought of you being out there when I can’t protect you.”
The words leave him more like an admission than a defense, and I’m not at all prepared for it.
As it settles in my skin, I start to see it differently. Where I assumed it was out of control and dominance, now I know it’s something else.
Fear.
Guilt brushes against me then, but I push it down, unwilling to back down. “You can’t keep me here forever.”
“Maybe not,” he utters, taking me in with a breath. “But I’m still tempted to.”
My mouth closes again at that, and my heart stumbles.
“This union…” Caleb murmurs, rubbing a hand over his face as if the conversation exhausts him. “We’ve barely found our footing, and you wanting to split your time immediately while there’s a threat this close to home doesn’t feel right.”
That familiar sting comes back again.
I know he isn’t doing this to hurt me, but I can’t shake how it reminds me of before. Everything is always about the pack, politics, and appearances with him. It always has everything to do with others, and not us.
For a long moment, I don’t say anything. I can only look up at him with my chin raised, bracing myself for the inevitable.
Then, something dislodges in his expression, and he lets go of a sigh that feels more like surrender. A concession.
“Fine.”
Blinking back at him, I swear I’ve misheard him. “What?”
“You can go back to work,” Caleb says, sounding resigned yet willing to accept it. “I won’t stop you.”
Shock grips me, but I can’t even think up my next words before the catch comes in.
“However,” he adds, looking at me pointedly. “I have one condition.”
Before I can deflate completely, I narrow my eyes at him. “What condition?”
His step closer is slow and deliberate, like he’s afraid the wrong move will shatter me. His tone drops to something warmer.
“You have to give me three nights a week,” he continues, no longer resistant. “Three nights of just us after Astrid is asleep. No pack business, no hiding away, and no excuses. Just time together.”
Through the surprise and disbelief, my heart lurches.
Of course, I shouldn’t expect anything for free when it comes to him.
I imagine he wants us to seem like a real bonded pair, all for appearances, and all for the pack to get used to the idea of us.
That’s why he’s been parading Astrid and me around town lately. It has to be.
“What, you want to schedule us?”
“If that’s how you want to look at it.”
I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. “That’s ridiculous. If you’re so worried about the pack—”
“This has nothing to do with the pack,” Caleb cuts in, countering me with absolute ease. “It’s about us, Lila. That’s it.”
Brief silence stretches between us as I stare up at him, and he doesn’t look away. Instead, his gaze is so infuriatingly steady.
“If you’re going to be working, then I want to make damn sure I don’t lose what little ground I’ve gained with you,” he says, nearly knocking the breath right out of me.
It shouldn’t affect me, but it does. It worms under my skin and settles there, almost mocking me in a way. Reminding me that, regardless of my old pain and of every way he has tormented me, I can’t completely resist him.
Instinctively, I want to refuse him just to prove I can, and to stay angry for as long as possible.
But the longer I think about it, three nights doesn’t seem like much in the grand scheme of things, especially compared to the benefit of reclaiming that part of my life. An old rhythm I’ve been craving.
Finally, I exhale, making a point of it. “Fine. Three nights.”
At my acceptance, an immediate grin moves across his face, looking all too pleased with himself for getting me to cave.
“Good,” Caleb hums, continuing past me into the living room. “Then you can go back next week.”
Even if the subtle smugness in his words irritates me, I find myself nodding anyway. I’m just surprised he isn’t pushing for more or trying to control every detail.
More surprisingly, he actually heard me out.
As he walks away, his subtle movements send another wave of his scent my way, and, to my slight dismay, it leaves me feeling warmer than before.
I won’t say that everything is fixed now, but this might just make our whole arrangement a little more bearable.
And worst of all, I don’t hate it.