Chapter 20
Phoenix
CAIN: I’ve been calling you for a fucking week. You’re either dead, or you’ve finally gotten your dick wet because you’ve never ghosted me this long before. I’m getting needy. Call me back, motherfucker, or I’ll pay your girl a visit.
Yeah. Cain’s dead. And the next time he has a bullet lodged in him, I’m going to dig my fingers in and twist until it’s ripping through muscle and he’s choking on his own blood.
I drag a hand down my face, exhaling hard as I glance at the redhead curled up beside me. She’s still asleep—peaceful and so fucking beautiful—and I’ve spent the last hour staring at her like a psychopath.
I force myself to move, dragging my ass out of bed, even when all I want to do is stay with her.
Fuck Cain and his shitty timing.
Fuck me for ever letting anything pull me away from her.
I head into the bathroom with my phone clenched tight in one hand, the other running through my hair. It’s still black as hell outside, but the sun will start creeping up soon.
The lights are too bright when I flip the switch, but I leave them on, staring at myself in the wall-to-wall mirror, standing in nothing but black boxer briefs.
My eyes drop to the tally marks on my arm—those messed-up little trophies I can’t help but love because every single one of them is her.
Each one is a moment when I was in her head, in her body, wrapped around her as if I could crawl inside her chest and make a home next to her heart.
I haven’t added a mark since… Jesus, since the first time she let me touch her in her bed.
I don’t need to keep score anymore because she loves me.
She fucking loves me.
It’s been a week since she said it out loud, but I knew she did. She’s always loved me. I saw it in her eyes that day behind the bleachers when we were teenagers and again in that hotel room when I slammed the door and we looked at each other like we didn’t have ten years of damage between us.
I’ve seen it every day since.
I hit call and press the phone to my ear.
“About fucking time,” Cain answers.
“What’s up?”
“I’ve missed you, baby.”
“Eat my ass. What do you need?”
“Tempting, but I’m celibate now.”
“Right…” I mutter, already calling bullshit.
“I am. No pussy in… hold on.” He pauses, and I can just imagine him counting on his fingers like a fucking toddler. “Twenty-two days.”
“Wow. That’s huge. You want a hug or something?”
“Fuck you. I dare you to go twenty-two days now that you’ve had your own little fix of pussy.”
“I love you, but if you talk about her like that again, I’ll break your jaw and fuck your mouth shut with your own dry dick.”
“Jesus Christ, you just went full psycho boyfriend on me.”
“You deserved it.”
“So it’s true. My boy’s finally a man.”
“Cain,” I mutter, already tired of him.
“I’m proud of you.”
That actually gets a laugh out of me. “Thanks… Now, did you really just miss me, or did you want something?”
“I found him.”
The words knock the breath out of me.
Him.
My old man.
The laugh dies in my throat. My hand tightens around the phone, knuckles white, while the rest of me turns to ice.
“Where?”
Cain exhales like he already knows where this is going.
“Before I tell you, I need to know your play.”
“Kill him. That’s it.”
“Yeah… that’s what I figured.” Silence hangs between us for a second. “And what about your girl?”
“She knows I won’t let it go.”
“What if you fuck it up? What if you make the wrong move because you’re too close to it?”
“I won’t.”
“You’ve got something to lose for the first time in your life, so just think about that for one second before you go full beast.”
“You know, I’d expect this talk-down from Lucien, but not from you.”
“Yeah… Well, I’ve got my own shit going on, and I don’t need to add you banged up in jail to it.”
“What’s up?”
“Nothing really. Just thinking maybe it’s time for something different. Not just for me but for Lucien too.”
“Are you in trouble?”
“Only the fun kind.”
“Okay… So where’s the bastard hiding?”
“See, that’s the reckless shit I’m talking about. You know better than to ask for details over a goddamn phone call.”
“Then send it.”
“I will, on one condition.”
“What?”
“You don’t move, not yet. You sit the fuck down, you breathe, and you go fuck your girl. You remember what it feels like to live, and when the time comes, we’ll deal with him together.”
“And if he moves again?”
“We’ve got better eyes on him now. He won’t disappear again. I made sure of it.”
I drag a hand down my face, already feeling the burn in my chest that never fucking leaves.
“Fine. But this is happening. Sooner, not later.”
“I know you’ve been living to end him, but you’ve also been living for her, so pick which one matters more.”
It’s not even a choice.
It’s her every time.
As much as I want to watch the light leave my father’s eyes, there’s a small, absolutely fucking terrified part of me that doesn’t want her to ever look at me differently. I don’t want to cross a line I can’t come back from and turn into something she can’t love.
“So, how was it getting that first real taste of pussy heaven?”
I exhale a laugh. “Fucking everything. She ruined me.”
“Jesus Christ.” He groans. “I hate celibacy.”
“Then why the hell are you doing it?”
“Because I found myself a girl.”
“Fuck off. Since when?”
“Since… a while. She doesn’t know she’s mine yet, so I’m waiting.”
“Welcome to hell, brother.” I turn and lean back against the bathroom counter. “I give you three days before your brain caves in and you’re fucking someone or something.”
“He has no faith in me,” he mutters to himself.
“That’s because I remember when you were so desperate you shoved your dick in your stepmom.”
“I was being a good stepson. She needed the attention after my dad died—someone had to take care of her.”
“Well, that was thoughtful of you.”
“Lucien fucked her too.”
“No, he didn’t. But he did rail her sister the same weekend, if I remember right.”
Cain loses it on the other end—full-blown laughter echoing through the phone.
“No wonder I’m screwed up. I’m surrounded by people who are unhinged as fuck.”
“You adore me,” he says between laughs.
“Yeah, I know. Now fuck off. I’m going back to bed.”
“Wait,” he says suddenly, his laughter dying. “Have you killed Lawson yet?”
“No, I’m under strict instructions to let him keep walking around like he’s not a predator.”
“Yeah… and as much as I’d love to nail his fucking hands to the floor, slit him open from cock to chin, and turn him inside out while he screams through a throat I’ve already ripped out, Lucien wanted me to remind you not to touch him.”
“That was impressively graphic.”
“You’re welcome… now don’t do anything stupid.”
“I got it… I’ll talk to you soon.”
Before he can respond, I cut the call. The screen goes black in my hand, and I stand there staring at it.
Lowering the phone, I grip the edge of the bathroom counter until the ache in my knuckles starts to spread up my forearms. My head drops, and I force myself to exhale slowly through my nose, trying to push the violence back down where it belongs.
Shannen is healing me.
She has healed me, mostly.
But this part of me—this thing kept on a leash, this violent, rabid need to put my father in the ground—that won’t ever disappear. Not until he’s wiped off this earth and I watch the light leave his eyes and know, with absolute certainty, that he can never hurt anyone again.
Disappointment.
Worthless.
Useless.
Freak.
Mama’s boy—although I didn’t mind that one as much because, despite her spectacularly shitty decisions, I loved her.
I can still hear his voice. I can still feel his whiskey-laced breath on my face.
I remember being twelve, standing between him and Mom with shaking hands and a split lip, knowing I was about to lose but doing it anyway because someone had to.
Then his boot connected with my ribs, followed by the crack of bone, and he just laughed when I cried.
You don’t forget that shit or move on from it. You just grow into whatever it makes you.
I’ve been wondering for years whether he’d just put a bullet in his own skull and save me the trouble. But no, the coward won’t touch a hair on his own head.
Shannen’s soft footsteps reach my ears before I feel her warmth.
Arms slide around my waist from behind, and her forehead presses into my back, right between the wings inked over my shoulder blades.
I lift my head, catching our reflection in the mirror.
Her petite frame is wrapped around mine, and her hands are splayed flat against my stomach, nails lightly grazing my skin.
“I woke up, and you were gone. I didn’t like it.”
“Sorry, baby.” I turn and lean back against the counter, my hands slipping to her waist. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah, I’m going to take a shower… I need to get to the office a little earlier this morning.”
Inhale.
Exhale.
My eyes stay locked on hers.
“You knew James had a meeting scheduled this morning.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
She presses gentle kisses across my chest, her lips warm against my skin as she tries to settle the beast she knows lives beneath it.
“You don’t leave with him this time, and not because I’m telling you, but because you’re smarter than that.”
“If you say he’s a problem, then he’s a problem.”
I roll my eyes at how she copies my phrasing word for word—my own fucking words thrown back at me.
“I won’t be far. The whole time he’s there, I’m watching. Okay?”
“You have cameras in there, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“Phoenix…”
“Baby,” I whisper, my mouth trailing along her jaw toward her throat. “It’s for your safety.”
“And your out-of-control need to watch me.”
“Which we both know turns you on.” I drop my lips to her neck and drag my teeth across her skin.
“Now strip and get your ass in the shower because the second you’re out, I’m fucking you so full you’ll have to cross your legs to keep my cum from running down them every second you’re in that meeting. ”