Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
‘You are, you mean, Ms Lapo.’ The depth of his voice rumbles into the side of her body. He’s less than his usual inquisitively jovial self.
‘All right?’ she asks more softly, resisting with all her might the urge to ask if his mood is about her.
He curves one side of his mouth and lets out a wry breath of a laugh, gesturing towards his phone screen.
‘My mum. She’s over in Accra, found some of our baby pics.
’ He glances over at Anika, seeming to consider whether to elaborate.
It’s strange how much she’s desperate for him to want to confide in her.
‘She’s been taking photos of them and messaging them over to me.
It’s just a bit …’ He doesn’t finish, but he doesn’t have to.
Anika nods. ‘Of course. Let’s see?’ she asks after a while, with a gentle smile.
Cam bites the inside of his cheek. ‘All right. But bear in mind I was a baby, yeah?’
She raises an eyebrow and Cam angles his phone screen so she can see.
A full-frontal, beaming Cam as a shiny-faced infant gestures towards the camera, standing on chubby little legs while his sister sits on the bathroom floor next to him, grinning up at her brother. ‘Things have changed,’ he says wryly.
‘I’m sure they have.’ Anika gives a throaty laugh, but they both hear the additional meaning in his words. ‘Sorry,’ she whispers.
Cam exhales hard. ‘Yeah. She was like the other side to my coin, you know? Sometimes it’s still tough to wrap my head around the fact she’s gone.’
July 2009
Anika had looked for Kwame and Zaya in class the Monday after the house party, but they weren’t there.
After that, rumours had begun swirling around the school about the stabbing, adding to the sick sensation Anika had been feeling for days.
Some were saying that Kwame, Zaya and Eni had been arrested by the police, others just that they were interviewed under caution.
The scariest rumour was that Zaya had been stabbed in the heart – which of course Anika knew wasn’t true – but either way the word was that the girl was in terrible shape.
Yet nothing could have prepared Anika for the utter shock that hit her when she excused herself from class to go to the loo that Wednesday afternoon.
As she turned the corner, she saw Eni being led down the corridor towards the exit, inconsolable in floods of tears.
Soon rumour turned into devastating fact: Zaya Ama Asiedu had been in a coma since the weekend due to blood loss, and she had now passed away.
Anika was devastated, but had no one to talk to about it – her mum didn’t know about her being there that night and would have been livid if she did, and Anika didn’t have any close friends to confide in.
She couldn’t quite explain the feeling anyway.
She hadn’t been involved in the fight itself.
She’d hardly known Zaya, but she knew how warm the girl had been to her.
And Kwame … She’d had only a fraction more interaction with him, but it had felt so momentous.
Her heart ached for this boy who had lost his twin sister, and for his whole family.
A few weeks later, one hot Monday afternoon, Anika was heading towards home after school.
Once she reached her street, she prepared herself to look regretfully towards the Asiedus’ house as she had been doing regularly, watching the various sad comings and goings and debating whether to just go and knock on their door.
It was always possible that her account of things could lift some of the burden of blame …
But that day, she saw Kwame’s mother and another woman who Anika thought might be the twins’ aunt, clearly trying to stifle the tears that were rolling silently down their cheeks as a taxi pulled up.
Kwame stood next to them, swiping quickly under his eyes, too.
‘Your gramma will meet you at the airport, OK?’ Kwame’s mum was saying.
He was being sent to Ghana? For how long?
Kwame’s father stood in the doorway to the house, arms folded, grim-faced.
Anika stopped a few feet away as she saw Kwame roll a large suitcase and a big duffle bag towards the boot and put it inside.
As the cab driver shut it, Kwame looked up and locked eyes with Anika.
Desperation to say something made her shiver in spite of the warm air – to call out, maybe even to thank him for letting her leave that night despite it feeling wrong.
To tell his parents that neither he nor Zaya had done anything wrong.
But Kwame looked away, his face stony as he got in the back seat.
Anika stood and watched silently as the cab drove away.
She moves closer to Cam now, leaning back on the sofa a little and using her shoulder to nudge him this time. ‘I know “I’m so sorry” sounds like bullshit, believe me. But I mean it,’ she tells him gently. After a pause, she says, ‘I’m really looking forward to the film.’
‘I just hope I’m doing her justice,’ he murmurs, turning to look at his lap, a frown creasing his brows.
‘I’m absolutely certain you will be.’
At that, Cam turns himself towards Anika, regarding her with a typically narrowed gaze.
‘To be honest, you being here has thrown me, too.’ His eyes roam her face and she feels it start to heat.
‘You’re just … It was that same night. But I can’t ignore it.
I’m around you and I feel something I can’t really explain.
’ Anika expects him to look away again, but that open manner Cam has about him prevails, even in his confession.
Then her face falls as he continues. ‘Thing is, being reminded of that night is tough. Obviously. Writing the film was like some kind of catharsis maybe, but losing Zay was … It’s still …
’ He finally does turn away. ‘There aren’t words.
’ He lets out a long sigh. ‘Not that the film is, like, verbatim on anything – it’s fiction, get me?
But there is so much in it that’s inspired by Zaya, and, like I said, I want to honour her.
’ He allows a small smile, gesturing towards the screening room.
‘Maybe I’ll be watching it through your eyes this time.
Like I’ll be … I dunno, showing a side of myself to you? ’
Anika fiddles with the hem of her dress. ‘I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything. I guess … Does it matter what I think?’
‘Yeah. Yeah. It matters.’
Anika swallows. They’re leaning even closer to one another now. ‘Cam, that night,’ she says. ‘When you—’
They both startle as the PR woman exits the screening room and shoots them a solicitous smile. ‘Film’s just about to start,’ she tells them, and Cam gives her a salute.
‘I better get in there, then,’ Anika says. Without thinking, she reaches out a hand to Cam’s leg to help push up onto her towering heels, and for a split second she feels the muscle in his thigh tense.
‘Absolutely,’ he says, then his voice lowers. ‘Come find me after, Anika Lapo,’ Unconsciously perhaps, he licks his lips after he speaks. ‘I’m gonna slide in the back in a bit.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ It’s Anika’s turn to raise an eyebrow, and they look at one another for a moment and then laugh at the unintended double-entendre.
Despite the confidence she’s imbued herself with every day in the diary, Anika flushes.
‘Sorry. It was right there,’ she murmurs, still smiling.
‘So …’ She clears her throat. ‘Come find you after? No matter what I think, yeah?’
Cam mock-clutches at his heart. ‘Be gentle,’ he says softly.
When she reaches the door of the screening room and turns back to him, he’s still watching her go.